smudgefish's Journal
An awakening?
I woke up this morning and noticed that I was abdominal breathing whereas normally I have a very dysfunctional upper chest breathing pattern. I felt quite emotional as if it’s a sign that something is changing. Everything is starting to make some sort of sense now. I think that I had a form of Kundalini…
so close…..
Last night I felt like trying again. It felt as if something had changed. I had identified guilt as a possible cause of my blockage and was determined that I needed to enjoy myself and not care what anyone else thought, so even though I didn’t know if my wife was asleep I started to…
Not sure what to call this one
This now feels slightly out of place in a blog about using the aneros, but the journey started when I opened that box, and it has taken me in a very unexpected direction. I have read about spiritual awakening and I can recognise a lot of it happening in myself. I am letting it happen…
More thoughts
I’m going to analyse again as I'm still blocked. This experience has touched me deeply. I feel as if I have triggered something very profound. I was sent to boarding school at 13 and bullied badly, I was made to feel worthless and had no friends for years. I have felt very angry with parents…
Still blocked
Things got worse. Its been several days now since I have been able to 'cross over' into an orgasm. I can still bring on good feelings but I'm getting less and less inclined to even try now because it's so disappointing and I expect failure. Today I have only tried a couple of times. I…
Blocked again?
I had sex with my wife for the first time in months last night. My erection was instant and harder than I remember it ever being even when I was a teenager, and when I came it was stronger than previously, she even commented on how strong it felt. I haven't managed to have a…
Long week
I feel as if I am finally starting to integrate my new found ability with normal life. Today is the first day that I haven't been constantly thinking about my next super-O and worrying whether it is going to happen. After a long week and long hours at work I am as usual very tired.…
Back on track
I had promised myself that I was taking a rest for a day yesterday, but I'm not very strong willed and thought that I would just have a quick try last night, A-less as usual. I'm very glad that I did. it wasn't the fastest onset ever but considering how tired I was and how…
Exhausted
It's been a real emotional rollercoaster in the last week since my breakthrough. Exhilarated one minute after after a mind blowing super-O, totally despondent when it just wasn't working. I don't think I have experienced such a range of emotions since my first serious relationship in my early 20's. I have developed laryngitis today and…
Still not working
I have been doing a lot of thinking having had no breakthrough yesterday. I tried plenty of times to orgasm but nothing happened, I even slept with the aneros in and felt good. There was one orgasm type event that was nice, but totally pleasure free )I have had one of those before(, and I…