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Great Emotional Trouble because of Rewiring involuntarily - Help!


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(@i_need_help)
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Hey there Aneros Community,

let me type my story, because I need a place to put it. I have nobody else to speak because, I  feel so ashamed about it. I was too embarrassed about it to bring it up in therapy so far.

When I was younger I got interested in my butt and for a gay guy this is nothing extraordinary. Somehow I stumbled about the topic Aneros and got interested in it. One day I bought Aneros and tried it several times. Then I abandoned all toys I had, since they did not do it for me and I was still living in my familys place, a bad place for secret butt toys.

After moving out I got interested in it again. I bought aneros again and this time it worked. I orgasmed with it. One very long session (+porn) made me panic. After two hours or so I felt sore and dried out - I didn't drink all the time and stared non stop at the screen. Something didn't sit right with me and I was wierded out and was disgusted.

I stopped and ejaculated normally and this was a moment of panic. My dick felt so different and I was worried I had damaged it - after such very long time of sexual stimulation. I was afraid to ejaculate, but did it anyways. I was using porn and then I wanted to ejaculate a second time, which I did again on porn.

I was so terrified this evening and my prostate wouldn't stop tingling. It was there all the time. I quit the topic completely and brought the toy to the garbage - again.

Since this evening I had a constant fixation on my prostate. This was maybe one or one and a half year ago. Sometimes I thought about Aneros and this would be the moment my prostate would stirr a little. And a little every day until today. The problem is that I rewired all this time, with a worrysome feeling rather than a sexual lusty one.

The story about rewiring terrified me, because I knew, every time I was feeling into my prostate I would encourage the rewiring mechanism. I have poor impulse control because of my psychic condition and a ocd tendency. The stories about the man who couldn't stop to orgasm during regular sex, some accounts on kundalini and newbies' worries on never ending tingles worsened my fear and my fixation on not feeling something in my prostate. (The story about not thinking elephant).

And here I am right in the spot I tried not to end up in. I constantly feel the arousable tissues in my ass, behind my dick. Whenever I want to just sit, just lie - I can't. I have no peace anymore since I am busy balancing my energies. Sexual activity turned into a chore, because if I do not masturbate I slide into tingles and orgasming during everyday life. I sleep worse.

This is a terrible state to be in and I wish I had never touched aneros. I wish my progress would have vanished to "regular" or "before", like it usually does. The storys about unhandable orgasms and uncontrollable shaking and wierd moaning sounds still haunt me. I still feel into my prostate ... well all day, all night and arousability increases more and more. I don't know what to do anymore, this is not the life I pictured. If I had the possibility I would sue the company for not including warnings in the instructions and fund help and research for those conflicted, like me.

Being multiorgasmic is not my vision of a meaningful life, it's actually the opposite. Egoistic pleasure trips have no valuable outcome. We despise drugs for the same, if they do not serve the connection of a group or ritualistic or symbolic uses. Being multiorgasmic stirrs my fear of staying lonely and wierding potential SOs out.

(I think: Being multiorgasmic is the vision of a company that wants to thrive and profit financially. A company is not a compassionate system. For example Fast Food Places sell food that's gonna make you sick. A company does not care about individual wellbeing, it follows capitalistic philosophy.)

I honestly stopped hoping for it to go away. I seem to tick all boxes that help to feel the rectum: low body fat (poor insulation), lots of body hair (additional sensory input/irritation of skin), poor impulse control and depressive mood, anxiety, issues about the own sexuality due to being gay, irritated prostate due to kaffein and adhd medication, increased awareness on the rectum due to bowel disease, a nasty aching backbone, body dismorphic tendencies that take awas the fun of masturbation (because I would ruin the foreskin) and so on...

Guys, I feel terrible! And I have no idea praying aside and putting my pain into words, like here. My next try is buying a classic dildo and see if I have more fun with sexuality, when I handle my arousal with a toy again.

I am very sad and regretful about all this. If you read this, maybe drop some lines, so I can feel a little consolation.

Kind Regards.

This topic was modified 6 months ago by i_need_help

   
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rumel
(@rumel)
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Posted by: @i_need_help

I bought aneros again and this time it worked. I orgasmed with it. One very long session (+porn) made me panic. After two hours or so I felt sore and dried out - I didn't drink all the time and stared non stop at the screen. Something didn't sit right with me and I was wierded out and was disgusted.

... I was using porn and then I wanted to ejaculate a second time, which I did again on porn.

...I have poor impulse control because of my psychic condition and a ocd tendency.

... Egoistic pleasure trips have no valuable outcome. We despise drugs for the same, if they do not serve the connection of a group or ritualistic or symbolic uses. Being multiorgasmic stirrs my fear of staying lonely and wierding potential SOs out.

... I seem to tick all boxes that help to feel the rectum: low body fat (poor insulation), lots of body hair (additional sensory input/irritation of skin), poor impulse control and depressive mood, anxiety, issues about the own sexuality due to being gay, irritated prostate due to kaffein and adhd medication, increased awareness on the rectum due to bowel disease, a nasty aching backbone, body dismorphic tendencies that take awas the fun of masturbation (because I would ruin the foreskin) and so on...

...I am very sad and regretful about all this.

It seems pretty obvious to me that you have some severe cognitive dissonance issues that were present even prior to your initial Aneros use. While awakening your prostate via Aneros use may have brought these issues to the fore, it is not the cause. It is well known that watching pornography may by itself cause rewiring of sexual attitudes and cause issues of sexual dysphoria (please see The Dangers of Porn Addiction w/ Andrew Huberman). Since you are aware of your own tendencies it seems like you have many more issues to deal with other than an Aneros fixation and this forum is probably not a good place to find resolution to those issues, rather professional therapeutic counseling is in order. Being disgusted with your own body's reaction to pleasurable stimuli is not a healthy state of being and I hope you seek and get needed help dealing with all your issues.

Good Vibes to You!


   
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Zentai
(@zentai)
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I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing these issues from your rewiring. A lot of potential causes means a lot of different possible solutions. And these rewiring issues are never simple, to be honest, there are always several threads to untangle. If you wait long enough, it's possible that the feelings will fade, but I think this is unlikely, and then it would only make the bad experience last longer if just waiting does not work. 

First you would need to reassure yourself about some fears you have. I guess the first one is that people including myself have used these toys and masturbated for decades without damaging their penis or prostate. I don't think that either are things you should realistically be scared of. This will not fix everything, but each thing you can remove from the list of fears and discomfort will help a little bit. It's true that just having orgasms all the time will not necessarily lead you to any grand spiritual awakening, regardless, Super-orgasms in reasonable doses can be a huge help for mood in general. They really were a great gift for me, even if I experienced some issues down the road. If you are afraid of Kundalini, then I don't see an awakening happening randomly, which makes one less thing to stress about. Same with the super hard and long-lasting screaming orgasms, your body just won't allow them to happen. 

Things do not necessarily need to go away entirely, and maybe they can't, but they do need to reach a balance where your prostate is not ruining your life. And you also need to reduce the negative elements, because as you said, they feed a loop that make you focus on these feelings again and again. I would focus on each thing in an individual way and start with the simplest. For instance lowering your caffeine intake is very doable, and will help calm your nervous system a bit. Some people with ADHD find that above a certain amount, say 2-3 cups a day, coffee will actually make concentration and mood worse. I'm not a doctor and don't want top give any medical advice, but these are the kind of things you can starting looking into, you will probably go through a lot of trial-and-error but it's definitely possible for you to improve a lot just by experimentation. 


   
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firewire
(@firewire)
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@i_need_help

@rumel and @zentai are probably the best members here for giving advice, and I would like to second the idea of speaking to a professional counselor about the topic. If you can articulate these experiences to another person face-to-face, and not just to some random users on an Internet forum, it could help. Sometimes our own preconceptions and biases can interfere with objectivity, especially regarding something as personal as sexuality. Soliciting the help of a neutral party, especially someone whom you can 100% trust with that information, can be liberating. Any licensed counselor worth their degree isn't going to belittle or judge you - they're here to help.

 

One perspective I can offer is that the whole "rewiring" thing isn't exclusively part of prostate play. Our brains constantly re-wire in small amounts - it's called neuroplasticity. Aneros use rewiring your prostate for pleasure likely has not permanently ruined your brain; it's the same principle behind why people can undergo a hemispherectomy and recover to live pretty normal lives. So if you are worried that somehow you've done some kind of damage, I would recommend reading up on the topic. The brain is remarkably resilient. It's the mind that's fragile.


   
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Faith-Manages
(@faith-manages)
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Posted by: @i_need_help

I was too embarrassed about it to bring it up in therapy so far.

Bring it up!  Assuming your therapist is a qualified professional, that's what he/she is there for, not to make judgements against you.  I think everyone above has given you a lot of great advice and I can't add anything as much as echo what has already been said, but no one on this forum is a doctor or therapist.  You said it yourself at the beginning of your story and continued on about feeling embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted, etc--mindset is everything!  You have some issues you need to work through before you continue practicing (if at all), but if you think that the Aneros is to blame, I don't see why getting a dildo and practicing other types of anal stimulation would make your symptoms go away. 


   
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astronaut
(@astronaut)
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Hey @i_need_help, I think you will be absolutely alright. The thing is that you have control over your response to the stimulate, try to welcome everything and not react to this in a bad way. Also try stretching and allow these sensation without any resistance, you will eventually forget about them if you don't pay attention.

The best option is to go to therapy and talk about it and other things that bothers you. Nothing is permanent and nothing is stable in life, sensations come and go.

I had exact same experiences that lead to uncovering so many things in my life.


   
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(@jiji2000)
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So the first time I used the aneros I literally thought I broke my body for a week. I had insane tingles 24 7 and felt like my penis didn't work anymore. Was even tricky to get hard....

Good news is that went away after a week and the pwaves and tingles only came on when I was aroused.

I have managed to get rid of being rewired before thru masturbation and 0 prostate play that took a few months.

But why? Being rewired is amazing. Look at getting into meditation and learn to live and enjoy the tingling feeling you have and can use.

I couldn't quite make it out, but if this is the first week of using the aneros and the symptoms are huge right now there is no getting rid of that for now. But relax they will die down to a manageable level.

Also thc greatly increases the tingling feeling. 

Head over and download the mindgasam act and do the lessons. That will teach you what you are dealing with. 

This post was modified 6 months ago 2 times by Jiji2000

   
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firewire
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Posted by: @jiji2000

Head over and download the mindgasam act and do the lessons. That will teach you what you are dealing with. 

 

OP also posted on the Aneros subreddit; it appears that they are already familiar with Mindgasm and have done at least some of the lessons. I second doing *all* of the lessons, not just the muscle work (lessons 1 thru 5) if OP hasn't already. The mental component is by far the most important, but they don't cover it extensively until lessons 6 and 7. Exploring these sensations in a structured manner will help you develop mindfulness and control. As a side effect, learning to meditate through consistent practice can be a boon if you suffer from ADD and/or OCD. It's much more difficult to learn, but it beats cognitive behavioural therapy in my experience.

 

@i_need_help, based on your reddit post history I would highly recommend not experimenting with THC or Aneros use at this time. And if you haven't already, you should work with a licensed psychiatrist, not just a psychotherapist/counselor. There are people here who have gone through similar experiences as you, but as others have mentioned none of us are qualified to give you sound medical advice. That also disqualifies the majority of reddit users. You may have misgivings about mental health professionals, and that's fine. It's not a perfect system, but it does give us a framework to try different things and find what does/doesn't work in a controlled manner. It's literally the best we've got.


   
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(@jiji2000)
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Posted by: @firewire

Posted by: @jiji2000

Head over and download the mindgasam act and do the lessons. That will teach you what you are dealing with. 

 

OP also posted on the Aneros subreddit; it appears that they are already familiar with Mindgasm and have done at least some of the lessons. I second doing *all* of the lessons, not just the muscle work (lessons 1 thru 5) if OP hasn't already. The mental component is by far the most important, but they don't cover it extensively until lessons 6 and 7. Exploring these sensations in a structured manner will help you develop mindfulness and control. As a side effect, learning to meditate through consistent practice can be a boon if you suffer from ADD and/or OCD. It's much more difficult to learn, but it beats cognitive behavioural therapy in my experience.

 

Correct i found lesson 6 "the internal flame" to be the most imformative and gives some insight to what is happening 

 


   
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(@justcurious12431)
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You mentioned being ashamed to bring it up in therapy.  Have you considered finding a therapist that specializes in issues with sexuality?  Just talking to someone who is supportive, and trained in this area could be a great deal of help.  


   
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