Sex toys for Woman

Hi and welcome to the forum.

In order to know what your partner might like, because it is important to know what she likes in bed. Does she like clitoral stimulation? hard or soft? does she like a vaginal penetration? G spot stimulation? Does she like anal penetration? 

If you are in a city I recommend that you go to a local sex shop where you will be advised by clerks who can tell you exactly what you should gift her, some toys are more expensive in sex shops but the difference is slight and the service of in person advice is priceless. And know that if you decide to buy something cheap with vibrating functions, it probably won’t last very long, and in the long run it is better to buy an expensive toy that will last a long time rather than a series of cheap toys that die quickly.

Posted by: @divine_o

Hi and welcome to the forum.

In order to know what your partner might like, because it is important to know what she likes in bed. Does she like clitoral stimulation? hard or soft? does she like a vaginal penetration? G spot stimulation? Does she like anal penetration? 

If you are in a city I recommend that you go to a local sex shop where you will be advised by clerks who can tell you exactly what you should gift her, some toys are more expensive in sex shops but the difference is slight and the service of in person advice is priceless. And know that if you decide to buy something cheap with vibrating functions, it probably won’t last very long, and in the long run it is better to buy an expensive toy that will last a long time rather than a series of cheap toys that die quickly.

Hello, Thank you for your advice. As i talked to her. She like penetration and G spot stimulation. Yes store is an option. But would rather get it from online. Cuz I'm not comfortable buying it here at denmark. 🙂

My wife is a huge fan of the clit stimulating sonic pulse toys like the Lelo Sona.  They have a new toy called the Enigma that adds Gspot stimulation for blended orgasms and looks interesting.  Lelo tends to be on the expensive side, though, but good quality from our experience.

We have had good luck with the Satisfyer Pro 2 and the Adorime one that looks like a rose.  You also couldn’t go wrong with a magic wand type toy, either.

It looks like lovehoney has sales in Denmark and they carry A whole bunch of stuff...

I agree with @moeseph

clit suckers, especially the sona, are the best, and the sona cruise 2 is worth the extra price. Wands are also garunteed clitoral fun.

For gspot stimulation try a rabbit style toy or any number of non vibrating massagers/dildos.

Low end toys frequently last 1-2 years. High end (lelo) last much longer.  Non vibrating wood metal or glass toys last a lifetime.

I really recommend going into a store. The worst thing that can happen is you see a colleague or relative, but the thing is, they are in the store as well, so they understand why you are there... sexuality will remain shameful as long as we as a society decide it is so!  

Anything that says its designed for "g-spot" should work well. Start out with something smaller. If the toy is too big it might not be pleasurable and that could turn her off from trying other toys. Also, plan on possibly needing to buy more than one toy. Sometimes the material a toy is made from feels better than the shape and/or size of the toy. Sometimes the toy's shape is perfect but the material is not the best. I would get her a dildo that is designed for g-spot stimulation, something not very large in girth/thickness, that is made from either glass or the silky smooth silicone. Also, make sure the toy is warmed up before she uses it. If its cold she will get tight and it won't feel so good. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

A magic wand and a bullet style vibrator are my wife’s main weapons of choice,she uses them together,and in an alternate fashion. She has dildos,but she’s not a huge fan of them,she only really uses them if I’m using them on her. I’ve never seen them out of the toy box unless I’ve took them out. Butt plugs are fun too. That way she can have two places filled at once 😉

Posted by: @divine_o

sexuality will remain shameful as long as we as a society decide it is so!

How true is this,even if something sexual is mentioned in a crowd of friends,there is nervous laughter,jokes and even hushed awakened looks! Like damn,everyone does it.

Posted by: @moeseph

My wife is a huge fan of the clit stimulating sonic pulse toys like the Lelo Sona.  They have a new toy called the Enigma that adds Gspot stimulation for blended orgasms and looks interesting.  Lelo tends to be on the expensive side, though, but good quality from our experience.

We have had good luck with the Satisfyer Pro 2 and the Adorime one that looks like a rose.  You also couldn’t go wrong with a magic wand type toy, either.

It looks like lovehoney has sales in Denmark and they carry A whole bunch of stuff...

Ohh, I see. Those sex toys must be good. But what good for beginner. Cuz it's my first time my girl friend to have one. 🙂

Okay will check that lovehoney. 🙂 

Posted by: @helghast

A magic wand and a bullet style vibrator are my wife’s main weapons of choice,she uses them together,and in an alternate fashion. She has dildos,but she’s not a huge fan of them,she only really uses them if I’m using them on her. I’ve never seen them out of the toy box unless I’ve took them out. Butt plugs are fun too. That way she can have two places filled at once 😉

Ohh, I see. Magic wand would be great choice 🙂 Thanks for giving me an Idea.

Posted by: @malvin21

Ohh, I see. Those sex toys must be good. But what good for beginner. Cuz it's my first time my girl friend to have one. 🙂

The wands and clit-pulsing toys are very good for beginners (in my opinion) because you don’t have to insert them. Some women start out only comfortable with external toys...

Posted by: @moeseph

Posted by: @malvin21

Ohh, I see. Those sex toys must be good. But what good for beginner. Cuz it's my first time my girl friend to have one. 🙂

The wands and clit-pulsing toys are very good for beginners (in my opinion) because you don’t have to insert them. Some women start out only comfortable with external toys...

Ohh, I see thank you. How about Vibrator egg cuz i heard you can control it via app or remote control. 

@malvin21

Posted by: @malvin21

How about Vibrator egg cuz i heard you can control it via app or remote control.

Anything and everything can be fun if the parties involved are up for it.

Not everything works as advertised,so sometimes you just have to laugh at it and move on. 

After a wand and vibrator,it’s fun and a good idea to browse for toys together.

Depends on the woman of course. The girls I know are very into Cthulhu stuff, so tentacle and dragon dildos fit very well.

What I find strange is the lack of Kegel-operated sex toys for women. There are some plugs and kegel balls, but there's no mention of women having orgasms from that alone, no tube videos, etc. The whole pussy is one big bag of muscles.

There's an ancient technique of making a man come where he remains completely motionless. A kegel-fit woman can make a man come by milking him with Kegel muscles. A freakish world record by a Russian woman is lifting 14kg with... her Kegel muscles.

You may want to put these in the search engine:

The Singapore Grip

Pompoir

Kabzah

Some people on reddit report it feels like having penis head sucked by a pussy.

I guess it just isn't as spectacular as other techniques, so it doesn't end up on porn. Similar to real prostate massage as opposed to a hj/bj with a finger in a man's ass.

Posted by: @airbag

The whole pussy is one big bag of muscles.

Damn, that is one of the least sexy description of a vagina I have ever heard, next to hotdog hallway and meat curtains!

But yeah, you are right, it is filled with muscles with orgasmic potential.  I have heard many anecdotes of women using kegels to orgasmic ends, and my partner does so as well. But most of the advertising for female kegel tools such as geisha balls are aimed towards enhancing sex for both partners, not as a means to an orgasmic end, in and of themselves.

And I agree that this isn't something that "sells" on porn sites.  Squirting sells so well because, regardless of whether it is orgasmic or not (depends on the woman), it is spectacular. 

@divine_o

Sorry, I'm not a native speaker. It's extremely hard to find a description that's both accurate and sexy.

https://www.oglaf.com/owlbear/

@airbag haha no worries. Even though the term sounded gross, I still liked it! Excellent comic, too.

At least women can trivially have a handsfree orgasm with a suction cup dildo. Still not kegel powered...

Suction cup dildos are HOT.

Hello you all. Thanks' to you recommendation upon talking to my gf we decided to bought Magic wand and dildo. We consider the lovehoney but the problem is they don't offer free shipping. So we search on google and find a comparison site Eroti. I think it's a local online voucher site. So I was able to save up and read their reviews. 🙂 Again thank you for your support and recommendation. And Let's keep this discussion so other's can have an Idea or they can share their recommendation.

Just a word of warning about lovehoney - they have lots of paid user comments. They're easy to spot - always the same structure. A couple of pagraphs, "it came in a nice, discreet package", "was easy to use", always the same order.

I took them at a face value and bought a sliquid anal lube. Mostly glowing reviews, only one or two said it was much like glue. Turns out the glue comments were right.

Posted by: @airbag

@divine_o

Sorry, I'm not a native speaker. It's extremely hard to find a description that's both accurate and sexy.

https://www.oglaf.com/owlbear/

 

I'm a simple man, I see Oglaf, I upvote. 🙂

Posted by: @airbag

What I find strange is the lack of Kegel-operated sex toys for women. There are some plugs and kegel balls, but there's no mention of women having orgasms from that alone, no tube videos, etc.

I guess the main reason is, that kegels are recommended to women for more pressing reasons than sexual pleasure: childbirth and incontinence. That makes it kind of unsexy I guess since it's initially framed differently.

Regarding the having hands free orgasms part: I guess it's mentioned every now and then, esp. in the sensual sexuality / tantric communities (links below). But it's difficult, like the aneros. And there are faster ways to multiple orgasms available for women, since they suffer little to no refractory period.

Most people expect fast results, get impatient and toss their kegel-toys out after a few tries, women like men. Here is a good example of what I mean: https://missrubyreviews.com/review-aneros-evi-hands-free-kegel-exerciser-and-dildo/

Does it lead to quick, strong, hands-free orgasms? Nope — not for me anyway. The external portion isn’t able to properly stimulate the clitoris. But it definitely gets me going and makes me hyper-sensitive to my body and quiet sensations. If orgasm is my goal, I add a strong clitoral vibrator

Sexplanations take on kegels (+exerciser):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WnM9jJcxYQ

beducated take on the yoni egg:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImArImHlKqk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4l1baBUiEM

Posted by: @malvin21

And I would like to ask your advice what's the best toys for woman out there.

Hey @malvin21, welcome to the forum. What's "the best toy" relies heavily on what you expect. Fast easy orgasms for the women who is not so well connected to her body and struggles to orgasm otherwise? The already recommended clit suckers are by far the best toy for that! Rumblers, meaning big, weighty Hitachi-style wand vibrators are a save bet as well for that goal.

Otherwise, high quality silicone dildos and G-spot plugs are the better investment imho and here is why. Vibrators come with some strings attached. See, these toys can provide some intense stimulation, that's why they are so effective and popular. We are talking about levels of intensity that are impossible to achieve through other means. They are literally the fast food of sex. That's not inherently a bad thing and I don't want you to talk you out of it, but heed and respect the potential pitfalls.

Women are no different than men, they are lazy and unlikely to change a running system. So once they found their favourite way to achieve an easy and reliable orgasm, they are unlikely to loose their hold on it. You would be astound how emotional and defensive women can get about their vibrators. And how unwillingly they can become to try to orgasm through other means. Why bother when you can have it so easily with the push of a button? Esp. when orgasms where so difficult to achieve w/o them.

To strain a silly metaphor: It's like letting your indoor cat out in the garden. They will never accept to be bound to only the house again. Once outdoor cat - forever outdoor cat.

I guess I sound like a misogynistic a-hole by now and I must admit, there may be a few personal hurt feelings here as well, I don't know. It's just the experience I made with every woman in my life which I gifted vibrators to. If I ever end up in the situation to have a twenty-something, sexual oblivious girlfriend again (I won't 🙂 ) - I would gift her dildos not vibrators...

That being said, I dated only a handful of women in my life, so what do I know...
In the end it's something you have to communicate as a couple. In general vibrators a fantastic and an enrichment for bedroom activities. But like with everything else that is easy, fun and entertaining (tv, social media, alcohol, shopping): it's up to the individual to set some healthy boundaries.

Posted by: @unfug

Posted by: @airbag

@divine_o

Sorry, I'm not a native speaker. It's extremely hard to find a description that's both accurate and sexy.

https://www.oglaf.com/owlbear/

 

I'm a simple man, I see Oglaf, I upvote. 🙂

 

Posted by: @airbag

What I find strange is the lack of Kegel-operated sex toys for women. There are some plugs and kegel balls, but there's no mention of women having orgasms from that alone, no tube videos, etc.

I guess the main reason is, that kegels are recommended to women for more pressing reasons than sexual pleasure: childbirth and incontinence. That makes it kind of unsexy I guess since it's initially framed differently.

Regarding the having hands free orgasms part: I guess it's mentioned every now and then, esp. in the sensual sexuality / tantric communities (links below). But it's difficult, like the aneros. And there are faster ways to multiple orgasms available for women, since they suffer little to no refractory period.

Most people expect fast results, get impatient and toss their kegel-toys out after a few tries, women like men. Here is a good example of what I mean: https://missrubyreviews.com/review-aneros-evi-hands-free-kegel-exerciser-and-dildo/

Does it lead to quick, strong, hands-free orgasms? Nope — not for me anyway. The external portion isn’t able to properly stimulate the clitoris. But it definitely gets me going and makes me hyper-sensitive to my body and quiet sensations. If orgasm is my goal, I add a strong clitoral vibrator

Sexplanations take on kegels (+exerciser):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WnM9jJcxYQ

beducated take on the yoni egg:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImArImHlKqk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4l1baBUiEM

 

Posted by: @malvin21

And I would like to ask your advice what's the best toys for woman out there.

Hey @malvin21, welcome to the forum. What's "the best toy" relies heavily on what you expect. Fast easy orgasms for the women who is not so well connected to her body and struggles to orgasm otherwise? The already recommended clit suckers are by far the best toy for that! Rumblers, meaning big, weighty Hitachi-style wand vibrators are a save bet as well for that goal.

Otherwise, high quality silicone dildos and G-spot plugs are the better investment imho and here is why. Vibrators come with some strings attached. See, these toys can provide some intense stimulation, that's why they are so effective and popular. We are talking about levels of intensity that are impossible to achieve through other means. They are literally the fast food of sex. That's not inherently a bad thing and I don't want you to talk you out of it, but heed and respect the potential pitfalls.

Women are no different than men, they are lazy and unlikely to change a running system. So once they found their favourite way to achieve an easy and reliable orgasm, they are unlikely to loose their hold on it. You would be astound how emotional and defensive women can get about their vibrators. And how unwillingly they can become to try to orgasm through other means. Why bother when you can have it so easily with the push of a button? Esp. when orgasms where so difficult to achieve w/o them.

To strain a silly metaphor: It's like letting your indoor cat out in the garden. They will never accept to be bound to only the house again. Once outdoor cat - forever outdoor cat.

I guess I sound like a misogynistic a-hole by now and I must admit, there may be a few personal hurt feelings here as well, I don't know. It's just the experience I made with every woman in my life which I gifted vibrators to. If I ever end up in the situation to have a twenty-something, sexual oblivious girlfriend again (I won't 🙂 ) - I would gift her dildos not vibrators...

That being said, I dated only a handful of women in my life, so what do I know...
In the end it's something you have to communicate as a couple. In general vibrators a fantastic and an enrichment for bedroom activities. But like with everything else that is easy, fun and entertaining (tv, social media, alcohol, shopping): it's up to the individual to set some healthy boundaries.

I will keep your suggestion if i'm going to buy again. 🙂

@unfug

personal hurt feelings? No. But with all due respect, I do disagree with your logic. 

You seem to be basing this on your experience, which you don’t elaborate on (did your partners leave you for their new vibrator??).  it plays into the myth that we should be responsible for giving our partner an orgasm.  the truth is that we don’t give anyone an orgasm, rather we help them have an orgasm.  Because, as we learn with our special prostate toys, orgasms and arousal take place in the mind.

My experience with women in bed has led me to believe that vibrators are an excellent addition. Among the women I have been with who like vibrators, some rely on them to achieve orgasm, and some can achieve orgasms by other means as well. Either way, I have always enjoyed the presence of a vibrator. It doesn’t invalidate my presence, and along with my tongue, lips, hands (mine and theirs), body and penis, it is just another tool to bring her pleasure. Because vibrators are compatible with sex, fingering and many other acts, and because combined with other acts, they multiply the effects. If i am with a woman who relies on a vibrator to cum, than I will be first to check if it is charged, because I want her to have that possibility.  If a woman needed electrodes, a fucking machine, mdma and me dressed in a monkey costume just so she could have an orgasm, then I would happily oblige (if we were in a loving relationship), because I want to see her as happy as possible.  There are plenty of times where intimacy with my partner means simply caressing her while she vibes her pussy, just as I like being caressed while I have my aneros toy in.

If a woman were to tell me she no longer wanted to be intimate and prefered being alone with her vibrator, i would just find another partner.  But that has never happened and probably will never happen.  In my experience women use their vibrator for 5-10 minutes over the course of 1-2 hours of intimacy, and again, it is combined with sex/fingering etc. Regardless, I will continue buying partner’s top of the line clit suckers and wands, to bask in the screaming pleasure that is their supercharged “fast-food” orgasms. And I know that, even if I am just sitting and watching them masturbate from across the room, or on the phone phone with them, I am fully involved in their sexual experience and my simple presence is helping them have an orgasm.

Posted by: @divine_o

the truth is that we don’t give anyone an orgasm, rather we help them have an orgasm.

As Nina Hartley, the old school "sex teacher" and porn star teaches in one of her many instructional videos, a man can't "make" a woman cum, we "coax" her into orgasm. I love that she uses the word "coax" and "coaxing" to deconstruct the "make/making" aspect of a woman's orgasm. Now sometimes I tell my wife "I'm going to make you cum..." or she says "I want you to make me cum..." but she's already right there ready, just need to coax or help her along!

Hey @divine_o,

Posted by: @divine_o

personal hurt feelings? No. But with all due respect, I do disagree with your logic. 

You seem to be basing this on your experience, which you don’t elaborate on (did your partners leave you for their new vibrator??).

Agree to disagree. 😀

No, I was not left because of that. 🙂 I just noticed the subtle change in habits and priorities of my partners.

Posted by: @divine_o

it plays into the myth that we should be responsible for giving our partner an orgasm.  the truth is that we don’t give anyone an orgasm, rather we help them have an orgasm.  Because, as we learn with our special prostate toys, orgasms and arousal take place in the mind.

You raise exactly my point, just that I come to a different conclusion. I learned the same lesson with the aneros. I understand that, if anyone, it's HER who is responsible for her orgasms respectively orgasmic potential. The catch is: you as her partner can't control that. You are seriously helplessly constrained to HER motivation to do something about it. And if SHE decides that working on herself and putting some effort into her own sexual skills is not worthwhile, there is exactly nothing you can do about it.

And this is where vibrators come into play. They pander to that mindset. Why put effort into something to which there is already a convenient and easy solution? Why go explore your body, when the quick fix is right around the corner. Why bother about the potential joys of penetrative sex, when the G-Spot is clearly a patriarchal invention to keep women surpressed and unhappy. Sry for being hyperbolic.

Don't get me wrong, I find they are a wonderful invention and I gifted them away more than once to partners and friends. But they are not exactly something that motivates a woman into exploring the deeper possibilities of her sexuality. If she struggled her whole life with reaching orgasm, the exact opposite is more likely - she will cling to her vibrator as if her life depends on it. And that's perfectly understandable. That thing liberated her quite literally. But defensiveness and conservatism won't discover you new places. @zaneblue could tell you a thing or two about it.

See, you wrote a wonderful post in the new couples corner and the woman you describe there...

She was capable of having multiple orgasms for minutes at a time, during sex or while masturbating, with or without toys.  She didn’t really have an upper limit of how many orgasms she could have.  And like I said, she could clench her vagina and her thighs together to create good sensations or even orgasms, as we men do during a-less

She started telling me about sensations that I was already familiar with from my own rewiring.  That she felt pleasure in zones radiating out from her vagina, as if her vagina were growing in surface area.  That when I touched her somewhere on her body—say, her knee—while having sex with her, it created a connection between her knee and her vagina.  And she started talking about varying qualities of her orgasms.

... is a primary example of what many women never achieve if they are exposed to vibrators early on. She learned her first re-wiring skills in her teenage years and was exposed to vibrating toys only after she decided to abstain from disappointing sexual relationships. She is obviously curious, adventurous and willing to go new places. That's not exactly what women are usually known for. Just like a few other things your partner is comfortable with...

She enjoyed toys, was capable of having multiple orgasms (including clitoral, g-spot, vaginal, anal, squirting), and she enjoyed vaginal and anal sex.

Again, I'm aware that this may sound ridiculously misogynistic, but there is no worth or truth in sugarcoating the reality. I'm really happy for you, but from my perspective it feels like you found yourself a unicorn amongst womankind. In other words, not exactly someone who is representative enough to build a solid case.

Posted by: @divine_o

It doesn’t invalidate my presence, and along with my tongue, lips, hands (mine and theirs), body and penis, it is just another tool to bring her pleasure.

Validation is not my problem. My problem is, that for a lot of women it's just not another tool in the box, but the only tool.

Posted by: @divine_o

If a woman needed electrodes, a fucking machine, mdma and me dressed in a monkey costume just so she could have an orgasm, then I would happily oblige

Same for me, but there is only so much you can explore together if you have to set up an entire circus everytime you get intimate.

Posted by: @divine_o

And I know that, even if I am just sitting and watching them masturbate from across the room, or on the phone phone with them, I am fully involved in their sexual experience and my simple presence is helping them have an orgasm.

Yeah, I enjoy these moments too. Just to be clear again, it's not that I feel I'm in competition. My "problem" is, that I'd like to have my partner having the same transcendental experience we commonly call Super-O. I know from personal experience how it feels like to be done after one orgasm and then look at your partner having 15 more over the course of an hour. Sure that's exciting at first, but it can become depressing after a while. I don't want my partner to be in this position. I rather want to share this experience.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone with this. Many forum members report to have their aneros sessions in private, suffering from sexless marriages and struggle to motivate their partner to get involved. Simply moving on and finding someone new is not always an option for a quadrillion reasons.

Imho, vibrators are only one of many reasons in this clusterfuck of resentments, responsible for low motivation in women to improve and strive for higher sexual pleasure. But there are one of the reasons still... Are there a problem for conscious, responsible adults? Heck no, just like social media, casinos or drugs. But there are a lot of people for whom this becomes a problem real quick.

It's not that I want to convince you, it's just to show that I come from a different place. Our perceptions form our reality and I truly believe from where you are coming from, your argument is perfectly valid. It's just not for me.

I rest my case.

Fun discussion!

So you are saying that women who use vibrators—especially early in life or as their first introduction to orgasms—risk not being interested in exploring a more open sexuality, especially one without vibrators.  And also that this is one of the factors that leads to sexless relationships, or relationships with very plain sex.

I think that vibrators have nothing to do with interest in exploratory forms of sexuality, or if anything, they can be a sort of gateway drug to a more exploratory sexuality.  I think that finding someone of our level of sexual interest is very rare, be they men or women. I also think that sexless relationships have nothing to do with vibrators.

Posted by: @unfug

from my perspective it feels like you found yourself a unicorn amongst womankind. In other words, not exactly someone who is representative enough to build a solid case.

First off, yes we both have had different experiences.  I have indeed found a unicorn, and I am completely aware of that.  However, I have had 60+ other sexual partners in my life, and have thus seen a large variety of sexualities.  Plus I regularly read sex testimonies, listen to sex podcasts, follow instagram sex accounts, and speak with male and female friends about sexuality.  None of this allows me to come to any conclusion with 100% certainty, but I certainly haven’t come anywhere near your conclusions.

In my personal experience, I have never seen any solid connection between vibrators and sexuality, except that the "unicorns" I have been with (and I have been with a handful) have all used vibrators.  I have been with women who discovered orgasms with their vibrator, and even with a woman who could only cum home alone with her wand.  These particular women were as much fun in bed as any.  One of them even told me that she was no longer interested in sex, and then she bought a wand and that changed her ideas completely.

I have been with many women who were sexually uninteresting to me.  Women who only cared about having an orgasm, women who had no interest in caressing or taking time to explore, women who just wanted to have sex to fulfill a fantasy (sex with a foreigner, for example).  These fall into my bad experiences in bed, and they have nothing to do with vibrators, as some of them involved vibrators, some didn't.

Posted by: @unfug

My "problem" is, that I'd like to have my partner having the same transcendental experience we commonly call Super-O. I know from personal experience how it feels like to be done after one orgasm and then look at your partner having 15 more over the course of an hour. Sure that's exciting at first, but it can become depressing after a while. I don't want my partner to be in this position. I rather want to share this experience.

I don't think that sexual exploration is based on the amount of orgasms the intensity of orgasms one can have.  I think it is based on so much more, and orgasms are just a perk.  Whether one can have zero or a hundred doesn't make someone more or less interesting sexually.  I have been with a woman who never had an orgasm, and we had a wonderful time in bed together, with many outstanding highs.  And before I was multi-orgasmic, I never got bored in bed with a fun partner, whether my partner had no orgasms or tons of 'em.  With this attitude, which admittedly is mine and not yours, use of vibrators for orgasm is a moot point, because orgasms aren't necessarily a goal...

When I consume media and talk to friends about sexuality, vibrators seem to be a healthy plus to any relationship: they open some orgasmically "stuck" women up and they are part of a shared sexuality.  This is the second time I have heard anyone say they can be a negative thing, and the first time was a few months ago in an article about a man who had killed his wife for, amongst other things from his testimony, using her vibrator.  I don't mean to make that connection to your argument, really, I'm just saying that I had never heard of this animosity towards vibrators before, and it surprises me.

I think that, while vibrators can help open someone up sexually, true sexual interest comes from an inner desire to explore, which is not something that everyone has. What about men?  Think of all the men in this world who have no desire to explore prostate play (most: out of probably a hundred I have told about it, only a couple have bought a toy), or actually anything more than PIV sex and oral.  I have heard so many women complain about the two-dimensionality of their lackluster sex-lives with their male partners, and never have I heard the opposite from men, other than men complaining about the amount of sex they have, or the lack of diversity of partners when in a monogamous relationship.

Posted by: @unfug

And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone with this. Many forum members report to have their aneros sessions in private, suffering from sexless marriages and struggle to motivate their partner to get involved. Simply moving on and finding someone new is not always an option for a quadrillion reasons.

If someone is looking for someone who has as much sexual interest as we on this forum do, it requires dumb luck (unlikely) or a real effort.  A real effort means not accepting relationships that are anything short of sexually and emotionally perfect.  Most people don't search for sexual complicity when looking for a partner (because society doesn't prize this trait), and are happy to settle with emotional complicity, or even simply good looks or financial and other circumstances.  Given the paucity of people who are meet your (and my) sexual standards, it is hard to expect that these people will by chance have the same sexual openness as we do, vibrators or not. 

Once with a person, even if it is a sexually perfect relationship, there is then the massive effort of maintaining the relationship in a way that no one loses sexual or emotional interest for the other person.  Unfortunately, even the healthiest sexual relationship can be battered by the trials and tribulations of couple and later family life.  The resentment and mistrust that results from unbalanced emotional burdens, unbalanced housework, unbalanced childcare, adultery, general selfishness and plenty of other reasons is what leads people losing sexual and emotional interest for their partners.  Here is where I can see a possible connection with vibrators, but I see it as filling a sexual void created by a loss in sexual interest, just as prostate toys fill a void for many, so it is false correlation.  So yes, sexless relationships and passionless sexual relationships abound, but never have I heard that vibrators were the reason.

I was in a relationship once that started off with sexual fireworks, filled with exploration.  After three years of shared living, we no longer had sex but still loved each other.  I desired sex but she didn't, because she resented my selfishness in the relationship, amongst other things.  Fortunately she left me, because I was unable to leave her.  So I know what it is like to be in sexless relationship.  It sucks, but you stay for other reasons.  While at the time I naïvely thought that all longterm relationships become sexless, in retrospect and through talking with my ex, I learned that I created a toxic environment.  It wasn't because of her vibrators (though that thought never came to mind).  It was me.

I don't know all the reasons why many men are not able to share their prostate journey with their partners.  But I have heard several: that sex was never the main course, or it was practically a sexless relationship from the start (i.e. relationships based on other--albeit surely valid--reasons); that the sexual intimacy tapered off (I can only assume that it would be for one or many of the reasons cited by relationship therapists, amongst which I have never seen "vibrator usage"); or partners who are just not that interested in exploring (again think about how many women find themselves with men who are stuck in their same old penile-centric habits).  

On the other hand, there is actually a user on this forum who was in a sexless marriage up until recently, because his wife had no interest in sex.  He bought his wife a vibrator as a christmas present, she discovered she really liked it, and now they are having sex...

And lastly, though it was hyperbole and has nothing to do with my arguments above, I still want to comment:

Posted by: @unfug

Why bother about the potential joys of penetrative sex, when the G-Spot is clearly a patriarchal invention to keep women surpressed and unhappy. Sry for being hyperbolic.

Ok almost every woman I have been with is a feminist to a certain extant, and though I have read this kind of thing before and they probably have too, no one I know thinks this or propagates it, not even the biggest feminist of the bunch (she loves her g-spot).  Studies have shown that only a percentage of women can get off with purely vaginal stimulation, but that doesn't negate the pleasure that many get from vaginal penetration.

Anyways... I doubt I will convince you of anything either, but I had a fun time writing this 🙂