My journey of four years

Hi all,

Long time lurker here, I’ve profited so much from reading at least half of all the posts in this forum since the time, about four years ago, I found it. Thanks to all who contributed great stuff! This forum is a special place. Some real poetry, some amazing insights, bits of crude exhibitionism.

I’ve slowly gotten around to overcome my distrust of internet anonymity (too many friends in IT). It’s time to engage here and to give a little experience back, especially seeing that the forum is less busy than it used to be. I have never talked about this stuff with anyone in real life but briefly with my therapist and once with two friends, when I was very drunk. I really wonder if they’ve gotten interested, but it’s too awkward to bring up again.

My discovery of the prostate goes a bit differently from most accounts I read here, which often involve rope climbing or such.

I’ve been aware of the supposed possibility of prostate orgasms since sometime in my teens. Probably even earlier, I had realised that in my rare wet or nearly wet dreams, I felt something good deep in my pelvis. And it called me. And I long envied women for the apparent intensity with which they felt pleasure and the ability to plateau for a long time or orgasm multiple times. (I’ve also slowly understood better that all this is only the lack of an accepted social script for men that would allow them to do the same.) I tried to reach the spot that felt good, and ended up really enjoying putting stuff in my butt. For a long time I didn’t put one and one together; I didn’t realise what had called deep in my pelvis was the prostate. Even after I did realise, and occasionally tried to stimulate it, I didn’t feel prostate pleasure from my explorations and didn’t quite know how to get it, although I once managed a HFWO by chance (which was nice but nowhere as good as the many of the dry orgasms and normal ejaculatory orgasms I've had). Anal pleasure was quite good though.

Until I did manage to feel something there with primitive toys, five to six years ago, and got more intrigued. I had been aware of Aneros from either reading r/sex or from browsing online shops, can’t remember, for quite a bit longer. But a decision finally ripened in me and nearly four years ago, being relatively freshly single, I pulled the trigger.

I bought a Progasm because I thought bigger must be better, I’d been putting a bit bigger stuff in my butt after all.

It felt great. After a few months, I did manage to have an orgasm from it. I don’t know if it should be called super-o and it doesn’t really matter, but it was clearly an orgasm. I managed to repeat this in very uneven intervals, had stretches of weeks and months of some frustration and stretches of several orgasmic sessions in a row (not usually on consecutive days, but managed after two or three days).

When I eventually decided to get a Helix, things got easier. It just worked better for me, moved a but more and hit the spot better, even though I also liked the depth and intensity of the Progasm. And somehow it made me less frustrated and craving just any orgasm, even when I didn’t have a non-ejaculatory one, than the Progasm. Still, success came in waves.

I also got the Peridise set of two at the same time as the Helix. The larger one has been quite nice, although I only got into orgasmic territory a few times, it has provided a different flavour and, I think, has helped me get better involuntaries.

I have tried some toys from other brands, and one that I feel has the potential to give me great prostate orgasms is the discontinued Nexus Sparta, one of the stroker things that moves a nub up and down. It moves faster than I’d like unfortunately. But sometimes it feels gorgeous and I feel if I can relay into it more… I suppose I need to get used to it more.

Just two months ago, I finally bought the Syn V, thanks for making the blue one! Black toys look like the cheesy dirty corner of the sex shop reserved for men, something we have hopefully overcome, and are a turn-off for me. The vibrations feel good, but do desensitise me. Program 7 on intensity one might one day get me off though, I feel, it’s subtle and interesting enough. I’ve only orgasmed with it turned off so far, but wow, much more reliably than with any of the other toys! That is to say, in around half of my sessions. Usually I get one orgasm per session, but sometimes more, and that is usually during sessions with less pronounced, more plateau-ish orgasms.

I’m not sure what makes it work so well for me. The surface being more slippery especially as it rejects water-based lube might have something to do with it (I have no other syn toy), or the mental difference of having the option to switch it one to at least feel something if a session doesn’t progress, or maybe it’s down to balance and shape. I don’t know, but I’m glad this is being produced and I finally bought one.

I’m relatively newly on SSRIs (coming around to writing here may have something to do with that). I’m not on a very high dose, my erections are pretty unaffected, but I can’t ejaculate, or take extremely long, for a few hours after taking my happy pill. Some woman at some point will hopefully appreciate this; tbh this has been pretty good for my sexual confidence. While I haven’t had sessions in the no-cum-hours yet as I didn’t want to risk frustrating myself, I have been able to come from Aneros use more regularly than ever since I’ve been on a slightly higher dose! This coincides with the purchase of the Helix Syn V, so I can’t be sure which it is.

Some more things I’ve observed that seem to help:

Holding off ejaculating for a long time doesn’t help me. The longest I’ve done was a bit under two weeks, and while I’ve had a great orgasmic session once or twice under these conditions, I’ve had several dud sessions as well. I seem to have been most orgasmic one to two days after the last ejaculation and have been successful once just about 6 hours after.

Relaxation over arousal! Strong arousal has been counterproductive for me. Relaxation and looking forward to the session has been helpful. Being home alone is important for me, when the flatmate is around and I hear him moving about, I get distracted and pulled out of the enjoyment.

I have had one very orgasmic session though when I was anything but relaxed, during a super stressful and disheartening week. There are no rules.
Also, as is gospel around here, having no expectations, an intention to just have nice, relaxing self care time with a little extra, is the best approach. I’ve gotten better at coming back to this and letting go of expectations when they arise. A sort of mantra that helps me goes like: “This will have been worth dong even if it doesn’t go any further, because I’m enjoying it in this moment”. Another thing that seem to help is being conscious that no ejaculation will happen, but imagining the feelings of one has somehow still pushed me along to orgasm at times.

No porn, no erotic audio, not even pushing myself into erotic fantasies any more, that all has shown to not work for me, as is almost consensus here. I do let erotic fantasies take me wherever they may if they arise naturally.

Trying for sessions while hungry, needing to pee or with any amount of alcohol in my system has proven pointless. Haven't tried cannabis for sessions and won't, due to personal experience with an anxious mind that doesn't like THC unless set and setting are absolutely perfect, which is hard to achieve due to this same anxious mind, as well as the credible warnings on this forum.

I think it has been helpful to edge a little an hour to a half hour before the session (calming down in between seems necessary to shift focus away from the dick).

Calm and unsurprising, but not boring music at a low volume has been helpful. I don’t seem to easily orgasm if I focus entirely on the feelings right at the prostate or on arousal. Focusing on other body parts has helped at times (where the K-tab contacts, at the anus, at the butt cheeks, various chakras, I’ll get to that). But even more, relaxed focus on music which doesn’t distract entirely from the other aspects of the experience seems to help.

With one or two exceptions, I’ve only been able to come lying in fetal position on my right side. This happens to also be my preferred sleeping position, although lately I’ve tried to get used to sleeping more on my left side as it’s supposed to help with reflux. I must admit that once I found out it’s easiest on my right side, I haven’t tried much in other positions though.

Deep breathing for a little while at the beginning of the session seems to help relax.

Active relaxation of the butt seems counterproductive for me. I’ve landed on doing nothing, not even relaxing it.

A little focus on various chakras seems to help, I feel I have one to two where I’m especially blocked and a little focus on them seems to get things flowing. I don’t know how that is possible, I don’t really believe in qi or whatever “energy”. I think of it as a heuristic for focus, relaxation and neurological phenomena we don’t yet understand.

For a little while near the beginning of my journey, I got my nipples to be quite responsive in the way that many here describe. At the same time, I made progress with a-less. I was able to have some near-orgasmic feelings from both. Then, I somehow lost both abilities again. Not too bothered, as my Aneros sessions are nice, but hope it will come back to me. I noticed that stimulating my nipples gets my nervous system worked up in a way that makes it hard to sleep for a few hours after, so I can't do that at night anyway, when I usually have my sessions.

One more note, I’ve come across a thread or two here where posters suspected their onset of IBS was connected to Aneros use. I, too, have developed IBS over the last year. I don’t think any connection is likely but, on the off chance, I want to put a hypothesis out there nonetheless: Might lube have something to do with it? Most water-based lubes use some sort of polysaccharide to form a gel. Various polysaccharides that aren’t absorbed in the small intestine cause trouble for IBS sufferers (this is what the FODMAP diet is based on). Perhaps we feed and cultivate bad bacteria with lube?

Alright, I think this is it, maybe someone will benefit from my experience. Thanks Aneros, thank you all!