Some lessons learned, with more to learn, on a newbie journey

Quick background - I'd gotten interested in the prostate maybe 4-5 months ago.  I can't quite remember if I read about or heard a podcast that mentioned the benefits and possibilities of prostate massage.  I'm in my mid 50s and my wife, who was never the owner of a significant sex drive, is menopausal and has, for some time, just lost interest.  Another topic of course but after some time of solo regular TO time I was open to something new to keep myself going.  I am far from a master and am still very much on the first steps of the journey but I wanted to share a few things I've discovered hoping it may help some others thinking about taking their first steps along this journey.

*  Consider the toy.  There are a lot of options out there.  Not knowing if this was something I was going to enjoy I got a powered fairly inexpensive toy to start.  It had decent ratings, and coming from penis toys I assumed you needed a motor.  It really just didn't work, mostly because the design made it close to impossible to keep inserted without me holding it in which is just a distraction.  It was money and to be honest some sessions wasted in frustration.  It's pretty clear reading posts here and elsewhere that there is no One Toy To Rule Them All - even among the Aeneros products people have their favorites.  But for your first toy do consider one whose design has a narrow section near the base to assist in hands free use.  So I quickly moved on to another toy...

*  Powered vs unpowered.  My next toy was a dual motor (perineum and prostate) bluetooth app and remote controlled model.  A premium toy and I still may try it down the road again.  But, again as noted I assumed you have to have some power for things to work.  More is more right?  Wrong.  It felt good but the rumbling at some point is at least initially just too much.  Like overload.  At some point I heard Forrest talk about using your muscles only which given I'd plateaued with the power drill approach seemed to make sense.  I really encourage folks to not immediately go to motorized devices or if you get one, start out without using the motor.  So I moved on to my next toy. 

*  Less is actually more.  I picked up a Helix Syn V.  Yeah I know I just said don't get a powered toy.  I've only used the motors in the Syn V to first make sure it was working and for like 5 seconds just out of curiosity.  It's there again if I want it down the road but the device itself is still, at core, a Helix Syn and can absolutely be used like that.  Understand at the point I started trying the Helix Syn I had, to this point, maybe had a mild p wave with the powered toy.  Still nothing even approaching the kind of sensations I'd read about or heard experts talk about.  I was committed to giving hands free and power free a fair shake. I started out contracting like crazy, because more is more!  It's so hard to break out of the TO masturbation routines and habits.  When I finally starting feeling some nice stuff I was really surprised at how little movement was needed, and the less I "pounded" myself, the better it felt.  Like really small movements.  Almost like a tickle.  Sometimes I try starting out with more aggressive motions to maybe get things going but quickly settle into a slower and more gentle rhythm which, all other things being equal, has carried me much farther than any one thing. 

*  More is actually More with Lube.  Plenty of discussion about the non self lubricating nature of the area we are discussing so I won't belabor that here.  And of course lots of lube options.  But use plenty of it and I have found using a lube shooter to be really helpful.  First, the insertion of the shooter, and the sensation of the lube being injected, is by itself a bit of a turn on and a kind of appetizer for what's coming next.  They are inexpensive and at least as a newbie has helped a lot in terms of making sure you're in the best condition for the main course.  

*  Knowledge is Power, mostly.  There is a lot of information "out there" ... some of it helpful, some of it less so depending on where you are and your circumstances.  This community has been for me at least the most comprehensive and practical source of information about expectations, techniques, etc... The newbie section is particularly useful as a sort of archive of the many different answers to specific questions, challenges, etc.  I encourage anyone to read that section top to bottom.  However, there is so much information, and so many different techniques that work for some folks, it can almost be overload.  Like, next session I'm going to try this new lube, and I'm going to change the lighting in the room, and I'm going to add some porn to the mix, along with some electronica music, and try these few different positions, and focus on 3 different breathing patterns and techniques. It can be tempting if you feel like you're not making progress, or are getting impatient, to throw the kitchen sink into a session.  I fell prey to this temptation once or twice and your mind gets so wrapped up with remembering to do this, or do that, I found it hard to just sit back and experiment with a clear mind.  I absolutely have tried different things, and will continue to do so, but encourage not adding more than on variable at a time to see if it yields results.  As seems pretty clear if you spend time in the community there are a lot of roads and paths you can take on this journey, but what works for YOU and makes YOU feel good is the North Star.  So I'm going to keep experimenting and learning but always trying to remember it's a marathon, not a sprint, particularly at the beginning. 

*  I know nothing nothing nothing (those of a certain age may get that reference 😉  I am still very much a newbie on this journey.  4-5 months with sessions a few times a week, based on schedule etc... and a lot of them being not all productive as discussed earlier.  I welcome the real experts to weigh in and correct anything I've shared that is not on point!  I'm trying to make every session enjoyable and expectation free, trying new things, or working on things that have yielded results in the past and just seeing what works for me. It is, after all, supposed to be fun and that is 100% a function for me of my attitude going in.  

So where do I stand today in my journey?

Challenges.  

*  In my mid 50s the "rewiring" has proven difficult - lots of miles and experience on the odometer focused on one thing, which is the one thing I can't focus on during this exploration.  Not to mention a very direct, and as quick as you want it, correlation between "do X and Y will happen".  I know I'm making progress but it is not at all a linear path - the sensations are so subtle at first, and so different - it seems like it's more small incremental changes in my perception, then a plateau.  Patience isn't always my strong suit so this has been a good exercise throughout my life, to be patient and enjoy the ride.

*  On a practical level the time I have for a session is often in the evening before I go to sleep.  I snore and my wife sleeps very lightly so we are "sleep divorced" and in the interest of a good nights rest sleep in different bedrooms.  This gives me an opportunity when she and my daughter are asleep for uninterrupted "me" time.  But it can be a struggle as I'm pretty well trained that when I get into bed it's time to sleep.  Being relaxed, key to prostate play, is also pretty good for falling asleep and, maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of the time I fall asleep during a session, usually in the early stages before things get going not surprisingly.  Wake up a couple hours later with some chores to do before going back to sleep.   I know some folks sleep with a device inserted but that's not super comfortable and since I use a silicone device, lube dissipation is a concern.  Only solution I'm working on is going to bed earlier and being willing to delay gratification and skip a session when I know it's gotten a little late and/or I'm dead beat tired.  Any suggestions would be welcome on this one!

What's working.

*  No booze.  I've noticed a distinct difference during sessions when I've had zero or maybe one drink at dinner, or have had the chance for a morning session, and on Friday or Saturday evenings (with no alarm the next day) when I may have gotten a bit of a buzz on.  Alcohol really for me is a hurdle to progress, my focus, attention, muscle control, etc... is diminished.  It may work for some but at least as a newbie, I abstain if I am anticipating a session.  I've not tried cannabis yet which works for some, and at least at the moment and going to keep working sober, with the option to throw other things in well down the road.  

*  Relaxing music.  I've tried a few things and the binaural beats tracks really seem to put my mind into a good place.  I'm a musician so music is central to my being, so this isn't too surprising.  The cool thing is there is a huge, wide open world of music to choose from! 

*  Breathing.  I'm not really talking about a specific breath pattern or exercise.  Basic deep breath, hold, exhale works fine to help me get relaxed.  I'm really talking about just breathing when you start to get some good sensations.  TO, for me at least, has always been a hold your breath and tense up experience, the exact opposite of what helps here.  When I remind myself to just breathe, not focusing on anything specific other than don't clench up, it's really helped.  Seems kind of obvious but... that rewiring thing.

*  Mindgasm.  I've started the NNN out of curiosity.  I've done the first two days, and sitting at work have been exercising muscles and control.  I admit freely that it's harder than you'd think, particularly independent control over the various muscles in the pelvic floor and takes a good bit of concentration.  Presumably repetition will only make it easier.  I've done the exercises without a toy, focusing solely on muscle control.  And I am definitely making some progress but have a long way to go.  Still after todays lesson I had a little free time before needing to get to work so treated myself to a session.  Just to try out using the muscles differently than I had been.  And I had my first orgasm.  It's so hard for people to describe it in words it is kind of hard to know what to expect.  Mine was pretty awesome.  I don't know if I'd say it was the mind blowing out of body experience some people describe, but it was definitely full body, sort of out of body and a good bit of involuntary shaking.  And it lasted longer than I expected as well, although perhaps less than it could have because it's sort of a surprising sensation the first time you experience it.  But it seemed clear that with some focus I could have ridden it longer.  Again we are so used to the build up, release and then done experience this is not really anything like that in terms of onset or exit.  But it was just the nudge that even my clumsy use of my muscles from a couple mindgasm sessions that put me over the edge.  It really felt remarkable different and I'm not even sure exactly what I did other than mixing it up.  The cool thing is there is plenty more to learn and experiment with.   

For anyone who made it to the end of this far to long post, thanks for humoring me and my download of thoughts!