Overcoming Obstacles to Progress (Fears)

Posted by: @zentai

What do you guys think?

I think it is a great idea. I only touched the tip of the iceberg in that original thread. Finding solutions to these obstacles is at the heart of this Forum and the more specific we can be in matching obstacle and potential solutions the better off all of us will be, especially for the newbies beginning their journey.

The first fear that I faced was a fear that I might lose some aspect of my male identity by engaging in this type of masturbatory activity. Would this dalliance turn me gay? Would it make me effeminate? Would it destroy my heterosexual orientation? A whole range of related questions would pop into mind. How do I deal with this fear and the associated shame and guilt I felt for violating the taboos inculcated by social teachings from birth forward.

My solution was to squarely face each question honestly to see what my intuition, not my ego, told me. Your ego is an illusory creation, it should be your servant and not your master. If reversed your ego will not lead you to the bliss that nature has rightfully entitled you to experience but your intuition/body wisdom can! When you make this paradigm thought shift the answers you give yourself are the correct ones for you, shame and guilt disappear, taboos become meaningless behavior patterns created by others to control your behavior. This is when you can fully embrace the bliss within you.

Each fear I encounter I use this same philosophy, sure I allow my ego to apply it's rational, logical arguments, but ultimately I rely on my intuition to make the final decision for my behavior because it's the right thing to do.

So let's examine some of our fears. State one of the fears you may have faced and the solution you came up with to overcome it as an obstacle to your progress.

Good Vibes to You!

Excellent idea,fears are many and as varied as the super-o itself.

Maybe three alleyways of fears I’ve had to traverse.

1) Health and safety. As I climbed the steps to super-o,near the top,a deep heat would spread out through my head,making me wonder if I was having a brain bleed or stroke etc lol Or maybe a rapid heartbeat or particularly large muscle quakes might have made me wonder “hope this is normal”.

Solution is pretty simple,read or ask the forum.Posts  recount similar experiences with many men. When one finds out they are quite normal phenomenon,the fears recede,also I found the quakes etc back off a little with experience,or at the very least become less noticeable as we become accustomed to them.

2) The wife. Whilst my wife knew I was practicing my A-Less journey,and had no issue it,the fear would come after I started to have some success,and she decided to hop on board my journey. I never feared it making me effeminate or gay etc. What I worried about was would my wife think these things. Was i bi or gay,or some sort of sissy due to my growing enjoyment of pleasure of the more anal variety. Would it lower my value in her eyes was the long and short of it.

Solution is simple once again. Conversation,communication. Once she was involved,she was actually really supportive and really excited to explore new uncharted waters in the sexual side of our relationship. She works hard to dispel any fears I have about what I think I should and shouldn’t enjoy for myself and in front of her.

3) Damaging all aspects of a relationship. In some of my earliest posts I worried some about there being a dark side to the journey. Making sex vanilla or drifting apart from my wife to pursue the journey. 

Solution is Like point 2. Communication,conversation and honesty. If in a relationship,explore together. Be upfront about the journey. If wife isn’t willing,still ask to explore in any free time. When both people pull together,things get more exciting,not more vanilla. Things like SR can be made into games that are fun for all. Wives can take great pleasure and satisfaction in taking our sessions higher and higher and bringing more pleasure,but for that,they need to be involved.. A lot of the negative worry is mostly in our heads. If your in a half decent relationship,the journey is more likely to enhance than taint things.

But any points above may not be a fit for everyone’s individual circumstances.

Fear; yes it can and is a huge obstacle for a lot of new members and including myself, a 5 1/2 years veteran. 

My fear is not even close to the fear @rumel experienced but it rather has to do with the possibility of losing control during a session.  We read about members exploding in screams and whimpers while experiencing their first Super-O and in subsequent repeats.

For me, not knowing first hand how my body would and will react to a SO is worrysome.  My better half of 44 years and I live alone and for many reasons, I chose to keep my backdoor excursions to myself.   What would happen if I did lose control of all my senses and startle her?  Will EMS show up at our door?  Would she order one of those special extra long sleeved jackets and commit me to a funny farm?  Yes, I  worry about consequences.

 Fear of the unknown!

Before you suggest to slowly bring my wife in the loop, let me say that it's just not an option and it might never be (by choice).  The reasons could be a subject for another thread.

@zentai, GREAT idea, thank you for suggesting it.

(In the vein of @rumel ‘s first fear above). Early, I feared experiencing pleasure without use of the very embodiment that makes me male, could I lose something essential in my masculine persona and my deeply held sense of self?  To overcome it I explored by writing to the forum and others’ thoughtful replies.  I was able to make do, telling myself the butt was sole passage to the prostate, and sterilely thinking of Aneros as a mere tool.  This in response too, to wrestlings whether Aneros determines my sexual orientation or blurs the typical male role of assertive and penetrator.  But I have read in Forum it is not the activity that “makes you”, it hinges on whom you do it and the intent.  I settled into it is alright to cultivate receptivity and surrender to the offer of deep pleasure, deep within.

Reference Helical’s beginnings around 6/18/21, along with Mini “castration complex”  And doubtless, other posts for you to uncover.  For we are not the first nor last to fear, but carry on.

Let us go easy, we are not plumbing the depths of abject horror here (squeamishness warning): Apocalypse Now: Marlon Brando Horror Speech

Lightening things again, I enjoy trying not to take myself so damn seriously and relish the surficial contradiction of being a manly-man who finds he can enjoy the wildflowers Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,;   Monty Python: The Lumberjack Song

Thanks @zentai for the thread idea too!

I was fortunate to have discovered butt play when I was a teenager, and thus I never had fears of it changing who I was in any way. As for fear of intense sensations… that is exactly what I am searching for on this journey, so I embrace them.

My only fear in the beginning was a bit different, and it stems from my slight OCD. It is a silly fear: mid session I asked myself, did I close my appartement door? Did I close my windows? This seems like nothing, but it would break my concentration, as I would have to get up and check. Sometimes this meant losing steam, or even losing all sensations.  The solution was easy. I obsessively check that all windows are closed (I am very noisy) and that the door is locked before starting a session.  I even take it a step further by playing with my fears. Sometimes when I am on all fours and most vulnerable, I imagine that someone bursts into my room and… … … (I will keep this to myself) … … … and that bit of imagination fuels even more intense sensations.

So my fear has to do with being interrupted/caught in my most intimate of moments.  I think others could surely benefit from optimizing their setting to feel as comfortable as possible with fully letting go.

There have been times where I felt my consciousness was being pushed out of my brain to make way for pleasure. Like the area of my brain that "me" lives in, has to be vacated. And my consciousness will just have to fade out, into some unknown void. It's like I'm faced with vanishing out of existence, and it's very unsettling while it's happening. I think it is an important roadblock for me, because the times I've been able to slide past this, orgasm has been waiting right on the other side. (seems like the infamous "terror at the gates")

I think I have some bad habits to avoid this ledge, like I keep "grounding" myself before it ever reaches that point. Things like eye tension, jaw tension, steering energy back down towards my groin, and trying to keep the orgasm in my lower body only. I've still been able to have good sessions, but they don't "peak" hard, like the orgasms I've had to exit my brain for.

Posted by: @ggringo

We read about members exploding in screams and whimpers while experiencing their first Super-O and in subsequent repeats. For me, not knowing first hand how my body would and will react to a SO is worrysome.

Same here, having some kind of big seizure with loud moaning is totally out of the question. But after around 12 years of doing this, it has never happened to me, no matter how intense things got. (And things have gotten so intense that I've had to stop and take the aneros out.) So I figure I'm not the vocal kind, and it's unlikely to happen.

I sometimes wonder if people who moan and flop around like that are encouraging it... using those things (on a smaller scale) as arousal-amplifiers during the session, and when things ramp-up, so do the vocalizations and physical jerking?

At least this is the story I tell myself to keep from worrying about it! Maybe I should add it back to the list. 😀

I'd be interested to know if anyone has had a super-o where they moaned loudly in spite of it making life extremely awkward for them. Like is it something you couldn't stop even if you felt you needed to?

Posted by: @clenchy

 

Posted by: @ggringo

We read about members exploding in screams and whimpers while experiencing their first Super-O and in subsequent repeats. For me, not knowing first hand how my body would and will react to a SO is worrysome.

Same here, having some kind of big seizure with loud moaning is totally out of the question. But after around 12 years of doing this, it has never happened to me, no matter how intense things got. (And things have gotten so intense that I've had to stop and take the aneros out.) So I figure I'm not the vocal kind, and it's unlikely to happen.

I sometimes wonder if people who moan and flop around like that are encouraging it... using those things (on a smaller scale) as arousal-amplifiers during the session, and when things ramp-up, so do the vocalizations and physical jerking?

 

@clenchy, thank you for your input. 

Deep down, knowing about my restrictions, I thinking that, I can probably control powerful outbursts should they surfaced and I also think that they can be emphasized if desired.

If control is at the expense of additional pleasures, then so be it; I have no shortage of pleasures in my full and Aless sessions.

I'm anxious to read other member's answers to your enquiry.

Posted by: @ggringo

I'm anxious to read other member's answers to your enquiry.

For what it's worth, I've been reading the forum extensively for years, and I've never read a story of someone who had to awkwardly explain why they were screaming, or any situations like that. Some people have reported that they moaned in spite of not usually being vocal. But nothing on the level of "I wanted the earth to swallow me up I was so embarrassed" or "I had to have a difficult conversation".

If you know you can't be screaming at 3am, maybe you put a lid on things intentionally, and prevent a full super-o by not relinquishing that last fragment of control... or maybe moaning isn't necessary/inevitable for super-o at all.

I've been totally melty-brained on weed, not even knowing/caring where I am or what anything is, feeling rushes of intense bliss, and I still don't moan. The most involuntarily loud I get is pelvic-thrusting or shaking. But quiet/internal moaning made a brief appearance last night, and it was a good arousal-amplifier in that moment... so I could see how someone might lose control of that, using it to propel them higher. I didn't, but I wonder if I should.

I think we can all definitely agree that it can be a source of anxiety for people... even if you live alone, but your apartment has paper-thin walls.

@clenchy

I think your either a screamer or your not. The other night I let go the most I ever did. I asked the wife,guttural moans etc but not out and out shrieking. I got pretty deep so any sounds I was making never crossed my thought path. But I still didn’t get ‘awkward conversation’ loud. Forcing the shrieking would be an element of control which would be working against letting go. The natural screamers have a bonus lol.

However I do believe being a little vocal helps egg us on whether it’s an ooh and ahh or some moans.

@zentai fantastic idea this post.

Before I get into actual fears I wanted to talk about identifying them. Often times our fears are unconscious, we behave in certain ways because of a fear we don’t know exists. Carl Jung says “what we don’t make conscious comes out in fate”. I have only just recently noticed that I often find myself procrastinating in the middle of a session. Things will be going really well, I will be experiencing mind numbing pleasure and I will decide to make a change, “ I think I will get on the floor, no wait I need a blanket. Better go and pee quick, no this is not the right blanket, perhaps the chair is better etc.etc. etc”. Changing position or toy is obviously not a problem, but I now recognise what is procrastination and what is just natural change. I don’t know why I do this, or what I am afraid of, and I don’t think I need to figure it out immediately, I just need to be aware of it - something I wasn’t before.

Posted by: @clenchy

There have been times where I felt my consciousness was being pushed out of my brain to make way for pleasure. Like the area of my brain that "me" lives in, has to be vacated. And my consciousness will just have to fade out, into some unknown void. It's like I'm faced with vanishing out of existence, and it's very unsettling while it's happening

I found this interesting, and of course very real for the person experiencing the “loss of me”. This feeling is not limited to orgasmic play, it extends to any activity that our egos perceive as a threat. It is why people battle to meditate, our egos very survival depends on always being “there”.

Posted by: @clenchy

I think it is an important roadblock for me, because the times I've been able to slide past this, orgasm has been waiting right on the other side.

The ego is not you though, the real you is what is there when you “slide past this”. It is no coincidence that almost everyone who finds their Super Os describe the event in some spiritual form. I do honestly believe we are connecting with source, and we cannot do that while our egos are in play.

Posted by: @clenchy

I sometimes wonder if people who moan and flop around like that are encouraging it... using those things (on a smaller scale) as arousal-amplifiers during the session, and when things ramp-up, so do the vocalizations and physical jerking?

I have never been vocal or particularly animated in my display of pleasure. In my case I am sure it is conditioning, a fear of being judged or perhaps not entitled to extreme pleasure, whatever the reason it is a form of repression. My journey has taught me that the repression of pleasurable display is indeed a hindrance. I don't live alone so I cannot make lots of noise, but on the occasions when I have had the place to myself and have allowed myself vocal expressions, my sessions have been measurably more intense. At first I found the noises I was making a little disconcerting and felt silly, but as I have accepted that these are my noises and part of who I am so they have worked as enhancers. Allowing my body freedom of movement really changed things up for me as well. It takes me to places I never dreamed existed, despite my first impressions that they were unnecessary and dramatic. My flopping about helps creating a very horny pleasure feedback loop. This may not be the case for everyone, but it certainly  has made a big difference in my journey.

Great stories and info from everyone! I'm having some issues accessing the Forum from my computer and I promised myself I'd try to limit phone use, as soon as it's sorted out I'll edit this post to add my own thoughts. 

Quick one :  did anyone ever had to deal with fear of success? 

@zentai, the fear of losing control can only materialize if one is successful but I know it's not exactly what you meant.

@ggringo

Sorry, my question was a little too vague... On one hand you have the fear of losing control, and you're right, until someone get real close this has little chance of manifesting, unless one reads lots of testimonials and starts to think that a Super-O would be too much to handle.

The other aspect is harder to define, at least it is for me. I don't know if I could call it the fear of *not* losing control, but what if someone gets to Super-O country and it's completely different than what he expected, to the point where it's a let down? Not saying this is realistic, but that train of thought would lead to staying "close but not quite there". Might define this as a fear that the O won't be that Super, then what happens to all the effort invested? Or is this more of an expectations problem? I'm just brainstorming here and maybe this is just the other face of the "Terror at the Gates" coin? 

Posted by: @ggringo

My fear ... has to do with the possibility of losing control during a session.

What have you found or propose to be a solution?

Posted by: @zentai

I don't know if I could call it the fear of *not* losing control, but what if someone gets to Super-O country and it's completely different than what he expected, to the point where it's a let down?

I think you've stated a couple of legitimate fears here. One is a fear of actually succeeding beyond one's expectations, into an altered state of consciousness/sensation never before experienced, not prepared for the intensity of the experience, one may shut it down or severely limit it. The classic "terror at the gates" syndrome. Two, the fear of succeeding in reaching a Super-O but then missing it because of false expectations and dismissive thoughts. It is paradoxical/ironic a fear of success may become the cause of failure.

Good Vibes to You!

Just a note about fears related to "uncontrollable" vocalizations or "seizure"-like states...

I don't think anything we are doing is uncontrollable.  Even in my most intense moments, face distorted, eyes rolling, muscles clenched, limbs twisted, oxygen levels too high or too low, consciousness altered, hallucinating... everything is controllable.  If I want to stop, I stop.  If someone were to knock at my door, I would stop immediately, and in seconds be back to a normal (though somewhat flustered) version of myself.  If I want to scream but can't scream as loud as I would like, or if I have to be silent (like when I am at someone's house), then I control my vocalizations.  If I feel orgasmic sensations in public, I channel those sensations into very non-sexual and outwardly invisible forms of pleasure.  If I am having leg pain, I consciously make an effort to not flex my leg muscles in painful ways.  And so on and so forth...

It is like running on a treadmill.  You can run for hours, but when you decide to stop, you will still be in the same place, just with lots of delicious endorphins pumping through your blood.

All this to say, one shouldn't be afraid of going too far in a session, as long as its not causing physical or mental distress.

Posted by: @rumel

Posted by: @ggringo

My fear ... has to do with the possibility of losing control during a session.

What have you found or propose to be a solution?

Good Vibes to You!

It's difficult to find a solution for an unknown state of mind and/or physical but it's not stopping me from plowing ahead and go for the pot of gold.  I'm not putting the brakes on anything; life's too short to not live it to the fullest. 

I will deal with whatever the consequences may be for a potential problem that might or might not materialize.

I've always believed in destiny; if it's meant to be then so be it.

Posted by: @divine_o

I don't think anything we are doing is uncontrollable.  Even in my most intense moments, face distorted, eyes rolling, muscles clenched, limbs twisted, oxygen levels too high or too low, consciousness altered, hallucinating... everything is controllable.  If I want to stop, I stop.  If someone were to knock at my door, I would stop immediately, and in seconds be back to a normal (though somewhat flustered) version of myself.

Man, we could go so deep talking about this... First thing I'll say is that you're right, everything is controllable or I'll say, manageable. The phone ringing, a knock at the door will make you snap out of it if you decide it requires your attention.  If someone found me on the floor squirming, they would not think I'm having a seizure or epilepsy because I would stop immediately and be able to explain what I'm doing. By the way, if I had to quickly explain to someone what was happening, I would call this "high level Tantric meditation practices/lucid dreaming practice" and say that it's like when a dog runs or growls in his sleep. 

For the "going deep" part, there are some fears I had that reappear from time to time, and I can only explain them in this way : A disconnect between my conscious and unconscious mind, or mistrust. That would be, what if *I*, the conscious me, wants to stop, but some other unconscious part, separated from me, wants to go on? What if when I let go of control, it's not just that I don't have control, but in fact some "other" takes it when I let go? That "other" could be for example my lizard brain, and what happens if I surrender to that guy?

The way I fight this is by telling myself that it wouldn't make sense to have such a mechanism in my mind, that I don't believe my unconscious mind is waiting in ambush, and that *I* as an entity only wants the best for myself, even if sometimes I don't know exactly how things work. So when things get really intense and I feel myself getting rushed forward quicker than I would like, it's up to me to decide if this is indeed what I really want but maybe don't want to admit to myself, or if it's truly getting a little out of hands and I need to apply the brakes. In both cases, I get to decide, and if I really want to stop, get up and go do something else, nothing is stopping me.  

I feel it's important to mention it again, even if it's not based on any true risk, the fear itself is very real. One way to defuse it is to get informed, in this case I think that having several guys who can confirm that you never truly lose control can be comforting, and for all the times I thought that things were too heavy and scary and or that I went too far, afterwards I could understand that it was part of the experience, just like a roller coaster ride, and in the same way I don't expect the cars to fly off the rails, I don't expect any "real" reason to be afraid in a session.   

Posted by: @zentai

Posted by: @divine_o

I don't think anything we are doing is uncontrollable.  Even in my most intense moments, face distorted, eyes rolling, muscles clenched, limbs twisted, oxygen levels too high or too low, consciousness altered, hallucinating... everything is controllable.  If I want to stop, I stop.  If someone were to knock at my door, I would stop immediately, and in seconds be back to a normal (though somewhat flustered) version of myself.

Man, we could go so deep talking about this... First thing I'll say is that you're right, everything is controllable or I'll say, manageable. The phone ringing, a knock at the door will make you snap out of it if you decide it requires your attention.  If someone found me on the floor squirming, they would not think I'm having a seizure or epilepsy because I would stop immediately and be able to explain what I'm doing. By the way, if I had to quickly explain to someone what was happening, I would call this "high level Tantric meditation practices/lucid dreaming practice" and say that it's like when a dog runs or growls in his sleep. 

Thank you both, I appreciate your feedback.   As I mentioned above, the fear is not stopping me from continuing in my journey.  You're right, reading about other's experiences really help.

Life is wonderful.

The sub question of anyone fear success may be step to far in my opinion. Everyone who starts this journey wants success,super o,mmo,with no ejacualation,and they go hell for leather after it for the most part.

I don’t see how what your striving for can be feared like that. Different once it comes,and the intensity becomes scary,but that’s a different story.

@helghast

Fair enough, maybe it's just a rhetorical question. Fear of success or "achievement anxiety" does exist in other fields, where it's often about what happens if you start making lots of money, or how friends and family will react if you make it big, or how being in the spotlight would affect the flow of you life. This will cause people to never finish that movie script, or not apply to that better job, and that's why I'm wondering if the same can happen in a more individual pursuit like the Super-O. In fact, I know several ways in which it could manifest, but I don't want to "poison the well" here, so if nobody's experiencing this, it hardly makes sense talking about it at length, but here's an example. 

Let's say someone has been trying for a while and can't achieve a Super-O, and they're really struggling. Then that person comes across a new technique or approach, and I'll select something you advocate and that by the way I think has lots of merit, that pornography use should be avoided or limited as much as possible. Personally I get great results with a conservative and targeted use of erotic videos, but if I didn't, and you told me to stop all porn, I might resist this, and the more I think I'm doing the right thing and the closer I think I am, the more I will resist.

Why? Because if your way works, what would that say about me, and all the work I did? What if it was that easy and I wasted all that time?  And the longer this goes on, if I have that kind of approach to things, the least likely I will be to listen to your advice. Is this sunk cost fallacy at work, or fear of success, hard to say, but I can see how it could happen. Then again, maybe it's too abstract to really be an issue that most people will have to deal with. 

@zentai Not tearing down mate. I just don’t connect aneros to achievement anxiety. 99 times out of 100 the journey is a private one, doesn’t really affect the people around us like money definitely can. Whether is mmo or super o,i dont think most guys have any fear of having 5 o instead of 1,it is t he dream after all..Most issues are before lol and maybe a few after. I just don’t think it’s something that needs looked at as much as all the issues on the way.

Im not against porn in any way,except if it’s holding ppl back through distraction or affecting arousal. Anyone who does watch it and can reach the goals like you have,no problemo. It’s just that it seems to creep up in a lot of posts where guys aren’t getting anywhere. So it’s one of the things to look at.

Wow! What a fantastic thread!

I definitely have some fears in my journey, so here goes:

1. Like @helghast pointed out, there is the fear of health and safety and whether a prostate session will get too intense. This is a lesser fear because by realizing that your body is probably not going to kill itself because you have a toy on your prostate. Also, by reading the forum, no one has seriously hurt themselves and everyone seems to love where they end up.

2. Much like @ggringo, my wife is not completely aware of my Aneros journey. She knows that I bought a Eupho a while back, but she does not know my frequency of sessions or that I could even achieve a Super O. I hope to get her involved someday, but that is a complicated situation and it probably won’t happen for a long time, if ever. So, my second fear is what happens if I have an unexpected orgasm in public or when I am on the couch with my wife? I would sure hate to be on a massage table and suddenly start convulsing and have to explain what I am doing. Or I would hate to be on the couch, watching TV with my family, and start flailing about, and then have to explain what I am doing. I would say this is still a fear that I have, but the previous post from @divine_o has put me at ease that these sensations are mostly controllable.

3. Finally, I want to say that @zentai makes a great point here and that I definitely feel like I have a fear of success. It kind of plays into the first two fears, but what if I become so successful that my session takes me into some scary hallucinations? Or what if I become so successful that I start having embarrassing A-less orgasms in public? Or how about this...what if I become so successful that during sex with my wife I am having amazing multiple orgasms and she becomes jealous that hers aren’t as good? Or that my orgasms are so intense that I have to explain to her how I developed this ability? Or that she looks at me differently and finds me a little weird because of my new abilities? I can definitely understand the fear of success and it might be the biggest one of all.

I think the thing that keeps me grounded is that I have been doing prostate play for more than 2 years and none of this has been a problem yet. And it has been a slow progress, so any sort of “terror at the gates” fear should be controlled by the fact that I am only taking baby steps to get there. And usually, within the session, these fears aren’t present and I am craving more pleasure and more intensity. It’s typically the moments outside of a session that I get into my head and think too much about these fears. Once again, these fears haven’t stopped me from continuing on and pursuing pleasure, but they surely exist in the back of my mind.

Thanks for letting me share!

@helghast

Posted by: @helghast

Not tearing down mate.

Not saying you were. Like I said, it's quite possible that fear of success is not pertinent and not something people will encounter. But since we're discussing fear in general, I said to myself, "why not ?". If someone gets a lightbulb moment and finds that maybe he's dealing with this, even better. I had some variation of this and a little dose of imposter syndrome too, so it's something that can happen, but it probably quite infrequent. 

Posted by: @helghast

Im not against porn in any way,except if it’s holding ppl back through distraction or affecting arousal. Anyone who does watch it and can reach the goals like you have,no problemo.

To be frank, and that would be another interesting discussion, I'm sort of against it myself. I see it as a cost vs benefits thing, and it just works so good in my routine that I don't want to let go of it, but I'd rather do without. Just like everyone knows smoking is bad for you but people still do it, I'm fine with my usage levels but cutting back as much as possible is probably the thing to do. Right now I'm at 15 minutes at the start of a session, with no sound, and my eyes are closed half the time, so call it 7 minutes of silent softcore pornography per session, which I think is reasonable for someone who doesn't have a partner to help with the arousal aspects. I'm in agreement with you that for some people, pornography is definitely not helping. And then you can go into all the stuff that happens behind the curtains of the industry, and all the ethical considerations, and overall it's not possible to say that it's harmless entertainment... Maybe we could start a thread about this? 

Posted by: @helghast

The sub question of anyone fear success may be step to far in my opinion. Everyone who starts this journey wants success,super o,mmo,with no ejacualation,and they go hell for leather after it for the most part.

I don’t see how what your striving for can be feared like that. Different once it comes,and the intensity becomes scary,but that’s a different story.

For me, it's not fearing what I strive for otherwise, if that was the case, I would've quit a long time ago. 

I really want what I've been striving for 5 1/2 years but I really don't want my wife of 44 years to learn about my back door play as a result of my explosion of pure bliss.  I suppose you have to be in a position like @7sdoor and I are in where our better half are not fully aware of the extent of our activities to really understand my (our?) fear.

Maybe the word 'fear' is the wrong word to use here; maybe it should be replaced with 'extremely worried' as the last thing I would ever want is to hurt her.

Posted by: @zentai

Like I said, it's quite possible that fear of success is not pertinent and not something people will encounter. But since we're discussing fear in general, I said to myself, "why not ?". If someone gets a lightbulb moment and finds that maybe he's dealing with this, even better. I had some variation of this and a little dose of imposter syndrome too, so it's something that can happen, but it probably quite infrequent. 

Maybe I’m just too damn positive 😉

Posted by: @zentai

I'm in agreement with you that for some people, pornography is definitely not helping. And then you can go into all the stuff that happens behind the curtains of the industry, and all the ethical considerations, and overall it's not possible to say that it's harmless entertainment... Maybe we could start a thread about this? 

Yes. It would definitely be every bit as important to cover as this thread along with the other obstacles to cover in future threads.

@ggringo

I think that me calling this "fear of success" in the first place was a little misleading, but what you're talking about is a very valid concern. One thing I can say is that it's certainly possible to have strong Super-Os without any vocalization, and that I'm pretty sure that your body will not betray you if it's important for you to be quiet. If you need to keep 5% of control in order to prevent making too much noise, so be it, and I don't think it will have much effect on your pleasure levels. 

@ggringo

@7sDoor

I’ll reply to both on this one. I’ll stand rebuked on this one, as on reflection,I  didn’t have a wife who wouldn’t understand or hid my journey from her or whatever an individual’s circumstances are. Plus,in the beginning,I saw the question as a first person view inside ones own psyche,fearing enhanced orgasm itself.  So yes,I believe it’s possible there’s something here outside of my own perspective. With all the people here from all over the world,there’s are different beliefs and perspectives on a lot of things. 🙂

@helghast

The question was pretty open-ended, at first I wanted to contrast "Terror at the Gate", which too me is the fear of a negative outcome (or bad trip), with another feeling that would be fear of a positive outcome, but I didn't really think this trough, and in fact "Terror at the Gates" is also fear of success in it's own way, so it's no wonder we all went in different directions with this. In both cases, we have a worry that Super-O success could lead to some sort of negative consequences, so maybe it's all one and the same. 

In general, how can someone deal with the fear of being found out, or the fear of what others would think if they knew what you're doing? That seems like a difficult problem to tackle... As for myself, I dropped hints here and there, with family and friends, that I was involved in some advanced meditation/self discovery practices, and that I was doing this for a long time, and that it could lead to altered states of consciousness. I also told my best friend that prostate stimulation was a powerful leverage tool to get to these altered states. This was met with pretty neutral reactions, so at this point, I think that most people in my circle wouldn't be *that* shocked to learn about my Aneros use, yet I don't know if I'd go out of my way to inform everyone. 

Keep in mind that lots of my sessions are Aless now, so while I think that there is absolutely no reason to stop using the Aneros devices even if you can do without, Super-O states can absolutely be reached without inserting anything, and that might make this easier to accept if no butt-play is involved, even if we can't get away from the fact that, device or not, we're involved in regular, hour-long masturbation sessions... 

Posted by: @zentai

a little dose of imposter syndrome

Me too.  Writing about my findings Helical’s beginnings has served as a meterstick.  So when I later discounted “achievements” like My firsts: dry orgasm / Aless / Super-O / spontaneous Aless / public mini Aless , I could review in the main thread, where I’d been and turn it over in my noggin.  And veteran members gave feedback “it sounds like you had an X”.  This helped me see where my initial interpretations were lacking generosity.  Then again I perhaps succeeded (too well) in not weighing down expectations for pleasure in my early forays.

Beyond a touch of impostor syndrome, there was (is?) an element of wrapping my mind arounds the initially surreal feelings and implications.  Try and remember as a newbie catching yourself making hitherto fantastical claims about your newly-perceived reality.  Things like- orgasms felt and attained distinctly differently than the traditional model, blasting beyond the refractory period, your first A-less (“How is this even possible?!”, said me), and so on.