Overcoming Obstacles to Progress (Fears)

@zentai

Posted by: @zentai

The question was pretty open-ended, at first I wanted to contrast "Terror at the Gate", which too me is the fear of a negative outcome (or bad trip),

And in a close ended answer,bad trip was what I was aiming at lol.

Posted by: @zentai

In general, how can someone deal with the fear of being found out, or the fear of what others would think if they knew what you're doing? That seems like a difficult problem to tackle...

Depends who your found out by.I’ve recently discovered that Emms,a woman my wife has known since they were kids,and probably her oldest and closest friend is very up to date on my journey and the other stuff we get up to. She works for the EU and lives in Belgium,so i guess that’s not too bad for me lol. I panicked a little at the start,but that quickly receded. “It’s only our emms” the wife says haha.

Posted by: @zentai

I also told my best friend that prostate stimulation was a powerful leverage tool to get to these altered states. This was met with pretty neutral reactions, so at this point, I think that most people in my circle wouldn't be *that* shocked to learn about my Aneros use, yet I don't know if I'd go out of my way to inform everyone.

I think a moderate privacy will always be required around our sex lives. It’s good to talk,to get things out there,but a line has to be drawn.

Posted by: @helical

Things like- orgasms felt and attained distinctly differently than the traditional model, blasting beyond the refractory period, your first A-less (“How is this even possible?!”, said me), and so on.

I didn’t care lol All I cared about was that it was great hahahahaha!

I think we have enough material here to start dissecting things. I'd like to begin with Terror at the Gates (for some reason my autocorrect wanted it to be "Tenor at the Gates" but I don't find as scary...)

The most basic definition I can come up with for this is a fear of things getting out of hands during a session, the Gate being a point in time where you feel the Super-O is near. I know we often say there is no frontier, or no edge, but here I think it's correct to say that at some point, you're ok with whatever is happening and you're getting pleasure from it, and the next thing you know, you experience a kind of uneasiness about something, and this prevents you from going further. 

We already know that the unease itself is real, what I think must be explored next is what exactly we are afraid off. What's the worst thing that can realistically happen here, and how can we address each issue? So from what's in the thread as of now, we have : 

Fear of health problems such as triggering a stroke or heart attack. Let's call this hurting your body. Several guys already stated that to date, we don't have any evidence that this happened to anyone, and while you might get some soreness or a muscle cramp, I don't feel this is a big concern. As a younger man I may have a different perspective on this, but if I get a heart attack from a Super-O, it would have happened anyway while doing any other heavy exercise, so I don't think about this. This is probably a classic "Ask your doctor if X is okay for you to do", and here x would be "prolonged, intense sexual activity". I think this concern is relatively easy to deal with. 

Fear of losing control to the point where this draws outside attention to our session, and then the neighbors, wife or police get involved and there are consequences. I think that again, we have more or less come to the conclusion that this is very unlikely, and that if you are not already vocal during sexual activity, it probably won't come out of nowhere with Aneros use. If you're afraid of being "found out" by someone who lives with you, I feel this is more likely to happen in other ways. This could use further discussion. 

Fear of "going somewhere and not coming back", which could mean triggering some kind of mental health issue. Simply put, hurting your mind. We didn't go very deep on this, any taker? Is this one an imaginary risk? 

And basically, fear of "not being able to handle" what's coming. What would that mean?  What happens if you "can't handle" the Super-O ? Do you think it can "change" you? What would that be like? 

@zentai

Posted by: @zentai

Fear of health problems such as triggering a stroke or heart attack. Let's call this hurting your body. Several guys already stated that to date, we don't have any evidence that this happened to anyone, and while you might get some soreness or a muscle cramp,

I wondered might I have a stroke the first time I felt the heat spreading through my head. Silly really,our bodies are destined to orgasm,and since we were born with a prostate gland,we’ve always be designed to have super o too. Our infrastructure is capable of handling it.

Posted by: @zentai

Fear of losing control to the point where this draws outside attention to our session, and then the neighbors, wife or police get involved and there are consequences.

Neighbours would likely just think your fucking. Or cheating lol if they saw the wife leave for work,so they might think your a prick hahahaha!

Most guys probably don’t have heavy duty sessions while kids are around so that’s probably not worth the worry.

Wives are a different story. I know the wife knowing is impossible for some people,but is it for everybody? It would be nice if some guys would pluck up the courage to come in from the cold and explain prostate play to their wives. I think more wives would be more understanding than some guys believe. I said on another post,explain kegels and  A-Less and that if they are timed right you can cum without cumming. That’ll save pulling out toys that you have to ‘take in the ass). Exploring with a wife can add spice for both parties as they explore pastures new in their sex lives. Even if wife doesn’t want to play,can’t permission be sought to play alone? What’s a viable reason for her outright forbidding you as an adult and an individual.

Posted by: @zentai

Fear of "going somewhere and not coming back", which could mean triggering some kind of mental health issue. Simply put, hurting your mind. We didn't go very deep on this, any taker? Is this one an imaginary risk? 

Think kundalini syndrome drops in here. Ive seen talk of it on the forum and read up a little. I’m not sure I strictly believe it’s a real thing. I was open minded at first until I read some of the treatments for it such as walking on grass and hugging a tree.I kind of faded off a bit after that.

Also there has been talk of sudden uncontrollable out of the blue super-o’s that are beyond our control. These things are based on anecdotal evidence at best. Do we really fall on the floor and start shrieking at a funeral service while everyone else is crying? Or break into super o during an armed robbery at a bank when the robbers have said that if anyone moves,they’ll get a cap busted in their ass? Would the cap in our ass drive our super o to a higher level?

These bridges are probably best crossed if and when we cross them,it’s unnecessary worry in my opinion.

Posted by: @zentai

And basically, fear of "not being able to handle" what's coming. What would that mean?  What happens if you "can't handle" the Super-O ? Do you think it can "change" you? What would that be like? 

If we can’t handle it,our body will shut it down. It’s very clever. If we take too many drugs or watch to much porn etc,our bodies switch off neuro transmitters to protect us. As for change,experiencing such pleasure can only improve our mental states and personalities I believe.

Posted by: @helghast

Our infrastructure is capable of handling it.

That's what I think. We're not the toughest animals out there, but our bodies can deal with some serious stuff nonetheless. I'd be extremely surprised if Super-Os had more potential to hurt you than any other strenuous physical activity, like weight training or other sports. 

Posted by: @helghast

Wives are a different story.

Getting "found out" won't have much repercussions, unless you're doing something illegal. At most, you're just some guy masturbating furiously and making too much noise. One of my worries was always being interrupted and having to "come down" real quick because a city inspector is at the door or some guy rammed my parked truck, but that kind of stuff is so unlikely to happen that it's very counterproductive to think about it. But yeah, wives would be a different story, and if getting discovered means a big argument or worse, this is really problematic as it limits your Super-O activities to some moments were you can sneak a session in.

I'd argue that every man who thinks his partner would be at least neutral, or uninterested but accepting, should go ahead and have "that talk", which I know is easier said than done. In a way, the situation is even worse if you live with roommates or family, this is one problem I really can't find an easy solution to. 

Posted by: @helghast

Think kundalini syndrome drops in here. Ive seen talk of it on the forum and read up a little. I’m not sure I strictly believe it’s a real thing. I was open minded at first until I read some of the treatments for it such as walking on grass and hugging a tree.I kind of faded off a bit after that.

Kundalini syndrome or manifestations similar to it are real, and grounding is just one way to deal with them, in my experience not because you need to be one with nature and make sweet love to trees, but because trees and grass and walking barefoot are very real and familiar things and Kundalini awakening can make you question what is real and what is imaginary. Nature is associated with relaxation and rest, which is a big part of what you need to navigate such a situation. Anyway this would be so rare an occurrence, that I feel getting educated about this by reading a couple articles should be the only thing needed to alleviate this fear. This way, if you feel something weird is starting to happen, knowing what it is will help you back down in time and take the appropriate measures before it gets worse. 

Posted by: @helghast

Also there has been talk of sudden uncontrollable out of the blue super-o’s that are beyond our control. These things are based on anecdotal evidence at best. Do we really fall on the floor and start shrieking at a funeral service while everyone else is crying? Or break into super o during an armed robbery at a bank when the robbers have said that if anyone moves,they’ll get a cap busted in their ass? Would the cap in our ass drive our super o to a higher level?

I really don't think you'll get an uncontrollable, powerful Super-O at a moment where it would have bad repercussions for you, I had waves of pleasure and arousal when it was inconvenient, but never full blown orgasms. Like you, I don't think this should be any worry unless it actually starts happening.

As for the actual "Terror at the Gate" moment, in my own experience if things DO get out off hands, at worse you might experience a bad time, anxiety, maybe some kind of panic attack, but whatever happens, you're laying in bed in a safe place and nothing bad can actually manifest itself, nothing can hurt you, and it will just be over before you know it. Then you'll get up, tell yourself that this was really messed up, you'll be glad that it's over and that's about it. Later I feel you will think that it was very worth experiencing, because this is a very real manifestation of what your mind can do and it will put some things in perspective for you. Having a partner close by to comfort you would be a HUGE asset here, and even more motivation to get them on board if you can. 

Don't mean to dredge up an old post, but I read through this and found it extremely interesting. If I can, I'd like to add a new fear. And this is coming from a fairly typical mascine point of view, and also that of a newbie. I see hundreds and hundreds of success stories, and since were all familiar with society's view on men, let me posit:

Fear of failure. Inability to complete a task. And the inevitable superiority complex that accompanies watching others complete the journey successfully when we haven't (yet). I see a few members who seem to have become comfortable with what they have discovered rather than striving for what they haven't and I'm sure that has taken strong will power and time, and major personal growth. But I think most people would find that a daunting task.

I know that's my number 1 fear. That i won't see the Garden of Eden. That I, through some lack of ability or (I've seen this mentioned too) some anatomical difference, will be excluded from the winners' circle.

Posted by: @mbowen574mail-co

 

I know that's my number 1 fear. That i won't see the Garden of Eden. That I, through some lack of ability or (I've seen this mentioned too) some anatomical difference, will be excluded from the winners' circle.

Maybe you will see the garden of Eden, maybe you won't  but I can assure you,  you will enjoy everything about the journey.   You will experience sensations you never did before and missed by 99% of human males.

Fear not, just plow ahead and enjoy!

My fear is being seen. Not while I'm in a session or anything... but as an anal astronaut, with a loose, buzzing pelvis. Which is kind of a way of saying, I'm afraid to be seen as gay even though I'm not attracted to men (transwoman, yes though, so..). I know its irrational and a hindrance to my progress, but it's hard to get over for me, even though I've been doing butt stuff alone and with trans since i was in my late teens.. it's natural to me and I love the journey, but it gives me anxiety sometimes.

My fears are a lot like @rumel first fears. Will I lose some integral part of my masculinity? Will it destroy my heterosexual (or, heteroflexible) orientation? So far the answer seems to be no, not entirely. And more to the truth, I might be Asexual, which is something I've been trying to feel out for almost 2 years. But that's as they say the invisible orientation. It's very hard to pinpoint what may not be there at all, probably because for all my/our lives we've been expected to be attracted to something, anything. That subject goes deeper, but that's for another time and place.

In summary, I don't want to be misjudged as "gay" (even though nothing about me is really "gay" except the butt stuff,) or caught at work or somewhere having some kind of orgasm, and then I might have to explain why I'm twitching like that or something lol. Although I'm not rewired enough for that to happen it seems. So like @Zentai said, I'm probably afraid of success when it comes to higher levels of the practice... a thought I've had many times before.

Edit: I will say though, I have told my best friend about my all my anal adventures, even in pretty close detail, and he gives ZERO fucks, and even said he might put a finger in one day haha. I think when I told him males actually have a g-spot, it might've clicked for him. I've also told my mom I've had sex with transwoman, and zero fucks. It's really just people I see on a daily basis who I'm not close with, like co-workers or friends of friends, who I can sometimes get some anxiety around.

@organism_x

I also told my best friend about Super-Os, not in a ton of details, but me being a long term bachelor and a little older (late 30s), most people already think I'm either closeted or just not interested in relationships. My friend was pretty neutral about the whole idea and asked some basic questions, I really don't think most people care that much. To a lot of folks, sex and sexually in general is something that happens once a week when the kids are asleep. We anal ass-tronauts are the ones making a big deal about it.

As long as you don't overshare with people at work or friends of friends (basically, strangers who have no reason to know about your intimate life), then I really don't feel it's something to be afraid of. Uncontrollably orgasming at work or in public is not something I'd be worried about either, maybe some waves or tiny-Os but even then, no big deal. 

Posted by: @zentai

Fear of "going somewhere and not coming back", which could mean triggering some kind of mental health issue. Simply put, hurting your mind. We didn't go very deep on this, any taker? Is this one an imaginary risk?

The risk may be imaginary, but I've had (what I'd call) the "sensation" of my conscious mind fading out in a way I wasn't previously familiar with. It wasn't like falling asleep, where the conscious mind "leaves" while your back is turned. This was more vivid and detailed. Like being sucked into a black hole, and every part of what I consider "me" is going away. I guess it could be the part of "me" that still has the option of applying the brakes, and to continue would be to enter the unstoppable cascade. (which is what actually happened that time I gave in to it)

But maybe that's normal during orgasm, and I'm just fucked up somehow? Maybe I've been pumping the brakes on my orgasms my whole life, and normal people are already used to the feeling. They do call orgasm "the little death". Is that what they mean?

Posted by: @clenchy

The risk may be imaginary, but I've had (what I'd call) the "sensation" of my conscious mind fading out in a way I wasn't previously familiar with. ... Like being sucked into a black hole, and every part of what I consider "me" is going away. ... maybe that's normal during orgasm, and I'm just fucked up somehow? Maybe I've been pumping the brakes on my orgasms my whole life, and normal people are already used to the feeling. They do call orgasm "the little death". Is that what they mean?

I don't think you are "...fucked up..." at all, I think that's pretty normal actually. I think what you are describing is a type of ego death and the fear is generated by one's ego feeling a loss of its illusory control. Our egos are so accustomed to having direct control of our consciousness that it often totally ignores the fact it (the ego) actually has very little control over our bodily responses or our sub-conscious thought processes. Full body orgasms can induce altered states of consciousness making us more aware of our body and exposing aspects of our sub-conscious of which we are rarely consciously aware, this can be very unsettling to our ego consciousness. I think the best way to overcome this fear is to simply trust and believe in your inner wisdom, trust and believe that your body would never knowingly put you in harms way or injure yourself while experiencing such an ecstatic state of being. If you can't trust your body to this extent the full Super-O experience is probably going to be difficult to obtain. "Just Let Go !"

Good Vibes to You!

@zentai

Everyone needs a friend like that. I'm 30, and I've known my friend since we were early teens, so when I first told him some things, I wasn't at all surprised that he took it so cool-headedly. But there was still slight trepidation before I did. As for others, well yea I know there are those conservative- type couples out there, who really don't explore sexuality too much, and they'd probably rather not get into it anyway. But sometimes you get the sense from people that they like to be obnoxious about sexual aspects, but I know that's not in my control so I'll have to get over it some more.

I don't share any of my private sexual stuff with co-workers or anyone in my daily life that I don't know very very well, never have, so I don't think that's a problem.

Yea, I've read here that that doesn't really happen at work or when you don't encourage it, I just wanted to get it out there. Of course, I can see having some mild p-waves being a nice addition to a public outing or maybe a work day.

My fear is somewhat realized. I am somewhat obcessed with this Aneros thing. I have always been a little OCD. Even more so since I found Aneros. Most I can abstain is one day. And the session after is usually a little better. The few times I have gone more its been like a step back. The fear instead building some pressure, is that I am going to lose the gains I've made.

Posted by: @rumel

I think the best way to overcome this fear is to simply trust and believe in your inner wisdom

@clenchy

I got rid of my fears by simply repeating my mantra „i will do myself no harm.” again and again until I could convince my subconsciousness to trust me and really let go. I guess, this is still a major aspect that helps me to cross upcoming hurdles on my personal journey. Perhaps you like to give this idea a try.

Cheers, Mart

@organism_x

Posted by: @organism_x

Everyone needs a friend like that. I'm 30, and I've known my friend since we were early teens, so when I first told him some things, I wasn't at all surprised that he took it so cool-headedly.

I would hope most people could confide in a best friend about the journey. But as you say,outside of close friends,it’s likely not appropriate.

My own wife tells her best friend everything about my journey lol. But she lives in Belgium so i don’t need to panic too much 😉

Posted by: @tbob

My fear is somewhat realized. I am somewhat obcessed with this Aneros thing. I have always been a little OCD. Even more so since I found Aneros. Most I can abstain is one day. And the session after is usually a little better. The few times I have gone more its been like a step back. The fear instead building some pressure, is that I am going to lose the gains I've made.

How far along are you ? It is possible to "burn out" on this, and for me it actually felt like I had "de-wired". The more intense your experience is, the more likely I feel it is to happen. And the more fun you're having in session versus what you get in "daily life", the worse the crash will be. At least it was in my case, don't know about others...  

Posted by: @clenchy

Like being sucked into a black hole, and every part of what I consider "me" is going away. I guess it could be the part of "me" that still has the option of applying the brakes, and to continue would be to enter the unstoppable cascade. (which is what actually happened that time I gave in to it)

I concur with @rumel, this is some variety of "ego-death" and not abnormal, but it's pretty far down the path and I don't know how frequent it is. The majority of my Os never carry me there, and there is some kind of hard stop now which is probably a manifestation of Terror at the Gates, if I'm not going at full speed I'll probably pull the brakes, otherwise I do have a split second to give permission to myself to go there. One thing is for sure, it can be unsettling and scary so I understand how you feel about it. 

My own mantra for this and similar situations is "nothing is forcing me to go there if I don't want to, *I* drive things in this realm".  @sowithoutaneros's mantra is probably the better choice and more aligned with the "let go" principle.  

@helghast

What a great wife!

@organism_x I was abit miffed at the start,but I don’t see her much,so I guess it isn’t a big deal ha ha. They have some pretty detailed conversations about it all. I can only imagine the laughs they have.

@helghast

They're probably amazed at the pleasures you're able to attain, and want to figure out your secret. I'd imagine most women aren't aware of the male's capacity for orgasm... even most men aren't.

@organism_x True,or maybe they think we are loopers lol 😉

I have started to dip my toe into letting a couple of friends know I'm dabbling in this. One in particular showd quite a bit of previous familiarity with prostate stimulation and openness to further exploring it. I has certainly brought us closer together, very unexpectedly.

Posted by: @clenchy

Posted by: @zentai

Fear of "going somewhere and not coming back", which could mean triggering some kind of mental health issue. Simply put, hurting your mind. We didn't go very deep on this, any taker? Is this one an imaginary risk?

The risk may be imaginary, but I've had (what I'd call) the "sensation" of my conscious mind fading out in a way I wasn't previously familiar with. It wasn't like falling asleep, where the conscious mind "leaves" while your back is turned. This was more vivid and detailed. Like being sucked into a black hole, and every part of what I consider "me" is going away. I guess it could be the part of "me" that still has the option of applying the brakes, and to continue would be to enter the unstoppable cascade. (which is what actually happened that time I gave in to it)

But maybe that's normal during orgasm, and I'm just fucked up somehow? Maybe I've been pumping the brakes on my orgasms my whole life, and normal people are already used to the feeling. They do call orgasm "the little death". Is that what they mean?

Have also had this and pulled out of the session as i got scared. Felt as in my soul was being sucked out from my head.

Another super weird one i had is when i was doing it front of a mirror (Aless) (I must say i had taken an edible). But i could see an energy force buzzing around my penis where the pleasure was, and where ever the pleasure moved in my body I could see the energy force move too (this may well have just been the weed but it freaked me out)

Posted by: @jiji2000

Have also had this and pulled out of the session as i got scared. Felt as in my soul was being sucked out from my head.

Mine was more like being pushed out by something flooding in, rather than sucked out... but it was on that same level of existential oblivion. I think I (unwittingly) managed to approach it slowly enough that I still felt in control. Rather than being all-at-once horrified by the sensation, and reflexively recoiling from it, I was able to willingly surrender to it in small steps. At some point I crossed the threshold, where the pleasure took over and I didn't care anymore. I think in that moment it made sense why me "leaving" was necessary. But I don't think I've taken that lesson with me.

Another super weird one i had is when i was doing it front of a mirror (Aless) (I must say i had taken an edible). But i could see an energy force buzzing around my penis where the pleasure was, and where ever the pleasure moved in my body I could see the energy force move too (this may well have just been the weed but it freaked me out)

They say edibles are more psychedelic than smoking. I've felt (but not seen) the energy force you mention. I'd describe it like one of those plasma balls, where you run your fingers along the outside and tendrils of electricity arc up to meet your fingers. My whole dick was like a plasma ball, and once it happened in my nipples. Just amazing.

@clenchy

Can relate to those 2 things you said very much so, glad some others have felt the same so next time can just try and enjoy.