My First Unambiguous Something-O

(I posted this in my new blog, but wanted to share at least this first experience here as well.)

Hello Anerosi!

After 6 years of playing with Aneros toys, and 6 months of serious practice with them, and with the KSMO method, I'm ready to de-lurk. Last night, I had my first hands-free Something-O (altogether too brief, but unambiguously real), and can at at last feel confident that I am on the right track. I think it would worthwhile for my own purposes, and maybe for others, to outline my sense of things to this point. It'd be far too difficult to give a linear description of a process that has been anything BUT linear, so this is going to be somewhat impressionistic and disordered.

To begin with, about last night:

I started off using my Eupho. I smoked a small amount of cannabis (not too much, just enough to help relax and focus my intentions). I began by watching an erotic video, all the while practicing the KS. For the first 30m or so, I also practiced (for the first time, thanks Darwin!) the "External Prostate Massage" that Darwin linked to here I also added in a simplified form of the "Miracle Massage" from the same site, which involved drawing my stomach in and up, breathing into the chest area, which has the effect of taking pressure off of the prostate, promoting increased blood flow.

All throughout, I did my best to remain as relaxed as possible, particularly within my pelvic/perineal region. This included making a gentle effort NOT to contract the PC muscles around the Aneros. I've had little success with contraction methods, finding that they tend to make me tense up too much and clamp down on the toy, blocking the flow of energy and arousal. I have found that doing OTHER things such as KSMO, external massage, deep breathing, etc., aside from their direct ability to generate arousal, are helpful to keep me from focusing too heavily on what is going on "down there" and allow me to just relax and let things happen.

The combined effect of these stimuli/practices was that I soon was feeling many of the sensations that often arise, individually or in combination, during my practice:

1. A feeling of fullness in my prostate/perineum. I describe this as a "perineal erection". It is similar to a penile erection: a rapid engorgement, increased blood flow, etc, except the penis itself remains flaccid.

2. Involuntary contractions. These can be either highly focused or diffuse, often alternately in the same session. Sometimes I simply get "the shakes", where my thighs and knees vibrate rapidly from in and out uncontrollably. At other times, it is more of a pulsing, perhaps once every other second or so, that starts at my knees and moves down my thighs and into, up, and over my perineum and pelvis. At yet other times, it is much more focused on the pelvic region alone, with the pulsing beginning at my anus and moving up and over the perineum, pelvis, and perineum, but always moving from back to front. Sometimes, these effects occur in concert. In almost all cases, these effects are strongly felt, but are visibly subtle (except for the shaky knee thing), ie, I can feel it, but to an outside observer they would likely be barely perceptible, if at all.

3. The "buzz". This tends to happen in combination with muscle contractions, but can be felt also when the body movements are quiescent. It is as if there is an energetic pulse that moves from my anus or prostate across my perineum and up to the tip of my penis, ending right at the frenulum. This effect is completely energetic/sensory, ie, it is a feeling, rather than a movement, though the two can go hand in hand.

4. Involuntary contractions/movement of the Aneros. I consider these separate but related to the wider contractions. So long as I am doing my best to avoid deliberately contracting around the toy (not always easy to do), the effect happens as a fluttering movement, with the toy sliding in and out, and pivoting from front to back at its upper end. When this is happening, it is difficult to tell whether I am making it happen, encouraging it, or it is happening on its own. (I spend a lot of time during my sessions with this question in mind: am I forcing the effects I am experiencing, merely encouraging/facilitating them, or are they happening without any conscious effort on my part? Most of the time, I can never be entirely sure, but have decided to think that if I can't tell, it must mean that some part of it is happening outside of conscious control, and that is certainty enough. Still, I find it helpful to be checking in regularly to make sure I'm not forcing things.)

Up to this point, this was the full extent of the effects I was experiencing last night. All of these effects were not unpleasant, but not intensely pleasurable either. That has been perhaps the most frustrating part of my MMO journey so far: I've gotten definite effects, some quite intense, but except for on one occasion (which I'll describe in a later post, since it was a milestone moment), I've yet to feel anything remotely like the sense of euphoria and release that accompanies ejaculatory orgasm. It's as if so far the effects have been confined to the muscular and base nervous dimension, and have not yet reached my brain's pleasure centers. (Until last night, that is.)

After an hour or so, I turned off the video, went to the bedroom, and switched out the Eupho for my Progasm (for no other reason that that I'd been inspired by emjay's recent success with it: (I'm always using other folks' experiences as excuses for mixing things up in search of what works for me). In the past, I've mostly found the Progasm to be too large: I find it extremely difficult to avoid over contracting around it, since its large size constricts movement. OTOH, I've found it a better tool for practicing relaxation, for that very reason; if I can keep myself from deliberately contracting or forcing things with the Progasm on board, it becomes much easier to do so without it. I do also much prefer the perineal and K-spot ball-shaped stimulation points to the flat ones on the other devices: they are much more comfortable, make better contact, and seem to contribute more to the overall effect.

With the Progasm in, I continued the KS and external prostate massage, and attempted to relax as best I could. The device was soon moving rapidly within me. Because of its larger dimensions and more firm external contact points, the Progasm moves inside me very differently than other devices. In a sense, though I am not doing so deliberately, I move over it, rather than the other way around: ie, The tool stays in one place while my anus and rectum slide up and down and contract over it. I've found that one way to keep from clamping down too on it is to imagine that my lower pc muscles (those that surround the rectal canal) are in a constant upward sliding motion. I'm not sure if that describes it accurately, or makes sense, but when I "do" this, it seems to do is help isolate that particular set of muscles, and let others relax.

What began next was yet another sensation/action that is going to be hard to describe accurately. When I get deep into my sessions, sometimes fantasy takes over, and I find myself experiencing sensations that are impossible in reality (I know several other here describe similar things), but which when I let them occur, seem to feed back on themselves and intensify. In this instance, what I was experiencing was the sensation/fantasy that my rectal canal was the mouth of an expert female fellatrix, and the Progasm itself was a penis that she was fellating. And all the while, I was experiencing this act from both ends: ie, I was she, and I was the penis that she/I was sucking and pulling on. And I was experiencing the pleasure of the act from both ends: The act of fellating the penis was pleasurable (as were the actual movements over the device), and I could feel and enjoy the movement over my phantom penis (all the while, my actual penis was flaccid and not feeling much of anything at all.) Like I said, hard to describe, but there it is.

And a little while after that is when I felt the Something-O. (I'm not going to qualify it as a Mini- or Super-O, since it was short, but not in the least bit small, if you get my drift.) As I gave in deeper to the fantasy, I entered into a light trance, losing sense of time and place. It was late and I was in bed, and if not for what happened next, it would have been indistinguishable from the transition from waking into sleep, a slipping away from consciousness. And then it hit me. My body tensed up strongly, particularly on the upper surface from my feet to my lower stomach, which contracted inward. My heart rate increased dramatically. I felt a slight wave of vertigo, as if my body was falling in space downward below the bed. And these contractions were accompanied by a strong sense of energy or vibrations or electricity, a "field" that was, at least in my mind's eye, highly colored and bright. It was euphoric as well, for sure, but not intensely, most likely because there was so much going on I could not dwell in the secondary sensations. While I did my best to remain calm, relaxed, and detached from the experience, so as not to chase after it, it only lasted maybe 10 seconds in total. As I became more aware of it, I came out of the trance, and it retreated.

Elated, I returned to my breathing exercises, and did my best not to worry that the feelings had come and gone in a flash. It did return one more time a little while later, but less intensely. I then removed the Progasm, returned to bed and continued the exercises, but more gently, as a way of calming down, and closing the session. I experienced the overall sensations a couple of more times, each one less intensely, but unambiguously. Soon afterward, I drifted off to sleep.

So there it is: my first unambiguous Something-O. I'm still unpacking it, and have many more things to say about why I think it happened, and what about the various techniques I have used might have helped to bring it about.

I will say two more things, for now:

1) It is easy to understand why those who have never experienced this sort of thing cannot imagine what it will be like, and why words alone cannot do it justice. Here's why: it is (or was for me, last night) not like ejaculatory orgasm, in that it was not one single action or motion that brought it on. With a penile orgasm, each of us knows exactly how to make it happen, which places to stroke, with what intensity and motion, etc. And when ejaculatory orgasm occurs, it seems to be triggered and to be (at least at the moment of crossover) localized to a specific area, ie, the penis, and especially the frenulum.

This type of orgasm, on the other hand, is not at all localized, and it does not come about from any one action or set of actions. It seems to arise out of nowhere, unbidden, or at least to occur over such a wide area of the body that it is hard to feel where it "begins". Hence while you can create a sense of conditions to allow it to happen, you cannot MAKE it happen. No amount of rubbing, contracting, deep breathing, or whatever will be sufficient to bring it about. All of which makes it extremely frustrating for those of us (myself included, still) who want a METHOD, a set of steps or routines that will get us there.

2) In the midst of my Something-O, I realized something else: That I'd been close to this doorway on a number of previous occasions, some of them quite early on in my serious explorations of MMO. The sense of vertigo, movement, and transition was VERY familiar. I'd either been afraid to cross over the threshold, or had not recognized it as a door at all.

I think that is enough for one post. More to come, for sure.

Humbly,
Karyon