Feeling a bit like a fraud

I know the feeling, i also constantly loose faith in myself and my abilities. I've been doing this for close to 14 years, and i still haven't managed to get the Aneros to work for me. Some session are nice ones and i get a few invols, and managed to get the aneros to become 'invisible' for a short time, thoose are great. Other sessions i get nothing at all, and the self-doubt comes.

 So what does it really matter if it takes another decade to unlock this thing? I sometimes get good feelings and that is all that matter. Chase the good vibes and ignore everything else. Accept the fact that your body has its own 'high' and 'low', sometimes it is in the mood and it's easy, other time you get nothing. Don't compare yourself to others, that will only make you depressed.

@brailleskin true, comparison is the thief of joy.

@faith-manages 

Describe the last session you had for a while (initial 30 minutes, final 30 minutes etc)

Some questions : 

Do you do abstinence? How long did you go without sexual activity before the session? (Including any type of A-less sexual stimulation, nipples) .

Which aneros did you use or feel more comfortable?

From 0 to 10 being 0 discomfort and 10 pleasure, what did you feel?

@soul-pleasure Thanks for the encouragement of self-analysis.  I'm in my mid-30s if that info is helpful. 

I practice semen retention pretty often but I was coming off more than 2 weeks without ejaculating, then ended up ejaculating 3 days in a row.  My last session was just a couple days ago (in between 2nd and 3rd ejaculation).  After more than a week off between sessions, this was the 2nd session in 3 days.  Sometimes I try to go every 2 days whether I feel like it or not, that's what I did that time--if I can find the time/energy I might go again tonight. 

I think I had just written a response to another post and thinking, "You know what, I've actually been doing pretty good, my bitching notwithstanding."  And also that post got me thinking that I should try out the Helix Syn Trident V this time around which I don't use too often these days.  It started out as a good session, I turned on the V to the middle power setting and just let it do its thing.  I didn't need much prep, I ate extra fiber so there was minimal cleanout/prelube, and I noticed that my asshole was pretty tight, actually. I had been reading a few erotic stories and had gotten hard several times already, sensation in/around the prostate area as well (hard to describe for me but generally related to arousal, kind of prickly energy); I will add a tight asshole to this as another sign of arousal.  I do play with my nipples--I was getting to the point where I could just grab them and make myself get hard in just a minute or so, but that ability has gone away, they do still feel good if I'm already aroused.  I don't stay hard often, and usually play a few audios in preparation for a session which gets me into a roleplay.  The asshole stayed very tight, the dick went soft but I didn't let that stop me. 

And I was wondering more about the term "involuntary contraction," what what that actually means, because the definition in the wiki has always felt unsatisfactory to me.  Is it a spasm?  Is it a long hold?  When people usually say that they're "holding contractions" it's not about spasming their muscles.  Anyway I operated under the assumption today that a tight asshole was actually involuntary contraction and tried as much as possible to relax tension even though it's not under my control.  And I think of my muscle groups starting at the tip of my penis going to my asshole, I'm thinking of a cone with the open end being my asshole, as a visualization of how I want to hold tension/contract. 

And the thing is, some part of that was working for me, I could feel a tightness in my prostate that isn't always there, like an ache that needed to be relieved and that could only be done by more stroking, but more stroking made it ache more.  It was a delicious feeling, something that doesn't happen too often, but I've learned to recognize it.  So things were starting to feel good, like they were ramping up to give me some nice feeling, and the impending sense of urgency, the anticipation of something magical happening...And then the battery died.  I tried to not let that kill the mood, the toy by itself wasn't unpleasant but I could feel a general ramping down.  I wondered if the tightness in my asshole was becoming an issue, as it seems the toys can be nearly dry by the time I pull them out sometimes so I wonder how much movement is being restricted.  Since it had only been about 30min I decided to take out the HSTV, relube, and ended up going for another toy, the MGX Syn Trident this time, as it has a smaller stem. 

I was definitely in the mood to keep going as I knew things had been going good so I kept at it, though there was never much sensation with the MGX, and I eventually switched to the Progasm just for a point of contrast.  I figured that it couldn't hurt.  I think I went 3-3.5hrs this time which is far above what I usually go, but there was a discussion recently about maximum session length and I decided what the hell, I'd push it just to see what would happen.  Nothing, as it turned out, and perhaps in hindsight I should have stopped after the first 30min...have I done that often?  I'm not sure now.  My instinct is usually to ride out the sensations as long as they last instead of enjoying what I've had for a set period of time.  Hmmm...

I'm unsure sometimes if going back to the same toy I used the previous session is trying to chase after what I had there, if it's the right call or not.  My instinct and previous experience says that if I try again with the HSTV again things would not work out the same, that would be too formulaic.  But I just came off a season where I was using the Helix Syn Trident (non-vibrating model) exclusively and I have felt the desire to play around with different models now.  Looking back at your questions, I'd say I probably got to a 6 or 7 pleasure but then I don't really know what I'd consider 10.  I don't feel discomfort at all, unless I'm stretching over one of the bigger toys. I just remembered I'd had a nap in the middle of the day that day, not something I try to do too often but my sleep schedule has gone all out of whack anyway and it doesn't hurt.  I didn't get one today. 

@faith-manages

There's nothing to be thankful for 🤗 .

Let's do it in stages.

For the next sessions, make the most of it, when lubricating the anus before penetrating the anus, run your fingers through the lips (anal) as if they were "foreplay" (slightly without commitment).

I really like to reserve 2 days between sessions. If I do this for days in a row (1 session after another) some unwanted things will happen (forced or unsatisfactory orgasms or sometimes a basic session that is not what I'm looking for). As the prostate orgasm involves the whole body, maybe 2 days is enough for everything to return to a state of rest/normality) and then the session (almost always very positive).

If you analyze it, yes, you are having fun (7 out of 10 [just remembering that this is not a reference method, it's just so we can understand where you are]) .

I wrote in another post, currently the softness of minor aneros (Eupho) is my preference.

I clearly remember when I would just insert the aneros and there would be such light sensations, but they would quickly end and then I would resort to the nipples and end up with ejaculation. It's always like this, if I use nipples I know I'll ejaculate after their stimulation (I almost always end up with masturbation). I stopped using nipples because it seemed to burn away all the emotion for the day and a few days later too, like I was burning fuel; you'll have the fire (heat) at that time, but you'll have used up all the supply (fuel/excitement) in a short period or time of a few days (just a personal perspective here and worth a comparison).

About the 3rd part of the post. It's a little counterintuitive, but it might be worth a try. For learning purposes only, do not have erections on the day of the session. Observe on this day if you are well and if there are (libido) sexual feelings and desire for sexual liberation in you (That desire that says: "I need to have sex today", "if I could I would make x person [have orgasms] in minutes" and that only you know ). At the time of the session, as you have libido and it has not responded during the day, when inserting the aneros there will be post-penetration responses and then you will enjoy the penetration by itself.

Many times I had already spent the whole day excited (with an erection) and the session was basic (I had the impression that I had exhausted the sensitivity for that day). Like a new experience trust that the body will bring out the answers and the emotion will surface once the aneros is within you.

About the contractions, just like the whole journey.... In the beginning (when I didn't have aneros and used my thumb) the involuntary contractions happened very often, especially during the super O (anal contractions so fast you might not be able to repeat them) consciously). Today, they usually start with the penis first and, with the right measure, the anus also contracts (at the same time), the penis (as if it were lifting or pulsating) responds to some stimulus from the prostate that is reflected in the anus (simultaneously) and generates more pleasure and the cycle starts again. Personally, I don't see them as separate contractions anymore.

The idea of ​​doing contractions consciously is to learn, to see what works for you, to learn to recognize the phases and responses of the body and try to replicate the effect of the cycle by letting the body continue these contractions automatically.

About session time I think the following: The more you invest, the greater the expectation. I like it and I think sessions around 1 hour are enough for me, after that I feel tired. Work on this issue, reducing the load means reducing the price (expectations, demands). That is, this is the thought during learning: "I didn't spend so much free time in a session so it's ok, I'll try next time too without high cost" . What has to happen (positive) in a session will be within 60 minutes to 90 minutes.

I would say to focus on smaller toys that you have. Give the note I said above about "reserving" any arousal and libido for the exact time of the session a try.

Don't forget to try abdominal breathing outside of sessions and see what happens for you.

Make everything healthy.

Posted by: @faith-manages

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And I was wondering more about the term "involuntary contraction," what what that actually means, because the definition in the wiki has always felt unsatisfactory to me.

Mmm, I've long wondered what "involuntary clamping" means in the wiki milestones list. Like... clamping of what? There are so many possibilities. I think as our understanding has it, the experience is so individual and subjective, that the only way to say anything true is to be vague and open-ended about it. It's a failing of that subjective experience, that we might not be able to name what is happening to us. I can still only make a guess at identifying what parts of me are contracting, and even when I can recognize the location, I don't have a name for it. And even if I did have a name for it (having located the anatomy in some medical reference), my subjective reference to that anatomical place wouldn't make sense to anyone else who hasn't felt the same thing before subjectively, and located it the same way.

It's a frustrating thing, that we don't have the technology to share and re-play each other's sessions through some brain interface. Imagine having an amazing session and uploading it for other people to try out, then we could all talk about it 😄
In the mean time, we're left to map this out with written-down mouth-noises.

For what it's worth, my own definition of "involuntary contraction" is also muddy, and can mean different things.

In one definition, it's a pleasurable thump in my prostate gland (or sometimes a pumping feeling at the base of my penis or a drawing-up, fizzing feeling in my balls), that I couldn't possibly have invoked manually (because it's not within my conscious control). Kind of like how you can't just decide to pump out semen by contracting muscles in a certain sequence, yet you can feel muscles are doing that work. It's when one of those otherwise inaccessible muscles starts firing, that I consider it an involuntary, because it's part of the set of muscles I can't control voluntarily.

But what invalidates that definition, is when I've experienced "auto-fuck". Where my (consciously controllable) anal muscles have taken on a life of their own, and have decided to make the aneros plunge in and out rapidly.

I suppose I could fold both definitions to one more vague definition, by saying there's a sense of "Wow I'm not even doing that", and that involuntaries feel involuntary.

Prioritise sleep,it’s so important. I’d suggest ejaculating and having a session 2 days after. SR clearly isn’t working so bin it off. Also,mid 30’s should offer little in the way of arousal problems. Maybe get the hormones and blood markers checked. Lay off porn if it’s a regular fixture in your sexual life. Get the sleep study too!

You need to elevate your thinking about your journey. Move past the time spent so far,negativity really pins guys down. You’ve said sometimes good,sometimes not. “Sometimes good” more than some guys have had,that’s a positive. Aches that need to be stroked is positive. 

The easiest way to feel an invol is just contract your pc hard. Hold it,focus and keep holding,always minding to retune the flex as it wanes. After 30-60 secs,try to hold it and let off the power ever so slightly,at the same time and you’ll feel it bounce.

You’ve come along plenty. I think it isn’t the toys but your heath,mental health and way of life in general,all external and all fixable issues. I suspect this because of lines like “if I have the energy”. Sounds like your tired a lot.

@helghast I definitely am tired a lot, I think it's altitude-related but I'm not sure.  Really do need to go see a doctor...really should sign up for health insurance.  Really should do a lot of things!  It's been a stressful couple of years with a lot of things that have happened, trying to juggle too many things at once I guess.  I suppose I'm unsure about semen retention at this point, I thought that it helped keep the libido high but then again who knows?  It seems that I peak perhaps 7-10 days after an ejaculation so I'm happy getting away from SR for a while. 

@clenchy it's a funny thing in that I had a great session a couple days ago and I still don't know what an involuntary is, despite you giving me your own definitions.  Now this session, everything got incredibly tense and I don't necessarily think that there was really any pulsing involved.  Just so much tension throughout my anal canal, my prostate, rock-hard penis: all that was involuntary.  And @soul-pleasure your suggestion about foreplay really did make the difference here, I think.  I've read before that an Anerosession, just like female masturbation, needs to be approached from the perspective of making love to yourself.  I read the words but I suppose I never really took that completely to heart, though it's strange: I've done some of the essential oil infuser machines, mood lighting, mental preparation, what have you.  But when it comes to prep, I usually just take a crap, wipe, and then go right in afterwards with lube, clear out any remaining feces and just get that lubed-up finger as far up my ass as I possibly can.  Last session I lay down in bed and just started exploring the entire area before even getting to my anus, and went about it like you suggested.  I don't know if it was more "relaxed" per se, but it is interesting that the anal muscles themselves were much "longer" for lack of a better description.  As in: my finger could barely get past the inner sphincter to find the rest of the rectum, and that is such a difference from what I've felt in the past.  You guys really do have some suggestions I've never considered, that's why I appreciate having all the different perspectives you can find on the forum! 

I think I really needed to acknowledge that getting my head out of the way really does help, because I do still make some great progress.  And I need to journal more often so I remember the good sessions, and I need to go back and read that journal so I'm reminded of that fact. 

Posted by: @faith-manages

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everything got incredibly tense and I don't necessarily think that there was really any pulsing involved.  Just so much tension throughout my anal canal, my prostate, rock-hard penis: all that was involuntary.

Just make sure you're not "grabbing on" to that tension, let it release and cycle again if you can. Maybe what you're experiencing is the beginning of an involuntary, but you're not letting it enter its downward swing.
We identify that "involuntaries = good" (and they may come with good feelings initially, which re-enforces that)... but I've noticed I have a tendency to "encourage" that initial tension to stay... which means not being able to establish a rhythm of contract/release. And believe me when I say - it's entirely possible to be unaware you're even doing it.
As an exercise, try willing your lower belly to be soft and vulnerable, and very gently push-out rectally to counter any holding.

@clenchy I think it's more like my body wants to tense up to this degree and I'm kind of trying to coax it to relax more because I want more movement of the Aneros.  I will admit that clenching the entire PC floor is kind of a reflex for me which I've had to break, but this feels very different.  I was reviewing the milestones on the Wiki and there is a part where you have "involuntary clamping," (with or without any sense of climax and I'm not sure which I had).  Seems to coincide.

I think i got it right this time. I've also had major problems with getting the invol's going. Every 10-15 second or so it drops the pc-floor very rapidly, within a split second. Then it picks it up and raises it very slowly, and then again 10-15 seconds later it does a 'drop' again. Is this the 'thing' i'm looking for? Does it sound right @Clenchy? How does a involentary usally manifest itself?

Yeah it's hard to say, like we're all going to have our own definitions.  My original definition of involuntaries was when the anus would move the Aneros by itself without you having to think about it.  If we go by that, I had those early, not necessarily very strong, but it was definitely something that would happen when I was relaxed--sometimes I'd reflexively clamp down on my anal sphincters (as well as PC muscles) and that would effectively halt the Aneros motion. 

Posted by: @helghast

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Prioritise sleep,it’s so important. I’d suggest ejaculating and having a session 2 days after. SR clearly isn’t working so bin it off. Also,mid 30’s should offer little in the way of arousal problems. Maybe get the hormones and blood markers checked. Lay off porn if it’s a regular fixture in your sexual life. Get the sleep study too!

You need to elevate your thinking about your journey. Move past the time spent so far,negativity really pins guys down. You’ve said sometimes good,sometimes not. “Sometimes good” more than some guys have had,that’s a positive. Aches that need to be stroked is positive. 

The easiest way to feel an invol is just contract your pc hard. Hold it,focus and keep holding,always minding to retune the flex as it wanes. After 30-60 secs,try to hold it and let off the power ever so slightly,at the same time and you’ll feel it bounce.

You’ve come along plenty. I think it isn’t the toys but your heath,mental health and way of life in general,all external and all fixable issues. I suspect this because of lines like “if I have the energy”. Sounds like your tired a lot.

Helghast I want you to know I really hear you.  It took a little bit because I kept having outstanding sessions but my personal life has unraveled in more surprising ways due to lack of sleep, and specifically REM sleep.  I've finally consulted a physician and we've come up with a good plan to get me back on a proper sleep schedule with the help of some medicine.  I don't know exactly what it will do to me yet, and I don't necessarily what it's doing right now, but I've always been worried of antidepressants because of their sexual side effects, and worried about becoming addicted to sleeping pills.  Thankfully, this one has me hopeful: "Trazodone can cause problems with ejaculation. Some people say it gives them a higher sex drive, others say it makes it lower."  We'll find out.  At least it's non-habit forming.  And I'm gonna try sleeping on my back for the first time in quite a while!  

And that whole thing about negativity...I've been circling the drain in my past and realized that I really don't want to live there anymore.  The only way forward is to look forward!  So I can't fixate on what I don't have, what my past looks like, but to remain hopeful and excited for what the future holds.  Good advice for Aneros and also for Life!   

Well this is a bit of a development!  I had my first-ever HFWO this morning.  I don't know if it was stress-induced (because I have been under an inordinate amount of stress recently) or what, but toward waking is when I feel the most energy bristling in my favorite area.  This morning though, it was different.  It was like a waking dream, I was just waking up and in that space between fully waking and dreaming, somewhat lucid, aware of my body, and without even an erection.  But I could hear a woman masturbating and talking to me simultaneously.  She had had one orgasm and was going for a second, I couldn't see her, it was like she was disembodied.  But I grew so excited at the prospect of listening to her pleasure that I wanted to come immediately and my body obliged me!  I was aware of my physical body becoming more aroused while in my lucid(ish) dream state I placed a pink Hot Octopuss toy on my penis inside my boxers.  It took just a few seconds before I orgasmed and I did try to hold back as much as I possibly could, to no avail.  There was no rhyme or reason to any of it, hardly any eroticism, I didn't even touch my physical body at all.  I don't even know if I feel negatively or positively about the experience, only that it's something completely foreign to me.  Perhaps this is my body's way of giving me permission to masturbate more!  I hadn't really even realized it but I'd just gone 3 weeks without an ejaculation, it wasn't intended it's just that I haven't made time for it.  Time to take more time for myself!