Spouse involvment

ladies? This is the general forum so anybody can view these messages, not just the ladies. Besides there is no "ladies section" on the forum that I know of. As for getting your wife involved, have you communicated your desires with her? Have you explained what the aneros device does? I think communication is key here.

@harddrive, females are purpose built, so anal play does not make any sense. They may play to keep a male happy but I suspect it may be a big put off. I suggest extreme sensitivity as we can lose what we have. Not all will agree but many will!

@harddrive: As I posted in another discussion and in the past. I told my wife about the Aneros device which I had started to use ostensibly for prostate issues. I have had superb conjugal experiences with it in, and it has enhanced my performance and my enjoyment, to both of our benefits. I do not tell her each time I use it, but I have, on occasion , told her after, especially if she has had a good experience. Honesty is always the best policy in matters of intimacy (I can say that after 43 years of marriage!). All the best...

I suggest putting it in and use it without letting her know while you two are sharing a moment together. Its pretty good, very good. I would never ask for her to play with it, insert it or whatnot. My wife is playful and open minded but not proactive.
My wife had no idea I had mine in until I told her. Now she knows when its in because she can tell the difference.

@harddrive being a wife that enjoys sharing my husbands journey with him here are my suggestions. You say she is not interested, maybe she doesnt understand it or why you might want that kind of stimulation (I hate to say it but unfortunately lots of women are ignorant about how pleasurable it can be) so maybe you should explain to her how excited you are to be able to feel such great sensations and want to experience them with her. then if you tell her how much her presence could help you in that area. maybe she could help you relax, or be the major factor that helps to get you aroused. maybe she has some reservations or or concerns about something, if you can get her to voice her concerns maybe when she hears them aloud or you two talk through them her view point will change. hope that helps

I just showed my wife what it is. She saw it was a small piece of plastic and was like "thats it"? Then I just explained what it does and she was fine, I'm feel really lucky reading some of these replies.

lakers01 - I had exactly the same thought when I ordered my first set of devices (which just came in the mail today). Even though it will probably be a while before I can use it properly, I included the Eupho Classic in the set just so I have it on hand to show my wife when introducing the whole idea to her. The Eupho is the least intimidating and looks much more like some kind of medical/prosthetic device rather than a vulgar sex toy. Later, if she happens to spot some of the other models, it's just a relative increment, not a sudden shock.

I'm going to try being casual and matter-of-fact about it, stressing prostate health more than the fun factor. I would also not ask her to place the thing for me nor play with it. That would be like asking her to brush my teeth for me -- very silly, and certainly not any kind of turn-on for her. Yes, treat it like nothing more than an ordinary toothbrush, and you'll be fine!

Well... don't brush your teeth with it though!

@Thruster, i dont know i think all of the devices look medical, except the syn models, those are too fancy to be medical LOL. @Canacan, good one! lol

Thanks guys and gal for your comments, I have all but given up on the spouse's involvement in my journey and at this point don't really care anymore. Without her I have made significant progress in the last week and optimistically look forward to still more success.

I view "anerosing" as an enjoyable athletic workout. I don't ask my wife to go lifting or running with me, so involving her in sessions seems equally silly, unless she's the one who playfully initiates. The devices themselves are of no direct benefit to her any more than the weights you lift or the sneakers you wear. The devices are like crutches or training wheels. As you become stronger, your need for assistance from them diminishes. It is the ongoing development of your body, mind, and spirit which she will most appreciate on your journey together.

Remember gents that these massagers were initially developed as medical devices and sold under High Island Health's Prostate trademark until a few brave men admitted to the sensual side of their use.

I like like @Thruster's approach to the use of these "aids" / "accessories" to speed us along our way to enrich our souls with health and love.

Take that spouse to the High Island website for a short intro to both Prostate and Anal Health:

. Note that the HIH website is decorated in soothing Blue rather than the Bordello Red we enjoy so much !

@Thruster....you are equating her joining your sessions as silly??? How so??? Maybe you should read the blog post I did telling about how my husband asked me to join in his session AneroSex. I think you are missing out and maybe dont even know it. Do you not use arousal tactics??? Do you find your wife arousing??? If you answered yes to both of those questions....thats how she can make them that much better....some of my husbands best sessions were with me. Not to say he doesnt have a great time without me and I encourage him to do so. However to say it is "silly" says something....i'm not sure what yet. Now if your wife doesnt find inserting it a turn on (I find it very sexy to insert...but then i massage his prostate manually as well...so that lets you know I'm into this kind of thing) I can understand your hesitation on that. However never underestimate what can turn into something arousing as time passes. I have not always been into fondling men's asses...I grew into it, just as I grew into other things I like sexually.

As I have posted before, I have kept my Aneros use low key when it comes to my sex life (monogamous for 43 years and loving it). I have had intercourse with my wife while having it in and without it and in my mind, using the device has not only added to my pleasure, but my wife's as well. I have mentioned to her that I believe it has had a very salutary effect on my performance and experience and she acknowledges that there's a difference. She has not expressed interest in the device itself and I feel no reason to force that on her. It's another case of: WWFY! (whatever works for you!).

I went back through this again...and read something interesting...@isvara...women are purpose built. Ok if i agree with that suppose the purpose is to please a man in every way possible....now suppose for that man that includes anal play? So is her purpose driven attitude not to make him have countless super o's if possible??? How is watching my man's eyes go glassy, whilst in the throws of bliss a put off??? I dont care HOW or WHAT (as long as its not another person) is creating that I just want more of it for him, hell for us. If he is satisfied and happy am I not as well??? I feel a well satisfied man goes about his life more energetically and positively than one who is not satisfied....now tell me I'm wrong.

I personally feel that most men don't want their spouses involved. Mayhap they want their Aneros use to be a private no-no. Hell, presentation is everything!
Man: "Hello, Honey!"
Woman: "Yes Dear."

Man: "I've decided to play with my ass."
An uncomfortable silence fills the room.
Woman: "I don't know what say!"
This is a problem in the making. Now if the situation were to go properly:
George: "Martha, I've decided to play with my ass and stimulate my prostate. I've purchased some Aneros, and I'm about to start strip mining my asshole. You can take it or leave it! This mining is imperative to my prostastic health. Take it or leave it!"

Martha: "Oooh Georgie Boy! You naughty, naughty MF! I'm going to buy some latex gloves!"
Martha feels a familiar or unfamiliar dampness in her crotch.
Curtain drops.

If your Wife or GF loves you SHE WILL EXPLORE YOUR ASS WITH YOU. If not, get a new one! Maybe she does not want play with your ass, because you are not sexually satisfying her. Maybe she is a prude. If she is prudish why even mention it to her? Maybe she is reserving all the fun goodies for Jody! Maybe you really don't want her involved in your self-buggery. TOTALLY sexually satisfy your woman, and you too will have a woman, that will go spelunking in your anal cavity. JMO

:)>-

@devajones - Thanks for elaborating the possibilities. I did say, "unless she initiates", and by that I was not ruling out the possibility that I can find positive and playful ways of first verbally sharing my fantasies with her, then inviting her to turn them into reality, but I believe that she should be free to make the choice, which is what I meant, albeit cryptically, by "initiates". If I just all-of-a-sudden shove my finger or tongue into her anus or shove my own anus into her face without laying the appropriate groundwork, when we'd never before done anything like that for all our decades together, it would surely be entirely my own fault if it doesn't go over well. There are indeed women who go watch their hubbies at the gym, and that can be a big turn-on for both of them, whereas other women might choose to do something else with their time. It's all good either way. If hubby wants her to go watch him at the gym, especially if it would be a sexual turn-on for him, he should simply invite her, but not expect her to automatically say "yes". That is the analogy I was applying to the "anerosing" session participation situation. I was not implying that such sessions should always be a private solo activity. I'm only a few days into all this so probably shouldn't be talking so much yet, but yes, I do have the toys, will tell my wife about them very soon, and will indeed invite her to participate as much as she wishes. However, her participation is not going to be a condition upon our continued happiness together.

@Pspotsquirter - I disagree that a wife's aversion to playing with her husband's ass or letting him play with hers is an indication for getting a new wife. Would the idea extend to B&D, S&M, electrocuting each other for added stimulation? Some couples do all that, but I think it's okay if my wife chooses not to act out the whole gamut of all my lurid fantasies. I'm not even sure I would want her to, come to think of it. By the way, I laughed out loud to tears when you said, "Honey, I've decided to play with my ass." 🙂

@devajones, mmm purpose built. Well so are males. Essentially I was saying males have penises and females have vaginas. Purpose built means one normally goes into the other without much difficulty, if fact too easily sometimes!. I was also meaning that anal stuff requires modified thinking, programing to overcome and usually preparation and muscular one way valve barriers. I was suggesting that females could well say "I already have a place for that".
I await to be delightfully corrected.
This old dog is certainly learning new tricks!

@Thruster....thanks for the clarification. I was just a little puzzled before, because of what you posted about getting your wife an Evi, and you said nothing about her doing that solo, and that you very much wanted to participate....one way street maybe? I was not insinuating that you do something clearly out of the blue that you have not been doing, that indeed would not go well for you or any couple. I suggest complete open and honest in depth communication before acting out any sexual fantasies or wishes. Also forgive me for not seeing the gym analogy as I dont see Aneros as that I see it as pleasure with health benefits. I workout regularly...not because i find it pleasurable...because I must stay healthy, and I enjoy looking good, and my clothing fitting the way I want it to. So thats why I dont equate the two...maybe you like lifting weights and it gives you orgasmic feelings...that would then make perfect sense to me.

@isvara...modified thinking yes that is a requirement. However, once that modified thinking is in place...or anal sex is introduced (I never brought up anal sex my husband did, me receiving I mean) there are times when it is much more pleasurable than vaginal sex. However a closed minded woman will most definitely say just use the hole we always use...

@devajones - Thanks for elaborating the possibilities. I did say, "unless she initiates", and by that I was not ruling out the possibility that I can find positive and playful ways of first verbally sharing my fantasies with her, then inviting her to turn them into reality, but I believe that she should be free to make the choice, which is what I meant, albeit cryptically, by "initiates". If I just all-of-a-sudden shove my finger or tongue into her anus or shove my own anus into her face without laying the appropriate groundwork, when we'd never before done anything like that for all our decades together, it would surely be entirely my own fault if it doesn't go over well. There are indeed women who go watch their hubbies at the gym, and that can be a big turn-on for both of them, whereas other women might choose to do something else with their time. It's all good either way. If hubby wants her to go watch him at the gym, especially if it would be a sexual turn-on for him, he should simply invite her, but not expect her to automatically say "yes". That is the analogy I was applying to the "anerosing" session participation situation. I was not implying that such sessions should always be a private solo activity. I'm only a few days into all this so probably shouldn't be talking so much yet, but yes, I do have the toys, will tell my wife about them very soon, and will indeed invite her to participate as much as she wishes. However, her participation is not going to be a condition upon our continued happiness together.

@Pspotsquirter - I disagree that a wife's aversion to playing with her husband's ass or letting him play with hers is an indication for getting a new wife. Would the idea extend to B&D, S&M, electrocuting each other for added stimulation? Some couples do all that, but I think it's okay if my wife chooses not to act out the whole gamut of all my lurid fantasies. I'm not even sure I would want her to, come to think of it. By the way, I laughed out loud to tears when you said, "Honey, I've decided to play with my ass." 🙂

Hi harddrive!!

My wife and I are now into our 8th year of a couples mixed Aneros/KSMO/Tao practice focused on "mutual prostates" sensuality and eroticism!! There are many posts in my blog here about our practices: http://www.aneros.com/blogs/ecstatic-energies-and-the-art-of-living/

Happy to answer any questions. Thanks all above for your great posts here!!

artform

as we rewire
we are all reconnected

My posts here are like stepping stones I toss out ahead of me on a path that I cannot see yet. Some land on shaky ground, and then I need to step back and try again. Everyone here is most gracious, taking the time to help me and others along with great care. I wish I could go back and fix numerous things I wrote that have changed in my mind as a result of the rich discourse transpiring here, but the far greater priority for me is to keep moving forward. My next few steps seem clear and will take some time to put into action. I'll be back!

Lovely feelings, thoughts and sense of direction Thurster!!

all the very best journey

artform

as we rewire
we are all reconnected

I hope i am posqting in the right subject. If not lets create another one.

I had a conversation yesterday with a guest who had what I think is a common situation. I will limit the details and not talk about him further than this comment, so as to protect his privacy. This is only for the sake of the subject and in hope it may help many others too.

He and his wife being in their sixties haven't had sex for years, decades maybe. He wants to, she apparently doesn't and they don't talk about it. He says they are very much in love. So you know my guess:... She probably is anorgasmic or became so after childbirth. Wouldn't be the first one.

Of course you guess what comes next... He comes here hoping to enjoy his sex life on his own. Bought an Aneros... Used it once... And now what? Afraid of his own shadow... "What if she finds out?"... And all that jazz.

I personnaly found that somewhat disturbing. This is no couple drifting apart. They live together, they love each other (or so he says, what do I know, but the situation is plausible anyway). He didn't seem to realise how much this life changer journey could change things in his couple for better or worse... and keeping it a secret sounds recipe for disater to me.

There has been great discussions here (also helped by the girls) on how to involve the spouse in pegging and orher funky kinks... But what about the basics? And what if the couple starts from much farther?

I am sure this situation is quite common. And I sense Aneros could be either the couple's sex life saviour or the couple destroyer.

So if you guys have ideas or testimonys this could be a great subject to point new married users to.

It could be a massive problem if the wife will not countenance the possibility that her partner may have sexual needs. The only way I can see through it is if the focus is on Prostate health. In other words keeping her partner alive! Even so she may not even want to know her husband has anything below the waist. This sound terribly negative but some time ago I came across a woman who divorced her husband because he was a sexual pervert - she discovered he masturbated!!! She was still going on about how sinful it was years later....... So sad. Too many men are desexed in relationships.
I am not sure how an Aneros would go down

@Canacan I read that conversation in history before even seeing this thread I havent had had a chance to tell you that in my absence you did a wonderful job with that conversation. Lets put our heads together on a thread addressing this...we'll talk. I agree with how you felt, as in reading the conversation I felt the same way (I really hate I wasnt there to maybe help if I could have).
@isvara You are totally correct in saying that women can be total prudes. I have my theories on that having heard all the crazy stuff women are told about sex (most if not all of them false). I know that men are told some strange things but women are taught to approach sex totally different which for most of them (especially after having kids) makes it easy for them to justify mentally why NOT having sex with their spouse is fine and he needs to just figure it out. I also agree with that if she continues to be steadfast in her thinking mode it will be impossible to shift her mindset. That is detrimental to them I feel. As morale changes so does a relationship.
Ultimately I think the main thing is communication that has to be strong, the love has to be strong, and a somewhat open mind state has to be reached by both parties. Once those are in place (granted all the other major components of the relationship are in place) a lot of corrections can be made with the right amount of effort and time.

@Canacan, my constructive thoughts would be for him to focus on his prostate health. It being a vital part of his health make up. Of course there are great benefits. He should simply use it and perhaps look for articles regarding men's health that support the need to release any toxicity in that area and general pelvic health, he should also demonstrate his new health focus by doing some exercise as well. If she finds out or if he want to reveal its use the simply say he hopes she wants him to be around a bit longer. I think we are just too neglectful of men's need for good whole body health. Any work in the pelvic area will prevent incontinence - so embarrassing - as well. Health wise it is a win-win!