How to talk to the wife about what we want

Thanks for starting this thread. I look forward to the discussion.

Jokes,conversation,not sure it matters much. Talking to a partner is crucial,whatever form it takes.

It’s difficult to explain without knowing the stage of someone’s relationship. Maybe these things are needed to reignite smouldering embers. Maybe the relationship is good,and it’s as simple as communicating ones desires. A wife may be more open to exploring new and unknown territory than we give her credit for . IMHO that’s how it should be anyway. If she’s not,she can convey that herself.

My advice would be to bring up prostate orgasms first. Tell the stories of multiple orgasms without ejaculation. That toys or fingers can be used. If pegging is a goal,once a wife is on board the journey ,she may be more inclined. But we won’t get anywhere by not talking and keeping our desires hidden.

With myself, i simply told my wife I was interested in learning prostate orgasm. Once she seen them for herself,she wanted in on it. Crucially,she started thinking on her own how she could contribute to this new frontier in our sexlife.

Posted by: @somebodyelse

Perhaps we can use this thread to help those who are hesitant to discuss this with their wives figure out the best way to have the conversation.

I think your idea of using humor to approach the topic of anal play is excellent. As you noted this can seed the concept in your partners mind for further growth. A light hearted approach is a gentle way to introduce this taboo (to some) activity to couples play.

Another approach, a bit more serious, is to discuss the health benefits of prostate massage with your significant other. This type of approach may avoid some of the social stigma about anal play by putting the focus on general health and well being. The fact that such a practice may also turn out to be extremely pleasurable just becomes a bonus. A loving partner is very likely more than willing to participate in such activity if they believe it substantially contributes to the well being of their partner. Their participation, through prostate massage, will substantially increase the level of intimacy between partners and encourage further discussion of other aspects of anal play far beyond the health aspect.

Good Vibes to You!

Posted by: @rumel

Another approach, a bit more serious, is to discuss the health benefits of prostate massage with your significant other. This type of approach may avoid some of the social stigma about anal play by putting the focus on general health and well being. The fact that such a practice may also turn out to be extremely pleasurable just becomes a bonus. A loving partner is very likely more than willing to participate in such activity if they believe it substantially contributes to the well being of their partner. Their participation, through prostate massage, will substantially increase the level of intimacy between partners and encourage further discussion of other aspects of anal play far beyond the health aspect.

 

Excellent point about leveraging the health benefits.  I have prostate cancer in the genes so I am hoping to kill two birds with one stone.  Our recent discussions on the topic have certainly increased the intimacy, which is an excellent thing considering we have been married for almost 27 years.

I guess I am lucky because I have always felt like I can discuss sexual things with my wife.  I do not have to bring anything up as a joke but I can see how humor might deflect some of the awkwardness for some. 

I do not remember exactly how I brought up pegging a few years ago but I think I mentioned that I had been reading articles about it.  I used to get daily emails from Men's Health and there were several articles that were emailed to me.  I know I felt vulnerable when I first brought up anal play with her but I also knew that I could be vulnerable.  Still, my own head trash made that conversation a bit difficult to start.  It was well received by her.

Same with when I brought up Aneros but less awkward.  Less awkward perhaps because we had tried pegging and she knows I have three vibrating massagers that she has been involved with so that door was already open.

While this may not be an easy conversation to start for some, it can be very well worth it.

I know many people here are already in relationships, but I highly recommend to anyone dating to bring this up early in budding relationships.  Like, before going into bed with a person.  I have said things on a second date or in online chatting along the lines of “So there this type of pseudo-tantric orgasmic meditiation that I do that allows me to have as many non-ejaculatory orgasms as I want, without necessarily touching my body” to which the response is generally “Tell me more.” Talking about the end result, that is, the orgasms, is possibly sexier and more intriguing than talking about how you get there, at least in breaking the ice. 

Posted by: @divine_o

I know many people here are already in relationships, but I highly recommend to anyone dating to bring this up early in budding relationships.  Like, before going into bed with a person.  I have said things on a second date or in online chatting along the lines of “So there this type of pseudo-tantric orgasmic meditiation that I do that allows me to have as many non-ejaculatory orgasms as I want, without necessarily touching my body” to which the response is generally “Tell me more.” Talking about the end result, that is, the orgasms, is possibly sexier and more intriguing than talking about how you get there, at least in breaking the ice. 

I would think that would work extremely well for those dating.  Mind if I ask how many people you end up in bed with after sharing this?  I am guessing the curiosity factor would make the percentage quite high.  I am also guessing that it weeds out those not interested quite fast as well, which is not a bad thing.

@somebodyelse Agree that prostate pleasure could be brought up early. Not sure about the first date,but within the honeymoon period when everyone is buzzing and obsessed with the new person surely would have a high chance of success.

@somebodyelse

well... since I started aneros, i have almost exclusively dated online, because I lost interest in meeting in person with the “fuck now talk later attitude.”  Now I prefer to talk for a long time before (if ever) meeting someone. My profile shows that I am very kinky, and I only communicate with people whose profiles intrigue me.  As a result I only talk with very sexually open people these days, and they of course are all into it. So there is already a filter.

In real life, even well before aneros, I have brought up subjects of sexuality quite frequently, and it allows me to see if a person is sexually inclined as well as gives for some excellent conversations (or dead ends). I do the same for questions of monogamy, feminism, spirituality, drugs, etc. That way I can get to know a person pretty well before having sex with them, so as not to create a limerance/false love situation, which is the basis of so much heartbreak and relationship imbalance.

So I guess I am saying, with potential partners, our mutual conversation (and internet profiles, when meeting online) allows us to weed each other out.  When I meet someone with whom interest is really high, prostate play is the cherry on the cake, because we have already established other shared sexual interests and openness to non-conforming gender roles in life and in the bedroom.

Posted by: @helghast

@somebodyelse Agree that prostate pleasure could be brought up early. Not sure about the first date,but within the honeymoon period when everyone is buzzing and obsessed with the new person surely would have a high chance of success.

 

True, but for those of us who are married, that ship sailed.  My wife and I got married young.  Though neither of us were virgins, quite far from it, I would say sex was very vanilla early in our marriage.  We both said we were openminded but we were relatively inexperienced at anything that wasn't really mainstream.  I'd probably still lose a kink comparison contest but we have tried many things short of a threesome or moresome (though we have been to a swinger's resort).  Ropes, D/s, pain, roleplay, anal, pegging, etc. I guess we have just always been open with each other and willing to try new things.  Some things we try we like and some we don't, but at least we try.

I asked her about this topic and her response was that anyone trying to bring up something new like this should take it slow and not spring it on their partner.  That gives them time to absorb, think, and fantasize.  Don't just show up with a toy and say you want to cram it up your butt to see what happens.

I like @divine_oblivion's thought of lead with the end and not the means.  You could even lead with an article like this one.  It talks about dry orgasms, edging, soloplay, and does not bring up prostate orgasms until near the end of the article.  Sending the link to a partner could be a very easy way to ease into a discussion.  Then, talk about their multiple orgasm experiences and say that you would like to experiment.  Maybe that part of the article (prostate) will just come up naturally.

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19545094/how-to-have-multiple-orgasms/

My wife and I are having a blast right now.  She has always wanted to find new ways to get me going and we hit the jackpot here.  Nipple play is a big thing now that I have figured that out.  It used to do nothing for me.  It's really cool to see how turned on it makes her and of course I am getting a ton of pleasure of my own.  It's truly win-win.  I sure wish those reluctant to bring this up with their partners could muster the courage to have the talk.

@SomebodyElse says, "I sure wish those reluctant to bring this up with their partners could muster the courage to have the talk."

I'm mustering, I'm mustering... and I'll get there, I think within the next few days. But all of your encouragement is a help, and I appreciate it.

@somebodyelse 

It’s not that I’m suggesting springing it on anyone. I stand by my original comment,just talk to ones wife. When I brought aneros up,it was in our 40’s,it wasn’t an issue,if she’d not been interested,she’d just have said no. But we can talk to each other about things.I probably worry more than she does lol.

Communication is key! My wife and I have always talked openly about any and all topics and subjects. We just talk a lot lol but when it came to sex we were so open and so honest...and so very interested and curious about everything related to sex. She used to work at a video store (yes, a real one!) and it had a porno room and I'd go in with her when she opened up for the day and get in the room early and pick out stuff that I wanted to see and things we wanted to see together. And that was when we had been dating for like a year or two. We've had talks about sex related things for hours on end sometimes.

With all this sex talk, talk of prostate orgasms and anal sex for the man sort of slips into the general broad topics. I'm saying all of this to say this: if you are in a relationship and you don't really ever talk about sex, bringing up something like Aneros/anal play for the guy is going to be as potentially jarring as an astrophysicist lecturing to a crowd and suddenly talking about a cheeseburger. "Where did THAT come from?"

If a couple can't even talk about bills, dishes, who is doing the shopping, how was work today, stuff like that, then the anal fun isn't going to ever get past the lips. But if all those topics are casually discussed, AND sex is also talked about, anal-related sex shouldn't be so jarring! Talking about sex with my wife is sometimes almost as fun as doing it 🙂

Posted by: @helghast

@somebodyelse 

It’s not that I’m suggesting springing it on anyone. I stand by my original comment,just talk to ones wife. When I brought aneros up,it was in our 40’s,it wasn’t an issue,if she’d not been interested,she’d just have said no. But we can talk to each other about things.I probably worry more than she does lol.

 

No, I did not think you suggested springing it on the wife.  My comment was regarding this topic in general, not your specific response.  Sorry for the confusion on that.

When I first brought up anal play with my wife we were in our 40s as well.  No issues here either.  I guess nothing phases us anymore.

I think wives just need your gentle words and tender touch.

I brought this up to my wife last night after some “post-coital” bliss. And, evidently, I found her G-Spot because she had about a 3 minute long orgasm. Everywhere I touched her she’d just arch her back and moan. I’m like “Hey, I want that!” Seriously, though I did feel it a fairly good segue into me telling her about this site, etc. that I’d discovered. She is a nurse, so she’s not totally out of touch with the human body and so forth. Long story short, she wasn’t totally against the idea of us using the Aneros for pleasure. She’d asked me if I ordered one (I told a little white lie and said “Not yet”), but my Eupho should be here this weekend so I’ll show it to her then.

I’ll need to do a bit of research as to how women can help out with this, but coming from someone who was very unsure about telling my wife about this – her reaction was most welcome.

Resuming this thread, its a good one!

One way I think to approach the woman in your life about anal play and prostate stimulation is this:

How much does she enjoy making you cum and giving you orgasms?

If she really loves it, like she takes delight in making you squirm and feels proud and happy with the orgasm and/or ejaculation she produces from you, she should really like and be very open to Aneros play, and other anal/prostate play. 

Simply put: my wife loves to make me cum, period. She loves it. She loves to see my jizz come out either pouring or shooting violently, and she slowly, with care, milks every last drop out of me. She is not happy or fulfilled until its all out of me. It is so hard to go through, it is so sensitive and I can barely take it, but she prolongs my orgasm/ejaculation close to the one minute mark or longer sometimes, and I'm a heaving, tired wreck of a human male when its over. She's all delight, smiles, sweet kisses on me. To me, that is the kind of a woman who would be into prostate play. (If you've read ANYTHING I've written on this forum the last several years, you already know she loves pleasuring me while I have a toy in me, and she's very good at and very into pegging me, too.) 

When I have a toy in, she plays with me differently. She understands how the toy works, how it makes me have dry Os, and she knows how to stroke and tickle my legs and stomach and ass cheeks to produce exceptionally strong prostate Os. She gives me different kinds of blowjobs while the toy is in me too. Without a toy, she's sucking to make me cum, period. With a toy in me, she's delicate and making me ooze precum and prostate fluid, drinking it all up heartily, and she loves when I have an O and I'm throbbing in her mouth, then she backs off my cock, and touches me all over more, because she likes to watch my erection bounce hard as I have prostate Os and then I go flaccid as the Os continue. Then, she takes me into her mouth again, and makes me get hard, again, and I have Os, again. She did this cycle to me like 5 times two weeks ago when I asked for a "full drain" session with her. She finished me with a hand job that was toe curling the whole time. I had the blue Max Trident syn in me, the whole time, and boy o boy it was a massive drain and super session to say the least!!

In a nutshell, if you have a woman like mine, and you haven't broached the subject of anal/prostate play, I can't see her not wanting to give you insane orgasms and take delight in helping  you cum in ways she maybe has never seen you get off before.

If your wife does not really like to make you cum, if it is something  you have to inside her during sex or on your own (i.e., she never gives you blowjobs for their sake alone to make you cum, or handjobs, both without sex), then she's not really into playing with you sexually, and you might not have a woman who will entertain being with you during a session. There are solo sessions, and there are partnered sessions. They are completely different to me. A lot of the orgasms and Super T at the end are similar to me, but not really. I get off in different ways with my wife, versus when I'm alone. When I'm alone, I feel more like a slut for my toys, dirty, almost beyond horny for them. When my wife is with me, the toys are like an aid that amplify what she's giving me. Well, when I'm being pegged by her, I'm fucking dirty as hell for sure. I really go for it with reckless abandon, things come out of me that never do in any situation in life. She loves every fucking minute of it too! Once she grabbed the realistic dildo sprouting out of her harness panties at the base of it, shook it a little, stared at it with a longing, an almost wanting desire in her eyes, like a "I want a cock like this, this is MY cock right here, mmmmmmmhhhh" and said to me as her eyes left her appendage and moved to me, "I'm going to fuck you with my big hard cock" in such a matter of fact way it made me hard in seconds without me even knowing it. Then she said "come here and take me all the way down your throat," and then it got very graphic and I'll save that for Penthouse Letters in the future 😉

@techpump don't save anything, we want to read about it all!  I'm sure I speak for a lot of men when I say that I really hope to find an uninhibited woman like that with the same adventurous spirit as your wife!

@faith-manages 

Thanks!!! I share a lot here and there, some things are just so...intense and kind of to the point of being so personal, or effecting me so personally that I get embarrassed to share it. I'll get over that hump someday. I talked to my wife about starting a blog to relate my sex life, what I've learned about sex, things I know about regarding all things sex, etc. and she said to go for it. I looked into it and I could pull it off, just need to create a bank of material in advance to have things rolling out twice a week for a while. Sounds like a fun venture!

My wife is very inhibited, but in a shy almost blushing kind of way. Its funny: everyone we know likely thinks she's a prude. All the women I know, nearly all of them of any age, want to fuck me. I know they do. You know it when you know women enough, the way they look at you, the things they do when you're around them, how they touch you casually and/or on accident, the way their voice changes from time to time based on what they're saying. If you're a straight guy and has been with women before, you likely know what I'm talking about. Anyway, all these chicks, they always gave my wife shit and tried to beat her ego down. Really deflating towards her. Then when we're at home, my wife would stop me, physically, while walking by her, grab my zipper, pull me out of my pants, and deepthroat me until she's choking and nearly crying, do this for a few minutes, then back off, stare at and admire my hard on, and then get up and give me a kiss and let me wait till I went down to get back in my pants. that was just a "tease" for later. Sometimes she'd give me head like 5-10 times a day, randomly for nearly no reason (she just loves my cock!!), anywhere, so by nightfall I'm dying to be with her.

She used to squirt a lot, and while we're making out foreplay before intercourse, would get worked up to a point before she knew she'd squirt and wait till I'm giving her head so that she could purposefully squirt into my mouth. She wanted me to taste her, to drink her up. She loved to make me choke on her squirt, I loved that shit it was so hot.

Once she screwed an eye bolt into the wall about waist high on me and I didn't know why it was there, kinda near the doorknob when the bedroom door was open. She closed the door one night, put me in handcuffs behind my back, got a rope, and tied the handcuffs to that eyebolt. Then proceeded to suck me a lot and then turned around and made me fuck her from behind standing up, she grabbed my waist to keep me balanced, and then when done with me she sucked me more. Finally she unhooked me from her bondage set up and made me pound her in missionary until I was ready to cum all over her, and she pushed me off at the PONR and made me kneel so she could suck me to finish me, while her hand fondled my asshole. Talk about mega explosion!!! Choked her so hard I shot like mad down her throat. But she wanted it, she loved that I came so much so hard that it choked her and made her tear up sometimes.

that wife of mine...

Now we're mainly into tantric sex and go at it pretty slow and her Os are earth shattering. Sex is so different now, but she's still the same 😉

@techpump absolutely start a blog!  And if that last post isn't a great beginning, then I don't know what is... 😆

Posted by: @faith-manages

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@techpump absolutely start a blog!  And if that last post isn't a great beginning, then I don't know what is... 😆

I guess you're right! After writing all that out, I said "wait, how is this NOT like a blog entry or parts of a few different ones?!?!" 

I can type super fast, I write for most of my job anyway. Was a creative writer in high school, got published in our high school magazine at the end of a year for a poem I wrote in 3 minutes, but nearly failed all my book reports, sentence diagramming bullshit assignments, and my English classes as a result. I read a LOT of science fiction, old stuff mainly, and Clive Barker and related authors. And the Classics too.

I've also written some short stories for my wife, very lurid stuff. One she grows her clit to a 4" erection and then uses me in fiendish ways. Another is based on sex we had on vacation once, only I reversed what happened (in reality I was on her, but in this story, she was on me, same setting and events). One was a self fellatio sex event that went bonkers crazy at the end. And I wrote a pretty long like 50 page story about a magic potion/spell book thing that we used in a ritual that turned us into sex mutants with "several, enhanced" genitalia by the end of it. Its wild as fuck, my wife likes and dislikes it. I need to rewrite parts of it. I guess I have a lot of boilerplate stuff I could release parts of weekly...I never thought of it this way before. 

Hmmmmmmmmm @faith-manages you really got my wheels turning! I think I have time this summer to construct something... 

@techpump <3 love love love.  I'm glad I could provide the encouragement necessary!  I really want to read about your escapades so go ahead and get some stories down and published somewhere!