The sexual connection I have with my wife is unique; I can’t have it with anyone else, unless I fall in love with that person and have sex with them. The blending of our emotions and our experience of sexual euphoria when we make love, or do mutual masturbation or partner focused pleasure makes the experience of intimate connection, other worldly and profoundly intimate. I acknowledge that I can never have a sexual experience bound in the complex dimensions of our relationship with anyone else and I never hope to. But I also recognize every sexual experience has a physical and emotional dimension and provides unique pleasure. As much as I have sworn to be monogamous I am also an intensely sexual man with erotic desires. As a result I savor the experiences I have and have a voracious appetite for sexual experience. It is a big dilemma.
The last dozen or so years have taught me that sexual pleasure that is tinged with an element of the forbidden or the vulgarly erotic adds a quality to the experience of pleasure that speeds up my pulse, makes me giddy with lust and deepens the orgasm that results. I derive intense pleasure from sex. It may not provide the deep spirituality and emotional high that sexual intimacy with my wife does but it imparts the resonant vulgar ecstasy and desperate euphoria that makes the pleasure extra sweet.
Initially my experience of forbidden eroticism was limited to the visual with no personal interaction. I experienced this limited erotic connection in a particular situation twelve years ago. In a city that I traveled to a lot I always requested one of three rooms that faced a building across the way. I had noticed a young woman on an upper floor that sat in her window smoking a joint many nights late at night. I started leaving my curtains open revealing a full view of the bed in my hotel room so she might witness me pleasuring myself nude as I lay in bed. After I did it the first time she took notice and watched intently. I stayed in those rooms 10 times over the course of a year for 2 or 3 nights per week. My display grew more daring and vulgar each time and her attention lingered as it did; she always waited for me to turn off one of my lights in the room before she shut hers to sit backlit in her window. After my second “show” I could see her arm moving between her legs as she worked her pussy while she watched me languidly massaging my cock until I spewed cum. Over the course of that year we became regulars. I would watch her leave the front entrance of her building the next morning while fantasies of introducing myself to her played in my head; obviously I never did. That repeated anonymously shared intimacy provided quite a rush; at the end of the year I stopped traveling to that city and my midnight play came to an end.
Erotic chat with female and male friends on line became the next source of forbidden arousal. With the advent of sex forums I made friendships and acquaintanceships that provided a willing partner. The rush here was a real person on the other end of the keyboard, still unseen but interacting fully with me sharing erotic experiences and scenarios. An hour or two did (and still does) harden my cock and make the precum drool from my slit.
Then as my on line experience grew I made a handful of friends. Of that small group I connected with two people who I am close enough with that I cam with them. The rush from camming is a blend of the sensually vulgar showing of my self pleasure to the girl in the window and the personal interaction of chatting with her. With one of these friends (N), I once cammed an anal pleasure session with an Aneros. She witnessed me twisting in agonizing bliss as an Aneros in my rectum stroked my prostate; she has witnessed me arching my back and shuddering as wave as wave of sheer orgasmic ecstasy drilled mercilessly into my anus. I no longer have cam sessions with N, but when we chat I share the most lewd thoughts I have with her and she with me. There was a connection that exists for titillation, sexual excitement, racy chat and for sharing observations, gripes and life experiences that made cam sessions very arousing.
N is a nurse, her experience with human anatomy, biology and psychology is deep; as a result her chat of human sexual response and sexual expression is unapologetically open and freely erotic. I have begun recently to have fantasies of real intimacy with N, I have told her that. That admission in and of itself is a huge turn on.
Fantasy to me is particularly erotic when it involves a real person I know; it provides me the opportunity for imagined sexual intimacy with a face and I body I can see in my mind’s eye. However, an imagined and openly admitted fantasy tryst with a woman I know carries that tart and sweet tang of the forbidden.
Just as many women have rape fantasies that they would obviously not want to really happen, so to I have infidelity fantasies that would never happen. The subject of one of those fantasies is (A), an administrator at a non profit that I have a leadership role in; she has no idea of my lurid thoughts of sexual intimacy with her, and she never will. Those fantasies are exquisitely erotic but they are not as sensual as my fantasies with N are. That is because N knows of them, which adds to their forbidden character.
N was aware of the torrid sexual thoughts I had of her, we have chatted about our fantasies. Her demure acknowledged thank you’s for my sensual descriptions of how sexy she is are offset many times by her own lurid descriptions of how she would suck my cock and drink my cream or the passionate way she would fuck me as her pussy thirstily sucks the cum from my cock. Descriptions she offers of me probing her pussy plunging my lust swollen cockhead deep into her pelvis heightened both our arousals. I have described her succumbing to her passion as I desperately pump my cum into her hot pussy. Our vulgar erotic interchanges were a huge turn on for me (and her); when these lurid interchanges were accompanied by mutual cameras showing us masturbating for each other; the sexual rush was excruciating.
The thresh hold between reality and erotic imagination recently got extremely narrow in my mind. Fantasy with N to date has lacked context, there was no real place and no setting. Recently she mentioned that someday she might consider a trip to a place for an event; the location of this event is not too far from me, I know it well.
Fantasy and reality have now come close enough through this place we both know that the thought of meeting her there in real life hardens my cock and makes my heart race. The forbidden now has a setting and acknowledged potential for no longer being a fantasy, it could really be; our shared knowledge of this place gives an element of reality to the fantasy. I now have the image of her body, the knowledge of her thought s and the shared knowledge of the setting. The fantasy has an very powerful flavor of the real to it. The prospect of the forbidden, a meeting and an intimate interchange was inflaming my arousal. Although it will most likely never happen, just the mutually acknowledged idea that it is a possibility is making my cock throb, my anus flutter and my mind race.
So last night when I awoke at 3 am I set myself up for an MMO session. I got five minutes of pleasant flutters but not enough worth staying up for. It sometimes happens that a session goes no where. So I fell back to sleep until six AM.
That three hour sleep was infiltrated by an explicit dream of N and I meeting in that location she mentioned last week. I had been chatting with her late last night so it wasn’t surprising that I dreamt of her. What was surprising was the lucid detail of the sexual relations we had in the dream.
At the resolution of the sexy dream with N, I awoke with an iron bar erection and a fire of desire pulsing deep in my anus. Thoughts of N nude in my bed in a hotel room legs open exposing her sweet quim to my eyes, mouth and especially my erect cock set a powerful MMO in motion. I rolled onto my stomach and rested my cockhead on the mattress. In a millisecond the MMO detonated with a hard spasm of my anus sending a tsunami of erotic pleasure up my anal tract making my prostate and cock harden and simultaneously convulse and pump hot sweet ecstasy.
During the next hour the kaleidoscopic visions of N and I in bed illicitly probing each other and coaxing rolling waves of sexual euphoria from quivering pussy and pulsing cock. In a panoramic vision, I fantasized my mouth nestled between her pussy lips as my tongue massaged her clit and probed the tangy mouth of her cunt. My fingers massaged the quivering orgasmic opening of her pussy as I suckled her clit. That vision morphed into her suckling my nipples and massaging my prostate with her finger and then abandoning my nipple for my cock. The vision culminated with my long rigid cock buried in her soft sodden pussy, probing the depth of her desire and prying shuddering orgasm after shuddering orgasm from her as I kissed her eventually ending in my cock hurling ropes of my sweet cream into the pit of her cunt.
The transition from one erotic scene to the next in my mind propelled the MMO to and excruciating state of ecstasy. Just as I thought I could endure no more pleasure the images of N twisting in the agony of orgasm in my mind pushed the pleasure to unimaginable heights. I felt the orgasm reaching deep into my anus and squeezing and tugging on my prostate and anal tract as my pelvis convulsed in violent euphoria. My cock was lurching as hard contractions pulled on my cock root; I felt the warm stream of pre cum oozing from my cockhead.
Then as I was sure I was going to pass out the last topic of the evenings chat with N flooded into my mind, of being pegged by her as she wore a dildo harness. I could swear I felt that long cock sinking deep into my asshole. Every nerve on my body was on edge, the pleasure spasms could not increase and they could not speed up. So for the second time this week I reached orgasmic nirvana as my anus and cock froze at the apex of an intense contraction, sending an uninterrupted hum of desperate orgasmic pleasure to reverberate through out my body. I gasped as I struggled to support the immense weight of the rapture that was burning inside of me. For five minutes I lay there as orgasm tortured me and tested my ability to endure the purest and most exhilarating sexual sensation.
And then, as before the spasm collapsed and it was over.
I knew then and I know now that N and I will never share that moment. However I appreciate the fantasy that was so close to being real in my mind that it built a bridge between the real and the forbidden without making me cross it.