Things got worse.
Its been several days now since I have been able to 'cross over' into an orgasm. I can still bring on good feelings but I'm getting less and less inclined to even try now because it's so disappointing and I expect failure. Today I have only tried a couple of times. I have posted on the forum and had some reassuring comments but it's my problem and no-one can really help.
I have been very low about this. The last time I can remember feeling anything like this was when I split from my first girlfriend and I had huge pangs of loss seeing anything that reminded me of her. I feel like that reading about peoples successes on here or when I think about my experiences last week. That alternates with feelings of positivity that I can do it or simply just trying to forget about it.
This is truly psychological. I can do everything else and get so close I'm actually slipping into an orgasm but my mind sabotages it every time. I get to the point of starting to shake, I feel as if the feelings are spreading, I keep breathing into it, and last week and would have been off on a super-O, now I have a feeling that it's not going to happen and it doesn't.
I have lots of theories for why I am blocked, or it could be a combination:
1) I went too far too fast and I need to re-wire and my body isn't ready to continue its journey yet.
2) I got too tired and exhausted, and I have had a cold with laryngitis for the last few days, should I really be expecting to get anywhere?
3) A more mysterious explanation (see my forum posts) I started seeing spirits after my first really big super-O. Maybe I have given myself a shock, or just gone too far spiritually and for some reason I'm not allowing myself to go there again, or something/someone else maybe my guardian angel is protecting me for some reason.
4) It's just totally psychological and I'm panicking, over thinking, and just getting myself into a state and until I calm down nothing is ever going to happen.
5) I experienced amazing things. My expectations are too high, so again I'm set up for failure.
6) I feel guilty about it after all it's completely selfish personal pleasure.
It most likely a combination of the above.
I'm pleased that I have written a blog, it's already fascinating to read about my first few entries when I was so excited, and at least I have the memory. It's been a roller coaster and I'm stuck at the bottom again.
I have calmed down a lot today, held off with obsessively just trying one more time. I have tried to accept that I can't influence this directly and I might just have to wait. I have tried to accept that I am not in charge here. Most of the time I feel fine I just get the odd thoughts that are a bit negative.
*** I have just had a big realisation. I feel totally asexual at the moment. I was turned on beyond belief when I had my first super-O, I stayed turned on for days after and had no problems. The stress of worrying about this is making me feel totally un-sexual. This MUST be a big factor, so I'm going to look at some porn and masturbate.
– I can't even get feeling sexual looking at porn. This could explain everything. I'm probably just not feeling very sexual at the moment, so perhaps I'm REALLY just not in the mood. When I feel in the mood again, which won't be long if I'm not mistaken, then it's going to work.