What am I feeling

Longtime listener, first time caller 🤡 

So I have had different aneros devices over the years going back more than 10 years.  I am not sure what my original device is, has the loop looks a lot like the new one I have but the arms are wider and more springy?  I also have the original vice with the long vibrating bullet.  I always used them to enhance sex and never got too deep into the practices talked about here.  My wife got me into it originally, she is great and has made me comfortable with anal play.  I was surfing around sex toys and was intrigued with the new SYN V so I ordered it up.  This reignited my interest in this forum.  Since I got it I have read a lot of this forum.  Spent some time doing sessions and always enjoy myself.  I am generally an anxious person in life and have trouble relaxing.  This week was a bit stressful and I didn't sleep well most of the week.  So Thursday night I had a session planned and my wife recommended maybe try a little weed.  I didn't want to get high but thought a single hit might help me relax and it did.  I know users say not to use drugs, but the hit helped me keep from going into the anxiety loop.

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Started out on right side, just relaxing, then just very lightly flexing.  About 15 minutes in I turned on the vibration to #2.  Just kind of laid there relaxing.  I don’t really recall how I got there but I started having feelings almost like when edging and you have gone too far and trying to stop.  Like at the top of the peak trying to keep from flying down the other side.  Only it was different, when you get there edging you are trying to hold back.  This was like I was on the other side trying to push over but a very similar feeling.  I don’t really remember getting there or leaving there only sort of reflecting back on it a little later in the session and being able to place that feeling.

I started trying different settings always level 1 (there are 8 settings I think and 3 levels.)  I relaxed into another setting that was multiple sensations might have been the last setting.  It has like a buzz buzz pause, buzz buzz ruble buzz buzz and then builds to a high rumble level and then pause and start over.  It got to the point where I was almost not in control of the feelings? contractions?  and they would ride the urethra from the prostate out into the the back of my penis.  Like electric?  In my mind I was suddenly visualizing planes taking off from an aircraft carrier or fireballs being shot out in a video game or something.  They would start out slow and shoot out along that path, that's the best I can describe it.  Then when the high-level build started it would make me clench up almost pulling up with my lower abdominal muscles.  At this point I wasn’t controlling my breathing anymore it was sort of shallow panting.  It was a contraction like that last pump of an orgasm, not the physical stroke but the pump that is forcing the ejaculate out.  I could (and wanted to) hold this contraction.  Then the build again and sometimes it would be a little heightened by the high build other times it was almost like I knew I wasn’t exactly where I needed to be.  I would relax fully and then it would be like 2 cycles before I started feeling it again.  Sort of at the end of the high build I would start to feel myself going into the buzzing and then I was back in that contraction.  I noticed I was also like clenching my butt up and pulling the thing in.  I had read a lot at this point and was really thinking about these feelings.  At first I thought I was just doing big kegels but I made myself do that and it had none of that extra feeling.  I rode these for quite a while I would say better part of an hour maybe more.  At some point I got sort of tired, not of doing them but kind of like beat.  So I sort of stopped embracing them and I kind of couldn’t, they just kept going in that same pattern.  Also at some point I could hear my BP sort of pumping in my ears and the clenches were in rhythm with it?  I am a HA survivor so this sort of freaked me out and took me out of it.  

At some point I decided to try a milder setting again, went back to might have been 2.  I just kind of relaxed again.  After some time I again noticed the buzzing again but this time every time it would contract it was like a filling?  Only way I can describe it is if there was a balloon in that whole area and each contraction inflated it a little bit, at some point it built to being on the edge of orgasm.  Like when getting oral that tension that you are one or two strokes away from going over the edge but I couldn’t get there.  After a bit I would realize that I was tense and flexing all my muscles and I would relax and then it would just build again.  My alarm went off so I never got any further (right about 2 hours total).  

The last feeling I had was when I took it out there was a pinging is the only way I can describe it in the end of my penis.  It felt really good, had the awareness that I was holding onto something but wasn’t sure what.  Tired I sat down on the toilet and let go and peed.  It was like that feeling when you have been holding your pee for a longtime like a roadtrip and aren’t sure you are going to make it and when you do that relief is an amazing feeling.  Although I didn’t have that need to go leading up to it, just sort of that pinging feeling.  

Lastly I was all done and I noticed I was all smiles sort of giddy.  That happy feeling lasted the rest of the night.  Had trouble going to sleep replaying the events in my mind.    

Also, at no time during the whole event was I hard or leaked much.  I have read through the milestones and can't quite place any of the different sensations with what I read there.  

Any help with what I was feeling and maybe how I would go that extra step would be great!

Thanks

New-Jack