Trying for 12 years - frustrated

I won't go too in depth on any of your points, but here's what I can tell you right now. Obligatory : "I'm not a doctor and don't know squat about anything and this is not medical advice yada yada. " 

1) I'm not what you'd call a very happy person in general, I call myself a realist pessimist. And I'm pretty anxious. But Super-Os were a great help in managing this, so I'd say they could work where other solutions did not. Feeling generally down or depressed won't help with S-Os, but it's still possible to achieve them nonetheless. I've had great sessions when I was tired, sick, etc. But you have to be pretty proficient in the first place because bad feelings add yet another hurdle to what can be an already complicated process. This is a fairly large obstacle, that's why you would need to fix everything else you can so you can have a fighting chance. Leading to :

2) You may have a super tense pelvic floor and a tendency to clench to ramp up the pleasure near orgasm. This means that when you think your pelvic floor is relaxed, it might *feel* more relaxed than what you are used too, but it's still tensed. You'd need to actually push your whole pelvic floor to be closer to relaxed. Call this "active relaxation" or "straining to relax", if you still have 40% tension when you are relaxed, this won't allow for involuntary contractions. During day to day activities, make sure to consciously let your pelvic floor "go down" or drop.  This will be more obvious when you are standing up. Do this often. 

3) Can't really comment here, but drive for a session and drive for sex are not exactly the same. It's ok to start a session even with low arousal. Also cut porn if you watch it, its OK-ish in tiny doses but most people will have a distorted view of what small is. Like 5 minutes before a session, or catching a glimpse during a session. Audios are better here. Also, what about your protein intake ? That's something that does make a big difference for me, here they sell 2 L of milk with added protein, 18g /250 ml, and I'll have that twice daily. You could try that for a week and see what happens. 

4) I'm a tiny man. When I trained a lot I went as "high" as 68kg, now I'm a bit lighter, that's at 1,65 m.  So it's not really possible for me to know what happens at higher bodyweights. Something I can say is that several positions would not work for me if I was 50 pounds heavier and trying to do a bridge, for example.  Some sessions are pretty athletic in nature and actually keep me in shape. It's hard to say how much abdominal fat pushing on the internal organs can affect results. It's easy to "lock" or "jam" an Aneros with just our muscles, so in theory extra strain won't help. I don't think I have the needed perspective to help you here. 

That's what I can offer as a starting point. Oh, and if I was in your shoes, I would not even come within 100 m of THC products right now. I was your age when I tried cannabis for the first time and while it did seem like a genius move that would fix all my issues in the first few weeks, in the end it's almost 5 years later and I feel like I wasted at least the first 3 and they're just gone. The contrast between your current mood and boosted-Super-Os could send you into an existential crisis or worse. THC could make you feel good for a 2 hours session... then you'll feel more depressed and anxious for the next 22. This will suck horribly.  Progress towards sober Super-Os could really help your mood all around if you manage to find the right path for you. Super-Os are really, really worth it and could be the motivation you need to make some changes. 

I don't think do-nothing is going to... do anything. It would make more sense to me to try an active approach, hopefully this would tire your PC muscles enough so they can relax more easily and then it would make it easier for you to feel what "relaxed" is. 

The fact that you had some small Super-Os in the past is really encouraging and means that you can, in fact, achieve them. My guess it that you locked the device in when they happened, which cut them short. A more flexible pelvic floor will make this easier to control. 

Good luck !    

Posted by: @rsilva

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1) Depression.
I'm 37, and all my adult life I've been filled with depression and anxiety, the intensity has varying over the years but it's getting worse over the years (as I feel I will never escape it and reach my life goals, including my sexual problems that make me feel with no self esteem).
I understand this is clearly not ideal at all for aneros sessions, it's just something though I can't escape. I've tried psychologists/psychotherapists for 15 years (absolutely useless) also psychiatrists for 15 years as well, I've tried antidepressants from several different families but no effect. I am wanting to try psychadelic depression treatment, I feel it is one of the few things left to try. And if it doesn't work…
Have any of you that have/battled depression managed to get lots of pleasure with aneros?

All the items you mentioned following this #1 are related to this issue  If you can get a resolution to that issue you may just find the other issues will start to correct themselves as well. Personally I've found microdosing with magic mushrooms to be an effective anti-depressant without the side effects of typical SSRI anti-depressants. I invite you to look at my thread Microdosing &; Aneros?; to get some other members opinions on this topic.

Good Vibes to You!

@zentai Thanks.

On the pelvic floor I just don't know if that is the problem or not, I wonder if there is a way to check.

On the substances, I think at this stage I really need some "results" to give me more motivation and be "sure" I can get it. It's so disheartening to have little to no results after trying for so long.

@rumel I have tried so many different medications in all these 15 years, and they all did nothing. I don't know what is wrong with me but they do nothing, by this I also mean I can stop taking the meds and I will have no withdrawal symptoms. Tomorrow I'll have another appoinment with a new psychiatrist as I "broke" with my psychiatrist of 7 years or so. I am honestly getting desperate and I see no end to this suffering.

Like I said I would like to try psychadelic treatment (medical) because apparently some people say it worked wonders for them and I feel it's one of the last things to try. Microdosing could also work but honestly I feel I need to "escape" my mind and I wonder what a psychadelic journey could be, and if it could help me. I am just so tired and frustrated. My failure at getting aneros to work is another thing piled up on top of my frustrations, I wanted it to be an escape from this negativity and something apparently amazing for men to experience but so far it's mostly frustration.

So I would like to try it but I don't have any connections to get it and it's not something I can search on google lol

Posted by: @rsilva

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Like I said I would like to try psychadelic treatment (medical) because apparently some people say it worked wonders for them and I feel it's one of the last things to try. Microdosing could also work but honestly I feel I need to "escape" my mind and I wonder what a psychadelic journey could be, and if it could help me. I am just so tired and frustrated. My failure at getting aneros to work is another thing piled up on top of my frustrations, I wanted it to be an escape from this negativity and something apparently amazing for men to experience but so far it's mostly frustration. So I would like to try it but I don't have any connections to get it and it's not something I can search on google

I don't know where you live but magic mushrooms have been decriminalized in a few states (Oregon, Colorado & Washington D.C.), so there is access at those locations. Failing that you can easily grow your own, Google "mushroom grow kits" to find some basic ingredient suppliers and then Google for online sales of magic mushroom spore syringes (they are legal in most states).

Microdosing is great for attitude maintenance but from what you are saying a high dose guided session may work better as such a session 'resets' the brain to get you out of your negative thought loops. Su7ch guided sessions are not an escape but will allow you to confront issues which are troubling you. It seems to me you are expecting Anerosessions to act in such a manner but that is false thinking and Anerosessions only work well when you mind is settled and not caught in the mind noise of other chaotic thoughts, Perhaps you should put away all your Aneros massagers for the time being and concentrate on relieving your depression. This will also eliminate a depressing frustration cycle.

Good Vibes to You!

Posted by: @rumel

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Posted by: @rsilva

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Like I said I would like to try psychadelic treatment (medical) because apparently some people say it worked wonders for them and I feel it's one of the last things to try. Microdosing could also work but honestly I feel I need to "escape" my mind and I wonder what a psychadelic journey could be, and if it could help me. I am just so tired and frustrated. My failure at getting aneros to work is another thing piled up on top of my frustrations, I wanted it to be an escape from this negativity and something apparently amazing for men to experience but so far it's mostly frustration. So I would like to try it but I don't have any connections to get it and it's not something I can search on google

I don't know where you live but magic mushrooms have been decriminalized in a few states (Oregon, Colorado & Washington D.C.), so there is access at those locations. Failing that you can easily grow your own, Google "mushroom grow kits" to find some basic ingredient suppliers and then Google for online sales of magic mushroom spore syringes (they are legal in most states).

Microdosing is great for attitude maintenance but from what you are saying a high dose guided session may work better as such a session 'resets' the brain to get you out of your negative thought loops. Su7ch guided sessions are not an escape but will allow you to confront issues which are troubling you. It seems to me you are expecting Anerosessions to act in such a manner but that is false thinking and Anerosessions only work well when you mind is settled and not caught in the mind noise of other chaotic thoughts, Perhaps you should put away all your Aneros massagers for the time being and concentrate on relieving your depression. This will also eliminate a depressing frustration cycle.

Good Vibes to You!

I'm from Portugal, all drugs are decriminalized here but that doesn't mean they can be sold, I can't just go to a store or search online as they can't sell it. So to buy it I need either to know someone that sell it (illegally of course and they won't announce it so they're not easy to find) or to buy it from some dark web (and again for those that know that kind of stuff). I think mushroom growing kits with spores are legal, not sure, but I have no idea what I would be doing and how I could do that successfully.

In other news I went to the new psychiatrist and after looking at my extensive list of medication I tried he thinks I've taken almost everything and he doubts medication will help and that I need psychology to help me, which I have been having for 15 years and doing nothing, but he thinks I should try to work on my autistic traces. Honestly it's disheartening because I've tried psychotherapy and it's completely useless, they can't change my way of thinking and I can't do what they want me to do. I'm stuck and all they can say is "now unstuck yourself".

Posted by: @rsilva

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@zentai Thanks.

On the pelvic floor I just don't know if that is the problem or not, I wonder if there is a way to check.

On the substances, I think at this stage I really need some "results" to give me more motivation and be "sure" I can get it. It's so disheartening to have little to no results after trying for so long.

I think that having (unwanted) WOs comes too much pressure on the prostate, and that would be too much PC tension. If you're really in tune with the feelings, then it's possible to know when things are not moving as they should, and you'll say : "Oh, I need to relax my pelvic floor because my anal contractions don't move the toy as they should." How much device mobility do you get ? Do things feel like they're a bit jammed up there ? If you flex you sphincter in the full range of motion, maybe exaggerating the flexes a bit (fully relaxed to fully clenched) and don't get much in-an-out motion, then I'd say your PC muscles are too tight, or you are using a position that don't allow things to align right. You can get a mirror and verify this. If your anus opens and closes but the device stays in place, that could point to this possibility. 

On the substances, I need to be somewhat blunt here, and I hope you'll be OK with this... I'll repeat what I said above, the thing is, if everything is super *bleh* and you manage to force some Super-Os with drugs, it might send you down for a spin. There's a non-zero chance of this happening, and since you don't seem to respond to medication and therapy, there won't be many options to help you get out of that hole. It might be very hard to handle going from where you are right now to Super-Os and then back down. And it will raise more questions, logical questions, but maybe not things you can answer, and that won't be great... Like I said, this is not medical advice, it's more like safety advice from my own experience. If you feel you are depressed because you see the world as it truly is without filters, and so your state is somewhat logical it might make you more susceptible to this. You can PM me if you want to discuss this further. I'm certainly not a doctor but I have some insight on Super-Os that they do not have if you are looking at Super-Os as a form of potential therapy and how this might go.  

Posted by: @rsilva

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I'm from Portugal, all drugs are decriminalized here but that doesn't mean they can be sold, I can't just go to a store or search online as they can't sell it. So to buy it I need either to know someone that sell it (illegally of course and they won't announce it so they're not easy to find) or to buy it from some dark web (and again for those that know that kind of stuff). I think mushroom growing kits with spores are legal, not sure, but I have no idea what I would be doing and how I could do that successfully.

OK here's another possibility, though it may be expensive, there are legal psychedelic retreats available in the Netherlands ->Psychedelic Insights offered by Third Wave. I'm sure there are others if you hunt for them. Maybe it's time to go on a little vacation and learn How to Change Your Mind (an excellent book by Michael Pollan). The only way you are going to get unstuck is by trying something different. Be Bold, be adventurous!

Good Vibes to You!

@rsilva sorry to hear about your depression.

If you are in Portugal you can try psyhodelic assisted therapy. https://www.liminalminds.pt They work with Ketamine legaly in Lisbon. It is used to treat depression and other problems. Combining with talking thrapy it can greatly help you.

SSRIs affect libido and usualy kill it. Premature ejaculation can be a separate problem that you need to adress with your therapist but it is better to treat depression first.

If you feel like nothing is helping you. You can also do research on the psychedelics and go on some retreats in Holand where they use psilocibin but it can be very tricky and you need good therapist that helps you with integration.

If you feel suicadal call to somebody and ask for help (Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 21 854 07 40 and 8 96 898 21 50) in Portugal. You are not alone.

Psychedelics can help with stuck problem and can change your outlook on things but at the same time it is a tool to be respected and better taking it with therapist.

@zentai the device moves a little... but I have no idea if that is what it is supposed to be doing or not. I don't think it moves as much as I've seen in other people's videos though. Can I PM you about this?

@rumel

@astronaut

I don't think I have enough money to go to the Netherlands to do that. I have considered that ketamine treatment but it's also expensive and I'm still in the doubt if it will do anything. At this point disbelief is and lack of hope is my default.

@rsilva 

Sure, you can PM me, I'll be happy to help.

Posted by: @rsilva

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I don't think I have enough money to go to the Netherlands to do that. I have considered that ketamine treatment but it's also expensive and I'm still in the doubt if it will do anything. At this point disbelief is and lack of hope is my default.

Start saving money now, considerate it an investment in your own well being. You won't know until you try. You MUST initiate change for your circumstances to change, these things won't happen by themselves

Good Vibes to You!