Time to join the discussion

I've been lurking for almost a year now and figured it's time to join the discussion. I stumbled upon the Aneros device while looking around for male sex toys. A toy that would give me hands fee orgasm was exactly what I was looking for so I purchased the Helix Syn. I had no idea what I was getting in to.
At first I though I would just stick this thing up my butt and bam, instant orgasm. Imagine my surprise. This led to frustration and an increasing Aneros collection. I kept thinking maybe this isn't the model for me. So as of today I'm the proud owner of the Helix Syn, Progasm, Progasm Jr, Maximus, MGX, Helix Classic, Eupho Classic, and the Peridise Advance Set. It may sound crazy but I still want the Eupho Syn and the Tempo but I've told myself no more until I have a Super O with what I've got. I've finally accepted the obvious conclusion that it's not the devise but mental/emotional blocks that are holding me back.
I'm getting better at the "just let go" so as of now I'm content with that. My biggest problems right now are ending a session and falling asleep. The sleep part I know I need to just get more of it and that area will surely improve. But I also know I should drive slower and eat more vegetables so...
Now the ending a session part is where I could use a little help. It just feels so good and I feel like something big is just right around the corner. I keep telling myself "just ten more minutes" over and over. I'm certain that doing this just puts more pressure on my mental state and completely kills and chance of having a Super O. But it just feels so damn good!!
What I really want to say I this post is just how amazing this experience is. From the company and their design of the product to this awesome community. When I first started I had no idea of the spectrum of this journey. In my opinion, if all you want to do is just "get off" this is not the toy for that. However if you want to open doors and look inward this is the only product out there.
I believe the Aneros has helped me tackle the two biggest problems that have plagued my life. One is pornography. I know pornography has many negative affect on our brains not to mention the damage it does to the soul. For me, it distracts from any progress while having a session. If I view porn during a session all of the good sensations, including involuntary contractions stop immediately and almost never come back until the next session. So as a result almost completely lost interest in porn! I don't just fight the urge I don't even want it! Crazy!
Here is where it gets deep y'all. This long and at times frustrating journey has aided my recovery from the sexual abuse is experienced as a child. Which I believe has been the biggest hindrance to my progress. On a side note I want to be clear in case anyone else is dealing with the issue of sexual abuse. This device is in no way a replacement for proper therapy and the excruciating work it takes to heal. I began my healing process six years before purchases that first Helix and I was definitely NOT ready for this back then. I view the Aneros as a nice transition to the next phase of healing. I'm reluctant to say "final phase" because I just don't know. As I've learned how to "receive" pleasure from this device/experience I've concluded that it's about taking back the control that was robbed from me. The part of my body that was once a painful reminder of the violation is being replaced with new memories and sensations. And this thine I get to choose.
All of this from something you stick up your butt! What a crazy world!
I think this is the most I've written in my entire life so if you made it this far I sincerely thank you. I love you all