THE F-SPOT

Thank you macjim.
My brother sent me that cartoon last week but it would only play for the first 23 seconds.
Your link played all the way.
Very funny.
Bonjour & merci.

Nice one macjim!!! Thank you for posting it! 🙂

Love_is

I'm glad you liked the penis cartoon.
Does anyone like to see home remodeling disasters from do-it-yourselfers? I have a bunch of funny pics. I used to build houses years ago...Some of my friends and I almost did as bad a job as some of these pics. We all laugh at them because it kinda reminds us of our own experiences.

Just in case no one has seen it yet, this Old Spice commercial is just too much!

Old Spice

Here is a very funny video I found on youtube.

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

A little something that turned up in my mail.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate any competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which
she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown (God help you), will appoint a
Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress
and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next
year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
with out skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be
replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels.................(look up
'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell- checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
elimination of - ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready
to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a spoon. A permit will be required if you wish to
carry a spoon in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour (with a 'u').

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
fat, and dressed not with "catsup" but with malt vinegar.....though the
"in" folk use onion vinegar (yum yum)

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as in their
mind (clearly not the reality) they are pound for pound the greatest
sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are
also part of The Great British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion. Please be warned,
drinking proper beer will cause you to fall over and become completely
incapable of coherent communication MUCH MUCH quicker than you currently
experience (and that is fast already)

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
having one's ears removed with a blunt cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full Kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). With much
practise, in time you may even beat the Italians (sorry Scottish Brits)

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, but wont be much cope at that for many years and may eventually
draw against Scotland.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK and Marilyn. It's been driving us
mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776)..... we need funds currently to build
more new roads, schools, hospitals...........oh yes, and Gordon Brown
needs to get himself out of the thick/clingy smelly stuff, or he wont be
re-elected (oops, I forgot he wasn't elected in the first place)

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with
saucers (never mugs), with high quality biscuits (cookies will still be
permitted) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in
season..........white gloves when serving are strictly optional, as are
cubed sugar lumps and little silver tongs

God Save the Queen.

Fantastically funny post Voyager!!! LOL

From an American's point of view, here's a few a things I noticed in no particular order...

You for forgot to mention the proper English pronunciation for raspberry and basil.

If you truly hate Microsoft, you spell their name as such: Micro$oft.

Also, Mozilla will need to be notified to replace the English spell checker in Firefox to En-GB.

I'd actually welcome $10 per gallon gaso... I mean petrol prices here in the USA. It would really get everyone quickly thinking of ways to eliminate our addiction to fossil fuels, and hopefully onto green renewable sources of energy.

A permit will be required if you wish to carry a spoon in public.

So much for eating soup in a restaurant... LOL

All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

Half of that is already being implemented in my part of the US. Round abouts seem to be all the rage these days.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Now that's a double standard! You know darned well that Great Britain still uses non-metric measurements in addition to metric. Pint, stone, imperial gallons, etc., etc. LOL Besides, as I understand it, you folks haven't embraced the Euro yet. LOL To be honest though, I'd greatly appreciate moving to metric completely. Having a base ten measurement system is so much simpler in all manners. And NASA wouldn't have all those screw ups with sub-contractors not making the conversions from metric to whatever the hell we call our difficult to use and understand measurement system.

The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as in their
mind (clearly not the reality) they are pound for pound the greatest
sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are
also part of The Great British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

I'm with you on this one!!! 😀 But might I suggest an alternate name for other varieties of mass produced corporate American beer... Watered Down Horse Piss. LOL Thankfully just about all of the local microbreweries in my area make fantastic brews that can honestly be called real beer.

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication.

Bless your heart! I can't stand that either! 😀 Although you've forgotten to add all the people that use profanity for the filler noise. Yuck! 😛 Profanity is meant to be used as an occasional exclamation, and a dirty way of describing something now and then. Not as filler noise every three words.

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

I think the only reason people celebrate it these days is because they get the day off from work with free fireworks shows that simulates explosions and destruction. (Idiocracy anyone?). Take away the day off, and there won't be too much celebration. 😀

Love_is

I found this one today while doing some searching in youtube.com. It's titled Not In Your Butt. And the gal that presents it is a hoot to watch and listen to. A little bit of educational humor...

YouTube - Not In Your Butt

Enjoy! 😀

WOWOUCH!!

Don't try this at home guys. Talk about a ball buster!

Maybe it's me but the Aneros seems far more user friendly.

YouTube - Chinese traditional qi gong treatment for prostate problems

BF Mayfield

YOUCH!!!!

Thanks for the post Brian! LOL
I'll stick with the Aneros for now thank you. 😀

Love_is

441 pounds hanging from WHERE.... might speed up restoration... but its not for me.. And Brian F M it's not just you.

440 lbs...that's nothing, did you see the guy pulling the van? How's that for a nutcracker?!!:D

BF Mayfield

OMG How would you explain that injury to your ER Doc... 🙂

It is sometimes strange and funny the things one thinks about during an Anerosession. In a recent session I wondered how many men in the Universe might be experiencing an orgasm at any particular moment. The following calculations are based on arbitrary assumptions, but it was fun to play with. There are between 10 sextillion and 1 septillion stars (100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) in the Universe.If only One in a Million stars has a solar system (100,000,000,000,000,000); if only One in a Million solar systems has a planet capable of supporting life (100,000,000,000); if only One in a Million of those planets has intelligent life forms comparable to earth and it's population (100,000 x 3,300,000,000);if only One in a Million of those men is having an orgasm, then at any one time in the universe there are 330 million orgasms happening!
That's a lot of orgasmic energy being generated in the Universe. I suspect those numbers are actually very low.

I went to the doctor's last week about some health issues.

The nurse asked me what colour my stools were.

I replied "Pine"

She looked at me rather oddly.

Next time try "Butternut"

What will they think of next? I've heard of building a better mousetrap, but a Better Marriage BED?

YouTube - Better Marriage Blanket

I wonder if that's to go with the Fart-Right anal spreader, that was in a skit on Saturday Night Live a couple of years ago.

Guys,

If our Aneros massagers are "Tantric Training Wheels" and we become especially adept from usage, will we also become Tantric Guru's like this fellow!

Thank you for that video Rumel!!! 😀 😀 😀
Damn I haven't laughed quite that hard for some time now. Phew! 😀

I personally think the funniest part was the chalkboard writing:
"My name is uauuaaaaanhhhhhhh uuuuuuuaaaaahhhh...

LMAO!!!

Love_is

Too funny, especially in light of the Super O experiences I've had lately! Having that last for a while is great, but all the time? Hilarious!

I thought all of those old men at the poolside party were going to dive in to save her. Pulling her panties off instead of the rip cord. That's hilarious.

Guys,

I'm sure this classic scene from the movie "Road Trip" has been referenced in some other post on this Forum but I think it should also be referenced here. And for any of you who haven't seen this clip....well, enjoy your first "milking".

Got any ball's to clean ?
http://www.vidivodo.com/video.php?myvideo_id=352230

Some things for my 2011 Christmas list. My personal favorites are the Spike Lined Collar and the Spermatic Truss......WOWOUCH!!!!

The 10 Worst Products For Men Ever Created | The Art of Manliness

BF Mayfield

No, masturbation won't grow hair on your palms...but there may be other complications!

BF Mayfield

The tough life of a massage therapist...

See here

BF Mayfield

Must be a real bitch to massage beautiful women all day! LOL

Thanks for posting this Brian. 🙂

Love_is

This video of the stand up comedian Paul Ash is amazingly funny and totally relevant to what we all talk about here in the forum. It starts out a bit slow, but stick with it because the jokes tie in with each other.

YouTube - Paul Ash - Male G redux

Love_is

This video of the stand up comedian Paul Ash is amazingly funny and totally relevant to what we all talk about here in the forum. It starts out a bit slow, but stick with it because the jokes tie in with each other.

YouTube - Paul Ash - Male G redux

Love_is

That's a hoot!

BF Mayfield