So close, yet so far

I'm fairly new as well, and I know that feeling very well. I finally had my first "super-o" yesterday, and I know from reading here that what I experienced was not full-blown, but for me it was awesome. I'm not certain of the muscles involved, but there is a way to do contractions with internal muscles. You do not have to use your kegel, or sphincter muscles. Can someone with more knowledge complete what I'm trying to say here? I read about these "inner contractions" from some thread on this forum. When I do these contractions, p-waves shoot all over my body, even with no aneros involved.

Thanks for the response. Did you achieve your super-o while relaxing or contracting?

I been doing one new thing lately that's helped a lot. Maybe it'll contribute to your sensations.

Of course, much of the challenge is learning to relax, while also allowing the body to tense itself up it different ways. I.e., sometimes we need to let our heads/control relax and let the body UNrelax, to build up the orgasm. And it's difficult because so long as we're paying attention, it's very difficult not to exert control in some way or another.

Just lately, I've been focusing my control directly at my sphincter, not to do anything with it, but exactly just to keep it "loose." By which I mean that it's still clenched around the device, but "loose" enough as a muscle to "wobble" or quiver. That is, left to its own, it can become quite rigid, which I don't think is ever helpful. So my attention is aimed at "keeping it from rigid." I've found this not only increases the Aneros activity appreciably, but also "ties up my mind" in one place so that everything is happening completely involuntarily everywhere else.

I've actually been super-orgasmic for a while, but this trick has extended my sensations, durations, and my body's own ability to teach me what it likes. Hope it might help in your case too.

(Also, if smoke is not an option, check out my recen thread on Binaural Beats, called "my most valuable asset...")

p.s. - I know your question was for waveseeker, but almost my entire journey has been defined by a lack of deliberate contractions, not since the first month or two. But they are useful at the outset for firming up that muscle so it can do it's own thing. My real progress came after I quit being deliberate about them, however, though my body often takes it upon itself to squeeze away.

Thanks so much for you feed back Tremelo, that is something that I'll try for sure. That has been my only speed bump in my journey so far. Hopefully that will help. Whenever I get the involintary spasms it is nearly impossible for me to maintain the relaxed state. Ill let you know how it works!

My first super o hit me while completely relaxed. Just before it hit me, there was no noticeable movement, and very little feelings at all.

Tremelo's response is the same as mine would be. I focus my mind on relaxing everything. I think my experiences are a bit different than most, as I start getting movement almost immediately upon insertion. I do sometimes force very light contractions from within, but I don't think its the sphincter or kegel. I think it's the same muscle group used to take a dump.

Aneros user, I'm in the same boat. In the past several weeks, in part with the help of binary beats, I've also progressed to some pretty intense P-waves but even though I am trying-not-to-try, my body just can't seem to 'get over the top." As result, I end up lying there after literally HOURS of near-misses, often with my heart racing, my pelvic area warmed, and my anus and prostate BUZZING CRAZILY, really anything but relaxed given those conditions...and with my body just feeling frustrated and wanting more of...something.

I don't know how long I can take it. I am enjoying the pleasure for what it's worth, believe me, but the accompanying sense of abandonment and frustration when things hang mid-air is not fun.

Tallguy, I hear ya, and I even had a name for that phase. It was called "December," lol.

If it's any comfort, you're probably closer than you think. I may write more thoughts soon, but for now, here's my immediate suggestion:

Quit worrying about orgasm, and just digging it as arousal for it's own sake. Try to get lost in "wow, this feels *really* good," and entertain your wildest sex fantasies. That is, when we DO actually have sex, we're not enjoying it as a race to the finish line, but rather as "wow, this feels *really* good." If you get in a mode of "I enjoy THIS," and lose yourself in wonder at what your body will do to you, you may find your pleasure heighten considerably.

Also (and this had been posted by someone else long before I came along), if you find that you're always eager for orgasm but can't push through, reverse your thinking into trying NOT to come. I often fantasize that some lover is sucking me off, and I'm trying to resist and make it last, but she's not taking no for an answer. Holding back in this mindset can build pressure to push through substantially.

Another mental trick: when you get high up in those big pressure fronts, sooner or later you have to "exhale" and let the pressure subside at least slightly. Try to learn to mentally "fall back into bliss" (as if warm water is behind you) during those moments, let your brain scramble a little, "ahhhhh." It might not pay off immediately, but the mental habit will pay off huge dividends down the road. Half of my most ecstatic orgasms occur in that "one step back" moment (as opposed to the other half, since my body has learned to push through).

Finally, again to the specific "pressure with nowhere to go" problem, become very aware of that churning pressure, and then seek other smaller incremental activities within it. Once you've noticed them, a positive feedback loop will accelerate them into their own blissful wave. I'd say most of my profound "push on through" orgasms occur by the first major pressure front creating "the canon," and then the initially smaller activity revving up and then firing through it. If your motional activities aren't so fast-paced, think of the smaller "flowering" out of the larger, rather than "firing," but you get the idea.

In fact, once you get rewired, you'll be able to experience "smaller churning up from within larger" orgasms sequentially and repeatedly. I experienced about 40 solid minutes of that earlier this evening.

Anyway, hope some of this might give you some new approaches. It's so much in the mind.

Oh, one other point that's helped me a lot. Become aware of your rhythm as you churn, and then periodically exploit opportunities to "skip" off the main rhythm onto the backbeat (if you can make any sense of that). Basically, when you're up to fully cranking along but going nowhere, see if you can shift awareness to the inverse implication of the rhythm (often in conjunction with "falling backward" above). I noticed the bliss escalation potential of this VERY early on, and it's done me nothing but well ever since.

During regular sex, the trigger for me to ejaculate is when my physical thrusting rhythm gets out frequency with my mental thrusting rhythm. When the "signals" no longer mesh or aren't supporting each other; this mix-up in signals is what sends me into spraying. I can easily time my orgasms by getting the rhythm missmatched, or delay orgasm by keeping the two matched, I find it is easier to mess up the physical thrusting frequency. Might be kinda the same thing as getting "off" rhythm or onto the backbeat as Temelo is talking about above. Just a thunk!!

Thanks, guys, you've given me...*ahem*...a LOT to think about!

I think I intuitively have already started employing some of this thinking. The best example is trying to fall into the sensation deeply without thinking of it as part of a sequence. In fact, a little mantra more or less popped into my head during one of my first great P-Waves, which was exactly this: "I love this feeling...I LOVE this feeling..."

I also have discovered what you said about falling backward a bit. While enjoying this little mantra and falling into the sensation, I try to physically relax and let myself be carried, rather than carry myself.

One of the challenges I have is that the intensity of the p-waves really build in that moment of stillness between cycles in the rhythm, and, specifically, when I am between breaths. You said you sometimes have to let yourself exhale. I understand what you mean, although in mind case it's actually the opposite; I have to let myself inhale. (This only puts me to mind of the dangerous practice of sexual asphyxiation, but....) When I have expelled all breath before inhaling again, THAT's when I feel the p-wave sensations build dramatically..but only for so long as I can stand not to breathe. The minute I begin to exhale, no matter how gingerly, the sensations subside. Weird, and also frustrating, because of course stopping breathing is not comfortable.

The "reversal of the orgasm urge" is an interesting thought, and your example of trying to hold back from coming was actually nostalgic for me. At 50, I can barely recall that type of experience (!) Let's just say that as you age, what was the occasionally welcomed "almost-spontaneous orgasm" in highly-charged sex can become all too rare.

Regarding finding the small building within the large...well, I'll just have to come back in a few months and read that one again!

Thanks very much for taking so much time to articulate your suggestions.

All good. The only thing I'd add (for now) is that the Aneros experience has enhanced my imagination and memory (and presumably imagined memories) substantially. For example, I can reflect upon past girlfriends and recall how their vaginas felt different. So just cause you can't seem to remember much "at your age," don't be surprised if you find your memory improving. My sexual imagination/memory used to be VERY limited, but it's exploded within the last year.

Otherwise, keep your eyes on the forum here - I've got a couple of new posts in mind to write up soon, with those exactly at your threshold in mind. I'll never forget December, nor the amazing relief of finally finding my way through it.

Thanks, Tremelo. Consider me a subscriber! Your posts could make the difference in getting me through this "December" of my journey. Tonight I have just been reading a lot of posts in the Forum and chilling, and I think I see myself giving the Aneros a break for several days.

I appreciate your generous sentiment about the improvement of your sexual memory. I can see how that occurs. In the recent past, using the binaural beats, I did find myself entering certain fantasy pathways which -- although frankly a bit disturbing to me at moments -- were seemingly called up from parts of memory or from moments of past intense fantasy I'd "forgotten" about. I also did recall some specific sexual imagery that was very pleasing, including exactly the way a certain girlfriend's clitoris felt when I used to pleasure her, which was of course unique to her. Haven't seen her in 25 years! (Oh, okay, so I do remember the sofa-bed incident with her, too....)

One of the challenges I have is that the intensity of the p-waves really build in that moment of stillness between cycles in the rhythm, and, specifically, when I am between breaths. You said you sometimes have to let yourself exhale. I understand what you mean, although in mind case it's actually the opposite; I have to let myself inhale. (This only puts me to mind of the dangerous practice of sexual asphyxiation, but....) When I have expelled all breath before inhaling again, THAT's when I feel the p-wave sensations build dramatically..but only for so long as I can stand not to breathe.

I have been battling the same thing for years it seems. The exhales are exhilarating but the inhales (that you HAVE to do) dulls the sensations a bit. It is finding that perfect balance between the two that has been a huge key for me. I can't always work it out, but when I do, I have a top notch session.

Might be worth a tumble to try loud/stong vocalizing. For me, that's what governs the exhalation rate.

I "drive" the p-wave --> mini-O with sound. As the brain emotions build and sync with the breathing and pelvic contractions I tend to fall into quick gulping inhalations. The inhale:exhale ration is probably 3:10. hth

And to add to that, Rook, there's a direct correlation/path between the larynx and exactly the pelvic nerve centers that interest us. As an exercise, I've definitely benefit from humming my larynx and feeling the direct consequences in my pelvis/against my Aneros, and also by letting my pelvis lead and produce vibrations in my larynx, thus experiencing arousal in a second nerve center.

In fact, for years before I got started with any of this, I'd noticed that my larynx would start humming whenever I was getting physically involved with a woman. (Most of them liked it, though a couple thought it was silly, at least until I put that hum between their legs.). Point being - the larynx can and should be a significant organ in the experience of arousal.