Report at almost 1.5 years in. (Still learning) Advice? Comments?

Hi all. I'm pretty much a lurker here, but have read many posts. This is going to be a long post, so here we go...

I'm about 1.5 years in on this thing. I have a generic massager that I think is close to the SGX, the Helix Syn and a Progasm. And a variety of butt plugs that I bought for my girlfriend before we split and now I use them lol.

Basically I'm at a point of tiredness and frustration. I want to give up.

I've had in estimate, maybe around 40-60 session total.

I'm a straight guy and one of the obstacles has been to convince myself that it's ok to stick things in your butt and still be "straight". I have come a long way with that and feel pretty comfortable. I still admittedly have some small level of shame here though that I still need to work on. Telling my ex girlfriend about it as we were losing sexual momentum didn't help either. I hoped she would read the wiki links I sent her so she could understand what I'm trying to do and not just suddenly needing phallic objects in my ass. She never did make an effort and instead kind of gave me shit and teased me for it as if it's my weird gay or bi side that she's not a part of. (Meanwhile she wants my full effort with X, Y and Z done to her. Like I said now we are split.) But this was some time ago and now I'm happy with my own little private sessions and only have guilt issues or anxious thoughts maybe 10%-20% of the time. I know, still room to work on that.

I know it's maybe cliche but I want to vocalize, maybe so others don't feel alone, that I've had many times where I just feel like I've been duped. Laying there with a 40$ hunk of plastic in my ass, wishing something at all would happen for hours on end, days. And wondering, "Do these guys have the best scam ever running here? Probably a big profit on these things, and with a Man's desire for this "secret super intense hard to get pleasure" driving him like a drug addiction, have they just found a gold mine?!" With the relative scarcity of "mainstream" info on p-orgasms it then comes to personal accounts on forums like this, which also make me wonder "Is this shit even real"? But, then I read someone's account of a super-o, and another, and another and I gain faith again. Why would these people all lie? From a beginner's perspective though, and I'm sure many can relate, it's hard to keep the faith that there really is a pot of gold at the end.

So, that aside, I have felt some good feelings and had interesting sessions. Here's what I have felt and could perhaps be considered as progress in my 1.5 yrs:

- Using the Helix Syn and the do nothing method, felt a strange "falling" sensation in my pelvis. It was very brief and lasted only a second. I was not concentrating on anything at all. Not breath of energy or anything. It happened once again later, but not as much. It has not happened at all since.

- If I start with a fair amount of sexual energy sometime shortly after insertion, and with belly breathing and maybe/maybe not a small p contraction, I can get a raise of warm energy which feels like it's at the base of my perennium, but deeper. There's a moment where something happens, it's very minor, but noticeable enough that I have to open my mouth to breathe, which is a sure sign I think. However, despite trying "do nothing" as well as holding contraction, it goes away after maybe 15 seconds or so. After the first one it's usually harder to re-conjure. I've done these maybe, I don't know, 20 times?

- I find the Progasm tabs are too distracting. Or at least, the rear one limits movement too much. (Do people cut that off?) But there was this one time where it felt good to me to just contract hard and then push, in and out like that. My legs were shaking. So I guess you could call it an autofuck, but on the other hand I was controlling it. I also felt I could stop it at any time. I was doing it, just for the pleasure of the feeling. So I don't feel it was a super-o or even close. Rather I feel like it was just maybe some p-waves and a general good buzzing feeling. But maybe someone has input? I've not had a session like this since.

- One of my main concerns is I'm not making good contact with my prostate. I know, it's a cliche concern, but I have it too! I can get the "tingly, warm, have to urinate a little, feeling (which I'm pretty sure is it, right?) very briefly with the Helix Syn but it's not repeatable and only happens every 3 session or so. With the Progasm, I get a contact feeling at the halfway insertion point. So just the extra upward curved part of the end inserted. This makes me wonder, Is my prostate deeper up and closer in than other peoples? Or is that notion just a pointless common distraction?

- I've attempted a couple times to specifically target the prostate with a glass wand toy to try and accelerate waking it up. Actually I've had no real success there. In fact, I felt no contact sensations at all during these. This has given me the (cliche I know) thought of maybe my prostate is too small or in the wrong spot or just doesn't work like other peoples? I just can't wrap my head around why, if we are all basically identical physically, why then do some of us have these immediate big reactions and some of us struggle for years? These thoughts lead to frustration.

So at this point, I'm not getting great returns out of my sessions, and am a bit frustrated and tired of trying. It feels like a waste of time where I could be doing something else. Not all of them. Some are interesting and sexually hot. But most just don't go far.

I think I'm going to revert to "normal sex" for a while, but also do more meditation, which I think can really help, if you have a strong base there.

I'm also thinking of getting the Maximus. Maybe its larger size can produce some of the good feelings the Progasm does, but with more agility for movement like the helix. Thoughts?

Anyway, hi everyone and thanks for reading!