Progress, Need some help from the experts

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Hi awakening,

Welcome to the Forum,

I'll try to give you an answer to some of your questions (it may not be THE answer though).

"First question: Does this sound about right? Mini-O?" Yes, this sounds like a mini-O, keep in mind that all of your sensations will be a unique combination for you, they may approach descriptions written by others but not necessarily match them. For this reason, please do not underestimate or undervalue these unique feelings you are and will be experiencing, this is your personal journey, have fun exploring all the little nuances you will encounter along the way.

"Second question/s: Should I try avoid this kind of quaking, if I believe that it comes not from the 'true' process, but rather contracting the wrong muscles?" I don't know what you mean by "...the 'true' process," but I infer from your statement a certain desire to control your body's response to this form of stimulation. IMHO, this is going to be counterproductive, I believe you should allow your body to react in any manner it so chooses, allow yourself the luxury of going along for the ride and see where it leads you. There are many muscle groups in the pelvic area, I don't believe any of them should be categorized as the "wrong muscles", you need to experiment with using different groups in different combinations to find a combination which produces the most pleasurable reactions. You need to understand that as you gain more muscle tone and strength your pattern of contraction is likely to evolve as well.

"Question: is toning my spinct in this way advisable, and is it good preparation for a aneros session later in the day, or should I avoid this before sessions for fear or tiring it out, or avoid altogether?" IMHO, any exercise which tones, strengthens and enhances endurance to the muscles and it pleasurable as well is a definite plus. I invite you to read 'darwin's thread Kegel aerobics as a reference point.

"Question to Mr. Pan: It is not yet possible for me to intensely imagine a continuous ejaculatory orgasm without some muscles becoming unrelaxed. Is this a deal breaker for that method?" I'll let 'Pan' respond to that question.

"Lastly, the main question: What next, where do I go to find my Mini-O again." I think you are off to a great start, with an open, inquisitive mind and a good attitude. Be patient with yourself and understand the rewiring process is not a linear progression with any kind of predictability. I think you should continue having sessions experimenting with various techniques, even retrying techniques that may have been fruitless initially may prove beneficial on a second go around. It is pointless to go chasing after a Mini-O much less a Super-O, rather, let them track you down during a session, the surprise is always a lot of fun when it occurs. 😆

Mr Rumel
Thank you for your great comments. I know you are right, and have realized some of these things myself tonight. I have read many of your posts, and it rings a distant [for me] truth. Thank you for the notebook, very helpful, and you are dead-on with point G.

Allow me to clarify some points, also for my own benefit...

I don't know what you mean by"...the 'true' process," but I infer from your statement a certain desire to control your body's response to this form of stimulation.

By 'true process' I attempted to say: Not jumping the gun, not achieving the dramatic effect [thrashing around] too quickly at the expense of the gradual self-amplifying growing sensation.

In that first successful session, it was these small sensations that rapidly built to the Mini-O.

I understand that there is no wrong or right. To just feel and grow, learn. But the distinct impression that I got was that these large muscle quakes are centered in inner thighs, but especially outer buttocks, which cause big motion. This is exciting, to be sure, but overwhelms the entire notion of tuning into the subtle feelings. Tonight I tried to relax those muscles a bit more [egocentric control, I know] with good effect.

Here is the interesting thing for me: I am able to feel and enjoy the subtle magic happening down there almost better without the Aneros, especially soaking in a bath tonight. Delight at being able to control the tempo of oscillations with the slightest PC movements.

Is this kind of control also problematic? If I understand all of this correctly, I think not.

Do you know of anyone ever trying the Aneros in the bath? With correct type of lube, of course.

I think you are off to a great start, with an open, inquisitive mind and a good attitude. Be patient with yourself and understand the rewiring process is not a linear progression with any kind of predictability.

This is a great answer, but I realize I may have sounded overly goal oriented. I have glimpsed a snippet of light, and it was beautiful. I'll put it like this, small steps. I hope that it will find me again.

Last question, I think the one that will help me move forward: I know relaxation is key to get things started. But during the wild ride, should I still consciously try to keep my body relaxed, limp, so to speak, or is tensing up completely during the wild ride just a normal part of the right journey?

I resolve not to shoot my mouth off in this forum, but hope you'll be around next time I have a question.

awakening,

While there is certainly conscious intent behind learning to relax your muscles, I differentiate this from egocentric control in that you are actually “letting go” of control to allow the muscles to return to their natural, non-tensed state. It is when we direct the action of the muscles for some purpose (e.g. picking up a book, walking or running) we are exercising egocentric control. Certain muscular actions are uncontrolled and involuntary (e.g. heartbeat, respiration, peristalsis), although, to some extent, they too can be altered by thought control. I would include muscle response to orgasm in this latter category, as such I don't attempt to suppress or control the response, but I do use mental intent and deliberate contractions of various muscles at various times to induce the orgasmic response.

With regard to your exercise of the PC muscles in the soaking tub, I don't think it is problematic at all, on the contrary, I think it is healthy and enjoyable. I probably do a couple of hundred PC contractions throughout the day, almost unconsciously, just because they feel good to do and I know they are good for urological functioning.

“Last question, I think the one that will help me move forward: I know relaxation is key to get things started. But during the wild ride, should I still consciously try to keep my body relaxed, limp, so to speak, or is tensing up completely during the wild ride just a normal part of the right journey? “ That's a great question. IMHO, It is a good idea to relax as much as possible, but here's the catch, as the body becomes increasingly aroused and the energy level builds, that energy must go somewhere. For those much more advanced than I, they are able to circulate this energy throughout the body, directing it to some extent until they desire to release it in some orgasmic or other form. I find in my body that the energy just naturally starts to create muscular tension in various areas, not always the same areas, but tension nonetheless. I like to use deep breathing exercises to help distribute this energy throughout my body while simultaneously messaging my muscles to relax and let the energy build. When I am able to do this is when I start to experience pleasure waves as that energy has suffused my body. Sometimes this leads to orgasm, sometimes not, but it's always enjoyable.

P.S. Go ahead and shoot your mouth off, that's what this Forum is for. 😆

Rumel, Thank you

I think I understand the difference now between conscious intent and control. In a way it is like shadow-boxing, nudging, dancing with your body's responses, without telling it what to do.

A good point, "that energy must go somewhere"

I will try to distribute this energy. What I've noticed is that I progressively tense up completely, from my feet to my neck, but mostly buttocks, that result in the forceful humping motion. This clenching of muscles almost smothers the motion though, [too much tension] and when I realize this and let go, relax, there is a point just before complete relaxation [too little tension, perhaps?] that the motions increase dramatically, involuntarily, before reaching a point where it all subsides. After, quiet, I can sometimes feel my spicnt going lightly through it all, but sometimes I have to start over, though a response comes much quicker.

I guess in time I will learn the functioning of all this, and how to surf it, to keep things happening without self-destructing in this way.

What was also remarkable was how a mental or visual image of something intensely arousing suddenly and dramatically increases sensation. Almost as if my prostate is bearing down.
This is similar I guess to the typical arousal and erectile response to stimuli, but the Aneros allows me to feel things happen inside much more profoundly.
Likewise imagining continuous orgasm, briefly can trigger the kind of good spine-down tingle that precedes a decent penile ejaculatory orgasm. I am just not yet able to sustain these kinds of focus.

Another question, for you perhaps, and other guys that have used the Aneros during partner sex, since my wife is coming back from holiday soon:

Do you just insert it, and continue as per whatever normal intercourse is for you, with the Aneros functioning as a special kind of butt-plug, or does one elicit the involuntaries, and subsequent humping, inside your partner?

Last question: Does one benefit, in terms of practice [exercise], and progress on this journey, by 'wearing' the Aneros during the day, in normal activity if the situation allows, or is it only for pleasure. Can one substantially progress outside of controlled [meaning calm, relaxed, private, focused] sessions?

Thanks, all, and happy quivers.

Thanks awakening. You have put into words what I have been trying to ask for a couple of months. I also felt those pleasure waves and tried to relax, but the feeling went away. Thanks to Rumel for the answers.

Peace

D

To answer your question about using the Aneros in the tub, I tried that once, and it was good, but the main problem is that the tub is too confining in terms of physical space. For instance, I had trouble inserting and removing, and also I can't stretch my legs out completely in the tub. I just have a standard-size tub -- I imagine a jacuzzi-style tub or even hot tub would work much better.

Greetings Awakening! Regarding Aneros use with your wife - YES, by all means!!! 😀 But don't "just insert it." I find my wife gets really turned on by ringing my anus with a generous supply of lube, lubbing up my Aneros AND inserting everything into place. Sometimes I'll anticipate the sequence of events and frost her clitoris with a little warming jel before she slides my Aneros into place, then I can start with a sweet French kiss and slither down to her clitoris without interruption. The process of bringing her to full orgasm also quickly initiates a magnificent series of O waves for me. My soldier is at ease more than at attention these days, making the traditional method of intercourse challenging and very unpredictable. By using an Aneros as described above, my wife never feels left out and we both rejoice at the almost certain results. The range of excitement, sensations and orgasms appear to be increasing the more my wife and Aneros are involved --- and everthing is not focused, as it used to be, on my ability to have a traditional ejaculation. My best to you both!

...
Another question, for you perhaps, and other guys that have used the Aneros during partner sex, since my wife is coming back from holiday soon:

Do you just insert it, and continue as per whatever normal intercourse is for you, with the Aneros functioning as a special kind of butt-plug, or does one elicit the involuntaries, and subsequent humping, inside your partner? ...

I'm trying to 'journey' along a couples path in parallel with my solo sessions.

In February we bought a Helix, as a sex-toy, to give me an extra p-spot kick during copulation. Intent was to improve my orgasmic experience (over the years, my fleeting orgasms had decreased to less than 3 seconds in length). The Aneros improved orgasmic intensity and added several more expulsive contractions to my ejaculation but didn't change the orgasmic duration. It added sensation to position changes and copulation. Essentially, we were treating it as just another sex toy and, for awhile we had a string tied to the Helix handle for my wife to occasionally tug.

After a couple of months I started on my 'journey' and started 'listening' to Helixbill, Love_is, Darwin, Arctic Wolves, Pan and artform. I had fallen into a whole new lexicon and it took weeks to just to find the common denominators in their vocabularies. (Everytme I think I've got a handle on that either artform or Pan throws me a new curve.)

Looking back, I've been in a major attitude and values transition since early June (part of the unwiring that probably preceeds 'rewiring' -- good news is that my spouse seems supportive and hasn't left me yet 😀

Now, I most value the Aneros in place during our foreplay and very simple necking/petting activities. It's like being a teen-ager all over again--suddenly, seemingly small nuisances become new joys. Copulation to ejaculation isn't nearly as important to me as it was before May. Ejaculation tends to dim the 'glow' from our lovemaking. Not ejaculating during actual copulation has gained in importance. The 'glow' then continues until our next encounter. But my greedy spouse values feeling me ejaculate. So, that 'master' must sometimes be served. (Gawd, to be nineteen again!)

Here's a rather 'mechanical' suggestion .... seal each and every kiss, nuzzle, ear nip, lick and caress with the smallest and briefest of contractions. Remember to breath after each one. Cherish those moments. At first you may not receive anything in return. Later on, enjoy the brief involuntary that answers back to you from your tiny voluntary. Later on, enjoy that involuntary when it becomes more than a single pulse then two, three or five pulses. (that's where I am now -- no clue what might cum next.)

I'm finding that, in our every day clothed lives, Aneros out, a small sphincter contraction each time I touch her returns an involuntary. This is going somewhere -- just don't know where that might be.

Write your own book. Treat your foreplay as a chapter, each position as paragraph, each approach as a sentence and each caress as a phrase. Add punctuation with the Aneros. Remember to breath.

Hope this contributes in some small way.

Diesel, gm, STARR, and Newbie, thanks for weighing in.

"Looking back, I've been in a major attitude and values transition"

Too true. This opens a whole new approach to, well, to almost everything. Amazing, both to what extent we are sexual beings, and how big an influence it can have on our lives. This makes me want to take a second look at all those ancient Eastern life principles.

"seal each and every kiss, nuzzle, ear nip, lick and caress with the smallest and briefest of contractions"

This is a great suggestion, and surely an amazingly effective sub-part of the rewiring process, pavlovian almost, associative conditioning to involve the idea, as well as presence, of one's partner in the whole new process.

A very helpful post, thanks, newbie. Also STARR, that sounds like a great way to share this experience with a spouse. Please report back when you experience new things. I take it, though, that you don't let the Aneros-induced quaking be the only propellant in bringing your wife to orgasm? That would seem like an difficult thing to achieve, and may be frustrating for her.

"also I can't stretch my legs out completely in the tub"
gm, do you stretch your legs out when in a session elsewhere, like on a bed also? In that case I can see how a smaller tub would be a problem.
I think the benefit of warm water to aid in relaxation would be noticeable, but it'll have to be a hot-tub, so as not to chill during the session and defeat the purpose. And of course the splashing...

Sure thing Diesel, it is difficult trying to describe things that are so new and so foreign to what one was accustomed to. A whole new lingo, as evidenced by this forum. Please let us know if you find a way to surf that middle ground. I will try rumel's suggestion of letting the muscles take their course, but try to distribute it through breathing. I think it is harder than it sounds. But thats a key point, I think, not to force the relaxation either, we now know this is counter-productive. Like Newbie says, just remember to breathe.

Sitting in my office chair with a mild pulsing going, I realize that I'm breathing very shallow. And breathing 'into' one's lower abdomen also helps not only to focus energy in the lower abdomen region, it also tends to help relax the clamping muscle tension.

Two more things: Newbie, you mention 'listening' to the expert users. It will be a great help if you can point to some of the posts you found most valuable, if you can remember, or have bookmarked them.
I am not lazy, believe me, but there is a lot to read in here.

Then another observation. The last two ejaculations, 'finishing off' sessions delivered semen that had a subtle but distinctly different smell . Hard to describe, but the closest association I have is with the rich, life-smell present when mammals give birth...