Pondering trying - advice?

I've been reading this site and am interested in trying this for the first time, but I have a few questions and thought maybe it would be useful to get some advice/feedback from people here. I'm nervous for a number of reasons. Could someone provide me some responses to my questions?

1. will it hurt/feel uncomfortable? (I know that everything indicates that with the right approach and lube it shouldn't, but with a first-timer...)

2. I'm a little wigged out about the whole idea - the actual process of insertion etc., as well as the cleanliness issues. The idea of it does not sound thrilling, but I do like the idea of direct stimulation and intense orgasm.

3. How should one approach this with the wife? I'm wary that she will think I have fancies that don't involve her gender (which I am NOT knocking, it is just that I am VERY hetero and know the other is not for me.) Will she think I am "sick" or whatever? How do I bring it up and what should I say? This makes me nervous.

4. And finally, in some ways this is the biggie for me, I am afraid that the intensity of the experience will "damage" my performance when I do not use it. Could I become dependent on this one way and after trying it the "usual" experience with my wife pales in comparison, or I might not even be able to perform? I'm not 21 anymore and intensity and achieving orgasm don't happen as easily anymore (although I don't have any problems with getting erect.) Does this have the affect I hear some drugs can where after trying something so GOOD that you are not able to enjoy the experience like you once could unless you have the "drug"?

5. Any other thoughts?

Thanks for your help!

Bill

Bill,

Welcome! These are all very good questions.

1. will it hurt/feel uncomfortable? (I know that everything indicates that with the right approach and lube it shouldn't, but with a first-timer...)

As with any new experience there can be a period of getting used to things...it's no different here. Assuming that you don't choose the largest model (the Progasm... which I would not recommend for you at this point), you shouldn't have any trouble becoming accustomed to one of the more standard units such as the MGX or the Helix (if you are 5' 7" or less you may want to consider the SGX ). If you've read some of the instructions, beginning with the Aneros involves relaxation. I often recommend that users start with a warm bath or shower (this also serves to tidy things up a bit as well). A nice soapy hand towel can be used to clean up and deliver a gentle massage externally to your anus. From there you need to set up a comfortable environment that affords you privacy for your first session (this last part is critical, as worries about someone stumbling in on you WILL prevent you from relaxing). A bed or a chair with an ottoman, some towels (one to cover the area you'll be lying on, and one extra.

Many users have found it helpful to prelubricate prior to insertion. Prelubricating makes the experience more comfortabe and allows the Aneros to be more responsive as well. Prelubricating is accomplished in one of two ways, 1)obtaining a small 6 cc/ml children medicine dropper from your neighborhood pharmacy and filling it with any kind of water based liquid lube (KY liquid, Wet, Astroglide etc.) or 2) Buy some of the Aneros brand Marksman lube. These come in premeasured disposable applicators. After prelubricating, apply copious amounts of a thicker lube, like KY Jelly or Maximus directly to the Aneros itself. (Some users prefer oil based or silicone based preparations. There is also a hybrid product called Boy Butter that is popular as well.)

From there take the insertion slow, pausing when need be to allow your sphincter to accommodate the Aneros. Once inserted, it is essential that you give your body some time to get used to the device. It may feel "foreign" to you at first. I recommend at least 15 minutes of lying still with no contractions. Take this time to relax yourself, with slow deep breathing...letting the inhalation fill your lower abdomen. If you currently practice TM or self hypnosis you may find those technques helpful.

After 15 mins or so start with a short VERY gentle contraction. This contraction should be just above the level of non-contracted....and work up slowly from there. If at anytime you feel discomfort...stop and relax, allowing your body to become accustomed to the Aneros' presence alone (without contraction) once more. Proceed increasing the intensity and duration as you go. For more, check out my B's Best of BEELINE thread in the sticky section above.

2. I'm a little wigged out about the whole idea - the actual process of insertion etc., as well as the cleanliness issues. The idea of it does not sound thrilling, but I do like the idea of direct stimulation and intense orgasm.

I've covered some of this in my first answer, but with respect to the cleanliness issue, it is not required that you administer a enema/douche prior to an Aneros session. This is particularly the case if your bowel habits are regular, know your body (have a good awareness of when you need to evacuate) and maintain a high fibre diet. If you don't fall into that category, then a small enema...just enough to give a quick rinse is all you need (in fact larger scale enemas can result in initiating contractions of the colon which can commit you to a total cleansing). So go small, go easy, never use anything but water at body temperature.

3. How should one approach this with the wife? I'm wary that she will think I have fancies that don't involve her gender (which I am NOT knocking, it is just that I am VERY hetero and know the other is not for me.) Will she think I am "sick" or whatever? How do I bring it up and what should I say? This makes me nervous.

This is probably one the most commonly asked questions here in the forum. Unfortunately, in Western culture there is stigma associated with anal play, that associates it with homosexual behavior. Even though people of both genders and both sexual orientations enjoy anal stimulation this attitude still persists. It is also important to remember that while many gay people use anal stimulation and practice anal intercourse, many do not. Whether this will be an issue for you depends in large part on how open your wife is sexually. If for example, she enjoys anal stimulation herself, it may be a simple matter of telling her that you'd like to give it a shot...with a finger or two. If on the other hand she has a long standing repulsion to this kind of activity, you've got your work cut out for you. There are no magic words that will simply transform her on this. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it will likely take some effort on your part.

Some users have suggested a straightforward and honest approach, one that comes right out with it. To do this properly one must really be committed in their feelings, because it is your commitment that essentially, de-stigmatizes this behavior in your partner's mind. That is, if you are in a long-term loving relationship that is firmly heterosexually grounded and your partner cares about fulfilling you sexually, they will certainly listen to you and will hopefully consider this. If you choose this course, one would do well to have some supportive material at the ready, i.e. books on heterosexual sex that include anal stimulation on the menu, couples websites or website on human sexuality (not porn), etc. Reference material on Tantra and Taoist practice can also be helpful in enlightening a partner with a more Eastern cultural perspective.

It should be said that if your partner holds strong religious convictions that bar this kind of activity, there is probably nothing short of a Papal Proclamation or an edict from the head of your church that will have an impact.

Other users have suggested more of a backdoor (no pun intended) approach. This involves discussing prostate stimulation from the perspective of it's health benefits first. There is a great deal of literature on this which can also be used to support your case. Men of any age can experience prostatitis and older men can have enlargement issues, all of which have been addressed by the use of prostate massage. It just so happens that the Aneros was originally invented for those purposes! The erotic aspects of it were only discovered later. As a matter of fact, Aneros has a sister site www.highislandhealth.com At that site the discussion is all covered from the health prespective. (It goes under the name Pro State massager there...same device). Getting back to the backdoor approach, what this allow one to do is legitimize it's use initially in this way...and later slowly segue into it's sexual attributes,. i.e., you know since I've been using this my erections seem better....or my ejaculations seem stronger.....etc.

What going this route may also do is to give you some space/ privacy for having some solo sessions with the Aneros/Pro State to begin with as well, which is really essential to learning how to use the product anyway.

All of that said, there as still many straight men here in the forum that are in the closet with their use of this product. Hopefully as more partner's become aware of the life changing attributes of this kind of an orgasmic experience and they see how it can transform the quality of their own sexual encounters, they will learn to accept... and later embrace it.

4. And finally, in some ways this is the biggie for me, I am afraid that the intensity of the experience will "damage" my performance when I do not use it. Could I become dependent on this one way and after trying it the "usual" experience with my wife pales in comparison, or I might not even be able to perform? I'm not 21 anymore and intensity and achieving orgasm don't happen as easily anymore (although I don't have any problems with getting erect.) Does this have the affect I hear some drugs can where after trying something so GOOD that you are not able to enjoy the experience like you once could unless you have the "drug"?

The Aneros will not compromise your normal sexual function, on the contrary it will enhance it tremendously! It can be used right out of the box to complement a traditional encounter (one whose goal is ejaculation). And it can also be used for accessing an alternative non-ejaculatory experience (Super O). Once one is able to have orgasms without ejaculation the possiblilites are endless. Having orgasms while giving your wife oral sex for example. The choice will be yours...and to some extent hers, but the point is that it will allow you more variety in your sex life!

Will the Aneros of the Super O take the place of your wife? Whether you are attracted to women or men, I submit to you that there is nothing that can take the place of having an interaction and connection with another human being. These new experiences simply add to that... enabling you to paint from a larger pallette!

Enjoy!

BF Mayfield

1: It hurts a little bit at first if your not used to anal play. But you adjust after a fairly short time. I'd suggest you go straight to the Helix.

2: For cleanliness issues, just get a rectal syringe and flush before. Wash your toy when your done.

3: Can't answer that, not married.

4: I've actually had better results outside of sessions.

Thanks. That all does help.

So this process can actually help the strength of orgasms outside of Aneros sessions? It doesn't seem like less stimulation and therefore have the opposite effect where one cannot achieve anymore, unless using the direct stimulator on the prostate?

Both replies steered away from the SGX...I'm 5'10, but am leaning towards smallest as a starter. Why not?

Thanks. That all does help.

Both replies steered away from the SGX...I'm 5'10, but am leaning towards smallest as a starter. Why not?

Because the SGX may not make sufficient contact with your prostate. While it is slightly smaller in girth also, the parameter that is of main concern is it's length....it is shorter than either the MGX or the Helix. According to the manufacturer, there is a correlation between ones physical height and the proximity of the prostate to the anal opening. The SGX was designed with that smaller distance in mind.

If you are concerned about the size, (particularly girth) I would advise the MGX or maybe even the Eupho. While I have recommended the Eupho as an advanced users unit in the past, it is by far the thinnest model that they make. So it may function well as a starter for those who are very concerned about accommodating these devices. The downside is that it is the most expensive product that they make as well, so it would really be a if price was no object kind of a decision. I should add too that while the Eupho would likely engage your prostate correctly, it takes some muscle tone (practice) to get the most out of it.

BF Mayfield

I had an MGX and I didn't have much luck with it at all. The Helix has given me MUCH better results. It's more comfortable on insertion, the tab makes better contact and doesn't pinch, the shape is better, and it stays put after insertion.