How to tell my wife about my aneros.

I’m anticipating the same event - but I have a built in reason - after some surgery I had a body CAT scan and one comment from the radiologist was slightly enlarged prostate.  So I will say I went searching on the internet for holistic ways to reduce prostate swelling and came across an article from a urologist talking about the benefits of Aneros so I explored the option - but was too embarrassed to share and wanted to keep it to yourself.

@Zumshot, First, I'd like to Welcome you to the Aneros forums. If you are new to prostate massage using Aneros massagers please check out the Sticky threads in the Newbie's Nook Forum. In regard to your specific question, I advise you to be honest and open in your discussion with your wife about your use of a prostate massager. If you put emphasis on the health giving aspects of this practice it will most likely be very acceptable to her. If she is then amenable to your use, having her being an active participant in your couples lovemaking will enhance your pleasure even more. Maybe even have her read the threads in the Aneros Women and Couples Corner and the Women Too section of the Aneros WIKI.

Good Vibes to You!

 It very much depends on what your sexual relationship is with your wife. Do you have any ass play btwn. you. I agree with Rumel, honesty is the great policy. This could be the spark ya'll need. More info  about your relationship would help as there several that can relate to your model.

 The method I use to change women minds about anal, is to over react  any time there finger come close to my anus.And simply say as soon as there finger gets close to your asshole, it drives you wild. People are wired to please. And this has worked on more than 1 occ.

@rumel Thanks for the advice

What you mean you believe she found it? Hasn’t she asked what it is? Just man-up and talk to her about it. Tell her men can have multiple o’s and super o’s and it’s something you want to explore.

Man I told my wife I wanted a prostate massage toy. She told me to order the best one they make. Well here I am with a Aeros. Vice 2.   Hmmm I tried it out for the first time today. Wow it felt great I didn’t get off yet. Had lots and lots of clear precum. But I drip cum all day long anyways my urologist said I’m very lucky that I can do that. Do thing about but enjoy it. As far as your wife goes just come out and tell her that your exploreing you body and you want the best sexual experience that life can offer, will you join me?    Hope that helps 

Hello,

Very simple: Tell her everything you know about it. Little to loose - much to gain.

If she finds out on her own, it can shake the trust in your relationship, as it raises doubts about what else you've been keeping secret from her.

Don't forget to tell her:

1. It prevents prostate problems in old age and prevents erection problems, among other things. This is also beneficial for her.

2. Learning to use you PC-muscles and having prostate orgasms can make you multi orgasmic and can severely enhance you sex life. This is also beneficial for her.

3. Anal play has nothing to do with sexual orientation and does not change it.

After telling her about the importance of the prostate for male health, prostate massage, prostate orgasm, the Aneros and everything there are probably three options.

1. She interested or even aroused and wants to be part of your new experiences - Bingo!

2. She's not interested but tolerates your private/solo sessions. Still much gained, as you no more need to be worried to get caught.

3. She freaks out and is disgusted that you considering having anal play. Still better then when she would have caught you in the act. If she's not able to tolerate that your having private/solo Aneros sessions, there may be deeper problems in your relation.

The only disadvantage could be, that she wants to have an expensive G-spot massager for her in return;-)

BTW: The book "The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners" by Charlie Glickman has a whole chapter "Bringing up the Topic" about how to tell her.

Best wishes

Hans

@zumshot My wife knows that I use Aneros. I have had some ED issues, and I leveled with her that I was exploring everything I could do to restore healthy function. My father died of prostate cancer, and it is very common in older guys, and the age of onset has been getting younger. I have even used my Aneros while lovemaking, but the stimulation tends to make me ejaculate sooner than I want to.

What my wife doesn't know is just how pleasurable Aneros sessions are. I do them alone as the intensity of prostate sessions is something she's likely have a hard time with - which is to say that she would likely feel left out (and she wouldn't likely be amenable to joining for that). I would gladly try to take her to the stratosphere with me, but she's sexually not quite on the same page. She likes sex, but not to the degree that I do.

@helghast My aneros was hidden deep inside my sock. I noticed items my drawer had been moved around that’s when noticed my aneros damn near hanging out of my sock. My wife has never said anything to me about the aneros because she had no business being in my drawer. Invasion of privacy

When I first told my wife that I wanted to buy an Aneros, she was definitely uncomfortable with the whole thing. I was really worried that she would think I was gay or weird, but she actually didn’t think that at all. At the time of this discussion, I had just come clean to her about my porn use, so we were definitely going through some emotional issues. I was trying to be honest and upfront, but the timing wasn’t ideal.

She doesn’t know or ask about if/when I have Aneros sessions. Just like @pablito1963 ‘s situation, my wife likes sex, but not to the degree or willingness for experimentation as I do. I did use my Eupho once during sex with her and I had the most amazing and explosive orgasm I have ever had with her. Unfortunately, I think she felt pretty insecure that this “piece of plastic” was giving me more incredible orgasms than just her alone, so I haven’t suggested it since.

I would love to involve her in my journey someday, but I don’t think she is ready right now. I even bought her an Aneros Evi…I think she tried it once, said it was very painful, and hasn’t touched it since.

I think it is very important to be honest and upfront with her, but the results may vary. Some wives/girlfriends will be totally onboard and aroused by it, while others will take some time to be convinced and may never get there.

I agree with others that being open about what gets you off shouldn’t necessarily be a secret in your relationship.  When I was first dating my wife, she found a dildo in the nightstand left by my previous live in girl friend and asked me if it was mine.  I asked her what if it was? Would you like me any less?  Perplexed, she said she hadn’t ever experienced sex with toys. Fast forward to 25 years of marriage and she has a collection of fake dicks that could rival your local sex shop!  Maybe it’s just something new for her she and she isn’t comfortable talking about sexual exploration. My take is if it pleases you it should please her that you want to be open about your sexual hot buttons and sharing that with her is what intimacy is all about.   

@zumshot 

Your wife has no business being in your sock drawer? An odd way of thinking imo.Im assuming you do all the laundry and put your own socks away then. I don’t know how some of you guys service marriages full of secrets.

 These things don't happen over night. Most of the guys on here grew up in a different era. You know back when the divorce rate was well below 50%. Ya should of hid that better.  Cause your business is her business. The fact that she rifled through your drawer tells me, she wants to know what your up to. After hearing of your wifes dildo collection, sounds to me like your on the same train  different cabins. I have counselled many couples over the years, I've learned, theres always 2 sides to every story. And a failure to communicate causes so many misunderstanding. I would ask did she keep her dildo collection secret? And if so how did you know about it. If not ,well theres the other side of the story. No offense intended to anybody. Just another way of looking at things.

@tbob thanks for your take on this.   Agreed that not everyone is comfortable having candid conversations with their partners about their innermost thoughts especially those sexual in nature.  To your point, it could be a life experience thing or I may just be one of those people that puts it out there no matter what but that’s me and I respect others that may be a little more reserved.   In fact, that’s why this forum is such a great place for us to get varying perspectives on topics just like this while maintaining the comfort of anonymity! While I consider myself very fortunate to have found a life partner, I absolutely believe that part of what has kept us going over the years irrespective of the divorce rate is the transparency that we share with one another.  Her dildos and vibrators aren’t a secret and neither are my prostate toys. We use them alone and sometimes when together.    We sure came a long way from that discovery in the nightstand! I suppose what I’m saying @zumshot is marriage is tough enough as it is and being free to be open with your mate with nothing to hide about what turns us on is imho just part of the commitment you make to one another.  She just may be more accepting of your butt toys than you think. 

Being completely honest is the only way to go. 

I agree. Tell her. Make it like you're an adventurous pirate letting her into a wild taboo secret and pull her into it.

My partner knows about them, put one inside me once, and I used helix and maximus once when making love. I hope she gets to use it more on me in the future. I'm trying to create a safe mental space for her to be able to use her fingers in me eventually, if she'd like.

Still curious as to what you decided to do, and how you did it, if you did anything at all. Enquiring minds want to know.

When you can honestly open up to your partner, and they are willing, you have the opportunity for the best your relationship can be. For your partner, developing the willingness, can take time, but it is worth the time and patience invested. The honesty improves communication which can improve the relationship as a whole. Keeping secrets just adds stress to the relationship.

Posted by: @helghast

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@zumshot 

Your wife has no business being in your sock drawer? An odd way of thinking imo.Im assuming you do all the laundry and put your own socks away then. I don’t know how some of you guys service marriages full of secrets.

Not easy nor desirable. But some of us have to do what we have to do to maintain sanity. My beliefs on preparing for marriage have changed significantly since I found myself in a sexless marriage with a family. It's not like we grew that way, either, it was that way from the start and I had no idea she simply had no understanding of what marriage was all about. It took over ten years for her to at least have a head knowledge that sex is not wrong. It is a warped belief even within most real religious understandings,  but it was ground in her mind from a young age. A lot has come out just in the last few years, but she still hasn't moved much from her cold white knuckles.  It is the weirdest thing, also, given her college degrees. If anyone should have some concept of safe space, she should, but even though I have shared some of my "kinks" with her, and she has actually had fun engaging in them a few times, and I work hard to make her orgasm any chance I can, and she is finally very capable,  her candle goes right out and she would be perfectly ok if I never approached her for sex again. That's difficult enough, but when it takes all the energy in the world to share sexual things with someone like that, it hurts that she never has any follow up questions,  never asks what I like, never goes there again. I am 100% convinced she is "on the spectrum" based on her family history and current living family members. I had no idea before we got married that this was the case. 

Call it social anxiety or whatever you want, some people just go along with whatever their peer groups find entertaining at the time. Often understanding little other than trying to blend in. Whether that be with foolish decisions about substances during high school,  or finding a religious community in college, just blend it and use the language of the group. If the girls in that group are all looking to get married or go join a religious order, then that's what you blend in your language.  I met her there, and i knew something was missing, but there was always an explanation. Turns out we weren't on the same page about a number of important things, many of which I am not convinced she could change even if she understood and wanted to change. That isn't my kids' fault, so I choose to live with the situation as best I can. I would love nothing more than to go deep on every level with her, but she is the kind of person who requires explanation to get a laugh at jokes. Something came on the news about blue collar jobs the other day, and she didn't know what that meant...after all those years in school, graduate degrees,  never less than A grades, she didn't get the difference in white/blue collar work. After we married, I found a barrage af subjects just like that...so much after this many years that I often forgo in depth conversations about a lot of things because I just can't relate well when she doesn't pick up basic things. 

I was listening to a radio show years ago when the host, who is genuinely the nicest guy on the planet, went to a convention for kids with autism.  All attendees wore name badges of different colors, the colors were to show if the individual was up for conversation or not. (I may not be telling this 100% accurately, but the story relates.)

As Clark approached one kid whose badge clearly showed he was interested in conversation, he said "good morning," and the kid responded in kind, then he asked "did you sleep well last night after all the events?" To which the kid said "why does that matter?" 

I run into the like a lot with my wife. There are so many things that I would gamble most high school dropouts would understand intuitively, I have to explain to my wife. When there are religious compulsions without understanding, and pretty much the only sex education she got from her mother was it's bad and we don't do it, I'm set to push a rock up that fortress wall for a while. Maybe not forever like sisyphus, but any revelations have to be introduced delicately and in the right time in my case. I wish it were otherwise. 

I told mine that I like to play with my butt after 2 month of dating. I used to live in very homophobic country, and when you bring stuff like that you show that you trust this person a lot.

What I can recommend is tell her truth that you enjoy to getting stimulation this way (if you really do).

It can trigger her to process some stereotypical thoughts for her like if you into prostate stim you might like guys, etc. But after a while she will understand that it is not the case and it will make your relationships even more intimate.

Back in 2002 I was diagnosed with prostate congestion by my family doctor.  She referred me to an urologist, who identified some early onset benign prostate hyperplasia and a somewhat narrow urethra.  The urologist scoped me - everything good except for the two aforementioned matters.  He agreed with the diagnosis of prostate congestion, said it could be dealt with by being sexually active or a regular pattern of masturbation and suggested I work with my family doctor on the matter of the mild BPH, which was something to address given the narrow urethra.  My family doctor then talked to me - she said there were meds she could put me on for the BPH.  There was also a new company called High Island Health that had a device that might be helpful for a man in a sexless marriage who was reluctant to masturbate.  HIH is the sister company of Aneros.  Aneros is the pleasure side, HIH the medical side, as I understand it.

I'd suggest that you talk to her, explain that it is a simple medical device for preventative health of the prostate.