“Beginner’s mind”

Try “beginner’s mind” in your next session.

I flushed from my mind the thoughts of trying to get to a first-ever HFWO and ended up having a good time last night with a Helix Syn V.  I had kind of ruined my prior 2 sessions in trying too hard.

In the spirit of the rule of thumb to just-feel, I tried forgetting what I know about having a dry orgasm, and wrote some stream of consciousness notes.

I have to laugh good naturedly about the amount of navel-gazing it is possible to do!

For whatever it’s worth-

-So I put this thing up my arse, and nothing’s happening.  This must be an elaborate hoax!

-It has been almost 15 minutes and no wild orgasms that so many claim!

-My bladder feels a little full(?)  But I pee’d just before bed!

-Funny, I seem to be having some tiny twitches around the toy.  Like, “typewriter fingers” gently tapping the toy, but there are none there.

-I’m getting some errant chills, thighs to chest?  My bladder feels fuller and something is happening, maybe.  I don’t know what.

-My glutes are shaking a bit- are these “involuntaries”?

-I’m building up to… something

-(With urgency) It’s getting stronger… my breath wants to be held… when I do so, the feeling increases

-Funny pulses have started at my ass, gripping the toy… feels gooood

-One of these anomalies just occurred!  Pleasure as a rising, falling wave, rocked my boat for like 3 minutes, there!

-Whatever was it?  Do I think it was an orgasm?  But I didn’t ejaculate!!

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(Bonus: auspicious stepping stones and attitudes)

Vital journey stepping stones include being wrapped inside how tentative it all can feel, and perhaps must feel.  We need to allow ourselves to be on the cusp of “something”.

It is key to observe whatever we feel, if only at the “neutral” or “nice” level, and of a different nature than we’d ever known.  “Nice” will grow over sessions.

We need to believe in what we perceive, and that we will pass unto something somehow “more”, when the time is right.