Aneros Sessions Privacy

In my experience, trashing around and moaning isn't necessary for orgasm. If you don't want it to happen, it's easily avoided. Ignore what you see in videos, and don't worry about it... it's not a guaranteed part of the experience.

But saying that... I think the paranoia and risk of discovery is a dampener. I see it as a constant negotiation between what could happen, and what you'll allow to happen... like I'll open up to this feeling as long as it doesn't make me shake too much... and that means you have to monitor, evaluate, be conscious, monitoring, and anticipating all the time. Even if you never moan or trash, the fear of it can be a distraction.

I'm not married, but I'd like to think I could tell my wife about this, and eliminate the privacy problem that way. I can't presume to tell you your relationship, but I know there are married guys on this forum who have told their wives... so maybe it's an option?

Hey thanks for the thoughtful and helpful response. I was actually wondering if that thrashing was necessarily part of the whole thing. Totally get what you're saying about the wrong sort of awareness and its potential for dampening. What I may do is try to organize so that when she's out for an hour or so (yoga, etc.) I can really take advantage of that time as best as I can and not worry about discovery haha. Not ready to tell her yet; we're both pretty conservative peeps. Thanks again! 🙂

My opinion is that your progress will be greatly hindered if the thought of getting caught is on your mind. I kept it from my wife for a while but decided to be up front about it and approached it from a health angle. She was more than fine about it and I use them often during sex. I know you don’t have to moan and flail about during a session but I find this helps me greatly. I don’t see anyway you could have a good session in bed without her asking what is going on with you

@Clenchy Totally agree with you on that! I am currently visiting my parents, and my sessions are significantly less pleasant having to suppress screams and moans. If I had learned how to use these toys in a similar environment (with fear of being heard) I would surely have progressed much more slowly. I live alone in a studio appartment, and there have been moments before when just the thought of the door possibly being ajar has plummeted the sexual tension completely. So I think it's definitely not possible to learn how to do secretly in bed next to your partner and probably not even in the same house in secret.

@Katzy You will surely tell her eventually, right? So why wait? Being conservative or not seems unimportant. Conservative is a very vague word (politically, sexually, financially??). And you say you are both conservative peeps but one of you two peeps is popping plastic up his pooper (sorry, too tempting), so maybe the word conservative doesn't apply to this situation. If you do tell her and she isn't happy with it (unlikely), then you can do it when she isn't home like you planned, but it won't be a secret. If she is fine with it (very likely) you should probably still learn how to do it alone (for concentration/meditative purposes), but then you don't have anything to hide and can do it when you want in your office. And then you can use it with your partner as well, which is just pure bliss. You don't know until you ask!

No doubt you will still want to carry on with your private sessions. Using it alone and during sex are two different animals.

Every spouse is different, but that being said, I waited close to a year to tell my wife and when I did, I focused on health benefits with her first and pleasure as secondary. She was most upset and hurt that I waited so long to tell her and was keeping secrets. If I could do it all over again I definitely would have shared sooner. I would say my wife is fairly conservative sexually too, however she has been open to try new things lately such as the Peridise during intercourse. She didn’t have any fireworks from it but I was just happy to see her willing to try. She also LOVES watching me have prostate orgasms and it really turns her on. If you plan on telling your wife, I would do it sooner than later. Good luck and keep us posted!

I could write a book about my experience with this, but that would definitely be too long and probably boring (lucky you!).

Suffice it to say that before I ordered my Aneros and started prostate massage, my wife and I had not had sex in several years because she just didn't want to. I approached her with the idea that prostate massage is supposed to be good for enlarged prostate (BPH). She knows I have been diagnosed with this. This opened the door over the following 3 - 4 weeks to talk more freely and openly about sex. We have not yet had intercourse since then, but talk about sex and what we want our sex life to be. Because it has been several years, we both have medical issues to deal with before going back to intercourse. The really amazing thing is the openness we now have about sex (including my Aneros usage) leaves her wanting to work with me to rebuild a sex life together, even better than it was before. She also has interest in helping me in any way she can to have successful prostate massages. I have told her that for now, I would rather do the sessions privately because it seems weird for me to have her witness everything involved. She has interest in lightly playing with my skin (nerves) anywhere and everywhere during sessions. Go figure!:D:D

Most of my Aneros activity used to be done while I traveled for work. At my peak from 2006 - 2012 I would do between 50 - 60 room nights every year. I had plenty of time for Aneros, camming, sexting etc. In 2013 I started traveling much less. Fortunately for me my best time for sessions is between 4- 6 AM. I also use the condom method so prep, insertion and clean up are quick and easy. So starting in 2013 I began to get up at 4 AM, ostensibly to pee. I insert the Aneros and come back to bed.

Two things are fortunate for me. One is that my wife is a sound sleeper and second is that we often spoon while we sleep. When I come back to bed, it is not unusual for me to spoon her. She sleeps with a tee shirt on and bottomless, which leaves me the opportunity to nudge my morning erection between her naked derriere cheeks. She actually likes that. My typical regimen is to do a session at 4 AM. I come back to bed after going to the bathroom to pee (insert). I nestle up against her and gently slip my erect penis between her cheeks and caress her as I do. With my cock head kissing her anus she sleeps as I immediately launch into MMOs. She may wake for a moment when she feels my cock between her cheeks but as I said that is normal so she goes back to sleep. I literally start orgasming 2 minutes after I slip my cock between her warm cheeks. A session may go for an hour to two hours.

As to the point of thrashing etc, I have trained myself to lay perfectly still and focus all the orgasms on my prostate without making noise or jumping around. The only evidence I have of O ing is my breathing. I muffle my breathing in the blankets.

I will do a two hour session and get up at 6AM to take it out. As I worked at home and I am now retired, we would get up at 8 AM.

Thanks to everyone for the amazing replies; this is a clearly a great community.

As to the point of thrashing etc, I have trained myself to lay perfectly still and focus all the orgasms on my prostate without making noise or jumping around. The only evidence I have of O ing is my breathing. I muffle my breathing in the blankets.

Yes, this^ is sort of what I was talking about; although, I'm relatively new and this will take some time. Just wanted to know if it were possible.

Many of us probably remember masturbating at night with someone in the room - I did pretty much every night at boarding school, until (thank god lol) I got my own room as a junior. Doing so, I had to be totally relaxed and absolutely still; and, paradoxically, or maybe not, I had some of the sweetest, deepest, most profound orgasms of my life. It was then that I learned not to clench the prostate/pc muscle (didn't know what they were then haha) at all but let it happen voluntarily as a result of stimulating my erection. I sometimes thought I was going to leave our lovely earth. Anyway, I was thinking that this might be possible with the aneros: get up, slip it in, slip back into bed and let it happen, while she sleeps.

Of course, to reach that^ level, I need more experience; and towards that end I think I'll be able to do long sessions in my home office, which is pretty private; and, especially when she is out (about once a day, yoga, etc.) for an hour or so. Somehow I'll make it happen. After the first few weeks and the indications of pleasure that await me, I WILL make it happen if I have to rent a motel room by the hour lol.

Thanks everyone.

Katzy: This whole Aneros journey is as much a brain thing as it is a prostate thing. Seek out and use whatever you can that helps you focus your thoughts and and link your brain to your body and its function, sensations, and orgasmic reflexes. For me I started with Tantra, then went to Zen Meditation and then Mindful Breathing (kind of Yoga like). Using these tools my prostate, nipples, anus, corona and penile bulb are all hard wired. After I had basic skills it was ultimately rewiring that aligned everything for me and allowed me to put it all together. In the end I began exponentially more sensual in my perspective and how I lead my daily life as an erotically attuned man.

Katzy: This whole Aneros journey is as much a brain thing as it is a prostate thing. Seek out and use whatever you can that helps you focus your thoughts and and link your brain to your body and its function, sensations, and orgasmic reflexes. For me I started with Tantra, then went to Zen Meditation and then Mindful Breathing (kind of Yoga like). Using these tools my prostate, nipples, anus, corona and penile bulb are all hard wired. After I had basic skills it was ultimately rewiring that aligned everything for me and allowed me to put it all together. In the end I began exponentially more sensual in my perspective and how I lead my daily life as an erotically attuned man.

Thanks gnawdol!

Okay, so it's been a short while - and I have been handed the most bizarre solution to my problem I expressed in the first post to this thread.

Every time I have some real time alone, I have made use of the aneros - and I make huge progress. But that's not that often, about twice a week so far.

However when I go to sleep at night with my wife (anerolessly), I notice that my prostate is, well, idling. The thing is, I have zero expectations when I crawl into bed; in fact, usually I just want to sleep; and, most of all, I don't want to tip off my wife - so I don't move, and I half-hope at the start that it will go away.

It doesn't. And so it happens: I spend the next two hours or so - sometimes more, sometimes less - in total ecstasy. My mind blown, my body refreshed yet tired, I then finally try to refocus my mind away from my prostate (the only real way to turn off the idling - rather, it's still idling but it stays in idle and doesn't further bother me) - but then I find that my wife is tossing and turning and practically in heat with horniness. So then she and I go at it for an hour or so. Best sex ever. She's like wtf at my staying power, etc.

The strange thing is, I hadn't moved a muscle; so I cannot be keeping her up by movement. And yet, she is somehow unable to really sleep. And it turns out, that she's quite horny - I love my wife, she's great, but this has never happened before. Now it happens often.

So, this thread has sort of been answered. I don't know what more to say. I am so glad I stuck an aneros in me - it woke my prostate, I am having orgasms almost whenever I want, I go into multi-hour writhing in a kind of orgasmic bliss at night; and, my wife is horny more frequently (don't ask me how, but she is.)

Thanks to Aneros; and to all of you!

@Katzy, I really like your metaphor for an awakened prostate "...idling...", just waiting for you to put the 'pedal to the metal' ! The Aneros journey presents us with such unexpected, yet oh so pleasant, sensations. There doesn't seem to be any rational explanation for these changes other than we're creating a new reality for ourselves every day and ironically we may also be changing the reality of those loved ones we live with as well, whether they are aware of it or not. Krazy ain't it!
Good Vibes to You !

@Katzy, I really like your metaphor for an awakened prostate "...idling...", just waiting for you to put the 'pedal to the metal' ! The Aneros journey presents us with such unexpected, yet oh so pleasant, sensations. There doesn't seem to be any rational explanation for these changes other than we're creating a new reality for ourselves every day and ironically we may also be changing the reality of those loved ones we live with as well, whether they are aware of it or not. Krazy ain't it! Good Vibes to You !

Yes, it's as if it's "waiting" for me to focus on it and allow it to do its thing.

How can it be that - without physically affecting her in any way I can think of - I am keeping her awake and she's getting horny too?

It's frankly amazing.

@Katzy, perhaps your wife only has a good sense for smell?
Women can smell man's intentions!
Cheers, Mart

I told my wife a few years ago...I approached it from the health angle but with the side benefits of highly pleasurable orgasms...she is very accepting of my practice...I use it 2 times a week in bed while she is sleeping next to me. Occasionally my breathing and movements wake her but she doesn’t mind and goes back to sleep. I must admit that I do try avoid disturbing her and feel I could have more intense sessions alone, but it’s hard for me to get that kind of privacy. Never the less, my sessions are very pleasurable with several orgasms. I don’t believe body shaking is necessary to optimize a session, however vocalization does seem to pay dividends for me.

I would strongly encourage telling your wife that you have an aneros and use it for health benefits. First, they are good for prostate health - very good - my urologist and family physician both highly recommend regular moderate use of the various aneros and the more modest sized njoy [different company - stainless steel] products, so long as you get the real thing and not knock-offs. [The concern about knockoffs is that the plastic may not be medical grade and the stainless steel not medical safe in the knockoffs - the real deals are both fine]. Also, if there is any sign before starting such "therapy" of problems, get checked to make sure there is not any infection in the prostate. Sexual pleasure is a welcome side benefit of use. My wife is very sexually conservative [not at all conservative otherwise 🙂 ] but years ago [2002 to be exact] I bought my first aneros and told her about it. I have no idea of your age, but prostate health can be looked at from a couple perspectives. First, for a certain age on up [40, 45, 50, 55 the sources seem to vary] such devices may assist in treating mild BPH and may avoid the need for medication, allow for lower doses or shorter treatment periods etc. If you are a younger guy, regular use may help you to avoid BPH in the first place.

@Katzy, perhaps your wife only has a good sense for smell?
Women can smell man's intentions!
Cheers, Mart

Wow, that's fascinating! 🙂

It may be that. I was wondering something along the lines that she could feel/sense the energy radiating from me when I'm doing a Aneroless session next to her at night - I experience such exquisite pleasure, it's hard to believe that I'm not throwing off SOME kind of field. This coming from a guy who's highly skeptical of woo. : )

Katzy: This whole Aneros journey is as much a brain thing as it is a prostate thing. Seek out and use whatever you can that helps you focus your thoughts and and link your brain to your body and its function, sensations, and orgasmic reflexes. For me I started with Tantra, then went to Zen Meditation and then Mindful Breathing (kind of Yoga like). Using these tools my prostate, nipples, anus, corona and penile bulb are all hard wired. After I had basic skills it was ultimately rewiring that aligned everything for me and allowed me to put it all together. In the end I began exponentially more sensual in my perspective and how I lead my daily life as an erotically attuned man.

Okay, so I've been thinking about this life-changing (for me) discovery of aneroless bliss/orgasms - and how I can "bring' it into lovemaking with my wife.

If I could totally relax and not ejaculate (it's nearly impossible ejaculate when one is totally relaxed - but then again it's admittedly hard to detrain ourselves and totally relax when in bed with a woman, especially when you are inside her), then our lovemaking could turn into something rather amazing: if I can have this bliss alone and aneroless, why can't I have it while making love to my wife?

Has anyone any advice about going about this^^?

This article is rather fascinating: https://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza

@Katzy, being inside your wife is quite the opposite of Penis NOT, why it may need some more than only clicking the Aless switch.

@Katzy, being inside your wife is quite the opposite of Penis NOT, why it may need some more than only clicking the Aless switch.

I see what you mean - however, when I was playing around last night with her, I was very hard and I began to totally relax and not move much and I have to say that it seemed to me possible to keep doing that and achieve a kind of orgasm that was not penis-centered. Maybe I'm fooling myself and just need to keep going to try it and prove myself wrong lol. But I did feel a bit of what they are talking about in that article I posted.

I'm thinking about this in part because my aneros sessions leave me feeling absolutely refreshed and aroused; and now that I have that feeling to compare to what it feels like to ejaculate, I'm rather preferring the former. Especially because ejaculate orgasms leave me feeling a bit depressed/fatigued - I suppose I had noticed this before, but now that I've experienced something much better, it's almost as if I could take or leave ejaculating. And so that's how I happened upon that article and was wondering how to make love to my wife with this - for me - new way of orgasming.

@Katzy, I've read about What Is Karezza? before, though I disagree with some of their basic assumptions regarding bodily responses, I did find this :

We found it helped to have some structure, because ingrained habits die hard. The more radically and thoroughly we alter our behavior when creating a new pathway in the brain, the easier it is to create one.

I agree with this, this is essentially the point @Cockadoodle ’s thread Penis, NOT makes about the transition from penile based orgasms to prostate based orgasms. However, once these new pathways are well established, thanks to neuroplasticity, even more varied combinations of behaviors become possible. Thus, you may then employ these new learned techniques in combination with previously learned behaviors to create even more new possibilities.

If I could totally relax and not ejaculate (it's nearly impossible ejaculate when one is totally relaxed - but then again it's admittedly hard to detrain ourselves and totally relax when in bed with a woman, especially when you are inside her), then our lovemaking could turn into something rather amazing: if I can have this bliss alone and aneroless, why can't I have it while making love to my wife?

IMHO, you can have this but it will require both of you to be cooperating partners, with compatible goals for your lovemaking sessions.

...when I was playing around last night with her, I was very hard and I began to totally relax and not move much and I have to say that it seemed to me possible to keep doing that and achieve a kind of orgasm that was not penis-centered. Maybe I'm fooling myself and just need to keep going to try it and prove myself wrong lol. But I did feel a bit of what they are talking about in that article I posted.

I don't think you are fooling yourself at all, you are discovering the multiple paths of sensual awareness Aneros use can introduce for men with an open mind. Learning to experience a different, better type of orgasm apart from the traditional ejaculatory orgasm can have a life changing effect, you are on that path and if you can seduce your wife into joining you on that journey so much the better. Rather than 'Karezza', you might want to look into Devotional Sex or Tantric/Taoist sexual practices. Additionally, many men have found the KSMO protocol highly complimentary to their Aneros practice. KSMO is another pathway toward MMO's and for some it may be a more effective path than the Aneros. You may find further information about Jack Johnston's "Key Sound Multiple Orgasm" protocol (KSMO) at his website! This is a protocol which works effectively for both men and women so it is a learning process your wife and you can both undertake together.

I also agree with @thorny that it is important that you have open and honest communication about this activity with your wife and allow her to help you move forward to a mutually deepening level of intimacy,
Good Vibes to You !

I see what you mean - however, when I was playing around last night with her, I was very hard and I began to totally relax and not move much and I have to say that it seemed to me possible to keep doing that and achieve a kind of orgasm that was not penis-centered. ...

Exactly what I meant. You could enjoy it this way but what might be left for her? If you don't involve her, it all might become very difficult and maybe misunderstood. Only my two cents here, and only to answer your response - without having had the time yet to read that article you linked to or the other answers here. At a glance I noticed links about Tantra in rumel's answer and would add a recommendation of Barbara Carrella's URBAN TANTRA (link to the big "a", but please consider to give your local bookstore a chance), especially dealing with both sides, solo and partner sex and how to combine them. From my point of view an absolute must read. Cheers, Mart

@Katzy, I've read about What Is Karezza? before, though I disagree with some of their basic assumptions regarding bodily responses,

Thanks and I agree with everything you said; would you be willing to expand on that^? I'm very interested in what you have to say. As you know, I'm a noobie.

Exactly what I meant. You could enjoy it this way but what might be left for her? If you don't involve her, it all might become very difficult and maybe misunderstood. Only my two cents here, and only to answer your response - without having had the time yet to read that article you linked to or the other answers here. At a glance I noticed links about Tantra in rumel's answer and would add a recommendation of Barbara Carrella's URBAN TANTRA (link to the big "a", but please consider to give your local bookstore a chance), especially dealing with both sides, solo and partner sex and how to combine them. From my point of view an absolute must read. Cheers, Mart

Yes, well, this is another reason why I'm excited to have discovered Kareeza and/or Tantric sex - because this is certainly something I would feel comfortable sharing with my wife. And, of course, I would have to; it's not something I can do alone. It does seem like something very beautiful and something she and I would love.

I'm just trying to get a sense of the terrain and what's possible and how/what to pursue. Thus my post.

I may or may not tell her about the aneros; not sure it would be helpful, but at a certain point it might not be so "taboo" and it would be easier to tell her, down the line. For right now I'm just going to keep it to myself- it does, indeed, seem eminently complementary to Kareeza and/or Tantric sexuality.

... would you be willing to expand on that^?

Sure, no problem, from the What is Karezza? article...

You (like most other mammals) are programmed to be unable to find lasting sexual satisfaction with a mate by having more orgasms, because you have evolved to see a partner with whom you exhaust your sexual desire as less and less rewarding over time.

I don't quite agree with this supposition that nature has programmed us to be unable to sustain lasting sexual satisfaction, if this were the case then monogamous relationships would be nearly impossible to maintain. The Nature versus Nurture dilemma always crops up here. While evolutionary programming would spur both males and females to be sexually promiscuous for reproductive survival, the fact we have also evolved as interdependent social groups mitigates some of those behaviors in favor of sexual restraint, hence development of social conventions with regards to sexual relationships, which can and do change over time with religions and cultures.

Flirting with “the edge” can increase frustration, even if no one climaxes. Frustration equates with high dopamine, and when dopamine goes too high it can lead to tension, resentment, and subsequent cravings. Going too close to orgasm can also build congestion in the genitals, which may cause sharp pains. If you are fighting yourself, you are going too close to orgasm. If you are male, you are also putting unhealthy stress on your prostate gland.

I don't think dopamine equates to frustration, dopamine is released during pleasurable activities, it is part of our natural reward system to encourage behaviors which give us pleasure in addition to other mood and body effects, but not frustration. If a behavior is frustrating then dopamine release will be minimal, not high. Frustration is more a psychological condition brought on by expectations not being met. The conjecture that natural sexual arousal puts unhealthy stress on the prostate seems patently absurd to me, if that were so the human race would have vanished millennia ago.

The body “reads” bonding behaviors (like Karezza) as signals for feeling safe and getting closer. In contrast, it may not “read” performance-oriented lovemaking as a bonding signal, but rather as something more akin to a fight-or-flight activity. This powerful drive produces orgasms, but not necessarily profound feelings of safety or a desire to remain close.

Studies of our nearest primate relatives, the Bonobo chimpanzees, would indicate that it is the sexual activity itself which creates and maintains the social bonds, regardless of the reproductive biological aspect at work, so "reading" something else into the activity may be a stretch.

I don't have an objection to Karezza as one pathway to monogamous couples happiness but I don't see it as a singular path either. Would it work in polyamorous or lesbian/gay relationships, I don't know, perhaps. However, I think it might be an interesting path to explore, it might even lead one onto the Quest for Spiritual Orgasm.
Good Vibes to You !

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight rumel 🙂

I don't think dopamine equates to frustration, dopamine is released during pleasurable activities, it is part of our natural reward system to encourage behaviors which give us pleasure in addition to other mood and body effects, but not frustration. If a behavior is frustrating then dopamine release will be minimal, not high.