4 years later...

Hello,

I began using the aneros in Jan 2005. I have not yet had "the big O" as I've seen it described by others but, none-the-less, it has completely changed my life. The following story was posted to the anonymous blog that my wife and I have started -- comingtogether2008 at the blogger site -- and I thought i'd share it here.

Using the aneros, combined with mastering my ejaculation -- I did not ejaculate from Jan 2003 through Dec 2004 while still having sex and many marathon masturbation sessions -- has altered my body and my sexual response in ways unimaginable to me before I began this process.

Here you go:

I saw her for the first time...

I have had a strange sexual path. I cannot remember a time I was not masturbating to orgasm. I have clear memories of coming as I rubbed myself on the sheets of my bed at age 4. No ejaculation, of course, as my body was not yet equipped with the proper hardware for that to happen. Perhaps it was a pre-cursor for things to come.

My cock has been the tool that has led me to awakening. My desire for sex and the possiblities that come with that kind of connection have twice spurred me to completely change my life.

My erect, unashamed cock demanded that I let go of my fundamentalist Christian belief system at age 17 -- with the full knowledge that I was going to go to hell if I abandoned God. Much later it gave me the impetus to walk through the fires of the REAL hell I was living in to leave my asexual but loving wife of 17 years on whom I had allowed myself to become dependent. I had to become myself, over the screaming and painful objections of my weak parts, to honor the clear, incessant call to connect -- to really connect -- with a woman completely. I thought I just wanted better orgasms and good sex but I now understand that there was so much more in store for me.

That journey reached its end and a new beginning occured last Sunday.

I meditate. My first consistent meditative object, which I did not know was a meditative object, or that I was meditating on it, was a specialized anal dildo designed to awaken the sensations buried asleep deep inside the male prostate. Beginning years ago I would stick the thing up my ass and lay there trying to find the supposedly good sensations that it would bring up in me. For the first months there were none. An hour or so of focusing my mind on something that wasn't really there. Only numbness and a lack of focus.

Finally, after many repeated attempts I had a moment of rising pleasure. Then my mind got involved and deleted it. I could not focus on anything that actually felt good for very long because my belief about myself, buried deep inside, was that I didn't deserve to feel good. I, of course, had no idea that this was going on. It's only from here, in this place, that I can see.

That first moment of finding pleasure where there was seemingly none, led to years of work in which I learned to hold my mind on the pleasure in my body (and other things) for longer and longer periods of time. I mastered the ability to find the bliss that is always there -- even when I couldn't feel it at all. But I could only do this in isolation by myself. Whenever I brought a partner in to my sexual world my mind went wild with old thoughts and sensations that distracted me from what was actually present. I had moments of ecstasy with women but never really understood what created them and I certainly couldn't replicate them. They just "happened".

I met my wife two and half years ago. I walked into her yoga class at a time when the last thing I was looking for was a permanent connection with a woman. I had other things on my agenda for the next couple of years. I had come to do yoga, not connect with a woman.

After class we talked for a time. I can go right there to that very moment. I'm there now, actually. I can feel her earthy, sensual, overtly sexual energy contained in a magnificent lush, curvy body -- all constrained by a kind of wariness and anger. Medium sized but heavy breasts in a tight green low cut strappy yoga top. A pair of nipples clearly aimed at me. A sexy flat, narrow belly peeking out above her tight, low rise yoga pants. Beautifully flared hips below the lotus and fire tattoo visible on the strech of bare skin I could see on her lower back. The shape of her luscious pussy outlined beneath the dark stretchy fabric. When she turned to the side I could see the finest, roundest ass I have ever seen. High and proud on top of strong thighs. I'm an ass and leg man, for sure and you would think that I'd have been in heaven.

But I wasn't particularly -- I wasn't looking for a woman. I was more interested in talking yoga with the first person that I had ever met who had done the practice for 20 years. We chatted for a while and I found her fascinating enough to know that we would meet again. We did.

Several months later, after becoming a regular attendee at her Saturday morning yoga class, I asked her out for coffee. Three hours later I kissed her. Oh god. What a kiss. This was a REAL woman. Three days after that, on our second date, she looked me in the eyes with that fiery energy and, with absolutely no trace of shame, pulled her pants down. I licked that incredible, wet pussy forever that night. She came under my tongue.

I had met my match -- a fully sexual, awake woman. Our sex life was incredible. Hours in bed, and other places experiencing the full range of human sexual emotion. Fire, anger, lust, heat, passion, control, bliss. Each of us taking the other. Both of us taking turns submitting. Ever increasing levels of connection and moments of ecstatic bliss. Our common respect and admiration for the practices that brought us together was there from the beginning, too. Then came the beginnings of love.

Interestingly it was the love and bliss that were the most troublesome. Something magical would happen and our hearts would open and then we would both freak out. Our fights were as intense as our lovemaking. Awful actually. But she was brave. The most courageous woman that I've ever known. No matter what happened she stood toe to toe with me and looked me in the eye while we were exploding all over each other. I asked her to marry me. She said yes. We married in a memorable, loving ceremony by a river in Tennessee.

On Sunday last week we had been fighting for days. I felt completely disconnected from her. Angry, even, at something that had happened the day before. We are both insanely jealous. Jealousy issues have been on the table for many months with me, lately, as the one calling attention to the problems. I was laying on the bed in the early afternoon just bringing my mind to the incredibly intense energy flows in my body when she came in and laid down next to me. Just her movement into my field changed the sensations/energy in my body and we lay still, quietly, for a time. Then she put her hand on my hip and the energy began to shift. My cock began to awaken but not to rise. I began to direct the intense sensation at the head of my cock downward into my root -- the prostate. This created two energetic fields within my body. The cock energy flighty and needy, the root energy blissful and stable. Not demanding.

Despite 22 years of yoga practice my lovely wife was heavily resistant to actually doing anything consciously with her energy. Coming from a rudimentary practice of Chi-Kung I was amazed that there was almost no awareness and teaching of how to move and master energy in modern, western Hatha yoga. An hour and a half of Ashtanga yoga practice would leave me writhing on the floor as my energy rose, opened and flowed but I would have to mask the movements because no one else in the room would be experiencing them. I was strange, in the yoga world. Despite the fact that all of the old Hatha yoga texts explicitly state that the purpose of the practice of yoga postures is to raise and manage particular kinds of energy, it has been almost completely deleted from the practice in the United States. In the rare forms of the practice in which it is mentioned techniques are taught that have little or no effect. When I began talking about moving energy with my beautiful wife after we first connected she would go into agitation and get turned off. So, despite knowing what was possible, I let go.

With her hand on my hip, the energy flowing between my two lower centers and beginning to rise up the core of my body I started to kriya, or have spontaneous popping movements in my belly and lower back. I let go of my anger and started to describe out loud to her what it felt like inside my body and how the bliss was everywhere. It felt like the moment just before orgasm but it was extended -- without peaks -- and not just in my cock but in my back, my belly, my heart and my head. I said that this is so strong "you HAVE to be feeling it". Our connection is so strong that we can feel each other's internal states if we are still and look. She was quiet.

After a time as I my gently pulsed under her hand she said, "I can feel a slight tingling in my clit." I stepped out of my years of silence and told her to just allow her attention to rest on it while letting go of all other thoughts and sensations. She told me, after a time, that it was getting stronger. I told her to gently open up a channel between her clit and her root -- the area of the perineum up through the cervix -- and allow the sensation to flow there.

After a time she moaned softly. Hmmmmmm. Mmmmmmm. She felt the connection. We were laying unmoving on the bed. Just working with our minds on the sensations inside our bodies. I described what she was feeling -- the clit energy is "high" and flighty. The root energy is deep, calm and stable. She moaned gently in agreement. I told her to keep her attention on the two energies and just let them grow at their own pace.

After another time of silent pulsing I asked her how big the sensations were. She described them as fields all through and somewhat outside of her pelvis. I knew they were strong enough for the next step so I suggested that she begin to open up the core channel of her body and allow the energy from her pelvis to rise upward. We were silent for a long time. I could feel HER rising energy moving through MY body and I was beginning to approach utter bliss. Finally she writhed a little and moaned and said, "This energy is subtle." I was laying next to her in utter ecstasy so my comment was, "until it's not!" Suddenly her whole body arched and she uncontrollably moaned as she got her first taste of the bliss as it expanded. It was subtle no more. She was orgasming, we were physically still and mostly unmoving, her hand on my hip and mine by my sides. Or perhaps my hand was on her leg or hip -- I don't remember.

These kinds of orgasms are different than the peak and valley of ejaculatory or, for a woman, the convulsive spasms of final peaking over the edge. It feels, as I said above, like the moment before the explosion into orgasm but it lasts longer and can be never ending. The problem with finding this sensation when you first begin to look for it is that you "want" that orgasmic blast so you don't recognize the sheer power of the sensation prior to the blast. The act of drawing that pre-orgasmic bliss sensation into awareness, letting it be enough all by itself while letting go of the need for more allows it to grow into something rapturous that can consume the entire body -- as we were both fully experiencing in those moments. The sensation grows with no completing or exhausting "peak" even though it waxes and wanes in strength. The ultimate intensity is limited only by your body's ability to accept and channel the energy.

These channels take time to build, years in my case. I suspect that I'm still only open to a portion of what is eventually possible for me. My yogi wife has opened these channels through her years of practice and they lay ready in preparation for that moment and the moments to come, I think. We had both experienced this kind of sensation before, by ourselves and with other partners, but only in the context of a sexual high -- recruiting the body's circuits to artificially raise the energy to take us to bliss. It seems now, to me, like a kind of trance state. Less awareness rather than the heightened awareness I was experiencing with her right then. Those moments in the past were powerful but didn't last nor could we generate them at will.

We lay together for some time as I felt her begin to writhe and her moans increased. Finally I rolled over and told her to remove her pants as I removed mine. Despite all of this bliss my cock was not erect. In the presence of her glorious pussy the energy moved deeply and I grew as I inserted myself. Interestingly, she was not particularly lubricated. I had to cover my cock with coconut oil so as not to interrupt our internal process to take the time for her to get wet.

Then we lay still. Me on top and deep inside her but both of us unmoving except for tiny little movements of my cock and her pussy. We never lost the bliss as the sensations and energy of our sexual parts began to rise in alignment with the bliss. Time became endless and we were totally aware -- of our bodies, our physical connection, each other. There was only her....and me....and something new -- an US that I had never experienced before in quite that way. Our junk selves had fallen off and we were THERE! I saw my wife for the first time.

I have no idea how long we lay there barely moving but there finally came a time when movement seemed like the next correct thing to do. We began to rock together. It was effortless. My sexual energy was stable and solid with bliss all through my body and there was no need to climax or no control necessary to stop it. Eventually our movements increased and I could feel her approach conventional orgasm as she pulled my hips in rhythm. Her rise became my rise but there was no need to ejaculate. Her convulsions as she climaxed -- on top of her orgasms -- threw energy into my entire body. I felt her come.....inside of me. I peaked with her without ejaculating. The walls of her pussy massaged my cock in ways I had never felt before.

It was a complete experience for me. She told me the same. I remember every moment. I see her now as I saw her then.