So, anyway...

Not to sound rude, but your hubby does have as much right to a multiple orgasm as you. If i ever find a girl and she says no to me using the Aneros, then it was never meant to be with us. me and MMO's are a package.
Im sure he loves you to pieces, every part of you, and wouldnt give that up for anything But denying him somthing he has every right to experience because you are worried he will "lose interest" in you is kind of sad IMO and will only damage things in the long run. If he wants it (Aneros), you've got to let him have it. I also dont think youl regret it either.

Sorry if i sound like im venting, ive just heard theres going to be alot more redundancies at my job:(
So dont take it personaly.

Johntrevy.

I'm not "denying" him anything. I found this product, I told him about it and I will be the one buying it for him; he hasn't expressed a whole lot of interest in it beyond being willing to try it if I want him to. If he really wanted to have it we would already own one and I would be looking to find ways to deal with it as he used it. Instead I have the luxury of doing so beforehand. I would never stop him from doing something he found pleasurable unless I thought it would hurt him or it was something I found to be too distasteful, in which case we probably wouldn't be together anyway.

Johntrevy:I am hearing ya buddy! My chick don't like me owning or using the Aneros...period! And its heading towards the point of no return!

Buttercup:No problem...we are here to help each other and share!

I would never stop him from doing something he found pleasurable unless I thought it would hurt him

Man I wish my woman shared your sentiments! Unfortunately she is more like

or it was something I found to be too distasteful, in which case we probably wouldn't be together anyway.

Thanks for your reply on your other thread...yeh well as you must know, I've tried just about everything for her and with her, so why she would feel threatened by a little piece of plastic I don't know....but on the whole she is not very into anything cept normal sex and to be honest sex twice a month just doesn't cut it for me...although since taking the fish oil she has been more "accommodating" but not much! 🙁 And she is finding my Aneros use very distasteful indeed.... When confronted about my need for sex...she replies with.."Thats not my problem" and that's that.....

"That's not my problem"? I'm sorry, if you are in a relationship anything that affects your partner IS your problem. Unless there is a physical reason preventing her from at least trying to accomodate you a bit more often (or an emotional one, like she's been raped or something equally traumatic), I don't feel she's being fair to you; of course, there may be more to it than you've related here, maybe even something you are unaware of.

I do understand the mindset however, because I've been known to have the same attitude and it's always been because of suppressed anger. Women are complicated (we don't mean to be...), and if we are upset about something it can affect our desire. Either you two will work it out eventually or one of you will become ready to call it a day and move on.

I'm fairly adventurous sexually IF I feel I can trust my partner; I'm lucky to have a husband that I know will not hurt me and will enjoy pleasuring me, so it's a simple thing for me to return the favor.

Dear Little Buttercup, Sweet Little Buttercup, aye!

Thank you so much, dear Buttercup, for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us Martians. You have touched our hearts. Now something quite amazing is happening - men are opening up about their marriages and expressing their frustrations, heart-aches, and their deepest longing for a loving intimate relationship with their Venusians. Sexually, many of us are desperately lonely and depressed. I guess that's why we go off into our caves and make love to ourselves. And then we rave about our super-O's and the hours we spend in profound orgasmic bliss and altered states of consciousness, and we'll even feel energized and rejuvenated, but deep down inside we are terribly lonely.

I found the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" highly illuminating, and many things about my wife that had been a complete mystery and the source of much misunderstanding and heartache, once understood, actually became quite fascinating and even attractive! However, I was terribly disheartened that my wife would not read the book because she "doesn't need to." She thinks she already understands me, but she doesn't. Understanding has to be both ways. I highly recommend the book to all you lonely guys, but your wives need to read it too. Then I believe your intimacy would grow in leaps and bounds.

May God bless you Buttercup with great happiness and joy with your husband, now and always.

Love,

GT

Dear GrandTiger-

Thank you so much for your beautiful post! 😀 Oddly enough, what you said about being lonely and depressed being the reasons so many men are devoting so much time to aneros use is exactly what my husband has theorized. That was why I asked the questions I did in my first post.

I've never read that book (although I'm aware of it), but we had much the same thing happen in our marriage as what you describe. We met in 1991 and have been together in one way or another since the first meeting, but unfortunately more than half of that time our relationship was pretty much as a lot of the ones described here are-we lived together, parented our children, but we weren't a team or even much of a couple because we had withdrawn from each other and shut down emotionally. I wouldn't refuse my husband sex but I wouldn't initiate it either, so the periods of time between sexual episodes got longer and longer, until one day I was unable to recall the last time we'd been together.

Then my husband became ill, not immediately life threatening but serious enough that they had to take action to try to fix the problem, and I suddenly found myself in a bit of a quandry; of course I would take care of him, he was my husband, but I was surprised to find how concerned I was and how willing I was to do whatever I needed to to help him recover. After thinking very long and very deeply (I don't do much without thinking it out first, especially something as important as this), I told him one night that I had realized I was still in love with him. As bad as things had been between us, I didn't expect him to believe me or to respond in kind, and I knew I wasn't being fair by hitting him with this when he was already dealing with so much, but amazingly enough he immediately opened up and we spent his entire recovery time talking everything out that had gone bad in our marriage without any anger or recriminations, and we came out of it very stongly bonded and very much in love with each other again. And since we trusted each other fully for the first time, our sex life went from non-existent to spectacular.

I realize the chances of years of tension and problems being washed away that easily are astronomical and I give all the credit for that to him; if he hadn't responded the way he did I never would have been able to overcome the past so quickly, but it was like giving water to a dying plant-as soon as I told him I loved him he opened right up, and we discovered we both had been terribly lonely.

So now that we have something that is so special we want to keep it, and we both are on guard against anything interfering with it and sending us down that same road again. That's why I can want him to have the pleasure from the aneros so much, but still be so worried that it could cause him to draw away from me again.

Hi buttercup. I've read both of your threads (the first one was a doozy near the end! I was so stressed after reading it I felt like I needed a cigarette and I haven't smoked in soon to be 6 years!) What I can tell you from my perspective was that I too was worried about being replaced, but... my hubby has had it for *shrugging* a couple of months now?... and it really hasn't become a problem. Honest. During the week (unless I'm really horny) we don't have sex (because of how time works out), so that is his time and during the weekend is our time. Usually by Sunday I'm getting sore and my sex-o-meter is wearing down cuz I've been satisfied and satiated so that he has time for himself during the day. (during the week the only time he has is right before bed and then I don't think he really gets enough time to work with it.) For now, he has said that it doesn't do anything for him during sex or when getting off during masturbating. I was kinda surprised by that cuz so many of the guys on here say that the feelings are stronger, but... I guess that is just how it is for him. I wish it did though cuz I like the thought of adding that to our sex life in that way. Oh well... I don't know if what I wrote helped, but I hope so. I guess you could say that we set time aside for just him and what he needs/wants to do.

GrandTiger - thank you for your informative post. I'm not as poetic with my writing as you are, but I got a lot from what you were saying. Whenever I've felt that my husband needed to talk or was upset or whatever, I've always said to him, "I'm not a mind-reader, I can't fix anything unless I know what is bothering you." Maybe your book suggestion will help me to understand him better. I will have to go and get the book. I am sorry that your wife would not read it, it never hurts to try to understand your spouse better and put yourself in their shoes.

As for multiple orgasms.... never been there, done that. I WISH!! As it is, I work very hard to have the one that I do and that's all I get and a couple of aftershocks.... yup, I'm reading Zanes book! 😀

-C

Hi musicman! Our schedules make it difficult to find time to be together during the week too, but we usually find a way to sneak in some time somewhere. This week it has been virtually impossible to do so and I'm finding that I miss my husband and resent losing that time; I can't wait for Saturday, lol!

I can see my hubby having problems at first also when he gets his aneros, if only because he knows I've been worrying about it, but I've been trying to jumpstart the process by stimulating his prostate myself. Not only will that help him physically (I hope), it's also helping him get used to the thought of having something down there; he doesn't really have anything against it, but anal play of that sort is new to him. Finding out how pleasurable it is certainly has helped, lol. If nothing else I believe having it in when we have sex will enhance the experience, because the more excited he is the more excited I get.

untill he gets it..stop fretting...get it for him..ur driving urself crazy...ohh lawdd..sorry..

buttercup, you'll never know till you get him one. 🙂 If anything, maybe once he's done "working out" maybe offer your "services" to finish his session for him 😉 and while he's working out (before you would get together) you could be imagining him and how he's feeling and getting excited and in turn that could very well excite you. Or maybe get yourself the gyneflex (www.gyneflex.com) and "workout" with him at the same time or the new... what is it called.... peredise? I think that's what it's called. I know I went on to www.highisland.com last night to check it out. Plan to order one for me. Purely out of curiosity. One time while my hubby was "working out" I was "working out" with my gyneflex and then when I got to a point that I was really horny, I just watched him feeling good and masturbated and got off myself. Then because of hearing me, he wanted to get off with me. A win, win 😛

As for the prostate message, I've done that twice and to what seems to be favorable response. Have you ever tried nipple play with your hubby? Over the last year or so we've gotten my hubby into that and he really enjoys it! The one time I was messaging his prostate, I was also playing with his nipple with my left hand and licking and sucking on the other one while he masturbated. I was unbelievably turned on just because I could tell what he was feeling felt so good to him. He was a very happy man at that exact point in time. 😀

As for our sex only during the weekends... it'll be interesting to see how it goes with Zanes diet and if it works for me and how that may play out during the middle part of the week. I know I would personally love to have an orgasm easier! lol!!!

Oh, and I was the one who ordered my hubby his first Aneros and got it for him. I don't know if he would have ever taken the step to prostate stimulation otherwise... The first was the Helix and now he also has the MGX. I have heard really good things about the Progasm... but don't know if now would be too soon since he's just in the beginning stages.... or if the Progasm is even the next logical Aneros. ?????? I guess time will tell.

EZ (ohh lawdd), you're funny! p.s. I'm gonna have my hubby check out your thread for your new way to find your sweet spot (was that right?) TY

Take care and have a good weekend.

-C

p.s. You never know, maybe he won't really get anything from it at first and his sessions will be hit or miss or it could be the greatest thing to have been brought into your bedroom. I will say, my vibrator could never replace my husband. Plastic never feels as good as the real thing! EVER! Mmmmm *shivering* 😈

RUSH - If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice (a quote from one of my fav bands)

Wow two awesomely open minded ladies in one place! lol

buttercup:I agree with you fully and no there is nothing holding her back cept a lack of a sex drive! Complicated?? Woman?? Pffft naaa...who ever would have thought that? lol! If you can call being upset for the last 2 years and then getting more and more upset something...then yeh maybe!

Wow buttercup you also had it rough hey....but you stuck it through and now look where you are? I'm supposed to marry this girl very soon...been engaged for over two years now...and I just keep putting it off cos I'm not sure if she is "the one"?? Half of me wants to marry her and see what happens and hopes it gets better and the other half of me is tired of taking her crap for 7 years and wants to move on.....

I'm definitely the adventurous one...and I would never hurt her and certainly enjoy pleasuring her....so this is why I'm a bit confused as to why she's not interested in sex any more.....maybe she is not attracted to me any more? I dunno...

Grandtiger:Read that book a few years ago! Definitely worth a read! Very er...eye-opening! hehe

mm's wife: Always a pleasure reading your posts!

Hmmm, I thought I mentioned that I had decided to order already, gonna have to go back and take a look, maybe I imagined it. I've been holding off because it sounds like the time between ordering and receiving the aneros is pretty short, and like I said, I've been awfully busy this week; I'm fairly sure hubby would not even open the package unless I was here, and knowing that we finally had it but weren't using it would have driven me nuts.

I've also been debating what I should buy first. I was looking at just the MGX, then I saw so many people having success with the Helix so I was torn, but THEN I saw the special that includes both of them and I knew that was the one for us. I think we will also be getting the Peridise, not only because of the medical benefits but because something that small may make hubby more comfortable to start off with. Plus, it will give us a nice variety, lol.

I did start some nipple play a few months ago after reading here how effective it was; not much success yet, but I probably don't spend as much time on it as I should.

CW-I have 2 observations for you, purely nothing more than a women's point of view:

1) If you're not sure she's "the one", she probably isn't. When you meet "the one", you don't have to wonder about it. Of course, people change and circumstances change, so sometimes "the one" at one point in your life isn't "the one" at another point

2) As much as you've spoken about her, I can't find where you've said you love her. Pretty interesting, don't you think?

buttercup:That MGX and the Helix special with the rectal syringe...thats the one I took! You cant go wrong!

Yep your quite right about it....when we first started dating I was the one who kept thinking yup shes the "the one" but now....er....ya dunno hey....
And as for the love....well I do...but its faded over the years as she continued to reject me time and time again....shes not very affectionate..and only in the first 1 year of our relationship was she affectionate...then she couldn't get enough of me, sex 3 times a day(not always but you know what I mean) etc etc...then between the 2 and 3 year mark she changed....stopped being so affectionate, and sorta lost interest...and I was determined to make it work so I struggled on, taking the temper tantrums, the threats to leave, all the shit she gave me, but even when it came to a point twice around the 4-5 year and said if you want to leave there is the door...I wont stop you if you want to go...and both times she chose to stay and try to make it work...and now we have fallen into a sort of numbing routine....complacency if you will....and its this rut I'm getting very tired of......

CW...i just saw where on another of buttercups threads u guys now have a child together...thats a life long bond..married or not...now..not being married to her with this situation...i can understand more clearly your i want to work it out n be with her situation...for the sake of the child or for u guys relationship?
marriage has its ups n downs..we've had a few...and i really hate to say this..BUT...if you wanna be with her and you think maybe ya'll can make a go of it as a married couple...raising this child..her objections to ur aneros use might be the blocking point in the way...she may be now looking to u to be a father figure...good husband shes looking for...u see what i mean man? it may seem to her like ur {perverted} sex needs...forgive me best thing i could think of...as she sees it...makes u not qualify as a good husband...am i making sense..trying too..

she might be turning off to you sexually..shit ..i'm confused...anywho...tell me i'm dumb...good luck/...

That's an excellent point evil-zombie, sort of the reverse of men who have trouble seeing their wives sexually once they've become mothers. Suddenly the woman is cast in a different light in the man's mind as something pure and untouchable rather than the hot number they used to lust after; there may have been a seismic shift in her thinking as well-when I had my first child his needs and wants became paramount to me, mine were second (it was not an easy delivery and I was forced to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of my child), which left hubby kind of out in the cold for awhile. Since our relationship was already somewhat rocky this just aggravated the situation; I have to say though, hubby pitched in and was an excellent father from the start. The birth of our second child marked the point where our whole relationship went to hell and we stopped even trying. 🙁

EZ:lol no problem, thanks man! Yeh the kid is the only reason right now why I havent kicked her out and why I'm still trying after 7 years to make it work...but like buttercup said now with the arrival of the child its made a bad situation worse.....

The Aneros has nothing to do with her still wanting to marry me..., infact even today she mentioned us just going to the courts and getting married legally right there cos we struggling for cash at the mo with all the baby stuff we buying.......So I must still be good husband material, I better damn well be, all the shit I've put up with and being faithful since the beginning!....but now I'm the one holding back cos I fully believe once you married....its for life...even tho I'm not religious I guess I'm kinda old fashioned?

buttercup:The loss is on her side not mine..I wanted her before, during and after the pregnancy! And I fully understand her not wanting sex, being tired etc etc...but the problem started waaay before the kid even came long or was thought of.....And I do help out where I can....changing nappies, feeding , taking over so she can sleep that little bit extra in the morning, bathing him, washing and sterilizing the bottles etc etc...so I'm not a dead beat dad...but if we break up, she will have to take the baby...and I'm fine with that long as I can take him on weekends......

There is always that nasty point of looking at a couple with kids that has split and say...what the hell...couldn't you make it work? and I used to laugh at them...and now I'm looking at the same situation.... 🙁

Buttercup! Please let us know how your Peridise testing goes? I saw on the other thread you have ordered it or are the process of ordering it? We need a female perspective here! lol

Hello CrimsonWonder,

Please don't think about quiting your relationship and "moving on". You say that marriage is for life, but you already ARE married. The ceremony, whether civil or religious, is a formality. Separation now would be just as emotionally devastating to you as if you were legally married. Please read the Mars-Venus book again, with your beloved wife (she IS your wife). Love is a decision. Make that decision, both of you. Pray together, if you've never prayed then start now. If needed then seek preferably Christian counseling and support. Tell your wife that you love her no matter what. And remember the "points" system described in the book; chores only get you one point! You can and you will succeed, that is God's will and He will help you, so be encouraged.

God bless,

GT

Thank you dear Buttercup for sharing your very encouraging testimony. God has blessed you and your husband so much, and I pray He will continue to bless you always. You are surely a blessing to us.

CrimsonWonder, I pray you too will be greatly encouraged by Buttercup's testimony.

God bless,

GT

CW-What I actually meant was, maybe how she sees you is different now that you have a child; now you might be more of the provider/father figure instead of the lover in her mind. Or, I could be way off base here, who knows?

As far as input on the Peridise from the female perspective...I will eventually use them, but I'm more interested in hubby using them first. Us using them together at the same time may happen in the future, but I like to concentrate on one thing at a time in bed (eg, I'm not a big fan of 69). I admit to being curious as to just what they can do for someone without a prostate, so it will be interesting for me too. They should arrive in just a few more days but I'm not sure we'll be able to try them out until next Monday because of schedules and kids.

GT-I'm not overly religious, but I do agree that having a husband like mine is definitely a blessing. We appreciate each and every moment that we have together now and are working hard not to ever go down that path again.

GrandTiger:I sort of agree with you....but I sort of dont? Yes we are practically married, and I've even gotten used to people saying "Your wife" when she is my fiancé but...emotionally I'm dead inside...I haven't felt anything for her in about 3 years? Affection yes...but love...no...sorry that died a few months after the second time she told me she doesn't know if she loves me or not and if she does its more like a brother/best friend than a lover....

She also told me a few weeks go that one of the reasons she doesn't like having sex with me so much is that seeing my face in pleasure turns her off....its sad that all that was hurt was my pride and my ego.....

So umm no....separation would NOT be quite so devastating......What I will miss is the convenience....the cooked meals at night, the presence of living with someone...what I wont miss is the temper, her bad moods, yelling at the neighbours, treating me like shit, brushing me off time and time again when I want to hug or a kiss or touch her face or look into her eyes or anything remotely loving....no, I am entitled to some love and affection in return for my giving love and affection, if anything its this that has slowly strangled my love for her....

She doesn't like reading any men and woman self explanation books, believe me I've tried.

Thanks but no thanks on the praying thing...as I said I'm not religious at all.

Buttercup:Ahh...could be...you never know!

Hi Crimsonwonder,

I have stayed out of this thread up until now. Your quote:

I am entitled to some love and affection in return for my giving love and affection

No truer words were spoken. I wish you luck during these trying times and hope that it turns out the best way it can.

Take care.

I have to give it to you, CrimsonWonder, you have certainly gone the extra mile, not just the extra mile but countless extra miles, and I wonder what in the world has gotten into your fiance for her say such terribly cruel things to you. To be honest, I just don't know how I would have reacted after being put down like that. I know for sure that I would feel like walking out and going to some far away place and starting over a whole new life. And certainly those words would have totally snuffed out any last remnants of any love that was left in my heart.

So what in the world has changed your fiance this much since the time when you loved each other so much? Why has she become so hard hearted? It seems she has built a wall, not just between the two of you, but probably all around her so no one can get in, and inside she is a complete mess.

Do you both have a mutual friend, or couple, whom you can confide in, someone you both love and to whom you could open your heart to? If there is such a person and you, alone, were to explain the whole situation, perhaps they could very gently get your fiance to open up. I suspect she has tons of stuff pent up inside and that it would be a tremendous relief for her if only she could open up and let it all out. A female friend with whom you have confided could perhaps invite your fiance out to go shopping, or anything, and then invite her back to her place for coffee, anything to provide the opportunity to talk girl talk.

Your situation, as heart braking as it is and as hopeless as it may seem, is not beyond hope. The woman you once loved and who once loved you is still there buried somewhere deep inside her self-made bunker. I sincerely hope that someone will help bring her out and that your love for each other will be re-ignited and burn even brighter than ever before. This has happened to couples before, so it is possible, and it can happen to you too. This would be the happiest solution for all. Visualize it; don't give up hope just yet ...

CW-sounds to me like you know you have to get out of this. Are cooked meals and "convenience" really worth the way it sounds like you are living? How convenient is it to live with someone who makes your life so miserable? It's unfortunate that a child has been brought into this, but believe me, it won't do that child any good to be raised in this atmosphere; what are they going to learn? That men deserve to be treated this way? That this is what a relationship should be?

You won't get out until you are ready to get out, but for your sake I hope it's soon. Hubby and I weren't much better off when he got sick and we did manage to turn things around, but the odds against that happening were so astronomical that I still can't believe we did it. If anything was going to make me believe in miracles it would be that and I don't know why we would have been chosen to have such good fortune. Chances are more likely that when you end things it will get even more nasty and messy, but if you can just stick to it and believe that you deserve better you'll eventually come out the other side better off. Take some time to be alone and recover before starting in on a new relationship; you won't find someone who accepts you unless you accept you first. Best of luck to you.

You speak wisely dear Buttercup.

Crimson Wonder, I had hoped that Buttercup's experience and testimony would greatly encourage you, and that there may still be a glimmer of hope for you and your fiance if by any means she can be reached inside her nuclear-hardened bunker.

I think Buttercup is right. Get out now and spend some time alone before even thinking about another relationship. It will do both of you good to be apart. But don't forget, as Buttercup and her husband experienced, miracles do happen. So sail out, but don't burn your boat before seeing what develops. I sincerely wish the very best for you.

Wow...I'm overwhelmed with your guys awesome replies....I thought I was going to get flamed! I'm not usually one to pour out my problems, specially online....but I am hurting and it had to come out I guess.

Buster:Thanks!

Grandtiger:I don't think she even thought of it as being cruel...it just came out one day and that was that. Yeh I was shocked, hurt and deeply wounded the first time, the second time hurt almost but not quite as bad. Yes I've gone thru the "Drop everything to start fresh somewhere else" phase too..but couldn't pull it off due to thinking the grass is not always greener on the other side!(ie:Coward) lol

What happened to her..I have no idea..your guess is as good as mine! I know I have always been the same affectionate guy she moved 700km's to be with. As for the mess...yup I fully agree with ya! She needs to see a shrink and I've told her that a few times and even offered to go to sex therapy or couples counselling with her...but we couldn't really afford more than one session a month so that kinda fell away.

Friends thing wouldn't really work out...I don't like most of her friends....good idea tho!
lol @ self made bunker...very apt description! That would be the fairy tale ending.....once apon a time I wanted that too...but now...hmmmm. Ya I'm certainly not going into another relationship any time soon ifwhen we break up. Sail out but don't burn your boat... I like that!

Anyway thanks for all your kind words and support!

Buttercup:You sound like my friend after the 3 year mark! Did I listen....noooo *sigh* But at the same time its not like we have a bad home atmosphere..we hardly fight , and we act as a couple should....but we just don't have the intimate things a couple does...if that makes sense. We still hold hands when we watch tv, and hold hands while walking outside, and I am still very affectionate etc etc. But I suppose its hardly a loving environment between us...only towards the baby?

As for getting out...I have been putting off breaking up with her for 3 or 4 years now and she knows I would almost never leave her (strangely enough she figured that out after the 1-2 year mark and then things went south)unless she was either cheating on me or I was very very unhappy....and now its coming to that but she doesn't see it.......

Time alone huh? The single man's words he wants to hear the least! lol. I hated being single...hated being alone...probably another reason why I put it off for so damn long....But you are right..I need to accept me before someone else will...nicely said 🙂

Yeh you and your hubby are the exception to the rule! Kudos to you!
Thanks for all your amazing insight and kind words!