My Lover likes things up his butt

Only if he is very experienced with anal play would I start of with the progasm. The helix or the mgx would be the one best suited to start of with. I use these alone and with my wife and have never had problems with tenderness after ejaculation or obtaining erections. If he is going to start the super-O journey I would suggest reading as much as he can from this website and if a question that needs to addressed then post a message.

la

Hi NunyaGA,

Welcome to the Forum,

There are a couple of areas you may wish to check out in the WIKI for information. The “Misconceptions” section - http://wiki.malegspot.com/index.php?title=Misconceptions and “Women Too” - http://wiki.malegspot.com/index.php?title=Women_Too , as far as choosing a model you can also check out “Choosing a Model” at the end of http://wiki.malegspot.com/index.php?title=Aneros_Basics
My suggestion regarding the first time introduction is to just make the Aneros a present in celebration of your getting back together but let him do some reading up on the Aneros before introducing it into your lovemaking sessions, as there is much to learn to maximize his enjoyment of this remarkable little device. For the time being, this will take away any pressure to “perform” with the Aneros inserted. It should be noted that Aneros usage sometimes induces men into flaccid penile states, which could be disconcerting if performance is an issue for him. Also be sure to check out the PM I sent to you.

Hi NunyaGA,

Welcome, I’m a straight, married 44yo who is very fortunate to have a Wife that is very open sexually. I love anal play and have absolutely no interest in “trolling the gay scene looking for action”. You just have a guy that likes ass play. Enjoy it. My Wife and I have had a great time together since getting my 1st Aneros. I ordered a Helix after reading this forum for about a month. The day it came, I think she was as if not more excited about it. She inserted it for me and needless to say, we had a GREAT TIME. She later told me that that was the Hottest thing she has ever done and, I have to admit, I’ve had never seen her as “horned up” as she was then. She is also not a real fan of anal penetration for herself and that’s fine. She knows I really like it and she really gets into “playing” with me.

As far as you not being comfortable sticking a finger up his butt, using an Aneros will definitely solve that issue. I myself don’t like fingers stuck up my butt. Finger nails make me nervous. Don’t need any contusions up there if you get my drift. No chance of that with an Aneros (use plenty of lube – I use both Maximus and Boy Butter, they both work great).

“I know he's gonna wanna please me as well - should I wait till he's hard again and put it in? This is from a psychological stand point - He's gonna wanna fuck me again, and no matter how much pleasure he's getting - if he stays soft, he'll feel like he's letting me down, and that's pressure that reduces enjoyment. I'm ok either way”. – I don’t think this will be an issue for you. When you give him his present, I would guess he will “respond” in a most positive way. If you’re willing to insert in him, if he is like me, I guarantee he will “respond” in a positive way. If you’re anything like my Wife, I think you’re going to like his Aneros also. It has definitely added to our love life in a very positive way.

As for what model to get I bought the Helix and my Wife bought me the Progasm as a gift. They’re both great in their own way. I’ve found that I like the Helix better when with my Wife. The Progasm is just too big when having intercourse and it makes me cum too quickly when having intercourse as it slams my prostate so intensely. The Helix is definitely a great addition. As far as “me” time, I like them both. Just depends what kind of mood I’m in. I’ve been very fortunate and have had great results with both. I even switch between the two during sessions.

Well, I hope this answers some of your questions/concerns. I’m new to the Aneros myself but, I must say it has been a lot of fun so far for both me and my Wife. I know from reading a lot of the posts in these forums, a lot of the guy’s here can’t or don’t “share” Aneros with their Wives/Girlfriends for whatever reason. That’s sad. I’m very lucky to have such an open minded Wife, It sounds like you Boyfriend is as well. Let us know how it goes.

Have Fun.

Nodak

thank you la, rumel and nodak, for your responses!

la - i'm leaning towards the helix as well - it's tough because I'd like to please him, and when he said he could accomodate something 7" and as thick as him, i started to wonder if size matters. I know he doesn't have any toys of his own, so i'm not sure what he's using, but i figured another reason to buy him this is so there are no embarassing emergency room stories in the future.

rumel - thanks so much for the pm - i'm going to go read that in minute - I checked the wiki and i have to say as far as misconceptions go - on a rational level, i completely understand. But my issues go beyond the rational apparently - not quite phobia but deeply ingrained. To be honest this has been an interesting mental journey for me just in the past week. It's made me think about the "why"s of certain thought patterns of mine. But in a productive way.

nodak - thank you so much for your input. Yes fingernails are definitely a concern for me too - both giving and receiving! I have to say I've watched some of the videos from another link - and if he reacts anything like those, I will be a very horned up girl as well. If it's not too private - could you tell me more about that first time for you with your wife? Like how was it different? Was the foreplay extended or was it more about penetration? Which positions felt best? I can see it increasing our intimacy - and we are usually pretty intimate and present with each other to begin with. it would be great if he can feel what I feel, and I'm multi-orgasmic myself.

also another question for the audience at large - since it seems to be such a great device - do you feel the need for it to always be part of the paly? or is it simply an adjunct to various other ways of getting off? One thing he said in our conversation, which he repeated a few times is "this is not something i need or want all the time". But considering how stressful i imagine the conversation was for him, and how men feel they have to talk to women sometimes - I'm not sure whether to decode that as "i want it all the time and i don't want to scare you" or just the plain old truth.

Hey NunyaGA,

The first time I used my Helix with my Wife was AWSOME. We had the house to ourselves as our Son was with G-ma & G-pa. I have to say that there wasn't a lot of foreplay as we both got so over hot. It was kind of like losing your virginity again. It was just so intense. I was very aroused just at the thought of "doing this" with my Wife. When she said she wanted to put it in me, I was thinking to myself "YES" I have to say it was one of the HOTTEST, MOST INTENSE experiences in my life. Like I said, I love anal play and I was excited to get my Aneros. I wanted to just lay there for a little while, relax and see what happened, how it reacted. My Wife had other ideas. She got so turned on that she pretty much just had her way with me. 😆 . It was incredible.

You asked if it was more about the penetration. No. It was the whole experence. Our love life has become the same ole same ole the last few years. This made it brand new again. It's kind of hard to explain. It was just so intense. She told me that I haven't been that hard in years. I lasted longer and had an incredible orgasim.

This past Friday Morning, I woke up early and had a little "me" time while she was still asleep. I had a very nice session with my Progasm. When she woke up and found out what I was doing, she decided I had had enough time by myself and joined in. After receiving some great oral, she climed on top and it was over in a few thrusts as like I said in my earlier post, the Progasm slammed in to my prostate a couple times and "pop goes the weasel". I last a lot longer with my Helix when we are together. I would recommend that for your first purchase and for "together time".

You asked if I need to use it all the time. Not at all. Right now I/we really like it as it's a new dimention to our love life. It's like hot sauce, it is just spicing things up some. I do admit, I do like my alone time with them also. I like where it is taking me. It is my chance to possibly experience multiple orgasims.

I have the best of both worlds. Sounds like your Boyfriend may also.

Have fun,

Nodak

Hi NunyaGA,

Welcome to the forum! A few things that I would like to add is that you can buy a couple of small butt plugs for yourself to experiment with. You can play with them by yourself taking as much time as you like with no pressure. Later on, perhaps both of you can introduce your anal toys into your lovemaking. Get a butt plug with a 1 inch diameter and another with a 1-1/4 inch diameter. If you buy one made of jelly, be sure to use a condom with it since that material is porous and will absorb stains and bacteria.

There is an excellent book by Jack Morin called "Anal Pleasure and Health" which discusses cultural taboos and ways to become comfortable with anal play.

The Better Sex video series (www.bettersex.com) also has an excellent educational video on anal stimulation. It is non-pornographic and is very informative.

Hope this helps,

Onthepath

Hi Nodak - so you actually lasted longer with the helix in huh? I guess that sort of surprises me, since i would think any sort of stimulation back there would make you "pop" faster. but that's good to know.

OnThePath - do you mean a buttplug for me to insert inside myself? If so that would be a definite NO. Not as any sort of judgement - but any sort of anal insertion is a nogo for me - it causes far too much anxiety, and personally I feel I have a valid reason for that, for which i'm not going to go into details. He understands why, tho. But the harness i want actually does come with some plugs. So i will have them on hand, if i change my mind.

OnThePath - do you mean a buttplug for me to insert inside myself? If so that would be a definite NO. Not as any sort of judgement - but any sort of anal insertion is a nogo for me - it causes far too much anxiety, and personally I feel I have a valid reason for that, for which i'm not going to go into details. He understands why, tho. But the harness i want actually does come with some plugs. So i will have them on hand, if i change my mind.

Yes, this is what I had in mind. As you learn more about anal play, using a butt plug on your own and at your own pace where you are in total control may help to alleviate your anxiety. You may not be there now, but in time perhaps you will be. Just keep in mind that anal play should not hurt. If it does, then you are doing something wrong: you are not relaxed enough, lubricated enough, or are going in at the wrong angle and/or speed. Do not use desensitizing lubes. You want to be able to feel any sensations down there, good or bad.

Cleanliness issues can be addressed by using an anal douche using warm water only. All you want to do is rinse the rectum out. More than likely, it will already be clean but if you eat a low fiber diet, then you may need to rinse. As you gain experience, you'll be able to figure out whether you need to rinse or not.

Also realize that anal play is not all or nothing. Each couple has to determine what their comfort level is. A couple may only prefer to use toys on themselves or have their partner use a toy on them. Some may like to use fingers and others may like penile insertion and rimming. You can also perform external anal massage with no insertion whatsoever. It's up to you and your partner.

If the harness you plan on getting has butt plugs that are larger in diameter than what I mentioned, then you may want to purchase some smaller ones. They are pretty inexpensive.

The book and video that I mentioned in my earlier posts should help as well. The more you learn, the more likely your fears and anxieties will go away or be minimized.

Good luck!

Onthepath

Hi NunyaGA,

Let me clarify my last post a little. I last longer with my Helix than with the Progasm. I wouldn't say I last longer than when I'm not using one of them. What I can say for sure though, my orgasms are more powerful with either one than without. No more volume just stronger. I don’t know if this is typical or not but it is my experience to date. Sorry for not being a little more clear.

Have you decided which model to get?

Nodak

Hey Nodak - i understand. I think i'm gonna go with the helix. the progasm looks gigantic! seems like it would be hard to keep that in your butt if you are trying to be active.

NunyaGA,

I've read your posts and those of the respondents with interest, there is one thing that you might want to consider however. If your boyfriend is telling you that he is accustomed to dils 7 inches in length and commensurate with his own girth (1 - 1.5 inches?), then he is certainly not a novice when it comes to anal play. As a matter of fact he may be telegraphing his desires for larger fare. So at 4.75 inches in length (the actual insertable length is less), and 1.3 inches in girth at it widest (it's not 1.3" all the way around either 1.03 " in the other dimension).....you may not want to dismiss the Progasm altogether.

What this may come down to for you is how you see this being used most often. For instance, if the idea is to have an Aneros that he will use the majority of the time on his own and/or during foreplay with you....the Progasm might be indicated. However, if you have a strong desire to use this during intercourse... the Helix would be the better choice. The Helix is indeed easier to hold on to, particularly with pelvic thrusting.

Enjoy!

BF Mayfield

p.s. You are one terrific lady and your boyfriend is one lucky guy to have someone like you who is caring and attentive to his needs in this way!

NunyaGA, I would like to second B Mayfield in congratulating you on your open, loving and caring attitude and your willingness to explore to the full your boyfriend's sexuality. Whilst exploring his it is inevitable that you will also be exploring your own. Enjoy the journey.

Whilst considering 'strap-ons' you might also like to investigate the non-strap-on FeelDoe(Link). Although originally designed by a lesbian for lesbians the possibilities for hetero play such as you are considering are obvious. And, if you'll excuse the pun, it is much more 'Plug and Play' than a strap-on. I sure wish I had such a lady who would be prepared to use one on me 😈

Have fun!

Old Wolf

Hey there B. Mayfield and Old Wolf - thanks for your responses.

B. Mayfield - now here's where i need clarification - as I understand it, the Aneros is a different ballgame from traditional anal toys. It's not about sliding something in and out, so much as targeting a specific area in a hands-free way, right? Some other chick opened him up to anal play with the usual suspects. Being the person that I am, i think a paradigm shift is in order. And i think the aneros provides that paradigm shift. If he's that much of a size queen - then he can pick out the dildo i'll eventually use on him when it's strap-on time. right now i jsut want to provide something different - a new way to look at things.

And on a purely selfish note - we don't see each other often enough or for long enough, for me to want to take my own sexual needs off the table - and for me that involves penetration with a penis. my biggest fear is that by introducing anal play, the focus becomes so much on him, that my needs stop being met - particularly when his pleasure has him done up before mine can be attended to. That's the sort of thing that will send me to greener pastures if you know what I mean. What he does with his ass on his own time is his business, so if he wants a progasm for himself, he's welcome to it. But on my time, i'd like to get laid too. We're not in a traditional committed relationship - we see each other when we see each other - sometimes that may be once every couple weeks, sometimes it may be months. Now i absolutely want to meet his needs as well, but it has to be a win/win scenario. And i think the helix will accomplish that - or a good old fahioned buttplug. I'm not really sure - seeing as i have no experience with anal-play whatsoever.

Old Wolf - thanks for the compliment - i've looked at the feeldoe - and it is compelling but awfully expensive for a first time toy for both of us . Also the clitoral ridges seem like they might be rough on me. Right now I'm favoring http://www.adameve.com/Adult-Sex-Toys/Strap-On-Sex-Toys/sp-jennas-harness-6343.aspx . It seems to offer more bang for the buck at this juncture (pun intended).

Hi NunyaGA

Welcome! It is wonderful that women such as you and "musicman's wife" are doing what you are doing and currently on this forum. Thank you. My wife and I, apart from some touching and massaging each other's anuses, had not included penetrative anal in our repertoire until recently. I have included prostate massage in my solo practices since early teens.

We became "empty nesters" and have had the run of the house all to ourselves in the last year and a bit. Because we live in a very open plan house, as our children reached puberty and matured, our sex life, which can be noisy, had dropped significantly in frequency and intensity over the years.

We mutually decided we really wanted to boost our time and energy on sexual, sensual ecstasies up again in the empty nest. She wanted to explore G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation, which had not happened for her in our previous experiences together or her solo. I wanted to add anal penetration and prostate massage as far as she would be comfortable. We went out to sex shop co-op and got some books and a G-spot vibrator and my Aneros MGX and we have had the best sex of our marriage over the last year.

You are quite right about the need for a paradigm shift. We regard our principal activity now as mutual prostate slow sex. Of course we still enjoy traditional vaginal intercourse, but it is often the brief late icing on the expanding, spectacular new cake. Our sessions are frequently two to three hours of hovering deliciously in the O zone and P-waves, and we each experience various levels mini-Os and I have had Super-Os during these times. She took up manual prostate massage on me and was amazed to find such a diverse range of activities (muscle twitchings, pulses, nerve/electric energies, the prostate seeking out for renewed touch after the first ones, the pulsings and pumpings) all going on in the male rectum.

She now likes some increased anal herself. She also ejaculates ecstatically frequently toward the end of our long sessions, which include a lot of long, slow, gentle, even virtually still for a time, massage of her G-spot (prostate) by my penis, which her manual massage of my prostate or me having my aneros in during the session, maintains a semi-erection "leatherman" state through all of this despite some ED induce by essential medications.

For age and health reasons, I am better with, and have achieved, the "Calm Seas" still body Super-Os that Old Wolf and others have identified. When we all recognize that male and female genital and related anatomy all originate from identical original foetal tissues, perhaps we can emphasize our common ground basis of sexual experiences and see the obvious differences as variations on a theme rather than unbridgeable divides.

Mutuality/Common Ground is a new paradigm key for couples, we think. The rapidly growing hetero-male interest and action in aneros, KSMO, strap-on and the like is a vital breakthrough for males and females and society. Time will tell. Sexuality as a potential artform itself, not just a subject of art. All the best with your explorations and adventure!

artform

She now likes some increased anal herself. She also ejaculates ecstatically frequently toward the end of our long sessions, which include a lot of long, slow, gentle, even virtually still for a time, massage of her G-spot (prostate) by my penis, which her manual massage of my prostate or me having my aneros in during the session, maintains a semi-erection "leatherman" state through all of this despite some ED induce by essential medications.

artform

thanks for the great post artform. I've had g-spot orgasms (not the ejaculating kind) for a long time - thanks to a rather less-endowed boyfriend whose penis was the perfect size for stimulating my g-spot each and everytime no matter what position. for the longest itme I couldn't figure out why i had such incredible orgasms with him, until one day I was watching a tv show where some hooker in reno showed a bunch of men exactly how to find a g-spot and that's when i realized that's how come he was able tp make me orgasm the way I did. I'll have to credit him with making me multi-orgasmic.

In any case - the reason i quote the particular paragraph above - i have bene toying with a similar scenario myself. I have a "sex chair" we haven't put into use yet - it's actually one of those video rockers that sit low to the ground and we had talked about how interesting it would be to have sex in it. I've been thinking, him with the helix in, and me in his lap, and very little actual movement except maybe from the rocker and sort of staying in a hazy meditative state with lots of kissing, and holding and such. I've always been intrigued with the tantric notion of no movement, just vaginal squeezing - but unfortunately any guy i've tried it with lacks the patience to just enjoy it for what it is and not take over and start stroking madly. or maybe it jsut feels boring - i don't know. To me, in the right postion and in the right headspace it's incredibly intimate and mellow. I suppose i could explain what i have in mind to him - but i think it might require the paradigm shift for him to get meditative like that.

NunyaGA,

“I've been thinking, him with the helix in, and me in his lap, and very little actual movement except maybe from the rocker and sort of staying in a hazy meditative state with lots of kissing, and holding and such. I've always been intrigued with the Tantric notion of no movement, just vaginal squeezing - but unfortunately any guy i've tried it with lacks the patience to just enjoy it for what it is and not take over and start stroking madly. or maybe it just feels boring - I don't know. To me, in the right position and in the right headspace it's incredibly intimate and mellow.”

I whole heartedly encourage you to pursue this adventure and make it happen for the both of you.
I have experienced a similar situation to what you described. I once had sex with a woman who had such vaginal muscular control that she could internally masturbate me to orgasm in the woman on top position, without me moving at all, it was a phenomenal experience that I would love to experience again, and was not the least bit boring, it was sublime. You are quite correct that the man may lack the necessary patience to bare the intensity of the slow build-up, but if he can it is so very sweet.
Yes it may require a paradigm shift in attitude but like the Aneros experience it is well worth it!

thanks rumel - so you think the sex chair idea is a good one huh? so what sort of direction should i give him? i know what i want i want but i'm not sure how to explain it to him in language he would understand.

also - do you think that particular scenario would be a good introduction to the helix? what would i tell him to do? I'm presuming if i have him just sitting there and relaxing in a mellow turned on state inside of me and he will start contracting on his own, yeah?

NunyaGA,
I am not suggesting that you try that technique with your partner immediately, it is something to be worked up to. There are some technical issues that would need to be resolved first. Does the sex chair have a hole in the seat to allow free and unfettered movement for the Aneros? This is essential not only for proper function of the Aneros but also to prevent injury or pain from externally applied pressure to the perineum and prostate of your male partner. You will need to determine if the presence of the Aneros affects his ability to maintain an erection, many men go flaccid with the Aneros in place. Is he sufficiently sensitive to respond to the so much softer and gentler caresses that the walls of your vagina provide compared to a traditional ‘hand job’? If not, he may quickly lose an erection do to lack of enough stimulation. Are your own vaginal muscles toned and strong enough to sustain contractions for an extended time? Is this something he even wants to try? It is a paradigm shift in ones approach to a sexual relationship, what you are hinting at is a much loftier goal than simple sexual release, you are approaching a Tantric union of spirits in the flesh. I think it takes a good deal of caring about the "other" to make it work well between the two of you.

hmm...all good questions rumel - as for the sex chair - no hole - it has a rather short "seat" tho and it's low to the ground. as for the other questions - your right - i don't know the answer to - well the vagina one i do. but the others require him and the aneros and those i don't really know.

Maybe one of those donut shaped "piles pillows" would help your chair work allowing his Aneros freedom to move...

On another note, you and your partner might enjoy the chapter on Slow Sex in Carl Honoré's book: "In Praise of SLOW: How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed". Maybe you would like to ejaculate. We found it to be a wonderful mutual project that worked for her for the first time because of that basis. There are some Tantric Sex videos and books focused on this. Mutual PC muscle flexing is also gently stimulating and energizing during these long lovely sessions...

All of this is really dealing with forms of bodily and beyond energies. A little Chi Gong technique and he could be able to do what I do, with my aneros massaging me, during long slow/still vaginal with mrs. artform: shoot small jolts of chi energy from my "leatherman" semi-erect penis, often to her G-spot. She feels the jolts and loves every one, by Zeus!

This reduces my penis length to reach the G-spot, somewhat like your "short" earlier lover. Could do the same for your partner now. The chi energy skills can give him other powers he and you will greatly enjoy!

If my MGX gets very active, mrs. artform can also feel its touch on my prostate transmitted through my penis. Still sex or slow sex is far from a do-nothing experience, although watching, waiting feeling sensitively and being open to spontaneous new sensations is very important too. We float in the O-Zone, lifted to orgasms by the slightest other stimulus...

all the best with this adventure

artform

NunyaGA,

I've read your posts and those of the respondents with interest, there is one thing that you might want to consider however. If your boyfriend is telling you that he is accustomed to dils 7 inches in length and commensurate with his own girth (1 - 1.5 inches?), then he is certainly not a novice when it comes to anal play. As a matter of fact he may be telegraphing his desires for larger fare. So at 4.75 inches in length (the actual insertable length is less), and 1.3 inches in girth at it widest (it's not 1.3" all the way around either 1.03 " in the other dimension).....you may not want to dismiss the Progasm altogether.

What this may come down to for you is how you see this being used most often. For instance, if the idea is to have an Aneros that he will use the majority of the time on his own and/or during foreplay with you....the Progasm might be indicated. However, if you have a strong desire to use this during intercourse... the Helix would be the better choice. The Helix is indeed easier to hold on to, particularly with pelvic thrusting.

Enjoy!

BF Mayfield

p.s. You are one terrific lady and your boyfriend is one lucky guy to have someone like you who is caring and attentive to his needs in this way!

So I thought I had my mind made up on the helix, but now I'm bakc ont he fence and considerign the progasm.

so this actually interests me. As I was rethinking things - when it comes to penetration - i'd like him to last a long time - and i'm thinking with either of those in, i'm not gonna get a whole lot of time "in play" as it were.

So now i'm wondering how can the progasm be incorporated into foreplay? I know this is prolly basic sex ed, but any pointers would be appreciated.

I think that the Aneros is perfect for foreplay, since your lover can have many orgasms without actually ejaculating, and then he can also ejaculate when having sex with you... one is not necessarily exclusive of the other.

A good use for the Aneros as part of foreplay would be to have your lover insert the Aneros, and then kiss him all over, suck on his nipples, brush his thighs, lick his neck, blow in his ear - all that good stuff - all of which will help him to enjoy the pleasure of having the Anreos inside of him. Then he can turn his attention to you - with or without the aneros inside of him.

well i figure i'd report back - my partner and I finally found a way to make our schedules work so that we could see each other and play with the progasm. It didn't work out quite how i intended but such is life.

He got very excited it with it inside him - but he also got a bit aggressive, and I couldn't slow him down for anything. I think i will invest in some cuffs for next time. He didn't provide a whoel lot of feedback, jsut said it felt really good inside him and whnever he moved he felt it. Due to the time apart, we were both a bit too ready and taking things slow was out of the question. We had some fun with foreplay, but he needed penetration and eventually just took it, unfortunately he didn't last long, and when he was done he was done.

Such is life. We'll have to experiment more and see what happens. it was a lot of fun tho.

Practice makes perfect.

la