In February 2017 I will be seeking for Something for 5 years, beginning in 2012. I still didn’t achieve meaningful satisfaction from Aneros, but first let’s explain my journey and after all I need to introduce myself.
I’m currently 29 years old. In some ways I think I’m special – for good and unfortunately for bad the most.
Unlike the vast majority of men I never felt any sexual or emotional attraction to anyone, male or female. In a very small amount I feel some men porn and/or fantasies as exciting. I say a very small amount because in no way I experience any meaningful sexual attraction.
I am sexually insecure. I never got an erection for being excited. My erections don’t last long without stimulation. I have premature ejaculation as with stimulation it only takes seconds to reach the orgasm.
With all this I feel inferior, I feel I am not who I’m supposed to be. I feel I’m not a “man”. This pains be deeply and is a profound pain that I have that goes on and I don’t see its end.
Despite my sexual unperformance, I felt like trying and having sex with men, to see what could come from that.
The answer was the same emotionless sexual response I have. I’ve been with some men (you can say like 10 times in 10 years, so see how rare that is), not many, and I’ve been confortable with most of them. In all cases I felt no attraction whatsoever for the other man, sexuallly or emotionally. It’s very frustrating when you’re trying something and you get nothing in return.
These sexual problems together with my lack of love relations in any kind or form hurt me so much. I eventually went to search for help, psychiatrists and psychologists, and I still am. The results I’ve got leave my questions answerless.
The psychiatrists (I had 3 in the last years) never cared about my sexual complains and that made me angry. They thought I had no problem and it was everything in my mind, and that in time everything would be solved. The time is passing and I’ve yet been free from the deep concerns I’m in.
I feel really perplexed and angry inside by the reactions I got from my sexual problems. After many years of refusals to let me get a public urologist, I was finally forced to seek a private one. And from him I received the same indifference I’ve seen from the psychiatrists. One endochrinologist from one of the hospitals I went to gave me viagra, cialis, levitra and priligy to see if it solved my problems. This was the only really help I’ve got, and I felt the same indifference in him.
In the end they solved nothing. I still feel deeply lacking in libido, the premature ejaculation problem was not solved at all and my erections even with viagra etc are lost easily and I can’t have something simple and symbolic as an erection from being sexually excited. I fail in everything.
In the last years I’ve checked some of my hormones such as testosterone. In the first years the results were low but within the normal parameters, but this year testosterone for example was below it was supposed to be, outside of the normal range. I’m waiting for an appointment with another endochrinologist in December to see what is going on.
I have regular skype sessions with my psychatrist and my psychologist. In their areas I feel I’m not getting any results. I still feel very depressed, sad and worried for all my issues. I think only recently they understood how important my sexual problems are to me.
Now finally where Aneros enters. As other men I felt the cycle of rejection, then curiosity, then trying to experiment with prostate massage/stimulation. In my case, also motivated by the fact that I had no sexual life and I always found my orgasms short of what they could be, but it may only be my wrong perception. My orgasms feel good yes, but not as good as I think they’re supposed to be. Naturally I can’t be in someone else’s body to feel their orgasms so this will remain answerless.
In any case, I bought my first model, Prograsm Ice in February 2012 IIRC. Meanwhile I’ve started to experiment with dildos, but I never felt really amazing sensations from it as people report. I felt the prostate was sensitive and such, but I was never able to turn that into the incredible pleasure many other people react. So another “failure” for me.
This is where I got the aneros. I wanted the best thing out there to get into the prostate thing. I was looking for something meaningful in my sexuality.
In my first session I felt nothing special but I entered a cycle of what I call “contractions” where I’m not sure if it’s happening involuntarily or if it’s me doing it. It was not amazing, I was curious on how it was happening. The “contractions” were actually more addicting than pleasurable, which of course means they had some kind of faint pleasure behind it.
In the next post I’ll tell how my sessions have evolved and what I felt in the last 5 years, trying to explain the sensations I had as good as I can.
The present point is that I never got past the satisfaction barrier where I consider my prostate reactions as more pleasurable than a normal ejaculatory orgasm, and it frustrates me why can’t I feel what other men can feel – again some kind of failure of deficiency on my part.