In the last weeks my doctor changed my anafranil dose to half, which could kick something in my sexual drive.
I’ve tried having some sessions meanwhile with progasm ice, progasm jr, helix syn and maximus but nothing come out of it.
The problem is that I need a long time for things to start and generally I fall asleep during the session.
Yesterday I decided to try eupho. My prostate is kinda dead and recently I’ve been trying to have more contact with it to trigger something. In the last days I’ve tried something else, getting more movement with helix syn and eupho.
As most of my sessions in the last years, I don’t have much hope that a session will be good. Anyway, I keep trying. My sexual drive is extremely low and I wonder when will I be able to have a proper sex drive to help me in the aneros way.
So after inserting eupho I watched some porn, in this case the xtude Aneros MMO video of that guy with helix syn where he explains through the session what he was feeling. I really like this video and I like the slow session that I can watch for almost an hour.
Eupho did establish contact with the prostate as half a hour later I was feeling slight minimal movement from eupho and some general background pleasure in the prostate.
The problem was that as usual I was starting to get asleep. So I was both having some pleasure and meanwhile closing my eyes for a bit and doze off some minutes. Unlike the other recent sessions, this time after a while I got more awake and the pleasure kept rising to the reassuring prostate pleasure I can feel.
It feels good to be in that stage and sometimes I feel my dick get hard, eupho going deeper and some different feelings come. Many times it looks like something good is about to happen and my heart rate rises.
This isn’t new to me, just very rare in the last months.
I kept being relaxed and doing nothing for the whole time and I was there in this plateau of pleasure. But the usual happened: I was just there and didn’t go anywhere else.
Yes the plateau feels good and I like the confort of that kind of pleasure, but it isn’t really fulfilling.
I know many say that there is no edge to fall on prostate orgasms similar to the ponr of traditional orgasms, but still that plateau pleasure doesn’t give me the orgasmic satisfaction. I really don’t think this is what people call a dry orgasm because it’s really short of a normal orgasm pleasure.
It needs the blast (I don’t mean cum), to be invaded by that overpowering sweet orgasmic pleasure, be it arriving at an edge or just gradually. I can’t call what I get an orgasm. It isn’t. It is pleasurable, like a ejaculationless wank.
It’s frustrating because I never went through. People say to be happy with what I’ve achieved but I’m not sure they are aware of me not being sexually satisfied. It misses something, that injection of male liquid happiness in my veins.
To this day I still don’t know a p-wave is, my aneros does no auto-fuck thing, but I know something. I AM getting pleasure from my prostate. It just isn’t an orgasm, more like the build up to one. I’m open minded to how that orgasm may manifest, but orgasmic pleasure is something everyone knows what is it and how fulfilling it feels.
I’m still waiting to be surprised by my own body. It’s frustrating that I am only “there” in the plateau, and never getting higher.
Will I someday?