Years ago I remember reading a post from another user here, I think it was darwin, but I can't remember clearly if that's who it was. He mentioned how he has pelvic pain, uses a Therawand toy to help him with that and mentioned the book “A Headache in the Pelvis” as being really helpful and important for him.
The reason I mention this is for two reasons. One, I suspect I suffer from low grade pelvic tension. I notice I sometimes get minor pains in my anus and rectum for no reason that my Aneros sessions seem to exacerbate. And in the past would very occasionally get an approximately five second burst of really intense and debilitating pain in my anus and rectum that would stop me in my tracks while it happens. Like a really bad muscle spasm kind of pain. And that in my Aneros sessions, it is really easy for me to unconsciously tense muscles down there not only when the pleasure gets really good, but just out of force of habit.
The second reason is that I hypothesize that this pelvic tension is part of what has taken me so long to see results in my Aneros journey. And also why in hindsight I've noticed that solo dildoing has been so helpful for me later in my journey. When you read forums users talk about the “relax and do nothing” approach to your Aneros sessions. To me, part of this means actually completely relaxing all of your anal and rectal muscles. Which I previously for many years had no clue about what that meant or what it felt like to do so. In my own experience, Aneros prostate massager's were unable to teach me how to completely relax those muscles even though it did help enough of an extent such that insertion, removal, and usage of Aneros prostate massager's are pain free and non-orgasmic pleasurable for the majority of the time I've been using them. I suspect from years of masturbating to ejaculatory orgasm I've learned to tense certain muscles when the pleasure gets good. This has lead to a habit that has not helped me in my Aneros journey, and additionally suffering from huge amounts of anxiety throughout my life has led to a body/mind that is always tense and very rarely relaxed.
This is where my Feeldoe More double dildo steps in. This is a fairly large dildo. 1 5/8” maximum diameter and 6 3/4” length on the dildo )horse( end with a pronounced head and a shaft that slightly tapers towards the bulb )pony( side of the dildo. This dildo has been really helpful and pleasurable for me. It's made of fairly firm 100% platinum cured silicone. Basically what I've found is that to comfortably and pain free insert and thrust this quite sizable dildo in me, I must absolutely relax all my pelvic muscles which the anus and rectum are a part of. I know I'm not relaxing completely when it feels uncomfortable, not pleasurable, and that I feel my anus and rectum griping the dildo and providing resistance to the thrusting. And this relaxation of these muscles has a certain feel both physically and mentally that I have to train myself with this dildo somewhat regularly to remember what it feels like and how to do it. On the mental side of it, relaxing all these muscles gives me a sense of surrender, submission, and loss of control which is all good for me considering my personality and what is needed for the Aneros journey.
So lately my Aneros sessions have been fairly good with having lots of non-orgasmic pleasure, and lot's of getting close to orgasming. Probably what a lot of guys here call “circling the drain”. Quite nice sensations and nothing to complain about. So last night after the first part of my Aneros session with my Progasm, I decide to dildo myself with my Feeldoe More. Now while insertion didn't take all that long or many tries, it did take me quite a while to find that point of complete pelvic relaxation. Which was kind of surprising. When I did though it became much, much more pleasurable and fun. So after doing this for a while, I stopped, removed the More and re-inserted the Progasm. And because I freshly remembered how to completely relax my pelvic muscles, I was able to do this with the Progasm. And instantly the pleasure and involuntary contractions jumped up several degrees of intensity. It was then that I realized how important it is for us men to learn to completely relax our pelvic muscles in our Aneros journey.
I say this because the last few times I've had mini-O's during an Aneros session were when I was somewhat regularly practicing with my Feeldoe More. I used to think that the reason for this is that the dildo gave me a much firmer and aggressive prostate massage and thus sensitized my prostate more and quicker than a few Aneros session could do. I still think this is true to a lesser extent. But I think the real important part is that this dildo teaches me to completely relax all my pelvic muscles.
I think it is interesting to note that women suffer from a type of pelvic pain called Vaginismus which makes vaginal penetration for them uncomfortable and/or painful. And the treatment for it is vaginal dilaters of graduated sizes, or vaginal acceptance trainers. Basically them learning to be comfortable with something in their vagina and relaxing those muscles through regular practice with these devices. Sound familiar?
So I'd like to encourage other men here who particularly are long term Aneros grinders and have had little to no orgasmic success, to try getting a similarly sized dildo to mine to practice learning to completely relax your pelvic muscles with it the way I did. Try for something similar in dimensions to what I have if you don't want to buy the same dildo. Otherwise I do highly recommend the Feeldoe More if you afford the expense.