Worst thing about the forum

Hey @sjenz ,

The forum seems to have a lot of almost superstitious advice and off the wall accounts of what worked for someone

Indeed. 🙂 Although quite often someone points out, that you can't generalize from one personal experience.

I am frustrated by the "everybody is different" aspect to this.

I totally understand this, but unfortunately it's the bitter truth. Yet another reality is, that many guys seeking for help/advice open their question with "I've tried everything already." So, what are you gonna tell somebody who has "already tried everything"? I suspect that most people who claim that, have in fact not tried everything or (even worse) haven't sticked to a practice long enough until they lost their patience. That's especially true for kegel-training. Many claim to have done (enough) kegels, but when I ask about control, only a handfull report back to me, that they actually learned how to control the (~10) different muscles involved.

Fact is: everybody is different, but not only regarding how their body reacts physically, but how they approach things. That's something that you just can't control as a counselor and that's why it's important to point that out again and again. You can bring a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

To me it seems that 90% or more of this should be common to every man.

I think so too and always give the same set of advises (which seem to be proven by the majority of users) but I can't control if they work on the individual respectively mostly don't get a proper feedback.

There may be some things into play, that are not obvious to the naked eye though - like diet and hormone levels. @zaneblue gave some great advice about this, over 10 years ago...

Also, my impression is that way too many users focus too much on the prostate alone, as if it was a hidden switch that you just have to find and you are done. Funnily enough, most of the very same men understand that finding a clitoris on a woman is only the beginning of getting her off.

I myself found the hight of Aneros pleasure in 2015 and have yet to return to is. Don't know why I lost it.

Wanna talk about it / go into more detail?

Cheers, Unfug

I myself found the hight of Aneros pleasure in 2015 and have yet to return to is. Don't know why I lost it.

That's my biggest fear.

I wish the forum informaiton was able to provide a solution for those who are stuck.

IMO it depends on how you're stuck. There are a million different things that can be standing in the way, and not everyone has the same issues. I can write about what important roadblocks I've found, but maybe you don't have the same ones. I think what the general instructions try to do is give an overview, but when someone says "Relax"... how do you relax? Maybe you've been carrying around some tension or a flinch-response to something for years, and aren't even aware of it. I think I have a level of background anxiety that never leaves me, I can "relax" as much as possible, but the dial only goes down to 3, never to 0. I just can't make it do that, like there's some reptile-brain anxiety that I can't voluntarily relax out of.

There are also sensations I recoil from and shut down before they even begin... and I'm not even aware I'm doing it. I remember a few that (as I got further into them) had an accompanying thought/emotion that "This is wrong" or "This feeling is not allowed". I shut down a lot of things by redirecting that energy to tension in my eyes, and it's incredibly automatic... I can be as relaxed as possible, not thinking about anything, even lost in the moment, but my nervous system just does it, unless I jump in and interrupt it with a feeling of bravery, a feeling of "No, stay with this".
I've done so much of this kind of digging, and have seen what was on the other side, that I can't expect anyone else to have answers for me... I'm both the detective and the crime scene.

I know it sounds like I'm "in my own head" too much during a session, and over analyzing it... but I remember my sessions, and think about them like this after the fact. Inside the session it's more like small, occasionally occurring, fragments of feelings and observations of what's happening and what's not. I try to leave the analytical side at the door, but I've realized I can't trust my default response to be "open" to all of this, so while "Let your body do what it wants" is good advice for the people that works for, some of us need to overcome blockages or bad-wiring.

10 years ago if you'd mentioned "chakras" to me, I'd have rolled my eyes, but I think they could be an abstract way of explaining these internal resistances... and maybe a way of visualizing your way past them.

@sjenz I have had similar experience to you. Peaked in 2015, nothing ever quite like that since.

@Clenchy has a very good point. I'm very pleased to see that he has mentioned blockages and chakras because I also think that this can potentially have a lot to do with it. That's not to say there is nothing scientific going on, I'm sure it all has a very scientific explanation (probably something to do with the vagal nerve, enteric nervous function, and a lot of other neurotransmitters), I just don't think enough is known at the moment to be able to explain it. There is a big link with what are termed blockages in energy channels, which are due to unresolved psychological trauma. My best orgasms in the last year have been after receiving Reiki or doing certain yoga poses, which may be a psychological effect, but I don't think that entirely explains it.

From my own experience I think I blocked some channels early on by progressing way too fast, and have yet to find a way of unblocking them. I presume this is some sort of protective mechanism to avoid Kundalini re-activation, but I'm just guessing. Probably simple muscular tension has the same effect and my guess is that the psoas is the most likely culprit if that is the case - many yoga poses stretch this muscle, and tension in the psoas is often secondary to chronic stress.

An interesting question is why cannabis helps some people so much (never tried it myself), I suspect it has something to do with relaxation, but there's probably a lot more going on.

Add to above other problems with being able to concentrate, relax or breathe properly, or anything that might be termed 'poor technique', and it doesn't leave much room for success in reality.

Basically no-one knows.