Wild fluctuations from session to session, lack of consistency

If you work out the reason why this happens let me know.

As I say I think it's health related (I could be wrong!) but I can't think of anything else. How is Your health/diet/fitness? Could this be your problem too?

The only other possibility I can think of is maybe I'm not fully rewired yet, maybe it takes longer in some and frequent dips are to be expected?

@Sorena_ Wish I knew the secret. My mental health whilst not bad in the medical sense, I'm a normal fully functioning adult with no psychiatric illness, is my biggest problem I'm sure coupled with my lifestyle and work (90% of my stress). Physical health is good if not very good (as far as I know) but of course mental and physical health is linked. Other than that it's a mystery which I am also trying to fathom.
My sessions vary, like you, from absolutely nothing one week to good sessions the next. I have had some VERY good sessions in the past and keep chasing that which is a permanent disappointment, and also probably a psychological block. We are all different. Others tell me that this variation is not unusual.

There is more to this than meets the eye and a lot of personal development, clearing out the cobwebs, or spiritual development whatever you want to call it, needs to be done in order to be able to accept and feel the pleasure. I think some people are lucky and are already 'spiritually balanced' when they come to this and things just flow, many others find that they are not and have to work at it. I could be wrong that is just the way I look at it.

While our issues seem to be either spiritual or physical they are nonetheless connected in some way. I have a theory (hypothesis perhaps) see if you identify with it:

What if we need a degree of 'build up' before we can enter any kind of zone or state? For example my best sessions happen usually after a number of less successful ones, even duds. It's like oil in a car, it doesn't start working efficiently until it is of sufficient temperature. Perhaps you and I need to build the physical and spiritual arosual, waking the prostate each time sufficiently as it were, in numerous sessions until that one magical day when it's 'ready'?

"Adding currency to the arousal bank" someone once said on these forums, perhaps that goes for both mental and physical arousal in equal measure.

I have also just had the most intense aneros less chair-gasm I've ever had following from a session the previous day that i would have described as average at best. Im starting to feel this is what is happening. Perhaps also this is something we will need to do less and less in time, when were fully rewired.

I'm not sure I can say any more I realise every day how little I know and how much I have to learn. All I realise is that the orgasm is a complicated energy flow that can only happen if you are truly open to it and able to experience it. There is a lot of truth in the Buddhist teachings and I am reading about that at the moment. True thankfulness, lack of doubt, love for everything and relaxation is a difficult thing to acheive. There are so many blocks and weaknesses of the human condition that affect this, perhaps the aneros experience just reflects where we are on that path.
Building up sexual energy probably just blasts you into an orgasm if you take it far enough. To acheive it in a truly relaxed accepting way is more dificult.

See... most of the successful users here don't have anything to do with spiritual followings (i believe), so while I agree it's possible to enhance feelings and focus I don't believe it is essential. I do think that some here are more rewired than others, either through training or just a 'natural' prerequisite.

I feel the truth is this. You and I are not fully rewired, were still on the 'path' There are times you feel you are rewired as "that was an amazing Prostate o" and many occasions where you inserted and aneros and began incredible p waves and orgasms and so forth. But the truth is, your body is still learning and for us it might take a lot longer than others. Stay healthy, but above all don't get frustrated or angry over this, it is the biggest roadblock of all. The second biggest roadblock? expectation. Because you have now had a Super O/Dry O you are going into sessions with that expectation and anything less than that is deemed 'not successful'

It stems from the many years when we would grab our male appendage and masturbate which would lead to a guaranteed orgasm, whenever we felt like (even when not particularly aroused). This is far more subtle a study, it has its needs, it has its own 'time' for when it is receptive enough to produce what we are all seeking here. I believe I need several successive sessions for me to 'activate' my prostate enough for it to be susceptible for good stimulation. I often find that a good indicator of this is when i have activated it i have days of aneros less sessions, usually when sitting, which tell me I'm able to have one.

For me arousal has been key. I have to go through a checklist which determines if i am actually ready for an aneros session or if I'm just wanting to blow my load. Its surprising when i felt I'm not ready for a session at all yet i could swear i was gagging for one!

This thread helped me make the checklist:

https://community.aneros.com/forum/discussion/11813/are-you-aroused

-Sorena

I have had some VERY good sessions in the past and keep chasing that which is a permanent disappointment, and also probably a psychological block.
I can relate to that. Often I go into a session with an orgasm-goal in the back of my mind. I'm not really aware of it, but there's an unspoken contract - an agreement with the universe that I'll do X and in return I'll get Y... "just like last time".
And there are three major problems with that...
1. It turns the experience into a chore. Frames the session as an exercise in delayed gratification. And lowers my investment in the moment and in the process.
2. Prompts me to replay the actions that my memory thinks leads to our goal (despite not knowing the full roadmap). But it isn't about steps or actions. It's about following something organic and ethereal and being present with it at every stage.
3. Makes me impatient because I'm not yet receiving "what we agreed to". That impatience and need brings doubt and frustration. Causes me to push instead of follow.

I think there's a lot going on in terms of mindset, that we aren't even thinking about. My best sessions have all shared similarities in attitude and focus. I have a pattern of good sessions that involved me trying some new technique. And it may not have been the technique itself but rather how my approach changed while trying it out. The session turns into an experiment, where the outcome is unknown, and I accept that. There's no unspoken contract. No familiar sensations that I'm craving or reaching for. The session is free to unfold how ever it wants. And since I'm letting it do that, I'm present in the moment and not trying to skip ahead or shape sensations into what I desire.

I can visualise the difference between when I'm in the moment, and when I'm not. It's like I'm watching a bouncing ball... when I'm in the moment, I'm looking directly at the ball and following its every move... when I'm pushing ahead, I'm not looking at the ball, I'm looking at where I expect it to land next. Both ways of looking at the ball qualify as "watching" (so no correction is presumed necessary), but it's a question of being in sync. I can be 1-second ahead all the time, or I can be zero-second synced, knowing only that the ball is moving in different directions... no calculations, no predictions, no anticipation, just being there with the moving ball.

When I observe patterns like that, the things I've read here become more true... like "adopt a beginner's mindset" and "drop expectations". That isn't just advice for newbies to get them out of a penis mindset, it's way more far-reaching than that.

@Clenchy

I like your comment.

Thanks.

I just thought of another thing that falls into this pattern... when I buy a new aneros and I'm trying it for the first time (think I have like 7 or 8 models now so I've had a lot of "first-dates"), the results are always abnormally good.
I've always written that off as the excitement of novelty, but now that I think of it - I had the same attitude of "I have no idea what to expect - show me what you do".
And subsequent sessions are more along the lines of "Ok, lets try to recreate that good session we had". (which usually fails)

Calling on memory to drive the session assumes all parts of what made the session great are known. When in reality, we don't remember every aspect of what made that session a success. We don't remember the mood, or any number of other variables, largely because we weren't even cognisant of them. So to reconstruct the experience from memory robs the session of the curious uncertainty that made it a success in the first place. Another in the long line of counter-intuitive traps.

@Clenchy it's totally psychological. You are right.

I view it as a way to learn to control my own inner turmoil: once I can control my thoughts, calm my mind, and let go of jealousy, expectations and bad emotions it works and it's like a measuring stick of how well I am doing that. Very much like meditation with a big carrot at the end.
It's like trying to achieve jhana in the Buddhist tradition and much of that teaching holds true for this.

Very much like meditation with a big carrot at the end.
That still kind of reads like an exercise in delayed gratification though. And a transaction involving two separate things, where meditation goes in and orgasm comes out. I've struggled with the whole relaxation thing, and what I found is that it isn't as hard as it seems. When the time comes to give in to the feelings and go deep, it'll feel right and natural to do it just the right amount, it won't feel like fighting to stay relaxed. I don't think you need to be deeply relaxed from the start, rather there's a critical point later on when the pleasure rises, that you have to relax through, when a part of you wants to recoil from it or grab on. And doing that isn't something you need to switch on when the time comes (or have switched on from the start), it's something you just do without thinking because it's what you've been doing all along (to various extents).

I think achieving the right level of relaxation is something that flows from having the right outlook. The sense that the whole session is the orgasm. But to be on that path, reality has to match, which means getting in touch with subtle pleasure early on, and riding it where ever it wants to go. It's not about mentally checking-out, and waiting for a big pleasure pay-off later.

With the right combination of outlook and pleasure, there are no distractions to fight. Your mind doesn't wander on a jet-ski. And I think maybe this is where you're making this harder for yourself than you need to. I didn't have to overcome all distractions, or become a zen master to get where I've been. I used to feel like I was battling my own mind, trying to shut out distractions, but at the root of my distractability was boredom and a lack of sexual investment. I was trying to go blank, and as a result I drifted away from the session itself. Now I stay present with the pleasure as my anchor. Looking back, I think I was trying something way harder than I needed. Following the orgasm has taken me to some deep places. And it wasn't that hard in terms of overcoming mind noise. I think if what's at the forefront of your mind during a session is inner turmoil, then the wonderful distraction of "this is sex" is missing.

Anyway, these are my experiences. I don't mean it as a lecture, or to tell you your reality, it was just easier to write that way.

Remember that our most significant sexual organ is our Brain. The Brain is not a 'static' organ and it's contribution to mood is influenced by both internal and external factors.

The list of influences on mood include those things that we eat, drink, breathe and how we respond to such things as the texture of our clothing. Many people are sensitive to really wild things like static electricity levels around them (perhaps more so when they dress commando or are naked.) I once dated a bi-polar female who could 'self-induce' a hypo-manic state before sex. Our love making was, 'seldom boriing.'

Wouldn't it be sad if our lives were not enriched by the sensations we get from just physical changes in our own bodies. I can sense differences in my own sexual and solo sessions by just the cleanliness/oiliness of my own beard or the amount of plaque on my teeth. Sometimes sessions are better when I'm 'squeaky' clean. other times, a bit of grime is OK.

Try just concentrating on what you are feeling at that moment and be happy with the pleasure you are having. The problems arise when you are trying to grow these feelings on your own. I think the feelings of pleasure have to establish themselves first, then they can evolve into something much greater with the right concentration, but you can't force it too happen. Just relax and remember to breath and soon enough the pleasure will start spreading from your pelvic region to your abdomen and throughout your body. At this moment, is when it is important to really relax and let the feelings overtake you. If you tense up they are going to go away. Give in to the feelings and let go of control.

@Clenchy and @orgasmo we are all right in our own way. Actually at the moment I would say that for me there is a lot of internal turmoil and I'm not overcoming it yet and actually I'm not having any orgasms either. I have a lot of emotional garbage that is breaking through and although technically at the moment I am an emotional trainwreck I have never felt so alive as if I am really getting somewhere and feeling emotion again for the first time in 40 years, thanks be to aneros.So yes emotional turmoil but it does involve a lot of intense sexual feelings so basically for me anyway it's complicated, I can't even start to understand it and have to just give in, which means accepting that I can't have an orgasm at the moment. Total submission to my emotional state seems to the only option, dropping expectation, and not seeing orgasm as the goal. Yes it's a mind trick if you look at it that way but then you can over-analyse anything, and I wouldn't be human if I didn't want another orgasm one day. I'm not sure how to make it any simpler.
I did say that I was trying to control it - just when I am having a session, I can't help trying every now and then!
I know what you are saying is correct, in fact a while ago I would have given the exact same advice myself.
Feel free to lecture me everyone has something useful to add and this forum is all about sharing our thoughts freely. One person that lectured me recently totally changed my outlook and gave me some incredible insights and I am eternally grateful.

@smudgefish I'm still waiting for the emotional aspects of this to rear its head. It felt like a whirlwind inside my head late yesterday with almost like an activity overload. It still feels like I have an emotional barrier and it is going to take a lot to break through it. Sadness is my most repressed emotion for sure.

@orgazmo I sincerely hope that you don't experience any of these emotional 'black holes' I wouldn't wish them on anyone. But most of them end suddenly with a flood of sobbing and many insights, then you feel great again almost instantly, so I just presume they serve a purpose, at least I'm holding onto that thought. You don't know what's down there until it starts to break through, although even then I'm not sure what it is exactly half the time.

Wow, sounds like you have a lot to deal with there. I haven't had to work through baggage like that. Although once I did hit an emotion that honestly made me question whether I was abused and don't remember it. The reaction seemed too completely-formed, intense and complex for what it was. It still freaks me out.

Anyway, I hope you can work through it.

@smudgefish I already feel like an emotional blackhole before I started this 🙂 Emotions get sucked in but not let out. It's not that I'm not happy or anything like that, I just don't process emotions well and have a hard time empathizing with others going through bad situations. I don't think I've cried since since I was a kid and don't even remember what it feels like or how to.

They are actually quite interesting. Last night and this morning was my worst by a long way. I was at the point of suicidal ideation this morning (note I would never kill myself under any circumstances it goes totally against everything I believe in), but I really felt that I would be better off dead, and I understood why people sometimes want to end it all. After a good sob which sort of came out of nowhere I felt that I suddenly understood things a lot better and felt on top of the world again. I can look back at it now with almost scientific interest.I have started being interested in primal therapy again and the work of Arthur Janov what he did with patients seems to mirror what is happening to me now.
I still wouldn't recommend them though.

@orgazmo don't wish this on yourself. I'm similar to you, no emotion since childhood, just lots of ways to hide the bad feelings and seem successful. I can only presume most of this in my case is due to years of severe bullying at an English boarding school, messed me up big time. We all have bad things in our past it's just how they affected you emotionally and how you coped with it and how much the original pain is now 'gated' out of conciousness, and what defences you use to stop feeling the original emotion.I doubt you will have as much baggage as me! (hope not anyway)

@smudgefish I was never bullied or anything like that, but I think a lot of it stems from a wall I've erected around myself over my same sex preference. I'm still in the closet with friends and family. Although I'm sure my friends have figured it out since I never hit on girls or anything. It's not that I think my friends wouldn't be accepting of what I am, it is just that I don't want my family to know because I know what their reaction would be. This is what happens when you grow up in the bible belt of America. You are made to believe something is wrong with you and you should hide it. At least that is how it was when I was growing up. Now it seems to be a whole lot different, but after being in the closet for so long I don't even know how to begin to have that conversation lol.

@orgazmo come to the UK, no such problems here! I'm bisexual so can't relate to your problem I have the best of both worlds and no-one except my wife need know because I'm married, and certainly no need to tell my parents.
I'm sure you know what you need to do, just don't leave it too late and regret not having done it sooner. I remember one of my friends 'coming out' and I thought what a fuss over nothing it made absolutely no difference to what I thought of him at all. Easy for me to say that I suppose being on the other side and never having to face it myself.

I think we have these tests during life because we have to learn something important before we can move on, and they are not supposed to be easy. Grasp it, learn, and move on, or it will haunt you until you do overcome it. No-one can tell you how to do that though.

@smudgefish Being bisexual sounds nice. Double the playing field! Believe me, I've tried being attracted to the opposite sex, but it doesn't work like that 🙂 I've known since I was 11 or 12. I'll prob come out sooner rather later when the timing feels right and I'm sure it will feel like a huge load off.

I'm going through a very angry phase today. I can't feel anything sexually again. I sort of made up with my parents a few weeks ago and thought that was a breakthrough, now I am angry as hell with them again for sending me to boarding school and messing me up. It's all confusing.

I have been reading Janov and he talks sense and puts this all in a scientific context. How sex is hijacted by past traumas http://cigognenews.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/prototypes-and-sex-hijack.html. I don't know what is going on deep inside me it would takes months of therapy to get to it.

I thought it was some spiritual energy block. My system was probably just overloaded with sexual pleasure during my super-Os and it triggered a recall of some deep emotional traumas and now there is no way of going back there because I just can't take the pain. I am so fucked up and I can't help but blame my parents for making me like this. It's just not fair. And now I'm feeling sorry for myself and crying again...

edit: Well, letting all these feelings out must have done something because I have just had my first dry orgasm for at least a week. Maybe it's not all bad.

I do not want to interrupt the thread. My thoughts -
I think we grossly underestimate the minds ability to gate, hide, misplace, convert and re-categorize events imaginary, real or misinterpreted that could not be dealt with at the time. The growing awareness can only cope with so much and would often be under extreme pressure or overloaded.
For most it just shapes the way they live. For some (us) there is an opportunity to start to clear out, and become whole and fully functioning (orgasmic).
We expect the process to be like extracting a splinter but we should think of it a being more like a root canal - a hell of a task - I am in the middle of one these now both in tooth and energy!
The steps will be incremental. With encouraging blessings on the way. "But the view from the top is mind blowing" you guys tell me!

@isvara I think I have already hijacked the thread fairly effectively! I seem to be good at that.I hope you are OK.

@orgazmo, as you say , you'll know when it's right for you to come out. Despite the supreme court win for marriage equality and changing attitudes here among young people, the culture itself still has an ingrained bias towards heterosexuality. For instance I swear I saw a commercial recently where 2 men were hugging and kissed! It could have been a life insurance commercial, I don't know and it doesn't matter. I was stunned. I haven't seen it again and don't know if i imagined it. But...I felt a glow inside me that said "this is just right" and "of course". It's very powerful and I await the full acceptance of seeing love between men in mainstreet TV land. I'm reading Robert Sawyer"s Parallax trilogy now which depicts an entire culture where bisexuality is the norm, men and women are expected to have partners of both genders. It's so liberating to read and imagine that kind of world! It's scifi of course and the bisexual world is in a parallel universe where Neanderthals have survived Cromagnon, not the other way around like ours LOL.

Like the immigrants who are bouyed by Obama"s new immigration regulations, I"m hopeful that our culture is changing for the betterr, more human version, with this supreme court ruling. It's got to affect the culture at large when sponsors begin to cash in on our new market. Hang in there @orgazmo, our time is coming. Meanwhile find love wherre you are.

@euphemestic It was great to see the Supreme Court finally rule favorably nationwide on this issue, yet also disgusting to hear some of the reactions from conservative politicians and religious leaders. I'm more libertarian by nature so I have some major issues with Obama, but this is one area where I'm glad he is President because I doubt there would have been any other viable candidate last election to support this issue as much as he has.

:ar! Thread officially hijacked :ar!

What's IS going on over there?? We've had men kissing each other on TV since the 90's in the UK, and my children don't even take a second glance at it, they are more embarrassed when I kiss their mum! (which I do quite a lot these days)

PS bit of a double hijacking manoeuvre there! Yours was more impressive than mine.