Wife with soo many questions

Hey @Wife_frend ,

Welcome to the forum. Most of the answers you seek are well disussed and written about already. Be prepared to read a lot (a fuckton lot). Start with the Aneros Wiki and in the meantime I will summon @rumel (the living and breathing orgasmic archive wizard) for you, who usually pulls a plethora of good advise out of his sleeves.

Since you are at the very beginning, I would suggest you get yourself an Aneros Evi (which is a similar device just made for women) and try to achieve the same things as your partner. Following the same excercises and rules (no touching of the penis = no touching of the vulva/clit). Maybe having sessions together, but IMHO alone-time is important as well.

Hopefully, you'll get a good understanding of the things going on in your partners body, since you will experience the same things with the evi. This is a journey and it will take some time, so don't give up too soon (we are talking about months to years). If you do this journey together, you can share and discuss your findings with each other. Most (but not all) of us have their wife out of the picture and can only share and seek advise here in the forum. So your situation is rather special and you should make use of it. You may very likely grow as individuals and as a couple in the process.

One last reminder:
You are basically learning tantra and the aneros will be your training wheels. There are no shortcuts, the aneros is already the shortcut.

Cheers, Unfug

I would suggest letting him use it alone at first. Obviously you know him better than us but if he's anything like me, it'll take some getting used to and he might not be very comfortable with you seeing him with a sex toy up his a** or worse seeing him put it in. I was SUPER reluctant to even talk to my girlfriend about me thinking about getting one because of stigmas associated with men and anal play. Now that I'm comfortable with it, we use it together. Also, he'll need to clear his mind to be successful with it. Having you there with make that more difficult, in my opinion anyway. Currently if I'm using it and my gf comes into play, the pleasure shifts and is different. Once he learns how to use the toy by itself, figuring out how to use it with a partner becomes a whole new adventure. The first time my gf and I tried, it was a complete failure because I struggled to relax. It ended up hurting and I had to stop using it for a week or so.

For intercourse, leave that mofo in! He won't last long but holy hell that's an experience especially the first one. My most recent adventure in that area was like I was in my 20s again just pounding away with it still inserted. Lasted a REALLY long time and was amazing all the way.

Ejaculation will likely happen if he a backdoor-pleasure-newbie like me. I tried so hard to not ejaculate but couldn't prevent it. Sometimes even had really lame traditional Or because I was trying to control everything.

The first thing he should do is read! The wiki, the community, even Reddit... It's amazing what you can learn and find that will help along the way.

I HIGHLY recommend researching and picking up Rumel's HypnAerosession CD/mp3. It's like an instruction audio that helps teach you how to get to the promised land.

Days between use, subjective. When I first started using it, it left like a waste of time and took a while to get in the right mindset. I used it every chance I had trying to get to results. Sometimes thattwas ok, others, it hurt, and I had to stop for a CPL days. Remember, this isn't like a vibrator where you put it on the spot and BOOM sexual bliss is there. Using an aneros is more like, at least initially, meditating your way to orgasms.

Either way be patient with him about it. It's not that easy to overcome the mental aspects of it but when he does get ready for an interesting ride!

Good luck!

Thank you for the quick responses! So just to be clear I am the one that brought it up, talked him into it (which didn't take too much) and purchased it so I am all in! So what would you say about normal orgasms or standard ejaculation after sessions? Like if he were to use it tonight and we had sex afterwards and then he didn't use it for a couple of days but we had sex each day would this hinder the learning or sessions for himself? Is it better to abstain from normal ejaculation for any X?

When you say you tried hard not to ejaculate, what do you mean you were trying to stimulate the penis while using the aneros and went to close and couldn't stop or ejaculated without penile stimulation?

Hi @Wife_frend, First, please allow me to Welcome you to the Aneros Forums and offer kudos to you for being open minded enough to introduce prostate massage into your intimate life together! Second, I'd like you both to read through the introductory PM I sent you, it will point you to the most relevant information regarding use of these wonderful little devices.

I purchased this for my husband but feel obsessed with all the questions I have. I WANT to use this with him but I have read that he should use it alone to begin. ...I've read many contradicting things. Using it alone?

Aneros use can vary widely depending upon the users desired outcome, there are really no hard rules regarding Aneros use but there are as many opinions about it as there are users. However there are some general guidelines which seem to have proved effective for numerous men over the years. I'll offer my opinionated answers to your questions as best I can.

The rewiring process to become familiar and adept at obtaining prostate based orgasms can vary widely from individual to individual, IMHO, this process can be optimized when a man is able to focus his attention and intent on himself without distracting influences. This may require you to allow him many hours of solo use but it doesn't mean you have to go without your normal sexual relations, just make sure he has undisturbed time to go through the learning/training/conditioning process. As his learning progresses the time he does spend with you will qualitatively improve. Please see the Women Too section of the Aneros WIKI. After he has awakened and developed his prostate awareness all manner of sexual activities will be enhanced by his Aneros use and you may find yourself having more and better sex than ever.

Yes or no penile stimulation?

IMHO, initially NO penile stimulation. The reasoning for this can be found in @Cockadoodle ’s thread Penis, NOT.

Leaving it in or removing it for intercourse?

That's totally up to you two. The Aneros massagers can certainly be used during intercourse and most men who do so report their ejaculatory orgasms are more voluminous and intense with it in situ.

Ejaculation or no ejaculation?

This too is up to you and your husband. IMHO, at least until he is proficient at being able to Super-O, ejaculations should be avoided to firmly establish the prostate orgasm neural pathways in the brain. Once these pathways are firmly established and consistently reinforced then ejaculations become totally optional. It should be noted that ejaculations normally trigger the refractory period response in men which usually dramatically alters mood and attention to sensual/sexual activity likely shutting down the play session.

Days between use?

Again no hard rules here, IMHO, I recommend at least a full days hiatus between sessions and avoidance of any ejaculations for 24 hours prior to session commencement. You may wish to view the users Polls How long is just right to ride your Aneros? & How frequently do you use your massager?.

Of course I want him to get the most pleasure from it which is why I purchased it but not sure how to incorporate that into our sex life while getting the most out of its purpose.

You've both begun a sensual adventure which may blossom into an intense intimacy only previously imagined. If you practice patience and attention with no expectations I'm confident your husband will discover a deeper sensuality and greater pleasure than in any prior sexual encounters. Just be willing to experiment with different techniques to see where they lead you. You may find the thread Identifying Facilitators to Progress helpful in stimulating ideas for enhancing your experiences. Good Vibes to You !

@Wife_frend, welcome to the forum. May I ask you, wherefrom your inspiration came to buy this tool for your husband and to talk him into it? Cheers, Mart

@SOwithoutAneros, originally researching stamina but eventually led me interested in this. I am a very bashful, unadventurous, mundane person...except in the bedroom! Nothing turns me on more than to see him turned on or even think he is being turned on. He is a very "beige" person and I usually do not receive any feedback even with prodding. However, lately, I have been extremely vocal and demanding feedback or threatening to stop all the extra fun that I do for him because I know he enjoys it even though he isn't vocal about it but I want to hear it. There isn't much that I don't do in the bedroom for him. Well for me as well because being adventurous and turning him on turns me on even more! I mean we don't do any role playing as we would be too embarrassed but I often talk dirty for faux threesomes not to mention one real threesome. Though you would think he never enjoyed a minute of anything the way he acts! LOL If there's any advice on getting someone to participate or reciprocate more and open up I would greatly appreciate it.

@Wife_frend

You have a lovely, adventuresome spirit, hardly what I'd call mundane. And what a lucky beige man you have! Keep painting him.

I can't recommend anything more than the posts above, but do have your hubby read the entire Aneros Wiki. It's a comprehensive, personal tour of a man's inner workings, from sexual hardware to emotional response and awareness. He'll learn more than he ever imagined. Don't lose the forest for the trees, don't rush anything, and have fun together.

Oh, and have Mr. Beige say hello on the forum. I'm still fairly new at this myself, but the support and knowledge around these parts does us all good, new and experienced alike.

Best of Pleasures,

Zenopause

@Wife_frend, thanks for answering that freely.
Having reread your post and having stumbled upon some wise words elswhere in between, it came to my mind to add the recommendation that you both first must let go old pathways to make possible to open up for the full benefit of your further journey.

It’s anxiety that creates our sexual and bodily limits. Our entire body has the ability to get us off, and penetrative sex not only bypasses a lot of erogenous zones but also ways to build intimacy and connect. [...] Awakening parts of our bodies not usually associated with sex or pleasure shows how plastic our sexuality is. Everything can have pleasure associated with it.

Thus in mind, you can tell your husband, it is a great freedom for me, when being at home alone and without any neighbours listening, to really let go without restraint and shout, moan, scream or only pant with my orgasmic sensations. And of course, depending on your environment, you should give him this opportunity. Vocalization can become a motor of his lust because both support each other. Vocalization made me find extraordinary bliss I never thought possible. Even only giving my breath a little voice can stimulate my arousal beyond belief.
I wish you both a successful and enlightning journey.
Please keep us posted.
Mart

@Wife_frend, With most things in life, I see a red flag when presented with absolutes. "you must start alone", "you can't touch your penis", yada-yada-yada. My advice to you is that you and hubby should use the aneros device as you so choose for the mutual enjoyment you both seek and agree upon. You might a day by texting about a rendezvous later and offer your thoughts of the aneros being a part of the loving encounter. You may even tell your man that, after some foreplay to get the ball rolling, you want to watch him have a solo session while you enjoy the show, and maybe even put on your own show for his viewing pleasure. Certainly the aneros can be used during intercourse! And, in a leg-straddle position, you may even be able to reach the aneros device and work it gently for him! The sky is the limit! Use your collective imagination to the loving benefit of your marriage. If both are okay with the idea, you may even send sexy texts and pictures to him sometime when he may be going solo. Then later, you two can talk about it and who knows where such can lead?!?!?! Should you plant beans from one end of the garden to the other or vice versa.....I think if you plant the beans they will grow! Explore with open minds and a desire that each others enjoyment is at the top of each other's list and I am sure you folks will discover great sex in a variety of ways as the aneros device becomes a wonderful addition.

I agree with Zenopause.... try and see if you can get your husband to join us in the forum. It sounds like he's a bit hesitant and has some questions that maybe other guys can help him out with. If he's not totally comfortable with using an aneros he won't get anywhere and that will lead to frustration for both of you.
There are lots of very knowledgeable folks here ready to help out.
Good luck...;)