Where am I?-gctid10291

I hear ya, sometimea looking at Porn I discovered it was more a hinderance. A distraction. So I try not to do that. What helps is focusing on where the device is touching and taking a few deep breaths, relaxing and deciding that you are not going to do anything other than observe your sensation and imagine that tool has its own mind cognition and you are going to just lay back and let it fuck you on its own. You are a willing submissive receiver and it is controlling you. See if you can give in to that and just feel it rubbing you inside gingerly until you lose your mind.

I think there's a temptation to form cause-and-effect relationships with these things. Like "Oh, my leg fluttered there when it felt good, so I should try and make my leg flutter more."
And so you get focused on the leg flutter, and after a while realise all you're feeling is your leg fluttering, and not the orgasmic impulse that caused it the first time.

I think what's helpful is to mentally split these physical reactions into separate categories. There are twitches that I can make directly, and there are twitches that come indirectly from somewhere else. They both cause twitching, but they're not the same. One feels good at the same time as twitching, and the other feels like twitching, but without pleasure.

When you can think of them as different things, it becomes a lot easier to let twitches pass without feeling like you have to create more of them manually. And I think you develop a better sense for which type you're experiencing.

@Yankeecowboy;
I get what you are saying and I get good results from an approach like that. It's why I mostly meditate or do the audio stuff. I feel good and even if nothing extreme happens, than it's still very relaxing.

My very best session happened while meditating. It was close to what the wiki describes as the calm sea thing. I do a lot of yoga and meditating so I am familiar with letting go and relaxing into the mind. My body didn't do anything there. Breathing was an auto, my body was perfectly still, temperature perfect and I could just feel the waves come over me with perfect focus. Nothing to freak out about, nothing to think about; it all made perfect sense. I have never gotten to that point again.

Most of the time my body does something. Whether it's holding breath, tensing up, moaning. It's these things that are hard for me to place. Don't even get me started on the always stupidly timed yawn.

@Clenchy:
You described perfectly what I'm doing: Focusing on a fluttering to realize you are focusing on a fluttering. I am interested though in how you categorize sensations.
There are a lot of things that the body does out of reaction that might be meaningless. I'm relatively new so still 'amazed' by every insignificant little thing. Not yet knowing what is worth to explore and what isn't. I do believe that physical sensations can be powerful though. Especially things with breath or getting a bit more vocal but also the twitches and other types of movement.

I am interested though in how you categorize sensations.I separate them by whether or not they're pleasurable. It took me a long time to notice I was chasing the twitches the wrong way. I was locked into the idea that the twitches were creating the pleasure, so as long as I was able to keep the twitches going, then pleasure should follow. It didn't. And what I realised is that there was something else going on, something I couldn't directly see. Like there was a more round-about way of encouraging this twitching, that I couldn't put a name on. Rather than trying to make the muscles twitch directly, I had to direct that energy somewhere else entirely and it would circle back around and make the twitch happen on its own. I didn't have control of exactly when these twitches would happen, but when they did, they'd come with pleasure and the increased sense that I wasn't making it happen. It's like you have to let go of the control and let them happen at their own pace.

And so I think it's that first involuntary twitch which is the "real" one, that I was trying to recreate and chase with "fake" manual ones. It's kind of weird to think about voluntary involuntaries, like I can focus and make my muscles quiver, but it's not quite the same... it's like I'm plugging in to the pathway at the wrong place, I need to be somewhere further upstream doing something I can't even put into words... feeling, accepting, being erotically charged somehow. And what ever I'm doing in that place is taking care of the twitches for me.

I think one of the big pitfalls of the experience is getting the causality all wrong, making assumptions without realising it, and trying to control the wrong things. Several times in my journey I've found the best thing to do is try to forget everything you think you've learned about it, and start again, open to anything.

So what do you guys think? Does it get easier with practice? Is there a way to learn to be less distracted? To just let go and not give a shit? Also where should I be in relation to this inward vs outward placement of the focus?

I think over time you'll learn how your body responds to pleasure and you'll be able to tell when you're not relaxing and when you're trying to force things. For me, I know that if i moan or something like that, it's because I felt really good at that moment. I don't ask myself if I should continue moaning or twitching; it just happens. So I don't think about it. I only focus on what I'm feeling.

It did take time for me to get to that point though. And I think our body's responses to pleasure change depending on how relaxed we really are. For example, I used to stop breathing and clench up whenever the feelings got really intense. Though that was when I was relatively new to this whole experience. I believe I'm way more relaxed during my sessions nowadays; I can always keep up a breathing rhythm (though the speed and intensity may change) and I don't clench up anymore.

You really just have to learn more about your body; and that takes time. You have to be observant, and you have to be honest with yourself if you feel you're forcing things.

Thanks for the answers guys. Appreciate the effort.
It's kind of hard to talk about these things. Feels a bit like discussing music, where things can sound 'warm' or 'round'; it's all a metaphor really. You have to already know what the other person is referring to in order for it to make any sense, (not saying that it doesn't).


Sticking with the music analogy: When you first try to learn a chord it becomes this logical thing. Index finger goes here, than my pinky will do this; don't hit the bottom string. You get confused because there are way too many components to keep track of. But than you'll learn it's all muscle memory and your body wil meet you halfway. When I think 'G chord' now, my hands just do it. No need to think about it at all.


Clenchy, when you speak of "Being further upstream" Or "plugging into the pathway at the wrong place"; it kind of reminds me of a book about drawing I read by Betty Edwards.
It was about the left vs right side of the brain. One is verbal and analytical. The other is creative, flowing and without judgement.
It had practice assignments where you had to draw pictures upside down or abstract stuff in order to shut up the part of the brain that 'thinks' about the subject; this is where it assigns labels such as right or wrong. This is also where you keep judging the overal quality of your drawing. Whether it is good enough or looks like the source at all (I'm not a very good draftsman).


When your brain doesn't know what it's doing, doesn't understand the symbolism, than all there is left is to just flow into it and draw what you see without caring what it is supposed to be. This produced way, way better results and showed me that there are multiple ways of 'seeing'.
Also that the 'ego', left side or whatever you want to call it will mess with the other parts of your brain. It wants to be dominant but you can find ways to trick it. This is true for the other senses as well, such as hearing, smelling or feeling.


I know that I'm trying to compare fucking my ass to making music, meditating or drawing pictures because this is what I know. This is also what the brain does: finding patterns, comparing everything to old experiences. I guess you Knights of the Aneros Order have found ways to properly shut up the analytical side of your brain and operate from someplace else?

No, it's perfect. I did the same drawing exercise... where instead of trying to draw what you think a nose looks like, you just draw the shapes you see. I think that's a great example of how "meta" this stuff can be.

I don't think you need to completely shut down the analytical side, rather you can give it something else to do. The cause and effect loop still exists, it's just that it's a much bigger loop than is visible. It travels through processes that I don't have the tools to control, and can't even see until that train comes out of the tunnel on the other side. I can get my analytical side to accept this, and I can exert control by suspending my control. I'm handing it over until it achieves what ever it needs to get done. I find that redirection a lot easier than trying to battle it head on. Having an easy give-and-take partnership, where the part of me that wants to take control, can sit back and still feel in control, because it knows letting go is part of the cause-and-effect loop... it's a way I've made peace with it.

I think my "plugging in at the wrong place" is shortening the loop to things only within my control and line of sight. Trying to manually create the symptoms instead of feeding the cause. In a way I find it helps to ignore the symptoms and figure out what part of the crazy wordless rain-dance was working to trigger the cause.
It's a bit like that reflex test where your knee is hit and your leg jerks... you can move your leg like that manually, but it didn't come from the same place. And if the reflex jerk is the only leg movement that counts, then it makes sense to pursue it by not doing it manually and instead waiting for a tap on the knee from somewhere... maybe a mind-reading ghost doctor who is powered by unknown erotic energy. And so it isn't the leg jerks that are important, but sending what ever it is the doctor needs.

lol I know this has descended into an abstract mess, but it really is this nuts to me. :))

So, make the ghost doctor do a rain dance so a train comes out of the other side and tap me on the knee? Got it!

But in all seriousness... I think I got what you are saying about the cause-and-effect loop, and how you can make a wrong judgement call.
So, try to feed the cause without obsessing over some effect. Abstract mess or not, i find that you put your thoughts it into words quite nicely.

Mitaru,

I think @Clenchy and you have got this understanding quite correct. @rook made a great post a little over five years ago titled Whole Body/Whole Mind - the mental side which included the same aspects of the topic you are discussing. I made a post titled "zoneros" which also touched upon this important mental aspect of Aneros practice. I also posted this thread ("Just Let Go !") several years ago which addressed these same issues.

So... In response to your thread title "Where am I?" I would surmise you are smack dab in the middle of your path on the journey into orgasmic enlightenment.Does it get easier with practice?YES!Is there a way to learn to be less distracted?Yes, please see the thread => Identifying Facilitators to Progress.To just let go and not give a shit?Yes, please see above listed thread "Just Let Go !"Also where should I be in relation to this inward vs outward placement of the focus?Since every man's experience on the Aneros journey is unique, the judgment of where one "should" or should not be is really up to you. You are the captain of your vessel sailing in the ocean of orgasmic possibilities, you get to plot your own course and see how the winds of uncertainty and tides of emotional flow affect the direction of your path. It is never going to be a straight line!
Good Vibes to You !

Thank you for your answers Rumel,

There is a lot of good stuff in there. I particularly like the post you made about 'zoneros'. It's about what me and Clenchy were talking about indeed. Including the need to let the ego lay low and analyzing distractions or sensations for what they are.


Thinking about a mindset and how to get there is powerful because it's more abstract and not easy to label(for the ego). Thinking about orgasms and whether they wear a cape or not is a sure way to disappointment. When you judge orgasms than the bizarre stupid heavy ones are king and the rest become inferior somehow? Close but no cigar.


Compared to regular orgasms, or ejaculating ones, most were super crappy if i'm honest with myself. Especially when you jerk off multiple times a day- You put on your porn, rush towards the end, blow your load; continue with the rest of day, not giving it any thought because you have done this a million times before.


I consider this 'orgasmic journey through the cosmos' quite different than what I described in the paragraph above. It's on the opposite end of some spectrum.
I have had some experiences beyond words or time, and have a grasp on the basics of cosmic sailing but there are still plenty or buttons and levers that I have no clue about what it is that they do. This forum makes everything a lot less crazy and it's nice to be able to talk to people about it.