What stage am I at, or are toys just not suitable for me?

I don't think there are any stages really. It's altogether too personal and variable.

I think broadly you can try any of the following:

1. Wait it out. Maybe something will change over time.
2. Introspect, and try to figure out why.
3. Try someone else's break-through technique, and see if anything unexpected happens.

Posted by: @waxa

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as soon as I remove the toy, the prostate begins to swell.

That's interesting. I wonder if the presence of a device makes you hold tension somewhere you're not aware of, or whether there's some psychological block going on. I haven't experienced what you describe, but I've definitely become aware of muscles I'm holding without realizing it, in places I didn't even realize had muscles. For example, I seem to have something I can relax that allows the aneros to pivot deeper than usual. In my mind, this "muscle" is somewhere along the front wall of my rectum, because that's where it feels like it is, but I have no idea what it could be in reality. I can sometimes get in touch with this tension and release it, but not always. (As an aside, I think I probably had a much better mental map of these tension areas before I started doing weed sessions full-time for years, which is another reason why coming back to normal sessions has been hard.)

To continue from point 3 above... the forum here has a lot of "Here's how I did it" type threads, where people post their techniques and insights. I'd suggest exploring them, not necessarily because one or another technique will unlock everything, but because they'll encourage you to try something different. Something you didn't know you weren't doing, or shaking loose something you were doing but didn't know you were. With so many thousands of variables and degrees of everything, an entirely new technique or mindset might accidentally overlap with something that's relevant to you.

Posted by: @waxa

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Overall, it feels like toys are hindering rather than helping to capture subtle sensations in the prostate.

That's not an unreasonable stance. The toys definitely have their place, maybe for you they are better as a warm-up. Maybe you can use them for 10 or 15 minutes during an hour-long session ? It's possible that your Aneros devices simply provide too much "leverage" and overpower more subtle sensations, as you stated. A session without a toy definitely counts as a session, go with what provides the best pleasure.  

What I'm hearing is that your Aless game is strong, which is wonderful!  I've heard that Anerosessions and Aless are supposed to compliment each other/prime the pump so maybe you just need to focus on your ratio of one to the other.  I like Zentai's advice, but it could also be worth trying think it in terms of having the Aneros one day vs. 3 or more days of Aless.  I've always thought that it's easier anyway, there's no prepwork you have to do so much easier to have spontaneous Aless sessions.  I haven't seen him post for a while but there was a guy going by the name @SOwithoutAneros, searching for his threads might be helpful; here's his blog as well. 

Posted by: @faith-manages

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I've always thought that it's easier anyway, there's no prepwork you have to do so much easier to have spontaneous Aless sessions.

Absolutely, Aless is more "convenient" in this regard, but it's also harder in my opinion to just stumble on Aless without working with the devices first. I often start my sessions without a device and then I'll add a Aneros depending on where things are heading and what kind of intensity I'm getting, how long I want the session to be, etc. You can mix it up as much as you want and it's part of the fun. 

Have sessions both with and without Aneros and enjoy both equally! Taken awhile to arrive there but the journey has been rewarding! Have found that tweaking my nipples has definitely been a plus in achieving orgasms! Once you have found the sweet spot any Aneros will produce results on a given day! Once you have developed focus and relax the p spot will provide copious amounts of continuous pleasure!