There is more it seems

I have just had a very big week. Last weekend (10 days ago) an event that has defined the last 20 years for me, resurfaced. The three days following were very stressful, intense and emotional but by Wednesday I had had some resolution and was feeling battered but better. On Thursday I spent the afternoon with a herd of horses, owned by a friend who runs courses where you work and play with these magnificent beings. My time with them was not guided, I just wandered around and interacted with them. I could spend hours talking about that experience but that is not the point of this, let me just say I came away from the experience buoyed and feeling grounded.

On Friday evening I had an Aless session that was notable in its intensity, those were two very fine hours. For the last couple of weeks my sessions have felt discordant and bitty. I would often become disinterested during a session and stop. I am quite proud of myself as I did know that this was a temporary state of affairs and that my sessions would return to normal when our lives here felt more settled and safe. Fridays session confirmed that.
On Saturday morning I woke very early, 4 AM, and got up. I made coffee and decided I would have a session, so I had a little weed and settled in. I began sitting in my office chair just enjoying my coffee and letting my body slowly slip into its pleasure. I say slowly but it did not take long before I was racked in orgasm. I did not finish my coffee. I was quivering and jerking so violently I got out of my chair before the thing collapsed in a heap. I staggered to my nice thick carpet, lay on my back and put my feet up on my footstool and immediately felt like someone was pouring orgasmic fluid into me through my butt. The orgasms started at my sphincter and flowed up my canal. Everywhere the imaginary orgasmic fluid touched set off orgasms and they just kept moving up my body and down my legs. It was like the orgasms were flowing through my veins. I was trembling and shuddering more than I ever have and it just kept going. The intensity went on for so long I started to quietly beg myself to stop while praying it wouldn't. Usually when I am hit by these monster orgasms they last a few minutes then abate for a bit, they then build again and so on. Not this time, they just kept going, at times I felt like I was being assaulted by them. They would pick me up shake me violently and hurl me to the ground again. I have never experienced such full bodied intensity before, it was so deep. Usually my nipples are intensifiers, but now I found playing with them distracting. Occasionally I would give them a pinch or flick which shot electric waves through my body adding to the already insane pleasure.
At some point I had kicked away the footstool and had thrown my arms out wide. My feet and hands were twitching and jerking which just intensified the pleasure and set up a feedback loop with my core. This was no longer sexual, it was way more than that. A feeling I have never experienced washed over me; my whole body, tissue deep, was thrumming with a low frequency buzz, it felt like I was being massaged inside my muscles and bones by an orgasm - exquisite. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. At 8am I had to stop, although I felt I could have gone on if I wanted to.
As I went about my morning I kept getting harassed by involuntaries. I could not shake them so eventually I took myself off to a very private part of the farm, threw down a camping mattress and just carried on for another couple of hours. I staggered home for lunch and had an afternoon zizz (sleep).

That evening I thought I would relax and listen to some music quietly after my big day. My body had other ideas. It was begging for the MGX so I popped it in. Fuck me - I don’t know what else to say. I do know that I again found myself on the floor after starting in a comfortable chair, but face down this time. Usually lying on my stomach does not work, my dick rubbing against anything will trigger an ejaculation, but ejaculation was so far removed from these sessions that it was not a problem. In fact I think the stimulation to my dick enhanced everything. When I finally came down I lay there for ages before I could move confidently.

On Sunday I couldn’t do anything.

So what happened? Was this an emotional release? Will my good sessions always feel like this?
@pirontras has just posted in his “The fastest way to a super O” thread (I am still trying to figure out this linking to posts thing) that things improved when he stopped using porn but, and I think more importantly, when he “decided to stop being unhappy”.
What I felt was beyond sexual, there was a more emotional aspect to it, maybe even a healing of sorts, I suppose I will only know in time if that is true. I have been on a spiritual journey for years and I am getting better and better at recognising a shift in me - this week I experienced a shift. I surrender to life just a little bit more, and that seemed to be reflected in my Saturday session. I have definitely begun to embrace the sounds I make during a session, however strange, and I let my body shake and move more naturally, however ridiculous it may look. I feel like I am starting to allow me to be the authentic me and not the me I think I should be.

But here is the thing, even when I was experiencing the very highest level of pleasure, I felt there is something else to experience. I hesitate to use the words "more to experience", it suggests "not-enoughness”, which is simply not true. We really are the “more’ people, more money, more fun, more food, more speed more everything, but that is not what this feeling is. It is definitely something else and I don’t know what that is? @helghast in his post where his wife coached him to the next place describes something very special, the words that stay with me are "fun" and “we were happy”. I would love to hear more about those 50 minutes, but I get the feeling they are indescribable and if he (you if you are reading this @helghast) did describe it then that would not be it. It is experiential and beyond words. So @helghast, was there something else going on in your life or was there just a deepening of your relationship with your wife?
I know I am in danger of over thinking this, but I am fascinated with our human behavior. I just finished another of Alan Watts books and am about to begin Carl Jung’s autobiography. Perhaps he will shed some light on things. Anyway, I will continue to be enthralled by all the members encounters - I see @helghast has just had a blowjob breakthrough, I look forward to reading about that.