The secret for me

Hi @foxtar ,  try exhausting all air from your lungs when breathing. For, me, it helps relax all muscles and does not require as much concentration.  Good luck.

Thank you. That is a very good tip.

I imagine that my entire body is melting into the mattress like a stick of butter...this with the breathing techniques really works for me. Thank you for sharing your stomach relaxing tip...I will try that too. Our natural instinct is to tense up with the pleasure build-up. Great post!

@foxstar, perhaps it may help to tell you what soothes me, how I personally can relax and let go:

Lying on my back on my bed with my eyes closed and my mind wide open, I envision to have boarded a raft that is drifting on peaceful waters following a meandering river in dappling sunlight between romantic forested banks towards the land of milk and honey.

After a while I attain a hovering state as if I myself would drift like that float on that river until I finally flow with the river I am merging with into my silent sea of bliss, where all tension is gone, only good vibes are spreading throughout my body and life feels wonderful.

Oh yeah!

To override "Our natural instinct [...] to tense up with the pleasure build-up" like @Jaxsun wrote, has been my deciding milestone.

Cheers, Mart

P.S.

If you prefer a more physical approach, PMR  might be worth a try.

Progressive muscle relaxation after Jacobson

The progressive muscle relaxation after Jacobson (PMR) is a technique to release muscle tension. The idea is that when concentrating on the tension felt in the different muscles, the person starts to feel the whole body relax. The aim of progressive muscle relaxation after Jacobson is to be aware of muscle tension and then release it.

The American doctor and physiologist Edmund Jacobson (1885-1976) found that even a person who is completely calm and relaxed can still suffer from muscle tension, which has a negative effect on the body and mind. However, he also found in some cases that there was almost completely no muscle tension at all if the person was deeply relaxed.

Progressive muscle relaxation is easy to learn; it doesn’t require much effort and can be done any time making it easy to fit into everyday life. It is usually practised in groups whilst lying down wearing loose clothing. With eyes closed and breathing gently, you concentrate on body parts where there is tension and discomfort. Specific muscle areas will be tensed one by one and then released again. These changes should be noticed consciously and then repeated. The increased tension causes a boost in blood supply to some body parts, which might lead to a feeling of warmth, heaviness and tiredness during the relaxation phases. To finish off, you are required to count backwards, take a deep breath and finally, open your eyes.

Progressive muscle relaxation after Jacobson is often used to release stress or to alleviate nervousness and anxiety. It is also used to help treat psychosomatic disorders, sleep disorders, muscle tension and severe headaches. 

https://www.wellnesshotels-resorts.de/en/jacobsen-entspannung

For me, just not rushing anything works the best. Having the house to myself all day is nice.  Once the aneros is in, I do whatever makes me feel more comfortable so nothing stands between me and relaxation. That could mean finishing chores, exercising, replying to emails, etc. I make an environment where I can completely indulge. A little alcohol or cannabis (if it is legal where you are) can help, but I have found you can get the same or better results with practice. 

I also found that having anything specific to do right after would tense me. So I have to do everything important before having a session.