So close and yet so far

Posted by: @jja3

What frustrating is getting right on the edge, and being there for a while.  Last night I'd say I was on the "edge" for about 5 minutes at least

It sounds to me like you have fallen into the trap of 'expectations'. The frustration you are experiencing is a very common phenomenon with new Aneros users, I advise doing some more reading and give yourself more time, in particular please read Super-O Myths & Illusions regarding 'the Edge' and a couple of other myths. Also please read @Neros thread The Myth of Super Orgasm . The Aneros experience is not a race or competition but a learning journey without an end point. Frustration is the result of expectations not being met, when you start dropping your expectations I suspect your frustrations will abate with them.

I'm wondering where it goes from here.  Do any of you experience this?  I'm just wondering when I will slip into that bliss that is the super O.

What makes you think you are not already there? Please read the Aneros WIKI definition for a Super-O and @Buster 's thread What exactly is a Super-O? to get a wider perspective of what a Super-O is in reality.

Good Vibes to You!

Posted by: @rumel

What makes you think you are not already there? Please read the Aneros WIKI definition for a Super-O and @Buster 's thread What exactly is a Super-O? to get a wider perspective of what a Super-O is in reality.

Good Vibes to You!

This logic pissess me off. Why? because if he is already there then what a dissapointment this has all been, what a waste of time! Plus had i listened to this advice, which you gave me, i woudlnt be where i am now, which is able to have dry orgasms and the super o.

There is an edge and there is more OP, keep going but dont focus too much on orgasms focus on 'prostate health', 'just for fun', 'excercise', nothing more. It will come and it will change in time.

Man, this describes exactly where I am.  I can feel myself tipping and I try to relax but that causes me to lose it.  If I maintain tension, I can maintain the arousal and it feels great but I get exhausted.

One time, about 8 months ago, I glimpsed the Super-O.  I could feel it building and, with a huge release of tension, I saw a flash of blue and experienced a wave of pleasure.  It lasted less than a second and I haven’t seen it since but I know out it’s there...

One thing that really helps me when I begin to feel frustrated is finding a diversion. I turn to my wife. A lot of times, the perfect ending to a session is to leave the aneros in and go pleasure her.  Doing this brought me to the point I am at now from a much lower plateau.  The association of her excitement and the aneros on my prostate gets thing moving in the right direction.  I don’t know if this will push me past this barrier but it sure is fun to do!

I tend to agree with @rumel on this. There is not necessarily a clear edge for this type of orgasm, contrary to the very clear edge for a traditional orgasm. The sensations are so qualitatively different that one cannot compare the two types of orgasm (Actually once you get really deep into it there are many types of orgasms, but on one side of the fence there’s a very clear ejaculatory orgasm, and on the other side of the fence there’s a whole Variety of different non-ejaculatory orgasms, Each one qualitatively different to the next). It sounds like you are aiming for a target that you have already conceived of in your head. You have arrived at sensations that seem to you to be similar to an  ejaculatory orgasms, so you are expecting sensations to roll out in a similar way. But since you cannot know what a prostate orgasm feels like— just as a blind person who has never seen the color blue cannot know what that color looks like, despite every possible description— you cannot know if you are about to have that orgasm or not.

And maybe you already are having an orgasm and you don’t know it, as Rumel says. I disagree with @theeagleandwolf when he says that it would be a disappointment if you were already having an orgasm.  It is a disappointment if you let it be a disappointment. Otherwise it is an opportunity. It is possible that this is what your orgasm feels like already, but you need to learn how to amplify arousal and the sensations you are already having. Maybe you need to have a paradigm shift through dropping your expectations and reveling in the sensations you are having, allowing them to grow into higher sensations. An orgasm can be tiny or massive, depending on arousal and head space.

Here is my experience, which had to do with dropping expectations: when I was first trying to figure out how to have prostate orgasms, I was searching for an orgasm that would be similar to ejaculatory orgasm both in sensation, and in the means of getting there. That is, I treated my sessions as rhythmic exercise guided by a goal. When I felt my prostate tingling, often because of overly aggressive clenching, I would clench harder, just as one might masturbate faster when approaching an ejaculatory orgasm. This caused sessions that we’re both non-orgasmic and disappointing, because I didn’t reach my goal.  What allowed me to have prostate orgasms was learning how to treat my sessions as discovery sessions with no goal except enjoying myself. I stopped my rhythmic clenching sessions, and I started a new type of session. I would search out all possible combinations of light muscle clenching, until I found lovely sensations. It took subtlety, as if I were searching for a cottonball placed under a bedsheet with the palm of my hand and my eyes closed: if I pressed too hard, I wouldn’t feel anything, but if I pressed just enough, I would feel a bump of pleasure. Once I found that pleasure nugget, I would see if I could stay with it or bring it to the next level. Over sessions this grew and grew.

is it possible you are treating sessions too much like traditional masturbation sessions, clenching with a goal?

Thank you for the responses.  I appreciate the information you have all provided.  I do agree with @theeagleandwolf though.  The reward I've received has been enjoyable but I would consider a waste of a lot of time, money, and energy.  I also agree that there is something better.  I love sexual pleasure, believe me.  But I would not describe what I'm experiencing as "bliss" or "better than a penile orgasm".  

I'd agree that what I'm experiencing is "circling the drain".  That's an accurate description.  Feeling near an explosive feeling of pleasure...…  But that pleasure is out of grasp.  Some men enjoy being edged with no happy ending, but most want that finish after being edged.  What I'm experiencing is intense sexual frustration (in a fun, and enjoyable way) but doesn't have a feeling of bliss, or feeling happy at the end.  I'm left feeling tired, and horny and only stopping from total exhaustion and the need to get some sleep for the next day.

I am currently at the same point as well. I feel pleasurable sensations, but nothing I would consider orgasmic. I usually end my sessions with a regular ejaculatory orgasm, maybe I should refrain from that, but that's what I find pleasing. I wouldn't say I am disappointed at all, though. I do seem to feel more pleasure when I relax and almost forget its in, and then start with light contractions. 

After 8 years of aneros I also feel this frustration.

In rare cases I am able to reach a stage of "weak" orgasmic pleasure, but this is so rare and it's never stronger/better/more pleasurable/more fulfilling than the pleasure of a traditional orgasm.

I have hfwos ocasionally and they're stronger than traditional orgasms but they don't last because they're... well, sort of traditional - short and "definitive", even if longer than a penile-only one.

I always use do nothing (of course I tried different things ocasionally) because that's what relaxes me the most. And I do really relax so many times, from falling asleep to be really calm in an almost sleepy state. I can't relax more. And I'm always talking about 2+ hour sessions, shorter than there is nothing happening.

In almost all of my sessions I feel some background pleasure. It's common for me to get hard with my dick throbbing. If, say, I watch a little porn my dick keeps throbbing all the time. This is involuntary. But my dick as usual goes soft and hard all the time. Generally these pleasurable sensations from porn feel good my I feel some sort of tension in the region over my dick, and hfwos are extremely common for me. If I use nipples my dick goes crazy and it feels really good with the prostate responding but down the line I will ejaculate.

My best sessions are very rare, by rare I mean in 8 years I had about 6 of them or so, having sessions in average once a week. What I feel in these sessions if a kind of involuntary spasms/throbbing just like the usual dick throbbing I have all the time in sessions, but in these sessions it's different, these involuntaries feel much better, they have an "orgasmic" taste in these throbbings. I'm always hard in this stage. I call these "weak" dry orgasms. Weak because they're not nearly as strong/good/satisfying as normal orgasms.

The sensation is very good and addicting, and it keeps going for a long time (minutes). I generally start talking to myself, such as "this is very good". But it's never as pleasurable/intense as a normal orgasm. Given than I need 4 hours to reach about 10 minutes of this orgasmic-like pleasure I don't deem it "worthy". So far I never gave up of aneros because I don't believe this is the best it can get, I trust other people when they say they feel much better than traditional orgasms, that it's a magnitude better, and that super os then go even above and break the scales. I've had these weak dry orgasms so I have the hope it might be possible to get more pleasurable things. Hope, but as you can imagine after 8 years it's very frustrating.

For me there is a point of no return of some sort, but it is not instantaneous, I feel things starting to change and this point of no return lasts like 1 minute or more. Then the throbbing starts and it's much more pleasurable than all the throbbings I've been having ocasionally during the session.

Sometimes I start to feel a very intense sensation/urge in my prostate and it starts to make me not able to stay quiet/relaxed. When this happens this is a bad sign because these involuntaries in my prostate and very intense but actually not very pleasurable. I say bad because slowly I start to feel the ejaculation sensation is starting to grow. This takes some time (a minute or so if I don't stop) but I can really feel this kind of pleasure will lead to ejaculation. But it's very hard to stop because I either end the session (at this stage I'm sort of exausted so I'll just fall asleep) or let is continue (with all the urge I feel). So eventually I have a hfwo that is different from a traditional one: I feel the semen just flowing inside me (I can't explain the sensation), my dick is super hard and eventually I start oozing it, with no throbbing/pumping/shooting. It just oozes and oozes. About 10 seconds later I feel the tension start building and eventually my body just "fires" and the usual throbbing/pumping of a normal ejaculation happens. In total this hfwo lasts for 20-30 seconds or so, so much longer than the 5-10 seconds of a normal one. But the session is over at this point.

So in short, it frustrates me a lot I didn't evolve more. If there is nothing else than what I can achieve then it's just not worthy, sure a fun and different pleasure to feel, but extremely lacking compared to good traditional masturbation (even factoring the multiples of the dry orgasms). I'm sorry, but from what other people say it *has* to be better than this. So I didn't even reach "strong" dry orgasms (as good/intense/satisfying) as traditional ones after 8 years, and the dry orgasms I reach are weak. I'm not even thinking about super Os, which of course I would love to feel someday, as I didn't even reach the strong dry orgasms, or having weak dry orgasms more frequently.

One thing I think may not help is that in the last years (all of them since aneros?) I have very low testosterone, that affects my libido greatly. This likely is what makes my sessions generally uneventful (I hope). So maybe I need more arousal to intensify the feelings I have? In any case it's frustrating for me.

Posted by: @jja3

 My body is trembling, my abs are flexed, my pelvis is thrusting, and this is not me trying..  My body is acting naturally without me trying to thrust, or flex my abs.  

 

 What frustrating is getting right on the edge, and being there for a while.  Last night I'd say I was on the "edge" for about 5 minutes at least.  I don't think 10 minutes but it could have been.  It basically ended because of exhaustion.  

So your body is "making love to itself" so hard that you are exhausted in under 10 minutes... It seems you are doing something right, don't you think ? Do you believe you could "get there" if you could go longer or just get more frustrated ? You might need to switch from a passive approach (not trying) to a more aggressive one to build more arousal, get vocal, tense your leg muscles, blink quickly or open your eyes wide or shut them tight. Or change position to stop the involuntaries for a minute, focus on your arousal and go for another round.

You could be right there and just need a push. It may be true that there is no ledge but there are some bumps that you must go over... everyone's mind is different, bump, ledge, wall, plateau, cliff they're just constructs and you have to work with was is in you mind NOW. Maybe later you'll see things differently, but if the edge is real to you NOW, find your push. 

Edited to add : try saying "I'm ready for more" in your head or out loud, or "OK I can take it, give me more". Sometimes the mind needs a little reassurance when it gets intense. 

@jja3 I have questions in the troubleshooting department... 

Do you let yourself go vocally during sessions? That is, do you moan in your sensations?

Do you touch yourself all over your body, and look for other erogenous zones during your sessions, to build arousal (nipples, chest, legs, etc)? The toy is only one of three contact points possible, seeing as you have two hands (I imagine).

Have you tried self-hypnosis?

Have you tried listening to audio aids (recordings of sex or orgasms, binaural beats, etc.)?

Have you tried the vagus nerve orgasm technique?

have you tried other orgasm techniques: nipple orgasms or KSMO?

These are all things things that help build arousal, and for many successful users of these toys, they use one or more of these techniques in combination with their toy. I know that my best sessions involve ALL of the above except the KSMO method, which I still haven’t looked into, but which seems very legit. 

As for the idea that you might already be having an orgasm but you might not be tuned into it... it’s not to say that you might be having the most pleasure you will ever get. Far from it. But it has to do with amplification, and THAT takes place in the mind. For example, someone who has trained themselves to have orgasms through the mere caressing of their hand won’t have an orgasm every time their hand is caressed. Rather they will have an orgasm those times their hand is caressed and they are focused on the sensations (and thus amplifying then) and looking to have an orgasm. So maybe you are going through all the motions, without the arousal and without properly amplifying the sensations.