Oh Oh Seven(Aneros the Movie)

Bom ba la, Bom ba la,Bom ba la, Bom ba la
Bom, Bom, Ba, Ba, Baa.

The name is Aneros, Helix Aneros.

Most of my work is done in secret but I am permitted the occasional revelation.
Here are some notes from a mission.

H." Good morning Miss Pennyfanny"

P."Helix, so nice to see you"

H."Likewise Miss Pennyfanny"

P."Did you bring me anything back from your recent mission"

H."You know that is not allowed, but I brought my passion for you"

P."Oh Helix"

Buzz.

P."Yes B"

B."Is Oh Oh Seven here yet"

P."Yes B he has just arrived"

B."Send him in at once"

H."Until later Miss Pennyfanny"

Helix enters B,s office.
B."Ah Aneros I believe you know Thalamus"

H."Yes, Head of the Relay Nuclei"

T."There is some disturbing news from the south.
Pe-Nis is causing trouble."

B."A local uprising of sorts I believe".

H."Ah Pe-Nis the Loin King. He always had an inflated opinion of himself"

T."The chief cause is Pussy Galore,
But there are some others involved."
"Rosy Palm and her 5 daughters" and an unsavoury character called Master Bates"

B."You are to go South and find Prostate, he might be able to help curb Pe-Nis.
He is using up too much time, energy and valuable natural resourses on his escapades"

Aneros leaves and goes to see Gadget, Head of special weapons.

" Ah Aneros I have some things of interest for you so pay attention.".

G."This is a stelth coating called YK. Ih will help you slip out of tight situations without too much bother.

This is a gas grenade called Fully Awful Rectal Taint of F.A.R.T. for short.

I also have an Effective Noisome Ejection Mass Appliance.
It is called E.N.E.M.A."

H."That might be useful to get rid of Clingons"

G."Clingons , are they still around ?

H."Yes Gadget. James Tiberius Kook did not wipe them all out."

"Be careful with the Farts and Enemas, they are not toys."

Oh Oh Seven journeys to the South.
He passes Twin Peaks and crosses the Equator at Navel.
He reads intelligence on the way.
A character called Goldfinger has been probing around Port Arse Hole.
He is the same height as Aneros but a bit slimmer.

Slightly more ominous is someone known as" The Man With the Golden Cock" aka "The Seaman with the Golden Rivet"
No discription is available.

The headlands of Buttocks appear and between them the Straits of His-Bum.

Helix prepares his YK stelth coating but a familiar shape appears.
It is Oh Oh Six.

"Well met Oh Oh Seven" says Oh Oh Six.

H."Mediun Groin Xciter, I was told you might be around."

MGX."I have been up the Canal looking for Prostate. I did not find him but I made contact with Cowpers who knows him.
I ran out of time and had to withdraw.
Take care, there are some unplesant characters about.
Goldfinger was poking around but I saw him off."

H."I should be ok. Gadget has given me several E.N.E.M.A.'s"

MGX."Lucky chap"

MGX leaves and Helix launches an E.N.E.M.A.into Port Arse Hole.
While it is working Aneros applies the YK stelth coating.
As soon as the smoke and mist clears he slips inside.

All seems quiet but just as Oh Oh Seven is about to go up the canal alarms go off.
Aneros rushes back to the entrance.
The Man with the Golden Cock is trying to enter.
Oh oh Seven launches two F.A.R.T. grenades.
The Man with the Golden Cock withdraws when he smells the gas but after a few minutes attempts to enter again.

Oh Oh Seven spys a couple of Clingons.
He launches an E.N.E.M.A. and flushes them out into the open.
The Man with the Golden cock is overcome and retreats.

Aneros now feels confident to journey up the canal.

He finds Cowpers as described by Oh Oh Six.
Oh Oh Seven applies some pressure and
Cowpers leaks some information about Prostate and other local characters.

Oh Oh Seven travels on and finds Prostate but Prostate is not alone.
Pe-Nis is there making demands for fluids for another adventure.

H."Not so fast Pe-Nis"

P."Who are you?"

H."The name is Aneros, Helix Aneros"

P."Should I be shaken or stirred by this"

H."B has sent me to talk with you both. You are using up valuable time, effort and natural rescources in your adventures."

P."That is my business"

H."No it is of global importance that you conserve these rescources."

P."Whats in it for me?"

H."There are various carbon trading agreements available.
You do not have to work so hard and still get the benefits.
Call it semi retirement!"

P." I will talk with B and see what is on offer.
I could cut back on my dealings with Rosy Palm and her 5 daughters, also Master Bates but no way will I give up Pussy Galore."

At this point Prostate burst into song.

"When you move in right up close to me
That's when I get the shakes all over me

Quivers down my backbone
I got the shakes down my knee bone
Yeah the tremors in my thigh bone
Shakin' all over

Just the way that you say goodnight to me
Brings that feelin' on inside of me

Quivers down the backbone
I got the shivers down the thigh bone
Yeah the tremors in my back bone
Shakin' all over

Quivers down my backbone
Yeah the shakes in my knee bone
I got the tremors in my thigh bone
Shakin' all over

Well, you make me shake and I like it, baby
You make me shake and I like it, baby
Well, shake, shake, shake
Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake."

Mission accomplished.

My thanks to Ian Fleming.
Gene Rodenberry.
Johnny Kidd and the Pirates.

Any offers from Hollywierd
or Bolliwierd let me know.
Voyager