Mini "castration complex"

I have so enjoyed this thread, it is the kind of discussion that changes things, that opens peoples minds and plays a very important role in deconstructing long held and damaging beliefs. It may only remove a couple of bricks from a very long wall, but they are important bricks.

Posted by: @helical

For those playing along at home, several respondents contributed dyads which offer further fodder for what we’re getting at: masculine/feminine, penetrator/penetrated, dominant/submissive, giver/receiver, assertive/receptive, ???/acceptance ...

One of the words I have yet to read here is "surrender". I feel that it would have been impossible for me to get to this point in my journey without surrendering on a few levels. A technique constantly offered here to newbies is the "do nothing approach". "Do nothing and allow your body to do its thing" is all about surrender. When I am playing and an orgasm is building, I surrender to it, I find my level of surrender dictates the intensity of the orgasm. I also surrender to my imagination and let my mind take me where it will, holding my prostate in my hands like a basket ball, orgasmic energy dancing on my fingertips are examples and the resulting orgasms from those imaginings have yet to be surpassed.

Those who are lucky enough to have their partners play with them have surrendered themselves to that partner. I find the idea of surrendering to a lover one of the most erotic things in the world, and I believe it to be subtly different to submission. By surrendering I am not asking for dominance, I am asking for trust. Sadly, many of the men on this forum do not believe their partners will understand their desires so, have yet to surrender that part of themselves to those partners. (I am not saying they are in anyway wrong, it is just an observation).

I have had to transcend my unhelpful conditioning around butt play, and surrender to the fact that I am an anal play lover. No matter how I intellectually understand the nonsense around anal play there is an unconscious aspect that comes with conditioning. The fact that this is the only place that I discuss this means on some level I feel embarrassment and perhaps even shame. Perhaps I do not have the courage to fully surrender to who I am. I am working on it though, as I believe all of us here are.

@rickr 

Posted by: @rickr

Those who are lucky enough to have their partners play with them have surrendered themselves to that partner. I find the idea of surrendering to a lover one of the most erotic things in the world, and I believe it to be subtly different to submission. By surrendering I am not asking for dominance, I am asking for trust. Sadly, many of the men on this forum do not believe their partners will understand their desires so, have yet to surrender that part of themselves to those partners. (I am not saying they are in anyway wrong, it is just an observation).

Something else that’s not said much that needs said is that it’s just not about belief for every man though. Some men,probably a lot actually,will have boxed themselves in with sexual deviance and dishonesty,they are in the position now where they’d have to tell the wife that when she’s not around,they stick toys in their asses and have huge orgasms. So now they don’t know how to move forward. My own wife would go ballistic in a situation like that,and honestly,I couldn’t blame her. Of course there are couples dealing with medical issues or other problems,not everyone fits under this umbrella.

My own journey with wife on board began with one sentence. “Hey babe,I heard about this prostate mmo thing. Shall we have a go at it”. It went from there. Leave the toys out of it if need be,explain the kegels,A-less and request to have external massage during foreplay,and stuff like that,if you can knock out a PO,I find it hard to believe a wife will be displeased. Once mine had seen a PO,she went super sonic. It relit the fire in our 20 year marriage. 

Posted by: @rickr

No matter how I intellectually understand the nonsense around anal play there is an unconscious aspect that comes with conditioning. The fact that this is the only place that I discuss this means on some level I feel embarrassment and perhaps even shame. Perhaps I do not have the courage to fully surrender to who I am. I am working on it though, as I believe all of us here ar

The only thing your guilty of is over thinking it imo. Maybe change from anal play to prostate play in your wording and go from there. Nothing wrong with exploring your bodies sexual capacity. It’s greater than just pro creation,that much we have proved. That doesn’t mean your reproductive conditioning is wrong. If we get rid of that,then maybe one day,there is no one left to have PO!

Its not that normal to discuss this stuff elsewhere. Why would ppl be interested in others sex lives,it’s nothing to do with them. 

I understand the surrender/submission,during my first few peggings,I was quite paranoid about what my wife would think about me,was i  like bi,or some sort of sissy type. Silly stuff really. Some of the things she’s done and said were actually to get me to admit things I liked more to myself than to her. I’ll always be grateful to her for that. You can open right up,might take some time,but you can. I was not nearly as open as i thought in the beginning.

Thanks for tips usable to those feeling without a way forward.  (Your second paragraph and its honest telling of your story).  Rekindling a marriage sounds terrific.

A marriage past its procreatin’ days with any sex remaining is unspoken evidence even my wife realizes sex is not just for that one purpose.  And thus it leaves the door open to a conversation, even words like “domination”, “surrender”, “assertive/receptive” don’t need using at this point.  Why not seek pleasure together if only as a way to enhance relationship intimacy and satisfaction spilling over out of bed?

@helical

Posted by: @helical

Rekindling a marriage sounds terrific

Maybe i didn’t explain it clearly. It’s not rekindled my marriage,that didn’t need rekindling. Just spiced things up with the pastures new to explore if you get what I mean.

Posted by: @helical

And thus it leaves the door open to a conversation, even words like “domination”, “surrender”, “assertive/receptive” don’t need using at this point.  Why not seek pleasure together if only as a way to enhance relationship intimacy and satisfaction spilling over out of bed?

There doesn’t need to be anything specific said,just communication. Guys just need to get talking to the wives. The other stuff will come after. 🙂