Just Let Go !

I have started to theorise that it's a matter of "letting go" with your conscious mind and allowing your subconscious mind to have a play for a while. The reactions and sensations seem to come from somewhere very deep and primitive -- something like a reflex reaction which doesn't involve the conscious brain at all.

This only happens when you're relaxed and receptive, and don't interfere with what happens. By ceding control of the body to the unconscious nervous system, perhaps we allow it to return the compliment as pleasure.

@rumel. In the time since you created this thread, I was hoping to see a fair amount of chatter on this. After all, there's always a large group of newbies around, and I'm one of them. I'm concerned now about the lack of response on this thread, not for them, but for me. I guess this means that I'm the only one who doesn't get it. I did see twlltin's post of course, but from what I've seen of twlltin's other posts, I don't think he's in the newbie category.

Since your post, I have looked at all of the other resources mentioned within, some of which I had already read through, and some which I read for the first time. I even looked at the resources that they mentioned, and did this for two or three "nested levels" at most. Suffice to say that I feel as if I'm drowning in the amount of information. I did try and focus on the material that was in the spirit of this post though, that of "just letting go", but I couldn't help but get drawn into the other stuff as well.

Any attempt on my part to try and refer to all of the numerous excerpts from the numerous resources would be clumsy and unstructured, so I won't even try and do that. I found it extremely difficult to even come up with this. This post is a good indication of the lack of order that exists in my head at this time.

I'm sure I haven't seen anywhere near all of your posts in this forum, but I have found that most of your posts are very well presented and very well thought through. Your initial post in this thread is no different in my opinion, and it deserves responses that are just as well thought through.

In lieu of such a response, I give you this drivel. Make of it what you can, as it hurts my head just to look at it now.

Section F. in the Introductory PM you sent me mentions a number of techniques pertaining to relaxation. Although aware of them, I have no experience with any of them. I don't know whether this is unusual or not, but I've never tried them nor even investigated them. They might be easy to do, or they may require lots of practice. Something tells me it's the latter.

Section G. in the Introductory PM wasn't something I took seriously at the start of my Aneros journey, but it is now. Prior to my first Aneros session, I did expect, well, something. No, I don't believe that I was expecting the ultimate prize, but I'm pretty sure I was expecting something significant. I'm stupid, so sue me. I adjusted my expectations for the second session, and adjusted again for the third session. I am currently expecting nothing, and am receiving it in abundance.

You also mention in Section G. to enjoy the ride for the pleasing sensations you do receive. There are two possibilities here, either I am receiving pleasing sensations and cannot perceive them, or I'm not receiving them. To me, there's no difference.

Still on Section G. there is "permission to release egocentric mental control". I don't know what this is, so I don't know what to do with it.

Section H. mentions tuning in to the sensations which are understandably subtle, at least initially. Happy to do it if I knew what "tuning in" involved, and my guess at this time is to try and focus (as best as I can, which probably isn't saying much) on anything and everything. I'm not going to try and kid myself that something's there when it isn't. I'm more than happy to acknowledge it when it happens, but "nothing's happening" is the most apt description I can give it at this time.

In point 3. of the Identifying Obstacles to Progress thread, some of the fears I still have "discovery by another person" and "being negatively judged for one's behaviour" are likely to stay with me for a little while yet. There's no homophobic fear, or guilt in doing this, or fear of doing harm to myself. I can't speak for the "Terror at the Gates" as I'm nowhere near there yet.

In point 4. I've resigned myself to not being able to do anything about Mind Noise. I can't relax, so I can't get rid of the "voices". If it makes progress more difficult, then so be it. If it makes progress impossible, then so be it. The reference to darwin's "my theory of orgasm success" within this point was of interest to me. It didn't help, but was still interesting.

In point 5. the simple truth is that I can tell myself I'm a good boy because I'm being patient, but it still pisses me off when I can't find one relevant thing to consider as positive in the handful of sessions I've currently had.

Point 6. This is the big one in my opinion, and the one I'm currently fretting over the most. If the Aneros is more of an arousal amplifier in my case, it's got nothing to amplify. I'm aware that for me, arousal doesn't lead to masturbation, rather masturbation leads to arousal. I can't use things such as the HypnAerosession CDs as I don't have the privacy to do so (and for other reasons as well). Only recently, I looked into The Key Sound Multiple Orgasm Training Protocol, but didn't get a lot of info out of Jack (although he did try to answer initially, I think he was just really busy, or I upset him in some way with my questions) and when I read through some of what was on his Orgasm Forum, I quickly realised that this was not for me, based not on what Jack was pointing me to (the "Golden Nuggets") but some of the other posts about what the non-adepts were going through. I have no intention of addressing, much less working through, my psychological issues, which I know I have.

There was lots more to do with the Identifying Obstacles thread, but I cut it out.

In darwin's relax, relax, RELAX thread, I would really have wanted to know whether he wasn't making progress after moving off the start line, or whether he too felt like he was stuck at the beginning and going nowhere fast. In any case, it is a good thread that spoke to me. I'm glad KSMO worked for him, but as I mentioned above, I'm not considering it any longer. However, this thread also goes against convention for a lot of the other stuff I've read elsewhere on the forum. Don't read the forum every night looking for some insight to push you over (but that's exactly what I am doing). He advocates touching of the penis, and even ejaculation, although he does explain why. Am I confused a little more now? You betcha. It doesn't mean I'm not going to try it, but at what point do I abandon what I'm currently doing, and take darwin's options instead. He doesn't promise results any more quickly, it's just a different approach. I've already seen posts from other members saying it's not the best idea to switch Aneros models while you're still learning, because the brain likely won't take it well. How's the brain going to take a whole different approach? Still, that is one thread I hadn't seen before you began this one, so it's very welcome, plan-b as it were.

Cockadoodle's Penis, NOT! thread was simple for me to digest. At least, the "it's not about your penis" part.

rook's Whole Body/Whole Mind thread is a lot for me to take in, even though I've read it three times in the past week. I can't process it yet, but it doesn't look good for me.

The following are thoughts that I had about your post, but couldn't insert them in a seamless way to this mess of a post.

- paragraph 3 mentions physical relaxation needed to get into the Super-O zone, and says that "part of the rewiring is learning to let go of the old techniques and learning new ones, like physical relaxation during orgasm". Seeing as I have yet to experience any kind of orgasm in an Aneros session, there's no way to know whether I will or won't relax physically during an orgasm. So, physical relaxation to get into the Super-O zone, and then maintaining physical relaxation once in there.

- paragraph 4 mentions letting go of the penis centred focus of our orgasmic world. Whilst I can believe that the penis doesn't have to be the centre of my orgasmic world, I have no proof of that at this time. I'm taking this on faith, due to the number of people on the Aneros Forum that have said so.

- paragraph 5 mentions letting go of the traditional notion of controlling the action and results. If I want a penile orgasm (the only kind I know about at this time), then I have to control the action to get the results, as it will occur with masturbation. How is it different with an Aneros? I'm the one who has to insert it, and I'm the one who has to do "things" (breathing, contractions, etc.) to get it to do its stuff, considering the level I'm at with it. I have no problem if it were to begin doing its magic as soon as it was inserted, as I could then just lie back and enjoy, but this isn't currently the case, and my three sessions where I just allowed the device to do whatever it wanted, didn't result in anything perceptible that resembled progress. The paradigm shift in thinking, to a surrender of control to your own subconscious, makes no sense to me. I still don't understand.

- The final paragraph, "So for your next Anerosession, why don't you give your ego a few hours off duty," (because I don't know how to), "tell your mind to take a break from its machinations" (the only way I've been able to achieve this before is by focusing intently on another task), "and let your creative subconscious come out to play," (if I do have a creative subconscious anymore, it's news to me).

Sorry for stinking up your thread with this. It deserves a lot better.

What it means is if you feel something happening that you don't think you've directly caused, be aware of it, but don't try to interfere with it, either by helping it along, or trying to work against it in your surprise. It's very hard to do.Your body, not your mind, should be in control. Conscious control of breathing is fine. Starting some contractions is OK, but you need to allow yourself to recognize when the body is starting to take over and at that point you should allow it to take control.These are subtle points and it can take some time for you to recognize them, and even more time to learn how to relax your control.Yes, I suppose I have a little experience, but I'd never say I was a master. You never stop learning.

aneros44309,

First off, there is no need for an apology as you didn't "...stink up..." my post. This forum exists for the exchange of information as we all try to learn while sharing our knowledge and insights. I agree there is a lot of information presented and often times on this forum the information is (or seems) contradictory. It is one of the paradoxes of this journey that a technique which works for some men is totally ineffective for others and even techniques which were effective early on may lose their effectiveness as our own experiences broaden and we learn new things.

I empathize and sympathize with your frustration, much of what I have talked about above I've experienced myself and some aspects I continue to have to deal with (especially the 'mind noise' issue).

As far as whole body, physical relaxation goes, I've gotten pretty good at just using deep breathing techniques to do so but this is also after having practiced self-hypnosis techniques on an irregular basis for several years. I think taking up Hatha yoga can be very beneficial in helping you learn to relax as well. I have to agree that learning to relax through your orgasm is easier said than done and does require some conscious effort to overcome the natural tendency of the pelvic floor, abdominal and other muscles of the body to tense up.

After reading the glowing, amazing testimonials and hyperbole both here and elsewhere on the internet it is pretty difficult not to have high expectations when first starting ones Aneros practice. I suffered through the same frustrations even after having read much of the great advice offered by the forum veterans before me. It would be wonderful if every Anerosession lead to a Super-O but alas that is not the case for me at least. I have learned to let go of those expectations and enjoy each session for what it is, occasionally they are great but most of mine are generally just highly pleasurable. If you are not receiving any pleasure at all during your sessions perhaps it is time to take a break and put your massager away for awhile and try to sort out some of the other issues in your life.

"Tuning in" is about focusing your mental attention on the sensations being generated by your body. Unless you're unconscious, your body is always communicating its state of being to the brain for the mind to interpret, there is ALWAYS something happening. Most of the time we ignore (on a conscious level) this stream of communication because our conscious mind is usually otherwise engaged in our daily life. When you take the time to listen to this communication stream you will start to understand the rich depth of your daily existence.

Tune into the sensations of warmth and cold as you move around, notice the sounds of air rushing to and from your lungs, notice the movement and muscle tension in your diaphragm with each breath. Monitor the rate and intensity of your own heartbeat. Notice any twinges of pain or discomfort from a mild trauma, feel the peristaltic action of your intestines as they digest food. These are all things that are going on constantly throughout the day, they are subtle but they are there. When you bring that same level of focus to your Anerosession you may then realize there is something going on after all.

I've long maintained that successful Anerosessions are more than 90% mental exercises where one's attitude can significantly alter the outcome. It seems to me your statement - "I have no intention of addressing, much less working through, my psychological issues, which I know I have." does not bode well for your future Aneros success. However, I do wish you well as you move forward.
Good Vibes to You !

@twlltin and @rumel Thanks very much guys.

Rumel,
Thanks again for your refreshing words. I'm just getting going with this Journey but you (as well as many others) have been a huge help to me (was a long time lurker before I joined). And your skillful work with Alana has help put me in a vibrating, pulsing. pleasure field. Anyway...
I have found that if I forget my own little Aneros Wiki in my mind my sessions go way better. There was about a month where I could almost hear my mind try to label, then debate, what was happening to my body. " OOooh, I think that was a P-wave or was that a mini-o? No, I'm not erect! Wait, thats ok." blah blah blah. And all the while the sensations seemed to be blocked or diminished, my breathing off, my body tense and tight...
A few weeks ago I decided to think of it like a Shamanistic Breathwork session. Fall into the feelings, Sink into it like a hammock, Loose and Carefree. The Path being the Destination. That sort of stuff.
It worked killer! The deeper I breath and the less I "care" what is happening and just watch it like a butterfly on your hand. Just curious, and fluid in any movement. I breath in a deep waving sob kind of inhale and a sigh-sob and that really helps too.
This body is how consciousness experiences this reality. Open it up, let the light through.
Laughing Hawk
You have what you are looking for.

Hello, 44309.

Yeah, there really is too much advice about this Aneros thing.


Rumel stated that Aneros success is 90% mental. Actually, having been at this for two years, I'd say it's 99% mental. So, the Aneros brain based experience requires one to effectively turn off conscious control. There's an oxymoron for you. What's remarkable about this conundrum is that so many men, including myself have found success in spite of the inherent contradiction. Granted, some guys have spent years getting there, but they did get it eventually.


Nobody can say what path will work for you or how long it will take. You've tried various methods, which is a reasonable approach. Keep trying. Experiment. You never know when you'll hit the jackpot or feel that first little thrill.


Best Regards,


Dave

44309,

when in doubt, try weed.

darwin

@aneros44309,In my personal opinion, and i am by no means an expert, think your overthinking this way too much lol. (No offense intended) When i first started, i read a little bit here and there, just the basics and popped it in and started my first session. Not much happened for quite a while. Then when one day things started to happen very slow at first. Its been a year since I started, and still have no clue what I am doing, but its pleasureable everytime and definately worth it for me. So I would say dont worry so much about all of the info and just have a session whenever you can. Try to incorporate some relaxing music into your sessions, something like Ecstacy by Kelly Howell, I feel this helps me tremendously with my own mind noise issues.

@aneros44309, I am saddened by your abandonment of the Aneros journey, but hopeful that someday you may have resolved your personal dilemmas sufficiently to begin your exploration anew. As you indicated you are not yet ready to fully "let go", your decision to withdraw is understandable. I wish you the best in sorting through your issues and obtaining some measure of peace.

I thought I'd resurrect this older thread because 1.) I believe it is an important concept & 2.) I wanted to add another aspect of its effect and perhaps some consequences.

In my starter post I mentioned the needed paradigm shift in thinking from assertive/aggressive/penetrative control to a passive/submissive/receptive surrender of control to your own subconscious. This can be a huge leap of faith for many men as it involves their willingness to allow their current ego to suffer "la petite mort". It takes courage to step into the unknown without one's ego providing support, it is at this time many a man experiences his "Terror at the Gates" (a term coined by KSMO developer Jack Johnston). Once one has surrendered his ego he will find, in time, the re-emergent Phoenix ego to be transformed in more ways than he would have imagined and all of them are good.

A man's ego suffers many deaths and re-births as one grows from childhood to adulthood but the process of growth does not necessarily stop at the attainment of adulthood. Our lifetime is full of episodes wherein our egos are temporarily destroyed only to emerge stronger and more adept at handling our created reality, it is the maturation of our psyches and a broadening of our humanness. Your Aneros journey is one path which can facilitate this type of personal growth but you may have to die a little to reincarnate into your new Super-O self, are you ready for the adventure?
Good Vibes to You !

Hi guys. As a advanced newbie anerosian I have experienced the beautiful sensations of a super o from the letting go technique. It works. With a quiet room the mind can have its most wonderfulness thoughts weather nasty or not that will really make a session different. It will take time which is why they call it a journey. But once those bad thoughts are gone and you just embrace it all it will come and so will you.

Rumel, or is it Lemur? I don't like to think about my own death as much as the next guy. When you talk about my ego dying, I know it's not the same as my whole self dying. Are you using the term"ego death" in the way it's used in eastern systems like Buddhism? The closest I've come to ego death is when I came out as gay to myself. I was depressed and confused about who I really was for a long time as my self-image got adjusted. Even then, my ego didn't really die as I was around correcting many of my associations to create a new self-image. I don't think an ego can really die until either one's body dies or one becomes dissociated from the ego from trauma and abuse. Neither option appeals to me.

When thinking about "letting go", I'd rather hear something like "listening to my body", "surrendering to my subconscious" or "standing back", something less final than death. I do get your point about ego death being a metaphor for transformation or rebirth but for me, I get tense when I hear talk of death, something that is counterproductive to the goal of letting go. I guess my point is how does one characterize letting go of something so intimate as one's ego. Many of us may not have had the need or desire to self-reflect on who we really are if not the thing called an ego that we're so familiar with from childhood. So our ego dying is not an option. That's all there is for many of us.

I've had the need for self-reflection as I said when I came out so I've had to look at what I call my ego and can differentiate it from my other sides, my body, emotions, subconscious, spirit, etc. Even so, I've fought hard to keep my ego together through my life and don't take it's death lightly.

In the context of just relaxing more,I can see more options for describing the process. I'm not there yet but I've made some progress with letting go of what seems like my urgent need to feel the biggest best orgasm ever by being frustrated enough that I have to look at why my ego needs that. Do I feel unfulfilled in my life and my"sex life"? Do I need more stimulation just to feel alive? Then the question occurs to me that even if I had such an experience, could I handle it, can my body handle it? I don't know. Then I began looking at other things about me that may be preventing the experience, like past traumas. How do I deal with those if I haven't dealt successfully with them up to now.

So I'm back to the journey metaphor. For me getting over the urgency and taking my time looking at what's going on for me while I'm continuing to explore my body with the aneros, was the most helpful thing so far and I didn't have to die. Some men here have said they don't want to or think they need to deal with past traumas but just to master the aneros and get the benefits. That's how I approached it initially too until it didn't work out.

I'm getting good results now short of the super O, both with the aneros and with working on some neglected parts of me. The key thing for me was to slow down and start listening to myself, my body and subconscious. I'm doing this by writing fiction, exploring my emotions, learning about new things like meditation, and interacting with the other men on the forum to get a sense of my boundaries.

I haven't had anything like this forum when I was growing up Who did. What I mean is that I couldn't talk about my sexuality with other boys in any authentic way because my sexuality was so different and not acknowledged as legitimate that I was ashamed, confused, and afraid. So I made up a fake straight sexuality for myself and I made it so real that I came to believe it. So when I talked with boys and later men about sex, I had to make it up, for 32 years. Even after coming out I was still mixed up. So now I have the chance to be open with other men about this and am really appreciating it. And that's why I won't beat myself over the head if it takes me some more time.

I don't mean to criticize your message, Rumel, just to clarity how it struck me. And more came out of this reply than I intended.

Some men here have said they don't want to or think they need to deal with past traumas but just to master the aneros and get the benefits. That's how I approached it initially too until it didn't work out.

I think you caught the intent of my post exactly. It is not a literal death of the ego but a metaphorical death I was speaking of and holding on to old thinking is not a good formula for Aneros success. Each time a man resolves the cognitive dissonance between a cultural norm, social taboo, or religious dogma and his own rational analysis of an existent truth, his ego undergoes a change. Usually the new truth survives and becomes integrated into the psyche and future thought processes as the old discarded norm/taboo/dogma dies away as an influence in decision making. So in this sense the old ego has died and a new ego has emerged.
Good Vibes to You !

So it's more about the ego reluctantly giving up part of itself with the hope that the new piece will be better in some way, more productive, better survival, better sex? I've noticed that my ego doesn't like to change easily. It always wants assurances that the new way will be better but safe. Maybe that isn't true for all men but it is for me. For example the impetus for writing all this stuff on your forum is mostly my ego. I apparently have a need to express myself on these topics with these men. I watch my ego doing this and am surprised. My ego is vane, wants attention. There's other parts of me that contribute to this ego project with their own motivations. My sympathy for other men wants to help them if I can, my hunches about what others are going through gives me insights to share. But at this point I probably mostly still identity with my ego. Is this all completely obvious to everyone so I'm just embarrassing myself? You can probably tell that I love the late night bullshit sessions.

My point is that it's hard to separate what we think of as ourselves from our ego until it fails to deal with something essential. Then we may think of looking elsewhere for answers, maybe from other men on a forum, maybe from our emotions or intuition. The approach seemsseems to depend on whether one is an introvert or an extrovert by temperament. Again I feel like I'm just repeating the obvious.

What I'm trying to do here, I now realize, is to speak from the other parts of me, not my ego. Getting back to the original question, how to just let go, I think that we all know how to let go on some level. It's just a matter of finding how we've let go in the past and going there again. Easier said than done, I know. I have to feel safe enough to let go in the first place. How do I get to feel that safe? I'm speaking here from a place of not knowing exactly how to access that safe place but at least I know that I need to do that before I can let go. I'm thinking out loud here. When was the last time I felt safe enough to let go? I can't tell others where to look, I can barely do this for myself. If I were me, I would have a session meditating on some time when I felt pretty safe, and scan for every memory that I can find. Then I would try to put myself back in that situation and see what happens. No specific expectations. Anyway it's a start.

Maybe I'll even take my own advice here.

So I actually did take my own advice and had a session just now. I didn't really meditate in the traditional sense. I queried my body about how he liked the way I was treating him, and he had some interesting responses. Pardon me for referring to my body in the 3rd prrson but I don't really own him like I own my car. I have influence over him, can move him where I want to go, but he doesn't always want to do or be where I want. So anyway I started the session in my usual way which he's gotten used to and approves of. When we're completely eroticized so that every movement and sensation feels good, I ask him how he feels I've been treating him and he says that sometimes he feels like I'm raping him, sometimes I'm ignoring him entirely, sometimes starving him for affection or other nourishment, put the wrong toy in, often I just forget about him and treat him like a possession. He then shows me what he likes sexually, how much, how fast, where, etc. Apparently he likes me to talk to him dirty, who knew? Anyway you get the idea.

I'm back in my body again. I got the idea of treating my body like a beloved boyfriend, courting him, seducing him, ect., you get the idea. So putting on my straight hat, you would treat your body like your favorite girlfriend, the one you would marry maybe. Treat her as you'd like to be treated, ask her what she likes, how that feels, are you doing it right. My point is not to be weird but to pay attention to your body's wants as if they were your own, because they really are. To do that I kind of dissociate myself a little and watch and listen. I find that the more I do this, the more my body cooperates. Sometimes it just doesn't want to have the session though so I don't bother.

I don't know if my analogy will work for everyone. You may have to modify it to reflect a certain sexual partner or kind of sexual preference. I don't know. Let me know if this makes sense and if it helps to let go. The idea is that we usually feel safest in the arms of our beloved, we need to feel safe to let go, and our body deserves our love.

Deleted by author

Thanks, AneRico. I wrote that as a kind of feverish experiment on myself. I don't know if I could maintain that kind of dialogue in a blog. I did find that it was useful to carry on the dialogue with my body since I wrote that. I'll let you know if how it goes. What do you do that's similar?

This is soooo paradoxical. Thanks for the tips and links.

It is in an Anerosless or Aless session, that I can let go truly, have fun and pleasure at a very deep level. 😉

Aless sessions prepare me for Aneros session. They all are so good! 😉

Thom./BigGlansDC

P.S. I forgot to say that Aless enables me to savor all the very good posts above in this thread. Thanks, guys.

I think this process of letting go, can be extremely gradual and incremental. For me, my journey has now lasted 4 years, and the process of change is continuous and shows no sign of stopping, and was not a single event that is analogous to death and rebirth. Over time though, it could be described this way.

I suspect that euphemistic's "how do I feel safe" may also apply to me. As a dominant introverted intuitive (Myers-Briggs INFJ), I have a very future-oriented preference, and if my intuition was not sure about the safety of a particular approach, then I am pretty sure this would work its way into my conscious decisions, affecting the speed of my progress.

However, it would seem that incremental changes, allow slight adjustments to be made, which by definition are less risky than the "act of faith" required in a full blown ego-death and rebirth.

I should think further on what those incremental steps were that have allowed me to get this far, and to have gained so much (not just sexually).

@euphemistic - on a side note - I understand entirely how coming to terms with being gay can be life changing, and in a positive way. I feel that this process (some 30 years ago now for me) was in retrospect, one hell of a gift - challenging your core self is something difficult but rewarding, and not something that everyone gets to do. In a sense we are doing something similar with our multi-orgasmic quests - challenging all that we previously supposed to be true. Good luck on your continuing journey, and thanks for your thought provoking posts.

@Linum --- It's important to challenge the status quo! We either create our own reality, or it is created, and thrust upon us! Our ability to recognize the shear beauty of nature; of both the male and female form; of the human mind and, of the sense of curiosity that motivates us to become more than just mindless rutting animals are tremendous gifts that few really know how to appreciate IMHO! Orgasm on!

TG

@Theme_Gasm - I totally agree! It gives zest to life, and prevents complacency.