Journey concerns

If the toys aren’t causing problems for you, why worry?  If they begin to cause problems for you, then you should question them.

Seeing as everything here is anecdotal there is no way to obtain hard data. You can just read tons of posts and try and get an idea of how the few users who actually post are getting out of their use with their toys. Most posts are very positive. I see that very occasionally people express addiction issues or other problems. Those people seem to be by and far the minority. Everyone else seems to be just regular folks with the occasional regular problems. Everyone has problems, but this is a place where people express themselves in very open ways, something that is rare for men. And for the most part, problems preclude aneros use or develope independently.

I don’t know where you read that you have to abstain from sex to enjoy aneros or have prostate orgasms. I would argue just the opposite for myself. I have never felt closer to another person sexually and intimately since I started my journey. It has helped me become a more loving and empathetic being, as well as a far better lover. Everyone is different, and though a user just posted that he has been having less sexual interest in his wife since the beginning of his journey, I will in no way let that influence my personal experience, which, like I just said, is the opposite.

And if someone has non-heterosexual inclinations after using aneros, they probably had them before but didn’t recognize them. That is one of the first myths that is debunked about prostate play: that it turns you gay. If this is still a lingering fear of yours, it is possibly a major roadblock on your journey. And what does it matter anyways? Last I heard every person of every sexual inclination is happy as long as they accept who they are.

In any case it sounds like you are having some major doubts that could very well hinder your progress. I believe the only way to advance is through positivity.  So while I don’t think you should ignore the negative posts, I do think you should consider how your journey has effected your life and your life only.

*Note : I'm an hetero dude, any gay or bi guy can substitute any gendered term to their liking, but I'm writing this from my perspective. 

Hey man, you know I ventured in those dark places, and you certainly remember that I hijacked two of your threads with my concerns and warnings. I'm taking this opportunity to say I'm sincerely sorry for doing so, and I hope I did not scare you or any other man venturing on this journey. You can check back your Splitting the atom thread for the whole story if you didn't do so already.

In my case, in my late twenties I came to term with the fact that relationships were not for me, for a variety of reasons I would prefer not to get into right now. I'll just say that my brain is wired differently and I can't connect with most people, and leave it a that. It's not something that pills or therapy will fix, and most days I'm fine with this, but it's a very lonely road. I'm not asking for any sympathy, just making things clear for what follows. 

So for most of my life, masturbation and later on Aneros and Aless have been a substitute for sex. Since I don't have a partner, it's not hurting anyone. But it cannot replace intimacy, and I have a hard time understanding why a man that has a choice between coming deep inside his wife or girlfriend or having an Aneros session would choose the toy instead of the woman. 

It's hard to tell if my reaction to the Super-O is typical, but from reading here for more than a decade, it's not. The pleasure I experience is stronger than anything else I can think off, and if ANY drug could do the same, we'd have 10s of millions of addicts and people would fight in the streets for it. I've seen things you wouldn't believe during sessions. I've felt like a god, I've felt love for all human beings and all things, and I felt true love and acceptance for myself.  But if I had to choose between that pleasure and just having a loving partner that I can go to sleep and wake up with, I'd trash all of my toys right now and never look back. I still crave contact with women, I still get aroused thinking about them, no problem there.

I feel that success with the Aneros can exacerbate problems you already have. You don't need an erection for this, you don't need foreplay or any communication. Using the Aneros is effortless and only about YOU. I guess that people in sexless relationships will run a risk of drifting further apart, people in the closet will have to face what really arouses them, people with not much positive going in their lives might decide turn to the easy pleasure and contentment that the Super-O can provide on demand. I'd add that I've seen that several people are hiding their practice from their partner and that seems extremely unhealthy to me, but like I said, I hardly ever had what you could call a serious relationship and don't know much about navigating those things. 

I don't know what to add, I guess that for most normal people living balanced lives, there is absolutely nothing to fear, things will balance themselves, it's just a very pleasurable hobby. For others, it can fill a void just like alcohol, drugs, binge watching TV. People already addicted to something should ask themselves if this is something they want in their life. I also think that people having very quick and very powerful results should just pace themselves. Some of the things I read here, they make me worry for you guys. It's supposed to be FUN, don't ruin this for yourself. 

I invite anyone dealing with those problems or worried about heading that way to PM me if they want to talk about it privately, I won't share anything with anyone, and you can do so either in English or French. Getting out of it was surprisingly easy and I can point you in the right direction. This is not physically addictive, there is no withdrawal, you just  do it because it's the best thing ever.But at some point, you can't let your sexually control your life...

I wrote that in one shot, hope it makes sense and answers some of your worries. I'm sure everything will be fine. Even with the darker things I've experienced, this has been an extremely positive life changing experience and I don't regret anything. Stay safe everyone and just be smart about this, it's really not hard, don't be an addict and it will be a wonderful experience for you, either alone or with a partner or partner(s).

Wow that felt like having a tooth extraction, sorry about oversharing. 

Edit : removed profanities, they didn't add anything, added some details here and there. I still stand behind everything in this post. This journey is a gift, don't abuse it.

Bi guy here. Average sex life and cool with it before the pandemic. Got the idea to try prostate play out recently as I live alone/don't have a partner now, and wanted to have fun beyond jerking off or watching porn, etc.

There are a small percentage of people that have posted strong reactions to the product, oftentimes arousing or intense things they discovered while in session that they are uncomfortable with. Everything in this Forum is anecdotal and none of it is scientific. I will say that my 2 weeks of having sessions, I've discovered that I also have a bunch of problems: I hate my unathletic body, I have slightly toxic expectations and vulnerabilities in all facets of life, I can't relax and my mind is busy, etc. ...and what's amazing is that I've been knowingly in denial about things like these for a veeeerrryy long time. Far before I used the Aneros. But then it put me face to face with it. When I accepted myself my arousal shot through the roof. In that moment I was allowing myself to access and accept my pleasure.

I feel like it would have taken many months of good therapy to reach what I reached in two weeks. Now I can take everything that I wrote down after my experience and use it actively in therapy, so I can be happier across all areas of life and continue allowing myself to access and accept my pleasure. This has been an overwhelmingly positive experience that I'm entirely grateful for, and I look forward to a continuing positive journey that needs discipline and a good attitude.

Posted by: @divine_o

don’t know where you read that you have to abstain from sex to enjoy aneros or have prostate orgasms.

@divine_o There are numerous posts on the forum about SR on this journey. Some guys talking about 2-3 weeks of not not ejaculating. That’s fine for single people,not so simple for those in relationships. What confuses me about SR is,if the rewiring process is to teach us to bypass ejacualtion and the refractory period,via prostate stimulation,so as to go forth and have multiple orgasms,why would ejaculation come into it at all? Of course I wonder if that’s true,is that what holds me back?

Posted by: @divine_o

And if someone has non-heterosexual inclinations after using aneros, they probably had them before but didn’t recognize them. That is one of the first myths that is debunked about prostate play: that it turns you gay. If this is still a lingering fear of yours, it is possibly a major roadblock on your journey. And what does it matter anyways? Last I heard every person of every sexual inclination is happy as long as they accept who they are.

I’ll rephrase here,I saw a post,it’s from ages ago,the author infers that this craving a real penis instead of the toy wasn’t there before,so again inferring that his journey is altering his sexuality. Which seems extreme to me. And no,I don’t and have never believed that massaging a gland in ones body is gay. Your likely right,maybe those thoughts have always been there. I think our sexuality is set at birth. But it is whats implied.

Posted by: @zentai

, I guess that for most normal people living balanced lives, there is absolutely nothing to fear, things will balance themselves, it's just a very pleasurable hobby.

Well I llke to think im

balanced lol Probaby just panicking and over thinking things. I just wouldn’t want it changing me for the worse. I love my wife and wouldn’t want to disrespect her in that way. Plus as I stated,if I turned offf the sex tap,I think she’d find someone else for that,after warning me to change or else.

Posted by: @zentai

I'd add that I've seen that several people are hiding their practice from their partner and that seems extremely unhealthy to me

The wife knows I aless,she tried to massage me a few times with fingers but it didn’t really come off,however she does perineum massage and nipple play in foreplay while I try to knock out a PO. And she will nipple play in any position where she can get at them. That does add to intercourse.

Posted by: @zentai

. I still crave contact with women, I still get aroused thinking about them, no problem there.

Maybe don’t give up,someone out there for everyone,no matter how Incompatible you think you’d be with the opposite sex.

@zentai

Posted by: @zentai

Hey man, you know I ventured in those dark places, and you certainly remember that I hijacked two of your threads with my concerns and warnings. I'm taking this opportunity to say I'm sincerely sorry for doing so, and I hope I did not scare you or any other man venturing on this journey. You can check back your Splitting the atom thread for the whole story if you didn't do so already.

No,you didn’t scare me,I’ve just been adding up some negative posts etc which came to a bit of a head with freakans post. I’m afraid I have a mind that makes connections whether they are right or wrong.

Posted by: @zentai

. But it cannot replace intimacy, and I have a hard time understanding why a man that has a choice between coming deep inside his wife or girlfriend or having an Aneros session would choose the toy instead of the woman. 

For me,it was a jarring post to read. I’ve read posts of how the pleasure dwarfs anything that’s been experienced in a normal set life,so the guy actually admits he’d rather have the toy than a women. Seems very unnatural to me,and I don’t want to end up there. I saw plenty post with a negative vibe,but this one just you know,was a bit of a wtf moment.

@poseidon glad to hear things are on the up for you.

@zentai

@divine_o

@posideion 

I guess guys at its core,I was adding  all the negative up and coming up with the sum that perhaps the journey could somehow do a switcheroo. Kind of altering the brain to see the Aneros as the natural and pleasurable way to have sex,and sex itself becoming the not so pleasurable unnatural way to have sex,as again,I recall posts asking did others find that sex had become vanilla,thus casting sex with a real person into the fires of doom. Just had a little sweat on. Don’t mind me,I’m likely a little bit weird.  

@helghast

Semen retention isn’t necessary but can help. I recommend it even for sex. If you are able to hold off on ejaculating, and your partner is fine with it, every time you have sex without ejaculating you are building up arousal ammo for future sessions and future sex. For me, after having sex several days in a row without ejaculating, I become supercharged in my arousal. My partner loves it. So one doesn’t exclude the other, on the contrary, semen retention and sex go great together.

@divine_o perhaps your right,never really tried that. I was just connecting the dots between SR and people avoiding sex to maybe protect it.

@helghast Well in a way you're right, some people would rather spend time working on their car and drinking with their buddies instead of working on their relationship. People can get addicted to anything, and something as pleasurable as Aneros use is probably more risky than say, collecting stamps, but I don't think the manufacturer should put a warning sticker on the box either. I'm pretty certain that it won't "change" you into someone you don't want to be and it won't get between the partners in a healthy relationship.

But if you look around on the web, you'll see plenty of dead bedroom stories where the man jacks of to porn in the basement while the woman dildoes herself in the master bedroom, that's just reality for some people. And you also have 50 years old who have never been in a relationship, 18 years old who watch so much porn that they cannot get hard with a girl, and on and on. Sexual attraction is complicated, hell Nikola Tesla was in love with a pigeon... add the Super-O to that mix, who knows if things will get better or worse?

But I'd like to think that the first reaction for a man who can achieve this would be to share with his partner, like you're doing, that would be the holy grail for me.... bottom line, like divine_o said wisely, if both of you are fine with this and there's no problem, just keep at it and don't stress, anxiety and super-os don't mix. I hope you keep at it and continue to have fun. 

Posted by: @helghast

There are numerous posts on the forum about SR on this journey. Some guys talking about 2-3 weeks of not not ejaculating. That’s fine for single people,not so simple for those in relationships. What confuses me about SR is,if the rewiring process is to teach us to bypass ejacualtion and the refractory period,via prostate stimulation,so as to go forth and have multiple orgasms,why would ejaculation come into it at all? Of course I wonder if that’s true,is that what holds me back?

I haven't ejaculated since December 6 (13 days and counting) and of course I'm single so yes it's probably easier to do, though there are plenty of ways to expand partnered sexuality beyond the exclusive use of Aneros.  I think that if I were a woman and I felt my husband was telling me "I can't have sex with you any more, I'm going a different route that involves plastic sex toys," I'd be extremely upset, but there are certainly ways that you could explore the same ideas with your wife.  And it's not like you have to ejaculate every time you have sex with her. 

But if you believe that an orgasm is something that happens when you ejaculate semen out of your penis, then that could be a holdup of yours.  Walking the Aneros path, it should be taken as a given that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate and distinct events, and that it is possible to separate the two.  Of course there is knowing it as an idea and really knowing it in your heart.  But that idea is at the core of pretty much any practice regarding Male Multiple Orgasm. 

Although this blog is otherwise quite helpful regarding Tantric Sex practices, a certain rather hostile blog post that she wrote reveals that whatever she might have said in regards to orgasm and ejaculation being different, in effect she thinks they are one and the same: Orgasm and Its Enemies.  Building off that she attacks other viewpoints based on the misconception that they are trying to keep men from enjoying orgasm.  Personally I find the other paths mentioned there just as interesting and valid as Tantra, and worth looking into.  I haven't read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow yet but it's on my list to buy. And speaking of books you might want to check out:
-The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman
-The Multiorgasmic Man by Mantak Chia (also The Multiorgasmic Couple and Taoist Secrets of Love...I haven't read these yet but they've been recommended to me by others)
-Love Satisfies by Keepitup Johnson
All these books have quite a lot to do with expanding partnered sex so they might help you a lot.  I have an entire list of books I've been meaning to buy and read; I'm hoping that they will help me in the future once I find the right woman.  And I certainly don't plan on replacing Aneros use with a real relationship! 
(There's also Jack Johnston's KSMO protocol which would fit in the same category as the books but it's an audio seminar)

I don't know all your personal history and what you've posted regarding your marriage but there are ways other than Aneros that you both could move forward as a couple, assuming that your other half is willing. 

Posted by: @helghast

I’m developing some concerns about this aneros prostate exploration. Turning one off sex with other humans..is that where this all leads?

Not necessarily, I concur with the logic expressed by the above posters (@faith-manages , @divine_o , @zentai & @Poseiden).

Posted by: @helghast

Is there a very dark side to this that I haven’t discovered?

Yes and No, Yes, in that the Aneros journey may put you in intimate contact with your subconscious and reveal some of the 'shadow' aspects of your personality. This may reveal unresolved repressed emotions/beliefs or cognitive dissonance that once exposed and resolved may lead to life altering behaviors, usually a very good thing for any individual. No, in that the Aneros journey does not cause these "...dark side..." attributes because those attributes were already present in the individual to begin with.

Posted by: @helghast

Is sex with my wife what holds me back from this super o business? Must one really abstain from sex to achieve super o status?

Having sex with your wife is probably NOT a factor in holding you back from successful Aneros use, please see the thread Identifying Obstacles to Progress for other factors, Sexual abstinence is NOT required to be on the Aneros journey.

Posted by: @helghast

An awful lot of journey men seem to have some kind of sexual dysfunction,from ED to , I’ve seen it written that it Aneros caused a guy to become a premature ejaculator,

While male sexual dysfunction is quite common, there is no scientific proof that Aneros use causes any of it, as a matter of fact there is scientific evidence for the beneficial effects of these prostate massagers, please see the ongoing Columbia Medical School study using the Pro-State massagers.

Posted by: @helghast

I’m concerned for my own life and relationship, I know my wife well enough to know she wouldn’t put up with that kind of stuff, she would most certainly look for her kicks elsewhere if I didn’t want to provide them. ... I don’t want this journey to twist me,or turn me into some sort of sexual deviant, that kind of picture is starting to form.

Communication between partners is essential, if your use of these devices can't be condoned in a loving relationship once all concerns have been addressed then, IMHO, you should avoid going any further along the Aneros path,

Good Vibes to You!