I'm getting there.....(first post to the forums)

Great story.

I am in nearly the same boat. I've only been using since September, but I have yet to tell my wife. I know that she will accept it, but to be honest I just am not ready hear just yet. Things like:

"Honey, have you seen my keys?"
"No babe. Have you checked your ass?"

When you pull the trigger and tell her let me know what happens.

Good luck,

Suggestion:

Take your wife to an adult shop that carries the Aneros line. Have her pick out a g-spot toy; then, ask her to buy you a p-spot toy. Worked for us. 🙂

If a retail store is a bit of a reach for you two, do it online.

OTOH, if you are batting 100% from your g-spot efforts, you'll need another strategy. In that case, my hat's off to you guy.

Cheers...... rook

I buy all the sex toys in my house and of course they have all been for my wife. I just told her, this time I bought a toy for me. I didn't really dwell on the whole prostrate health issue but more about the pleasure it will bring to me. It was really a non-issue

You mention that your wife is not into ass play and I can say that my wife is not either, until recently. when going down on her, I worked gently rubbing of her asshole into my routine. Now, I can insert a finger well into her and she loves it. when I make her cum with my tongue, I can feel her orgasm on the finger that is in her bum. I can feel the rectal muscles clamping and twitching on my finger.... makes me hot
I never thought I would get even that far with her and now I have hope to someday replace my finger with my pecker
I wouldn't assume your wife with shoot you down on either account

Hey, wisdom. I've got enough birthdays on you I was able to tell my wife--up front in fact before I ordered it--that I was getting a home prostate massager designed to help relieve prostate congestion pain (which I'd already been to the urologist with) and not to wonder what that funny looking thing in the bathroom drawer was should she come across it. Moreover, I told her I'd heard it was supposed to improve my sexual performance, which might be fun for her, all to which she shrugged her shoulders and said, "That's fine with me 'cause you can count on my never putting my finger anywhere close to back there on you!"

We have since tried sex with it but she said she didn't notice any particular difference that one time and as it wasn't really comfortable to me during that attempt with intercourse, I've not tried it again for that. I get my greatest benefit from having super-O's in separate sessions which gives me much better erections during sex with her.

Perhaps you can introduce it to her as a means for maintaining prostate health and sexual stamina as you approach the big three-O.

Yeah, I figure at this point now, it's more of working the guts up to tell her. I know I'm going to do it soon. Quite frankly, I don't think that she'll be surprised. She knows how freaky in the bedroom I am.

My wife knows about it, but refuses to discuss or acknowledge it. Kind of like a rabbit hiding just its head behind something, thinking that if he can't see the predator, the predator can't see him.

I'm a straight guy, 58, and I felt like I was coming out to my wife when I told her I'd bought the thing (MGX). My wife has virtually no sex drive, so I've been doing what I've been calling "exercises" or "meditation" by myself for about 18 months now. By chance I found the Aneros site and realized what I had been doing. I ordered it immediately and later that day just told her. She was upset about the price, and thought I had been suckered into buying something useless. After that, not a mention. That was three days ago and I'm still waiting (eagerly) for it to arrive.

so an update......

i didn't exactly tell my wife that i'm using an Aneros yet, but i did talk to her about prostate massage as we were getting ready to go to sleep......she took it well and then i started talking about getting a massage device to do it, both for health and personal reasons.......all she said was if i wanted to get one, then she's cool with it.....she had no objections to it.......i guess i'll show her this website and pick out "another" Aneros

Why not show the High Island Health site to her? It has a focus that is more "clinical" than the Aneros site.
You can approach it through the prostate health angle.
Prostate Massage, Prostate Massagers, Prostatitis BPH Treatment
This may be easier for her to accept. When she is cool with that, you can reveal the sexual benefits you discover.

Suggest take care sending your wife to the HIH site. Instead, print out some material from the site for her.

Mine was checking out the HIH sight and stumbled across a small "body exchange" section there.

She needed "some" reassuring that my screen name wasn't there.

An update. A week into using the MGX. I'm open with my wife. I let her know that I'm about to meditate. She knows that means putting this thing up my ass. I always say that she's welcome to be with me during my aneros use, but so far she hasn't chosen to. A few days ago I was telling her over the dinner table about things and she didn't think "anal" was a word to use while eating. That's fine.

Lately, as it comes up, I let her know how transformative my daily aneros sessions are. I'm not entirely sure what her judgment is, but it doesn't really matter. I am deeply committed to my aneros journey. I know that my aneros use is strengthening our marriage by removing the sexual tension between my wife and me. I now know that I'm responsible for my sexual/orgasmic needs and desires. My wife has no interest in having sex, and I have no interest in having sex with someone who has no sexual interest in me. That's a problem, because I believe I have sexual needs. The logical outcome (without aneros) is to seek sexual fulfillment outside of marriage.

At this time, I'm able to get all the sensual/sexual fulfillment I need with the aneros. I've come to see my desire for other women is really about moving the sexual energy. The aneros allows me to do that. I'm open to having sex with my wife (and I'm sure it offers things that aneros doesn't), but I don't need to. I no longer feel resentful toward my wife for not wanting to have sex with me. I think it's possible that as I release that expectation of her, that will allow her to drop her worries about my having an affair, and might even lead to her warming up to me.

wow...that sounds kinda harsh.....i don't think that i could do without sex with my wife........i love my Aneros, but i also love sexin my wife up too.......I have one of those high sex drives and have always had it.....my wife gets afraid of me getting a piece of ass from someone else all the time because of it

Wisdom, if your comment was directed at me (I used to be aneros_user44994 ). . .

I think I understand what you mean by harsh, but I'm not sure. Is it harsh to say that I no longer expect my wife to fill my sexual needs? I too didn't think I could do without sex with my wife, but I found out that I could (at least for the past 18 months, or so). I did feel like I needed sex with someone though, which caused me to seriously consider extra marital sex. Now THAT's harsh, at least for my wife. She is definitely afraid of me having sex with another woman, and I had to admit that I was beginning to see that as an option.

Enter the Aneros (pun intended). As I rewire I see that many of my assumptions about my sexual needs/desires are just plain wrong. Sometimes the truth seems harsh, but only if we cling to old assumptions.

I agree, we are sex slaves if we "need to have sex" with someone. Sex should be purely about exchanging sexual enegery and experiencing extreme levels of pleasure that literally unite two bodies into one. A sex drive will do nothing for that.

good points

Wisdom, if your comment was directed at me (I used to be aneros_user44994 ). . .

I think I understand what you mean by harsh, but I'm not sure. Is it harsh to say that I no longer expect my wife to fill my sexual needs? I too didn't think I could do without sex with my wife, but I found out that I could (at least for the past 18 months, or so). I did feel like I needed sex with someone though, which caused me to seriously consider extra marital sex. Now THAT's harsh, at least for my wife. She is definitely afraid of me having sex with another woman, and I had to admit that I was beginning to see that as an option.

Enter the Aneros (pun intended). As I rewire I see that many of my assumptions about my sexual needs/desires are just plain wrong. Sometimes the truth seems harsh, but only if we cling to old assumptions.

I have to agree with you on some points. I am very open with my wire regarding my aneros use and use it as part of our lovemakeing. She has given me a prostrate massage a few times but to be honest, I like the aneros better than her finger. Her talents are appreciated elsewhere.
I have a great sex life with my wife but love my aneros times as well.
For me, it's just a great balance.

"For better or for worse"
"In sickness and in health"
"Forever, till death doth us part"

Several months ago my wife was placed on a medication which gradually destroyed her libido. The 'trade-off' is a sharp reduction in recurrance of cancer along with a concomitant increase in her projected lifespan. For a couple of months we went along with our lives, including sex as before but eventually it became apparent that her desire was gone and we were just going through the motions. (she was faking it for me) While our mutual love remains and in some respects is intensified, sex is no longer a major element of that relationship. (We do some experimentation in attempts to find some pleasure points.)

My own Aneros practice is a blessing and is an outlet for much of my own desire. I am fortunate in that we were sexually active when we introduced the Aneros into our foreplay. My wife is supportive of my Aneros 'journey' sessions.

In this part of our life's journey, I sorrow and grieve for her loss of libido and drive. We look for substitute activities. I do feel somewhat selfish in that I can not share with her the entire spectrum of feelings and sensations I receive from Aneros use and male orgasm.

A current challenge is my view of the Aneros experience. About a year ago, I adopted a view that I was 'making love to myself' during my serious Aneros sessions. That worked well for us since my wife was practiced in self-pleasuring during my military deployments. So, we were able to discuss our experiences and bring elements of those into our foreplay.

We now have a great hollow in our married life since 2/3 of our sexual experience has been taken from us. Always reach for the brass ring! 🙂

Wisdom, if your comment was directed at me (I used to be aneros_user44994 ). . .

Curious, how did you change your user name??

Several of the posts in this thread bring up the immutable fact of life that most of the time women’s libidos probably never reach the levels of men’s. Women never have more than a fraction of the testosterone in their brains that men have, and after menopause this declines further.
When I was young I thought if I ever reached my present age I would no longer be interested in sexual gratification. Was I ever wrong. The urge has not declined in the slightest; in some respects it’s better than ever.
I suspect that it is not possible for a woman to actually imagine the simple and ceaseless sex drive of the typical male (especially us older ones), any more than it is possible for us men to imagine the far more complex and variable female libido. We are lucky to find wives who, even if they don’t understand our hormonal drive to behave like a rooster, try to accommodate it, and take pleasure in seeing the pleasure it gives us.

Rook:
I know just how you feel. My wife is active and in perfect health, but she began losing her libido years ago. It was never as high as mine; she had never had an orgasm during intercourse, and I often felt frustrated and inadequate as a result. Ultimately she found the intercourse either too uncomfortable or painful and a few years ago we just stopped doing it. Fortunately though she was completely willing to help me masturbate and give me daily massages (as I described in my very first posts), and I helped her use the vibrator on herself. Interestingly, with the vibrator she was able to have huge orgasms, often ten or fifteen in a row. She has now stopped this because the spasms were so strong they too began causing pain. Fortunately, like many women, she loves foot massage, and she moans in pleasure when I do her feet, to the point that this seems like a pretty good substitute for genital massage.

Like you, this is the hollow in my life. I will never tell her how much I miss the indescribable intimacy of intercourse, because I don’t want her to feel guilty. I am open about my Aneros sessions and I believe she is pleased to hear of my progress. As I mentioned in my recent testicle post, she is generous in helping me explore my new-found ball sensitivities. We have adjusted to this new reality and our relationship is probably closer and stronger than ever, especially since there is no longer any possibility of tensions arising from unsatisfied expectations.

I think your ‘making love to yourself’ approach is the right one, it’s what I do as well, and if your wife is like mine, nothing needs to be hidden. I was well along this path even before I had heard of the Aneros, but its addition to the mix has been a huge help.

Regarding your grieving for her loss of libido and drive, I’m not sure this is entirely necessary. In biological terms, women have got it right. Like most other mammals, after they reproduce, their equipment begins shutting down. It is we human males who are the freaks. My wife jokes with me that she’s glad she’s not a slave to animal instincts as I am. And who knows, she may be right. It can be a big distraction. Obviously I’m glad my junk is still working, but that may just be the testosterone talking.

My wife has many women friends of about her age, and I have asked her if she thinks any of them still have sexual feelings. She would never talk to them about this, but she feels confident that sex is simply no longer a part of their lives, and is probably not missed. In a way she is indirectly answering the question of whether she misses it. What women miss, she insists, is the companionship of a lost partner.
If women have never experienced the unique, nagging persistence of male sexual arousal, they can never experience the pain of its loss. I believe they are better able to adapt to their loss of libido than we are, because, biologically, their libidos are more rational.

I believe as time passes you will, as I have done, adjust to the new reality of your relationship and reach the level of satisfaction you once had. I will even venture to say that in time it could be better. We often waste time regretting the wrong things.

@aneros_user_44352, The only way of getting a better name was to re-register with the new name. A little disappointing to lose blog entries to that date, but I suppose the change of name has some meaning. 🙂

Dear Woodsman,

I am 22 years old and based on what I've learned over the past few years I wouldn't mind it if my wife hated having intercourse, but maybe that's just me. Standard intercourse for me is a constant battle of not ejaculating and I hate that with a passion (now I'm trying a new way of having intercourse! 🙂 ). Stimulating my penis never felt as good as a few P-waves. Normal orgasm has come to feel like a 1-second dull throbbing, followed by a disappointing loss of arousal and energy. Every day I realize more and more just how important the mind is for experiencing sexual pleasure. I'm starting to adopt a totally new way of think of sex. Maybe one day I won't be able to call it sex, it will just be called "bonding with my wife." This will take place on a physical and spiritual level.

Does your wife also hate the idea of having similar body parts in proximity? For example, don't have sex, just be physically close like you would be during sex (even fully clothed). Why not just be naked together and cuddle? Does she hate that too? If that's the case, I can't help but feel there's a deeper problem. Libido doesn't just get up and walk away on its own. I'm young, I don't know a lot, but I feel like maybe a big problem for couples and sex is that women don't know just how amazing "physically and spiritually" bonding can be (and how important it is), and so they stop caring because they never experience it. They cannot strive for it. Men don't experience this normally either, but at least the desire for that is always there. The only way to achieve that is to learn how to have Super-Os by doing whatever you and your wife are able to do, even if the only thing you do is cuddle. Intercourse is not needed, based on what I've learned (not first hand).

Korkelz

I appreciate hearing your thoughts. In a way I envy you – when I was 22 I didn’t know a thing about sex or how my body worked. There was no one to talk to about it except other guys my age who also didn’t know anything.

For most of my life I have had the reverse problem that you have – it was often hard for me to reach orgasm. Women enjoy it if you can last a long time, but it is terribly frustrating when you have trouble finishing.

My anxiety was that I might not be able to reach an orgasm, yours is that you will reach it too soon. Two sides of the same coin. I now know that your problem is apparently far more common, and fortunately there are ways to deal with it. I’m sure there are many guys on this board who have gone through the same thing and have good advice on dealing with it.

I understand now that the main key is in the mind, another is in proper conditioning of the PC and related muscles, strengthening and training them to help you resist ejaculation. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I suspect that using the Aneros might help by drawing your mind’s attention away from the penis and focusing it elsewhere.

I now realize that my difficulty in ejaculating has actually helped me explore other areas of pleasure.

One thing I can assure you – there will be many different phases. I have lost track of the number of phases I have been through over the years, and each one has been rewarding in some way. And the more you learn about it, the better it will get.

Regarding my wife, actually the opposite is true, she enjoys cuddling and closeness very much. For her (and I think for many women) this is enough. We always bathe together in the hot tub and there is plenty of contact there. Often we wind up with me massaging her feet and her massaging my balls. It’s awkward, but fun.

Hang in there and don’t get discouraged, you have plenty of time to work on it.

well today i finally worked myself up to tell my wife.....i don't know what made me do it, but i did it and she took it well.....even kinda excited about it.......i didn't have much time to talk, but we'll talk tonight more about it

oh and to add, i told her that i've been using it for months practicing......she replied no wonder you always want time to yourself and wanna stay home, lol

Hello, wisdom.

It's great that you're bringing your wife into the picture. Partnered sex with Aneros is just as good, if not better than solo. If your wife doesn't have her own sex toy yet, now is the time to buy her one. Don't forget the flowers and chocolate, too.

Best Regards,

Dave

Hello, wisdom.

It's great that you're bringing your wife into the picture. Partnered sex with Aneros is just as good, if not better than solo. If your wife doesn't have her own sex toy yet, now is the time to buy her one. Don't forget the flowers and chocolate, too.

Best Regards,

Dave

I give her flowers and chocolate all the time......and i have bought her sex toys before....i told her it's time for her to get a new one.......so i told her that we'll look together and she can pick out what she wants......i already know what i want.......i want the Vice, but that can wait until she has hers.....my MGX can hold me over till then........also i want a Helix too

other than that, i want to try light E-Stim......just with the pads.....just to see if me and her would be into it or not.....i'm not looking to go too extreme like alot of the people do on the SmartStim website........the wife doesn't know about this yet....i think i'm going to surprise her one day and see how she likes it

other than that, we are going on vacation tomorrow, so that gives us plenty of time to talk about my Aneros sessions

I have to thank this website for the support. I think reading about others sharing experiences with their wives have given me the courage to talk to my wife about anything

wisdom;

You're right. There's no such thing as giving the wife too many flowers or chocolates.

Regarding light e-stim, you may want to find the e-stim thread on this site, which has a lot of info. I got the LG Medical LG 3000 for $30, with pads. It's fine for back pain, and occasional sex use.

Cheers,

Dave

yea, i have read the threads and i even was able to download the Slightest Touch PDF that B Mayfield wrote for men (i think that's who wrote it).......anyway, it has sparked my interest and i'm just curious.......i compared regular TENS units to ones that SmartStim website suggest for beginners........i already picked one out and bookmarked it.....but it's on my other computer.......when i buy it and use it according to the instructions that B Mayfield suggests, I'll make a post about my experience with it and the Aneros.....what I liked and what I disliked.....the information might be useful to other people that read my thread