How to Tell Friends?

Gilman,
You ask a great question and in asking it, you reveal what a kind, compassionate soul you are. Nothing is more common in the human experience than to share something good with those we love and have affection for. Fathers, brothers, sons, friends...I have the same impulse to share with other men who I care about and enjoy being with. But how?

The challenge is, most plutonic male/male relationships deal with sexuality in a joking, superficial manner. We make fun of it because we're nervous about it. Afraid that if we reveal our deepest desires and fantasies, we'd be rejected, shunned. In my experience, even though in most cultures, males are to be the strong, dominant ones, in reality, we are the most insecure and afraid.

"Is my penis big enough?"; "Am I seen as a man by others?"; "Do I make love like an expert?"

Have you ever been asked by one of your guy friends: "Can you describe your fucking technique" (forgive the crude language). Or, "What's the best orgasm you've ever had and what made it so good? Please describe it." Or "How long can you thrust without cumming?" Or "What's your favorite way to masturbate?" OR any other related, intimate, probing question? The answer is probably "No!" because we guys do not speak of such things, with even our closest male friends. Heck, we even find it hard to ask our spouses to touch us here or there or do this or that.

Yet, this is the one thing we can never escape, the one thing that's always close in our thoughts and mind. Sex rules us secretly. Or, if it doesn't rule us, at least it demands our attention.

I can write freely about my inner life on a site like this but I would find it very hard to bring up such topics, even with my closest friends and relatives. I've tried to broach the subject a couple of times with a cousin and brother with "I love it when my wife massages my prostate" and I get a "what do you mean" and then I lose the courage to say "when she sticks her finger up my ass and you know, strokes the male g-spot. Man, what mind blowing orgasms!"

I'm afraid of the expository. Maybe it's been because of the group setting (i.e. other guys all around at the same time). I have a couple of good friends I would not hesitate to discuss this with, but I would not bring it up to them. I don't know how.

If a friend or relative told me they were suffering from the symptoms of an enlarged prostate, I would also recommend it. But, from a sexual standpoint, I just don't know how guys do this. I've never had another guy tell me how he performs oral sex on his lady. I've never had another guy tell me how he likes to be blown. I don't know how long my friends can pump before blowing a load.

Is this wrong? Ya, I wish we males could all speak more freely about something so near and dear to our hearts. How do we do it? I don't have a clue!

@Gilman & @newguy8762,

In the thread Ideas for Spreading the Word... a number of thoughts have been expressed but none of them has really resolved the inherent awkwardness of discussing such intimate male sexuality issues in a public setting.

I think this is gradually, ever so slowly changing, with the expansion of the internet as a global information resource, men's access to divergent points of view on what constitutes male sexuality has never been greater in human history. Ironically, it is the mythic characteristics of 'maleness' and expected models of behavior which conspire to suppress the great expansive richness of true maleness. The competitive nature of western culture prods men to be more "male" than the next guy, creating impossible stereotypes to aspire to. Homophobic fears tear into the heart of this stereotypical male culture making open communication, compassion, cooperation and sharing between men all but impossible in the public realm.

As the world becomes the global community it inevitably will become, the acceptance of male diversity in thoughts, feelings and actions will inevitably happen as well or we as a species will go extinct. Evolution has primed humankind with integrative behaviors for survival and our ability to communicate with each other may be our best behavior to affect change. The existence of this very Forum with memberships from across the globe is testimony to the change in attitude toward acceptance of a wider definition of what constitutes "maleness" and our ability to communicate it.

In most cases it is a man's own curiosity about his sexuality that leads him to seek this wider definition. I think one approach to getting this information shared is through indirect stimulation of a man's innate curiosity. When we ask leading questions or pose hypothetical scenarios we can engage our brethren in communication which can then lead to more direct sharing of knowledge without putting ourselves in positions of being judged as "outliers" in our culture. This is a gradual unfolding and revealing process which need not be executed as an "outing" of anal/prostate play but as an exploratory quest for a mutual understanding and awareness.
Good Vibes to You !

Excellent questions and propositions here, gents.

I have wrestled with this dilemma for years, since discovering the beauty of being a multi-orgasmic man.

For me, I'm thinking of one particular man with whom I have a very candid relationship. We have discussed some intimate sexual issues he and his wife were having. If I make a commitment to talking with him about Aneros use/prostate massage in the context of our previous conversations, I may be okay. Then the next man I talk to about it will be easier. I don't know for sure, but I would have to try to find out.

It's worth a try.

Brian

The majority (of men over 65) suffer through some symptoms of prostate enlargement ( http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/10/22/hm.prostate.qa/ ). Many also take E.D. meds like Levitra, Viagra, Cialis or Caverject. An increasing number are into Testosterone supplements or other Steroid precursors.

As a result, we gents read a lot and are open to sharing our feelings about what has worked, what didn't and what developments are coming down the pike. In the case of one friend, his wife was griping more about the prostate gland than was he.

It's fairly easy to approach "the chat" by mentioning the Pro-State toy (PS-2, PS-X or PS-New) and what I've accomplished with it. For me that's sleeping through the entire night and being able to cut back on the amount of alfa-blocker I take. Then I mention, "and the side effects are an amount of pleasure that's hard to imagination."

Then... "...by the way. have you ever seen the Aneros line of prostate massagers ?"

LATE EDIT, Jan, 2015: One place to start is with your Pri-Care doc or your Urologist. This is comparatively easy when compared to chatting with a golf bud or work associate. Once you've got the words out of your mouth it will become easier to discuss prostate massaqe.

If you want to make people aware of the aneros world anonymous.

You could send a message (e-mail) via: http://deadfake.com/

For your benefit try it with a test message to yourself

Why tell friends (and what)?

@Canacan
I agree with you. Why tell anyone other than your Wife, GF, or S.O.? It serves no purpose for one to broadcast one's Aneros use to friends. If one wants to spread the word, all one has to do is order the Aneros T-shirt and wear it...to the mall, church/synagogue, restaurants, Starbucks, etc. Maybe that would be slightly more palatable. Or would it?
[-X

I think it is normal to want to share this amazing discovery ! Made me want to shout it from the rooftops 🙂

Just a thought

http://www.reddit.com/r/aneros/comments/2fqc7r/on_society_whats_the_big_deal_why_the_stigma_why/

@lokh. That is a really good discussion.
You would have thought though, that in the internet age this would be spreading like wild fire..!

An excellent discussion. After 6 months with a Helix Classic I feel that I am now rewired and WOW!

I want to share this incredible experience, but have the same trepidations. I haven't even shared it with my wife yet.

I am seriously thinking about sharing it.

Successful stories of sharing would probably help me.

When I was new to the aneros and particularly excited, I told some people. I told some strangers, at a dinner at a work conference. They were uninterested. One guy said "one orgasm is enough."

I have told some friends, all of whom think I am a exploring a fringe, and have no interest.

I told one younger guy at work, because, truth be told, the idea of him using it (with his girlfriend) slightly turned me on. I gave him a peridise set for them to use. He tried it, but never got that much out of it.

In sum my experience with this leads me to this conclusion: if this kind of thing is up your alley you will find it; most guys are just not into it.

Furthermore: the guys on this forum are a self-selected group of people, and what seems normal here is really just normal in our bubble.

Darwin

@Darwin
Thank you profusely!!!! You have summed up this particular question quite concisely. Why tell? If one is meant for the Aneros, they will come to it on their own.

@Pspotsquirter,I think the point is that, it is a shame that this secret that is shared amongst those of us fortunate to have stumbled across the Aneros is not common knowledge.

I do believe that the world might be a much happier place if the secrets of anal pleasure were as mainstream as so called conventional sex! Don't you?

Yep Darwin hit the nail right on it's head on this one. I'm a fairly open person, and I've told several of my close friends, one of which ended up actually buying an aneros and only used it one time saying it just wasn't for him. I've tried to convince him to give it more of a chance but he's not down. And I have another really close friend who's absolutely astonished at my "abilities" and I thought he would be totally into learning them as well but he too shows little interest in taking on the journey.

I rarely use an Aneros myself (I've long since graduated...) though it's fun to use for old time sake. But to me it's not the Aneros that I'm trying to spread the word about, but instead it's the idea or should I say fact that us men are multi-orgasmic! I'm not sure what the actual percentage is but the idea that perhaps over 90% of the male population isn't even aware that this multi-orgasmic ability is even possible within us...

But again like Darwin points out. Even the people that I've told seem uninterested in the fact. And it's not like they don't believe me, and they are totally the type of people who would tell me if they ended up experimenting with it and having success. Which leads me to believe it takes a certain type of person to be interested in achieving more than just your typical 3 second ejaculation... I forget how I stumbled upon the Aneros site years ago, but whatever I was searching lead me here... So if a certain individual has any kind of interest in evolving their sexual energy, I'm sure they'll find out for themselves...

And wow it's been quite awhile since I've logged onto this site. Good to see it's still active and alive like it was years ago! That means the words still getting out! haha

@Pommie
Not really!

My two cents:

I think that nothing's going to change if we all just say No no no, and keep it as our own little secret. Perhaps a lot of people don't even know what a prostate is even if you mention it to them, let alone a prostate massager. I would imagine that for most people, they've only thought of the butt as a one-way street that's only full of nasty things and that it should be kept that way.

Not everyone is receptive to the idea, and that's fine. Maybe you just need to find the right person. You probably don't have to go around preaching it to just everyone on the street, but if you do encounter someone who's interested (one way or another), then why not? Why does it have to be THAT much different than sharing your favorite restaurant or football team or whatever else that you'd normally share info about?

I understand how a lot of people don't feel comfortable sharing their bedroom activities/listening to other people's bedroom activities. Why do you think that some guys talk here? Heck, maybe even your wife/S.O doesn't want to know about what you do with your own butt. Then what do you do?

I agree that if you're interested, you will eventually find out about it (That's probably why we landed here). Then, there are a good chunk of users who found it because they were having prostate issues and maybe the doctor gave them a "prescription". It seems like plenty of people here have asked the question/have stated, "Man why didn't I find out about this sooner?!?!?!", or "I wish that I found out about it when I was in my twenties!", etc..

Isn't it kinda sad if everyone has to wait until they get to the point where they start making several trips to the bathroom at night? Maybe it's easier if you introduce it as a health device and the extra orgasms are just the side effects. I don't know how much these devices may help with things like prostate cancer, but I'm sure that most people would like to do what they can to avoid it, like eating healthy and using suntan lotion, etc...

Nothing on the Internet is a secret. I get way better results than most (pardon my hubris). I've never had a dud session. I get the same consistent results from my Progasm, Progasm Jr, Maximus, Helix, Eupho, and Tempo. Meaning: I squirt and Super O with each of them. I use no external stimulation either. Yet I don't feel the need to blab it to the whole world!

I think people find things in life when they are meant to be found...

Interesting enough it's actually women who I usually find a way during a conversation (when the conversation turns to sex related stuff) to bring up my multi-orgasmic ability. I'll often skip the part about the Aneros and just explain that awhile back I learned that men could be multi-orgasmic and I learned how. And there's then a couple women who I've told that I had to use "training wheels" to help me awaken this multi-orgasmic energy. Some women respond as if they never knew this was possible and others are like "ya duh" as if they're surprised that more men aren't aware of this.

I've bounced around in my opinion on this issue, and, to date, haven't told anyone of my friends/acquaintances about the Aneros experience. My only friend who had prostate issues had to have an emergency prostatectomy, so there wasn't much I could do for his symptoms. I have shared it with a few patients who have inquired about our prostate treatment. I have no feedback from those patients. I'm now leaning towards Pspot and darwin's opinons. My "sentiments" lie with @iobkh, especially in the days following a particularly good session