help to shed light

I drafted this yesterday and I can now only just believe that what I wrote is true, must've been 🙂 I think lol
I have just condensed it a bit, grammatical errors and the like and turning very rough into this.

First I'd like to say that i'm very thankfull that I have found this forum, other wise i woud not have anyone else I feel, to relate upon my experiences.

A bit of backround about me and how I got into this; (a bit i like reading in other peoples posts)

I am twentytwo years old and untill recently I could not imagine ever putting down into words what I am going to in this post, I was a full blooded male, not at all in touch with who I was as a person, closed off. I'm the same person but changed, I found out that I can feel freely.

I found out about the Aneros about a year ago, I have a sort of addiction to Wikipedia, I can go on wiki binges for hours, I like learning about things... I started to get interested in the male g-spot and thought about buying an Aneros and never did till today, (should arrive tommorow.)

Things in me started changing the other day. I was reading the advanced skills section on Aneros Wiki (thankgod for these people, YOU people for that site and this forum and I would like to say thankyou linghaman for linghamans log,) the part about Aneros-less MMO I sortoff tried the technique described there though not in full and i started to experience the kind off butterflies in the stomach feeling though lower down and somewhat duller and deeper just as it describes, though I only just felt something, it was definatly perceptible. Anyway I stopped my little exercise there and continued with other things, most notably read some of your forum posts and linghamans log.

Quite rudely I then got a call to go into work. I did not want to got into work for 12 hours for I hadn't slept for a good while, but need money just like everyone else, so went in.

I got showered and changed, went to work just thinking that tonight was gonna be just like any other night (I hope I've now aroused your curiosity a bit?) Signed and clocked in and started picking.

A few hours in I started getting this gnawing feeling tugging at me that something was a little different. I could not for the life of me place it, and just thought well it's just a pretty o.k night thats all. This feeling occasionally happens to me and these kind of nights/days I just seem to remember more. Kind of a surreal feeling. Everything felt a bit surreal. I felt a bit more aware. Colours seem a just little brighter with just slightest more hue, sounds seem to expound upon my conciesness with a just a little more force. I have felt this before on a good few occasions, but not for a looong time. The times i have felt it, it was just natural i took no heed of it. Those times I just enjoyed it for what it was. It got me to wondering what causes this and why (whats so different about tonight?) I think the only reason i noticed it was because i hadn't felt this in along time, I felt a little more content.

I slowly become aware of something that WAS different. I'd got that butterfly feeling low in my tummy again and it just kept on persisting to the point that i was getting a bit distracted by it. I could not stop myself being aware aware of it. I wasn't sure at the the time if this surreal feeling was emmanating from this. It felt about right, though i have learnt that making these kind of assumptions can turn out to be false logic. I realised that i have felt this many times before, now that I was aware of it, i could not stop being aware. I thought back to the wiki post and to this forum and linghamans log and all the stuff i'd been reading about. I was kind of enjoying my work, it did not seem in the least mundane as it usually does, this feeling put a kind of exitement in me.

I didn't know how to turn this feeling off. I kind of wanted to as it was all i was focusing on and thinking about,

At some point I wound up standind at the wrapping machine, thinking to myself "lets try a little experiment" not expecting anythingto happen at all.

From now I will try and account to you in as much detail what happend. I'm still trying to fathom it myself and I have many questions of which im sure you guys may be able to help. Though in the same regard many of my questions where answered by my experience though i wasn't really consciously aware before that i needed answers, i realise now that i really do need answers and that i don't know everything, far far from it.

I was stood at the wrap machine. I don't remember using any specific teqhniques, but i do remember excercising a good bit of mental focus. All the information from your output onto the WWW helped, I'm dead sure of this. I thought i'd have a go at escalating this feeling. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling breathing in, and out each time letting the feeling get more intense, at first there was nothing and then the perception that the feeling was indeed intensifying, albiet very little. Then a little more and i started to feel slight involuntary abdominal contractions and each breath seemed to intensify this feeling a litle. Then i noticed slight anal contractions too, my heart started hammering, and then WHAM, but the sweetest softest pleasure so soft, but intense in rising to its peak it came this wave. This thing. This wave as it came ,was pleasurably agonizing. I had no idea how to deal with it or contain it. My body seemed to have answer as it seemed to inflated and float accomadate it which was a pleasurable feeling in itself. I felt a charge in me at the same time through this. I wanted more and i knew i would get more, right then i was still sensing i was was at work and i got scared that i would not be able to stop it; it would come again only eaisieir and quicker. I new not at all what was waiting for me, but managed to stop it wich i found required focus to go against my minds instincts. This thing died down and left me very happy. In the time of this wave i did get a hardon (I had a big jacket on, no one would notice,) though at the time it didn't hit my mind that it was anything sexual, just orgasmic.

It did not feel sexual, not in the sense that i'm accustomed to.

I now know that it was but much deeper. the only resemblance at the time to it being anything sexual was that i got an erection. I guess i can say to myself; I have much less of an idea what it all means now, though at the time it seemed plain as day. I feel like im in for a journey of self discovery, i feel at the moment very stupid and that i know nothing. I've got the rest of my life to learn. This experience I feel has connected me a tiny bit, like I have a little bit more of the puzzle there.

I was very happy to be a human being, though i didn't feel particularly worthy of calling myself one before. I wanted to share. To love, to do do the things make us ultimatly human and not just a machine living but ultimatly dying inside. I was confused and in awe had so many questions and felt WOW this is what it means to be human. I still do. I sensed that some where deep inside I had been craving this since i was born, it felt so natural, hardwired into me. I was spontanously laughing more and felt awake. the music on the radio was perceptively more pleasurable to listen to, westlifes version of uptown girl still bugged me, though not nearly as much,

I honestly don't think that will ever change, if you ever see me dancing and enjoying that song i give you full permission to shoot me.

somebody anywhere please, please explain this to me, I don't understand what happend. I don't have clue what the next level would be like and I am looking forward to meeting my SGX in person.

I know on the polls it says the helix is probably best for the the first time buyer, but i thought the SGX might be better because i am very short. Only 5ft tall. This is a reasonable assumption to make?

ADDED TODAY: I have read an experience on the posts by B Mayfield that sounds similar to this and I read also that mental focus is sortof key. I think I know why my mental focus worked for me...

I am a musician, drummer. I practice mental focus alot it's a part of my key to playing well. I am a good drummer and I can say that without any ego. The ideas on focusing and not forcing and relaxing found on numerous entries here, sound very similar to what i practice when playing drums, i could expand and go into a good bit

more detail, but I found the best way to learn mental focus for playing the drums well was to just practice it.

A more pleasent outlook now and very surprised I've had this much succes.

Peace out, Human

Oh and just now I have recieved mt SGX in the post post and opend it up,

Seems kind of small.