Experimenting, and guilt

@Bartolo99, well others I am sure will contribute. My thoughts are that there have been good hygiene reasons the be cautious of anal play. And of course there is the very strong conditioning of toilet training. Add to that the religious teaching that pleasure and joy are the way to hell. Add all this together and there is a significant weight to contend with. Okay we can deal with hygiene in this age better than ever before. The toilet training is much harder to deal with as it is deeply embedded in our psyche. The religious aspect is also hard to deal with. But I don't think all this matters to God. I think it is time to jump over the kill-joy religious teachings to a vision of God who has given us all this life and so many opportunities to enjoy it. This is supported by the change of attitude of most if not all of the Aneros users. After all the anus is just another part of our body, there is nothing particularly different about it, it has a usual function and we are fortunate that through it we can get to our prostate. It almost seems as if we have to shed our inhibitions to have the freedom to reach the 'pearl of great price'. All I can say is God has a huge sense of humour!
So laugh with Him and enjoy the joke, and have fun, and enjoy your body - you only get one chance with it, it want to have fun too - all those nerves to awaken.
There may be some sensible comments from others 🙂

@Bartolo99 - Sounds like you have a good start and the right mindset for the most part. The guilt and gay fears will disperse with time. Keep thinking about what are the source of these beliefs, and are they really true? You're not hurting anyone, or stealing from anyone by exploring the pleasure of your own body. Not that straight men are going to advertise to the world that they stick things up their ass for pleasure, but anyone who calls you gay for exploring the pleasures of your anus and prostate is either really ignorant, a hypocrite, or really sexually repressed and totally missing out. I had no idea what I was getting into when I started my Aneros journey many years ago. It's really much more than just about sexual pleasure, it opens us up in ways I never would have thought. I would not trade that for anything. Keep going with your Aneros practice, you'll find your way past this negative religious training. 🙂

I also was born with "original guilt". 😉

At times I feel guilty, but for entirely different reasons. I think about all the things I should be doing and feel that I am spending too much time being unproductive. Letting these types of thoughts enter one's mind during a session is a guaranteed dud producer.

I overcome this by treating a session the same way one would approach yoga or meditation. Reserving time for relaxation (or a few super-o's) is beneficial to one's physical and mental health, and is time equally as valuable.

One side benefit is that since my sessions don't end in a traditional ejaculatory orgasm, it doesn't interfere with my ability to have conventional sex. As a result, I don't have any guilt that I am depriving my wife of any sexual pleasures since I am still able to perform and enjoy partnered sex.

"Reserving time for relaxation (or a few super-o's) is beneficial to one's physical and mental health, and is time equally as valuable."

My sentiments exactly!

TG

I feel like a more complete man now than I ever have.

I too suffer the guilt. I was also raised Catholic. It troubles me for a few reasons.

1. If I really really start having super O's and loving it, will I find a woman who understands it, and also is a person of faith?

2. I do worry if it is a sin. I know that everyone on Earth is a sinner but it is very taboo according to most people of faith.

3. Am I damaging my body in some way? Lubes, prostate stimulation. I know in some say it's great for the prostate, but I don't know if it's been scientifically proven. Just because some cultures practice it doesn't mean it's proven safe.

My nine-yards:


From the perspective of a hetero guy, baptized Protestant (Presbyterian - 75 years ago that meant a God with a long white beard and rules for everything, most particularly touching one's self.) Aside from mandatory hymns, my teachers avoided the concept of The Trinity until my mid-teens. Suddenly I found myself in the world's second or third largest monotheistic exclusionary religion. Although I'm a battle-hardened ex-military guy I've chosen to not be a part of any crusades or proscribe to those edicts that reach beyond the secular laws that govern my associates and neighbors.
I've since shared sheets with a wonderful Catholic woman and Mother for five decades. I've winced when my mate assumes all manner of guilt for having used 'the pill' to space our children's births or for having married a non-catholic who many times tugs her into actions that might not take place in a perfect Catholic Family. I do not enjoy her tears of regret when she is 'forgiven of' yet reminded of these sins.


The pill or condom let us experience the joy of sex as we desired. And, planned our pregnancies to dovetail with military deployments so as to build a stronger family. I do not look negatively on my 'selfish act' of being with my mate when she was in labor. Rather I respect those decisions and revel in what we've accomplished as God's children.


I do not proscribe to bearing generational guilt for my Father's seeking a Doctor to terminate my Mother's ectopic pregnancy when I was four years old. His action let me keep the same Mom and provided me with a baby sister three years later. I do feel remorse for those who died by my hand during war. I do not bear unending guilt for those deaths but do know that a judgement day might consign me to a nether existence... so be it.


I can appreciate that every time I Super-O my waves of pleasure, on their way through the Universe to join my soul, may be damaging in some, not now known way. Again, judgement day may be heavy handed but I believe that the positive vibes from my new found skills permeate my sphere of influence and help me relate to other humans in loving and constructive ways that I might not express were I not now an "Anerosian."


I am envious of those religions that don't gravitate into the bi-polarity of a God and a Satan. I still live in the goodness of the Trinity but feel that my upbringing failed to honestly impress me with the exclusionary nature of these beliefs until after I had taken my vows.

Paramount-- remember that guilt is the gift that continues to give. When it comes to self guilt, only you can break that cycle. If you find that you are sublimating guilt, that can lead to places none of us would wish upon you. Repetitive confessions may bury you ... seek professional help.

Health-- I prescribe to the Duke University study that a minimum of 22 ejacs per month is essential to significantly lower one's risk of Prostate Cancer. That and a broader Welsh study are presented here:

Orientation-- I'm well convinced that Orientation is carved in Granite before the end of the second Trimester. If God were perfectly interactive and being Gay was a sin, the birth would not have happened. Now, i treasure my Gay bros for their insights and creativity. A far cry from my teen age hateful feelings and my experiences as a Military Trial Counsel when we dealt with "Deviant Orientation" as a lawless practice.

I've come full circle and no regrets. Go without self-guilt my friends. It's only a form of self-mutilation.

"From the moral angle, it strikes me as a very selfish thing, I'm not sharing this pleasure with anyone else and I'm basically using my body as an amusement park, etc.  I feel like a hedonist, etc etc.  Then of course you have the gay angle..  So, it's quite the conundrum."

Bartolo99, I was raised catholic too and struggled with guilt for many years before aneros, even after coming out as gay. Part of the journey for me has been accept pleasure as my birthright and learn to love myself.

As men we're expected to accept pain without complaint and not show emotion. Add to that the catholic teachings to disparage our bodies and all sex outside of marriage that doesn't result in procreation! And then the sanction of hell and a angry God if we deviate from these teachings if only in our mind.

In the past year of anerosing I've gradually learned new things about my body and the pleasure that I'm capable of experiencing. The pleasure is so pure it could never be sinful. My arousal amplifies the pleasure so it is also good. I'm slowly learning what it means to love myself and how important that is in my relations to others.

Only you can resolve your conflicts with church teachings about non-procreation pleasure. Are you a practicing catholic? If not, you're free to question it's teachings. If you still believe it's teachings, there's nothing in the bible about aneros. Keep on riding meanwhile and learning how good God made our male bodies.

Is feeling guilt a problem for you in letting go and feeling more pleasure? You know you're not gay so that's one guilt that's an illusion. Chat here with other men about anal play. It's a great place to express oneself freely. There's many Christians and Catholics here to talk with too.

BTW it took me 32 years to overcome enough guilt to express my sexuality so I don't underestimate the nuns and priests influence!

Bartolo9,
You've committed no violation of secular law with your Aneros practice so there is NO GUILT on that account. I believe you are experiencing an episode of cognitive dissonance as you grapple with resolving the internal issues. Any guilt you are feeling is completely self inflicted for a perceived violation of some deeply ingrained religious or social dogmas. While we can offer our support and good wishes, ultimately the answer lies within you to let go of or change some aspect of your core beliefs.

While ethics and morals are certainly valuable tools for navigating life they are rarely absolute, immutable rules for behavior. I would propose that it is not selfish to enjoy a delicious meal whilst knowing there are people in this world starving to death, nor is it selfish for you to enjoy the sensual wonders of your own body whilst others would deny themselves the same.

The teachings of the Catholic church are based upon the Bible (old and new testaments), there are numerous instances where one can make multiple, often conflicting, interpretations of the meaning of various passages. However, one of the clearest passages for the acceptance of diverse behaviors is Ecclesiastes 3, surely there must also be a time to Aneros.
Good Vibes to You !

thanks for all the responses.

I'm not a practicing catholic, but I still feel a lot of guilt.

I would think sexual and chemical pleasures are the most hedonistic. That's the angle I'm taking here. I used to be a drug addict (for a short time) but I've overcome that. But now the hedonistic desire has found another expression with sexuality. The guilt after a session is pretty bad for me. I'm using my body as an amusement park and accomplishing nothing, gaining pleasure I don't deserve, because I'm certainly not a productive citizen or anything. I think this can lead to contentment and complacency. I'm overusing my reward system and it leads to distraction and low motivation to do anything.

That's how I see it, anyway. I don't see how using aneros or other anal play by yourself can lead to anything good. Not that it will hurt you, either, but all this stuff seems to lead to a "de-motivating" effect, in some ways reminiscent of chemical pleasures. It's not very good for the mind... and it took me a long, long time to realize this. Restraint seems to be much more motivating, much more conducive to discipline.

@Bartolo99, I think you may needs to refocus on self-development and self growth if you can. It may give you a worthwhile purpose and direction of which joy and pleasure are a sort of by-product along the way. So mindfulness and focused peacefulness by using the Aneros as a distraction from roaming thoughts. Using meditation as a growth mechanism. Now there is nothing wrong with pleasure but as you addiction to the need for ever increasing pleasure would be destructive. Broaden the approach. See the use of Aneros as a tool for deeper growth.
This just may not be possible for you, it only a suggestion.

Aneros use isn't something necessary in life. If it isn't pleasurable and is guilt inducing, give it up. It probably isn't for you.

Bartolo99 ok I'll weigh in on this one too. I'm 57 a Christian, have experienced both hetro and gay sex in my life time, struggled as an addict and am currently struggling with a body that doesn't work as well as it used to. I've had cancer and some surgery that left me wanting (unable to complete intercourse with my wife with whom I'm happily monogamous with for 30+ years).

My struggle as a married man who seeks to honor his wife with commitment, has been that I'm attracted to both men and women and I want to honor both God and my wife with my body, mind and spirit... I have struggled with a heavy porn addiction from which I'm clean (more or less) for 7 years, it has been difficult.

So guilt... I have come to the place where I can honestly say my makeup is bisexual, and I choose to live out my days committed to my wife, honoring her with my complete attention. The fact you have good feelings from anal play simply means (to me) that you enjoy feelings from anal play, even when you imagine that the aneros is a penis that is inside you... (there are some good theads here that explore the paradox). It does not mean in my book that your orientation is Gay... at all.

God/Catholic guilt - Boy it is hard... I agree with the folks who have said that it is in you the change must be made. I know the empty feelings of shame and guilt from 'acting out'. My aneros experience has been nothing like the clandestine sexual expression of the past for me. They have been part of an open, honest search for a sexual connection, that ENCOURAGE motivation and action on my part, not lethargy and inaction. So I know from experience, that this is possible.

Maybe there is both truth and lies to what you say about using your body as an amusement park... i see hedonism/addiction as a displacement of legitimate needs being met in entitlement ways and/or a form of escapism... so if you are hiding from yourself, others or things that need to be attended to then yes, I'd say you need to put down your aneros and deal with those things. If you are able to continue to deal with life and enjoy your aneros experience, then do it. I see our bodies as God's masterpieces created in Christ Jesus for good works which He has already prepared for us to do... one of them I believe, is enjoying life and our bodies.

Last thing... is how connected to God are you? not do you attend church, but how connected to God are you? I'll bet the more connected you are, the less guilt you feel... I know, sounds counter intuitive right? but guilt in the wrathful, punishing way we experience it in church teachings may not be the way you experience it from a personal connection with Him. 😉 It certainly has not been mine. Keep on searching, thinking, and struggling with it all. It is a worth it fight.

Are you married or single?

Gilman: I hear what you're saying. I've been able to reduce the frequency of masturbation, although now that I'm 33 and not as lustful/aroused as I used to be, I wonder if that's a part of it too. These days I only masturbate about 2x per week, often as little as once. I don't plan to quit completely, though. I find that anal simply increases the guilt, but it spices things up a bit... so, I'll just try to limit those sessions more.

Brian:

Thanks for response. Married or single.. good question. I'm very single, kinda pathetically so... I don't quite wish to be, if you get my drift, and it's been like this for.. um.. a long time. Without getting into unnecessary detail about my life, let's say I'm shy/introverted, have social anxiety, and have become avoidant. These qualities, unfortunately, are not conducive to women finding you attractive. I'm an average/decent looking guy, but the only thing they see usually is low confidence. Right now I would be up for a casual relationship, but I doubt that will happen. Not that I'm exactly trying to meet anyone, though. I guess the idea is if you don't approach anyone, you don't get rejected. Certainly in line with anxious/avoidant behavior.

I'm afraid I'm not connected with God anymore, at all. I've not dropped my belief/faith completely, though: I guess I've just become apathetic, more than anything else. In any case, you wouldn't say I'm looking to go back and follow the rules again.

thanks

"I'm not a practicing catholic, but I still feel a lot of guilt."

Amazing how powerful the church's conditioning of children is! Strip away all the theology and you're left with guilt.

Bartolo, you're obviously very articulate and thoughtful. Have you ever tried psychotherapy? You would do well with a psychotherapist. I've been doing that for several years and they have helped me much. Your situation is complex and may take a while to untangle IMO. Aneros can teach us many things about our bodies but we have to do the unpleasant heavy lifting. You can do both anerosing and psychotherapy (not at the same time :-D). The aneros seems to bring up a lot of material.

Having been in a similar situation in my life, I again wish you well. It's not as impossible as it seems now.

I have to admit that i have felt some guilt having used this toy. Not really for religious reasons, but more on
what you posted:
Now that's not so bad anymore, although the typical feeling of
loneliness afterwards remains. It needn't be said that simple
jerking-off got boring after a while and then I found anal. (Which in
my opinion is amazing and something only a foolish guy would never
attempt.) But there's a guilt I get with anal that can be crushing at
times. I just feel so awkward after finishing, my thoughts are like "am
I really doing this?" or "I'm going to throw this thing out," and so
on. From the moral angle, it strikes me as a very selfish thing, I'm
not sharing this pleasure with anyone else and I'm basically using my
body as an amusement park, etc. I feel like a hedonist, etc etc. Then
of course you have the gay angle.. So, it's quite the conundrum.
I have felt the same way for a long time. I have not ever questioned my sexuality at all. I am hetero. fine. No prob there. and I have no probs at all with any gay community. SO be it.
I have some concerns with the anal thing and what long term issues may arise. I was told "do not stick anything up there" .
While I am using the aneros it's amazing. I have not had a super O or a HFO .. I would like to have a HFO. One thing at a time.
The thought of pegging has crossed my mind more then once. ... NOT as a sissy, degraded or anything like that at all. Just to try it. period.
No one knows that I have this toy. I have wanted to tell my wife of it but i am not sure of her reaction. I don't think she would ask if i was gay. I just think she would not be in favour of it.
These are some of the things I struggle with.

I think as we get older we either dry up and wither (very common), or begin to understand we must allow ourself to enjoy life by ourself. (Raise self by self). Enjoying life again adds energy, meaning and purpose to life and makes longevity an exciting path. Both of us self-pleasure when we want to, independently, and we enjoy self- pleasure together (that what it really is after all). We have discovered the frightful fact - if you don't use it, you'll lose it.
I think guilt should be generated when one does not enjoy the gift of life. That is the reverse of this thread!
Well, perhaps I am just having a seniors moment 🙂

@isvara
Wisely said and aptly put. Your words need to be heeded.

I agree that @isvara hit the nail on the head. I have found that previously in my life when I had those thoughts of guilt and other negative thoughts it was mostly because I had not worked on my self development. Aneros can lead to good and even great things both mentally and spiritually...however I do feel if I had have taken the aneros journey before I did other very important work on myself...it would have been futile, because other negative thoughts that I've sense learned to dispel would have clouded my vision of the bigger picture.

@Isvara, You seem to be a very knowledgeable and well rounded guy, I have read a lot of your posts and I agree with you in so many of them.

I am 77 and to this day I carry the anger against the Catholic Church. I now know, that what should have been a time of delightful wonderful exploratory pubertal experiences, were turned into a nightmare of fear, guilt and self loathing . I suffered agonies trying to suppress my young sexual desires through fear of Mortal sin, and the thought of eternal hell. Confession was a weekly dread.
What a religion to pervert the natural growth of a child's natural development! As a boy and as an adult, I loved my sexual organs but I also lived in constant feat of the temptation they constantly placed before me.
It is only in the last few years that I have completely changed my perception and attitude to this. Now I an free to revel in my pleasures without that absurd weight of Christian guilt. Get over it man. It's only wrong if you use it to hurt or abuse others.

Thanks guys. I may be articulate, but I'm not a very bright guy, lol, don't let the wordsmithing deceive you.

Tomasheen, given the large age difference between us and the fact that times were different back when you were growing up, I can only imagine the guilt must have been a lot worse for you, perhaps radically so.

My belief or shame led me to abstain from masturbation completely until I was very close to 15 years old and couldn't resist the urge anymore.

I went to a Catholic parochial school and oddly my restraint seemed to be more the exception than the rule, given how I was hearing anecdotes about sexual exploits/wanking for 3 years before I started. I don't think I regret the lost 3 years of wanking I could have had if I hadn't been influenced by Catholic moral code, rather I'm more indifferent. Logically I don't think there was anything I could have gained, lol.

On another note: Now that there's been a lot of mention of it, I wanted to ask about the enlightenment something like the Aneros could provide, lol. If you think about it, it's an ironic, rather humorous statement. But I'm open to hearing about this, since it seems to be a common theme in these parts. From my point of view, the Aneros and other anal toys can be used to enhance sexual activity, I must admit I haven't considered what other benefits it might have.

I think @Isvara said it loud and clear... All I can do is agree entirely.

Bartolo99, I've been surprised at a number of unexpected directions that anerosing has opened up for me. IDK about enlightenment, but I've learned some about the subtle body energies and healing my emotions. These have contributed to my sessions and my life in general. I don't know what directions my sessions will take next. Tantric Buddhism perhaps. This has been a natural part of my sexual awakening. It's all connected. I believe it's what you make of it. It's not all about being a sex pig although that may be what one needs. They say its a journey custom made for each man according to what he needs and is willing to experience, I paraphrase.

"The Joy of Sex" is an aptly named book. Sex can be joyous, ecstatic even. I think it's in my attitude towards it. I think of riding as re-training my body to access this ecstasy. It's a very different experience from ejaculation orgasms followed by the guilty refractory period. Unlike ejaculation it can go on and on. It can be a very spiritual or emotional or erotic experience. Or all three. It seems to depend on what I'm ready for. Guilt was just an obstacle for me to understand and get through. There will be other obstacles. I wish you well whatever path you choose.

I think as we get older we either dry up and wither (very common), or begin to understand we must allow ourself to enjoy life by ourself. (Raise self by self). Enjoying life again adds energy, meaning and purpose to life and makes longevity an exciting path. Both of us self-pleasure when we want to, independently, and we enjoy self- pleasure together (that what it really is after all). We have discovered the frightful fact - if you don't use it, you'll lose it.
I think guilt should be generated when one does not enjoy the gift of life. That is the reverse of this thread!
Well, perhaps I am just having a seniors moment 🙂

Wow...IMHO...You nailed it!

TG

Married Christian guy here with a conservative theological and moral point of view, grew up and still live in the evangelical predominantly Protestant southern region of the U.S. in which background it is considered that masturbation while single awaiting marriage--and even within marriage if agreed upon by both partners--is okay as long as lustful or sinful sexual fantasies are not made a part of it. Thus, enjoying your own body as you discover those joys in puberty or broadening your sexual responsiveness and improving your sexual performance and health as you get older such as with the Aneros is not specifically sinful.

As has been pointed out on this forum, Aneros use neither indicates you are nor makes you gay and many conservative married guys are able to provide improved and continued sexual performance past ages they might otherwise not for their wives through the use of this remarkable little toy. A minister I once heard said it so well in stating that where God says "Thou shalt not..." He is saying stop, this will hurt you, and we have only to look at the consequences of breaking His commandments and desires for our lives to see that. But where He doesn't say "Thou shalt not..." He is saying go ahead and help yourself, I want you to enjoy what I've provided for you.

Denying yourself the joys of what He's provided for us to enjoy from our bodies sexually while remaining within the bounds He's given to not hurt ourselves and others and our relationship to Him does not make us any more acceptable to Him as would denying ourselves a delicious meal or any other good thing He's given us to enjoy.

@slimjm, well said!!

God said : "Thou shalt not be a religious zealol." (Yeah, God likes puns, jokes and self parody... God bless him)
The wise says : "Don't give up a sense of reponsability for the easy "guilt and do nothing"." (Well, the wise isn't that fun, it seems)
I say : be safe, enjoy

What do you say?

P.S. This might make for a fun and thought provoking read : http://www.sss-now.org/forum/Divine_Feminine~62.htm