Ecstacy is Ecstacy.

Okay, so here's what happened two days on after my last tale.

To set the stage: I have been getting over a cold for the last week or so, and wasn't feeling very hot on this night. I'd been sick during the last session as well, proof positive that you needn't be feeling your best to get results.

During the two days since the last event, I'd been feeling a gentle, subtle, but persistent version of the "buzz" I described pretty much constantly (feeling it now, as a matter of fact). As I said before, it feels like a light vibration/electric pulse from my prostate to the tip of my penis, happening about once a second, in regular rhythm. This seems to be my current baseline "turned on" state, a gentle reminder that the energy is still present and waiting further instructions. If I focus on it, or am aroused by some other stimulus, it intensfies (writing about it now is doing just that, actually).

So, having several hours to myself that evening (M., my wife, was at an evening class) I decided to answer the call. I showered, and gave myself a thorough cleaning, both inside. I then inserted my Helix (using a combination of gel lube and shea butter). I moved to the living room, and turned on an erotic video. I smoked a small amount of cannabis.

I repeated my method of doing regular KS breaths, External Prostate Massage, and Miracle Massage as I described before. Many of the feelings I had described earlier (buzzing, involuntaries, leg shakes) arose very quickly, and within 15 minutes I had my first O-wave, one that would prove to be the strongest of the evening, but also seemed to set the tone for the remainder. This time it was more intense, and had a much more defined character.

My heart rate rose rapidly, I had intense external perinieal/scrotal buzzing (a la Artform's BagJazz), a strong perineal erection, tightness and muscle contractions in my stomach, pelvis, hips and thighs. There was a ball of energy, heat, and electricity that started to bloom at the base of my spine, quickly moving up into my torso, chest, and heart center. When it got to that point, I felt a strong wave of euphoria (strong enough that I felt a slight nausea, and vertigo, like butterflies dancing in my stomach.)

This feeling was delightful, and very familiar. In fact, it was EXACTLY the way that I have felt when under the influence of MDMA, especially that first wave of effects just as the medicine is kicking in. Somewhere I recall Pan making the claim that the MMO is like "natural ecstacy" (I think it is in his KSMO interview, on the second set of mp3s). When I heard that, it inspired me to get more serious about my practice, but I must admit that I was deeply skeptical. Kind of like MDMA in a vague way, sure, maybe, but EXACTLY like it, I found hard to believe. But not any more.

What it is is the feeling that one's heart center/chakra is energized and open. You feel open, confident, turned on, expanded. You feel expressive, attractive, in love with life, and yourself, uninhibited. You feel beautiful, and not afraid to shout it from the rooftops. You feel awake, alive, more yourself than ever, and perfectly content with who, how, and where you are.

Of course, I wasn't feeling/thinking all these things consciously at the very moment that first wave hit, but that is what was going on under the surface, as the remainder of the evening's experiences bore out. (I will point out each of the types of responses or effects that I consider MDMA-like.)

At this point, ready to turn inward, I switched off the video and made my way to the bedroom. I had several hours of free time ahead of myself. I was in no hurry to get anywhere, had all the time in the world. I proceeded to give myself a full body massage with oil, slowly, paying careful attention to it entire surface, working out any kinks or areas of soreness and tension. This lasted a languorous 20 minutes or so, and was delightful, as it was accompanied by waves of intense pleasure and orgasmic bliss. (That I spent all this time attending to the needs and pleasures of my whole body, being in no rush to get anywhere else -- is just like how one's feels on MDMA.)

During this, my mind was filled with thoughts, ideas, inspirations. I decided that I would ask M. to join me in a future session, to take photographs and videos, to document the experience, but also because I knew that we both would find such images erotic and beautiful. Doing so would also begin the process of bringing her into my MMO practices, and launch her own training -- I am positive that witnessing the effects firsthand would jumpstart anyone's own ability to achieve them. (That I would feel comfortable asking M. to share these experiences with me, and comfortable having her photograph them, even excited by the idea, and by my own self image -- is just like the confidence, openness, and self-acceptance that MDMA engenders.)

I then traded out the Helix for the Progasm, to see how a larger toy would change things up. I won't go into too much detail about what happened over the course of the next 45m, but it was wonderful, to say the least. I alternated from active, intense movements (both full body, and internal, with the Progasm) accompanied by strong orgasmic waves, to calm, quiet moments where I remained still, in utter comfort and relaxation, in a Sea of Bliss. Each end of the spectrum was a wonder, and I moved back and forth between them playfully, following and finding my bliss.

I had several experiences wherein whatever I was doing, whether rubbing or massaging "hot spots" or areas of soreness and sensitivity, or simply relaxing with my hands resting on my torso, I would feel orgasmic at the point of contact. It was as if whatever I was doing, so long as it was pleasurable, was virtually indistinguishable from a traditional ejaculatory orgasm, minus the ejaculation and quick drop off. In other words, it was as if pleasurable touch at any spot on my body triggered the same sorts of orgasmic feelings that normally only direct stimulation of my penis and frenulum produce. The whole body as erogenous zone. (This too is MDMA like.)

After about 45m, I noticed that my time alone would be coming to an end soon, and decided to end the session early, and use the remainder to take notes. I removed the Progasm, and inserted the smallest Peridise, just to keep things active. I wrote down everything I could remember from the session, and as I recorded them, I could feel each of the sensations I described return. There were times that the sensations were so intense that I could barely concentrate on the words. My hands were shaking, I was having involuntaries, and there were several occasions in which I had to put the laptop down and let the feelings flow. Somehow, I managed to get it all down.

Knowing that M. would be home soon, I scrambled to clean up the bedroom, and make it ready for the seduction I decided to give her on her return, with candles and incense. I greeted her from the top of the stairs naked, except for a zippered cashmere sweater, and invited her up to join me.

I told her that I had a story to tell, but, first things first, it would have to wait until after we made love. She was game, and excited for both. I blindfolded her, undressed her, lay her on the bed, and slowly brought her to an intense orgasm. She came more easily that she often does, and I felt certain that it was because I was able to pass to her much of the bliss I was feeling myself.

I then entered her, and we fucked with abandon for what seemed like an eternity (though it was probably more on the order of 20m). During this, I felt many waves of intense orgasms, without ever feeling anywhere close to ejaculation. Through my MMO practice, I was now finally able to completely decouple orgasm from ejaculation, with no sense of holding back at all. This, to me, has all along been the most desired effect, since I have always felt that making love to M., while delightful, was missing something that I'd wanted, and had only been able to find during my solo practices.

Approaching exhaustion, I pulled out, and with her loving assistance, brought myself slowly to an extremely intense ejaculation, the after effects of which lasted several minutes. We basked together blissfully in quiet conversation, and then roused ourselves to make a late supper, and for me to tell my tale.

I then proceeded to tell her more or less what I have written here. When I compared many of the effects to MDMA, she remarked that when she first got home, my demeanor had made her think that I was on MDMA (though neither of us have used it for years now). I was open, loving, blissed-out, chatty, etc., all things we both associate with the effects of MDMA.

That's enough for now, this is long-winded enough for one post. I hope my story will encourage others who are just beginning with MMO to to continue their practice. I have been there, even quite recently, and I can tell you it is worth the effort to keep at it, despite a seeming lack of progress or frustration.

Blissfully,
K