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05/26/2009 3:35 am
Ok, this is kind of hard for me to write about. I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about this, or find any information relevant to someone my age. I hope the concept of drug play doesn't scare any of you, but know that I also have tried to research this on Bluelight.ru (A very powerful and popular drug harm reduction forum) and I got nothing.
A few months ago, I was doing my seasonal experimentation with MDMA (Ecstacy). I'm married and usually only do this with my spouse as a way of enhancing our bond together. Serotonin is released freely when MDMA is used, and the effects are not really the drug pushing as much as the overload of powerful emotional responses during the sessions. I've admitted things I wouldn't tell people on my death bed under it's spell. The wires that hold people down, the masks we wear, it all just melts.
A side effect of this pleasure is the ability to "let go" sexually. I can become as free, sexual as I want during it's effects. Some might even call it feminine. Girls really do get to "let go" in ways men feel they never could, due to being performance focused rather than pleasure focused. Luckily I have a girl who isn't afraid in teasing and playing with me in such ways even at my most vulnerable.
A negative side effect to this (some might say positive), is that orgasm is very difficult to achieve. Erections sometimes impossible to have. Usually to have an erection, all sorts of visual stimuli need to be occuring. Your mind wanders, and in essence ecstasy is not a "sexual" drug as much as it is a love drug. I would sometimes rather cuddle for hours than have sex... this can be a problem when you WANT to have sex! (LoL) So a lot of stimulation is needed.
My wife, up to the task decided to help "milk" my prostate, since I couldn't easily get an erection. She was patient enough to do this for quite some time. Nearly 30m, before I got an erection. Simultaneous stimulation was had for what seemed like nearly an hour and a half, maybe two. I swear to you, it was the most amazing thing ever. I felt terrible and selfish at times (lots of emotional overload can happen during this kind of experience that may not be rational.) but she kept telling me to relax.
At some point I was really, ready to basically call it quits. It felt like I was on the edge of a perpetual orgasm that would never, EVER come. It was pleasurous, but it was torture at the same time. I was sad that it had to end, but I couldn't take it. My cock was rock hard, throbbimg with need, and every twitch on my prostate was like electric shocks to my mind, but I couldn't go over the edge. It was heartbreaking.
Well until it happened.
The orgasm was so painfully strong, that I started crying. It didn't feel "good" as much as "necessary". My body just gave up and it felt like something inside my below my abdomen and near my bladder was squeezing me from within. Clear liquid gushed out of my penis and I couldn't control it. Couldn't stop it at all. It kept going for nearly 30 seconds. I panicked at first you know, tried to catch it with a towel we always have by the bed but after like 10 seconds I couldn't even focus on it, it just went wild.
I first thought I pissed myself, but it didn't smell like urine. According to the wife, had no taste. Was not semen in any fashion or form. It wasn't even sticky. It was like I came water. Water!
It brought me back to old powerful memories, and it took me awhile to make the connection. After going online trying to find out what was wrong, all I could get was people talking about orgasms during puberty or in children. Nothing of a grown man having this occur to him. Then I remembered clearly...
My first orgasm was exactly that way. I was way too young and confused (partially ashamed) at the occurrence to remember it. I thought I pissed myself when I was a kid. I told nobody. The feeling was just as painfully pleasurous, but not like a normal orgasm as I know it now so I didn't even recall it being the same.
I managed to repeat it somehow during this session.
I've never been able to do it again. 🙁
Did something break inside me? Has anyone ever had this occur to them? Even simulating similar events, I could never have this happen again. Asking my wife to do what she did that night is pushig it. She did a once in a lifetime performance and I would never make her do that unless she initiated it. Yet I find myself thinking about it, night after night. To never be able to have that happen again would be a tragedy.
I know this doesn't have much to do with the Aneros, but you guys are so OPEN about your sexuality and your experience. Talking about powerful orgasms that most men have never heard of. If anyone has heard of such a thing, it could be here.
I know the clear liquid is based on the seminal vessels, and is the liquid semen is mixed with to create the typical ejaculate, but to cum just that liquid, and for it to be so plentiful (Imaging 30 seconds of straight gushing)... how could that happen? How could it happen again... and would I want to do that again?
I'd love to be able to do that without the use of MDMA (since I only do it once or twice a year.) but I don't know how else I could delay orgasm so profoundly. (It's very similar to the effects of SSRI's and it's orgasm blocking properties.)
05/26/2009 6:44 am
Hi Inverse,
wow, this is some powerful stuff.
I totally understand what it's like to be overwhelmed by an experience like that, especially on E. I really feel for ya man. I've been there a few times myself.
The first thing I would tell you is you can experience the same kinds of physical and emotional highs as Ecstasy without the drug.
There was a time when I thought that was impossible. Now I do it almost every day, at will.
My wife and I also used to do Ecstasy together. We've been clean for years, but the sex we have now far surpasses any of our experiences on E.
It may take a little time and practice, but I assure you, it can be done. I learned that for myself nearly 10 years ago and haven't missed drugs for even a minute since then.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to give you a "just say no" speech or anything. It's just that I know what it's like to have an experience on E, and desperately want to get back "there." It lead me to associate those peak experiences with the drug, which got me all fixated on E rather than the source of the experiences.
The trick is to realize that the true source of those experiences is actually inside you and not the pill. Your brain provides you with the high, not the drug. With a little practice, you can learn to consciously produce those feelings (and even better ones). Once you actually experience that for yourself, it's like having 24/7 access to a non-stop high with no crash and no side-effects. And with that ability, you'll no longer feel a need to get back "there," because you'll be too busy enjoying how good "here and now" feels.
Regarding the unique fluid release, that's new to me. But as long you're not feeling any lingering discomfort, I would assume you're physically fine. As you said, you did experience it once before, and you weren't on drugs at the time. Perhaps your subconscious re-created that experience for you because some part of you simply needed to feel it/re-experience it?
The important thing to understand is that that feeling of intense, delayed orgasm you described (and yes, I felt that while having sex on E as well), is actually common among experienced practitioners here, except that we also get to enjoy full non-ejaculatory orgasmic release over and over again throughout the process (we call it the Super-O).
There's another technique called KSMO (multiples.com) that teaches you how to enjoy the same kind of multi-orgasmic ecstasy simply by learning how to relax into pleasure and increase your arousal to levels that far exceed anything I ever felt on MDMA, and all while completely bypassing the urge to ejaculate. It took me 3 weeks practicing KSMO before I had my first multiple orgasm. Six months later, I had no more use for MDMA. It just couldn't compare with my KSMO sessions.
So if intense, prolonged orgasmic pleasure without the need for ejaculation is what you're looking for, brother you came to the right place! As for the fluid part, well...maybe someone else can chime in.
Until then, just know you're in good company here. And trust me when I say, you can have your cake and eat it too. 😉
Pan
P.S. It's great that you're using Bluelight. I also got info from them back in the day. It's an amazing resource that saves lives. I'm glad to hear they're still out around.
05/26/2009 10:24 am
The trick is to realize that the true source of those experiences is actually inside you and not the pill. Your brain provides you with the high, not the drug. With a little practice, you can learn to consciously produce those feelings (and even better ones). Once you actually experience that for yourself, it's like having 24/7 access to a non-stop high with no crash and no side-effects. And with that ability, you'll no longer feel a need to get back "there," because you'll be too busy enjoying how good "here and now" feels.
You got to hate those crashes!!!!
But I too understand the feelings that you are describing. Buy yourself an Anaros and take Pan's advice.
Peace
D
Topic starter
05/26/2009 1:54 pm
Thank you so much Pan. Breath of fresh air hearing that from someone like yourself. I do my best not to associate the pleasure with the high, since we both know we can't do it forever. The intricacies of getting the stuff on top of the hard crash afterwords is a real downer. My wife got some real bad anxiety streaks last year for a week after doing a dose and it really, really sucks.
Thanks to 5-HTP that doesn't happen anymore (An over the counter nutrient that assists in the recovery and health of the glands that secrete serotonin. I still take it weekly even without ecstasy. Keeps the mood in check. Can get it at GNC. 🙂 )
It's nice to know that I can still enjoy that kind of powerful emotion with the wife. I'm only in my early 20's. We've been married for 4 years now. I look at the future, 20, 30 years from now and wonder if we'll still be able to have the kind of sex a loving couple should have. I wonder if I'll end up having to chase a unicorn forever, and that it will only disappoint us if we can't get there. It's good to hear that with effort that may not be the case. I'll take your words to heart.
The orgasm was something extraordinary. To replicate my first orgasm is something out of this world. I assume the conditions is to get yourself into a place where orgasm is difficult, and to keep pleasuring yourself through it. Your body at some point is forced to react. (Though I have to admit, I also "denied" myself orgasm through the experience. Kind of like a build up, stop, build up thing. I was greedy and it almost cost me... but it paid off.)
The conditions may not ever be fully realized. I just can't believe what I went through is that rare. This kind of research in kids is nonexistent due to ethical and morality codes. So we don't even know how typical such a thing is even then. To have it in my 20's, such a powerful and emotional climax, I could barely swallow. I couldn't breathe. The liquid sensation was like being born again or something. Maybe I should just forget it.
Only thing I could think of that can cause such a powerfully repelling denial of orgasm is SSRI's like Paxil or Prozac. Those pills inhibit it as strongly as Ecstasy does. I can get into a similar situation, but the problem with that is using SSRI's can cause stuff like MDMA to stop working on you permanently. I don't ever want to risk that. I used to be on SSRI's and got off them due to the side effects, I don't want to risk "losing the E magic" if you know what I mean. That would be a tragedy. Even if I quit now, you never know if you would want the chance to share that at an older age again.
Well, if anyone ever hears about such a phenomenon, please let me know. It feels weird, almost lonely to think it's that rare lol... I got myself an Aneros Helix. I wanted the small one (SGX), but the kinky side in me wanted something nice and larger...(I couldn't help myself!).
I probably should have gotten the Progasm. 🙂
I'll let you all know how it works out when I get it. Thanks everyone for the advice. Didn't think a forum based on a sex toy would have such open minded, mature and intellectual membership. Thank you.
05/26/2009 2:20 pm
Hello Inverse, 🙂
Although, I had no practical experience to offer any advice to you with your questions. I do want to say...
Welcome to the Aneros forum.
There are some really wonderful, knowledgeable, kind, and helpful people with a wide range of experiences that participate here. You've certainly come to the right place to discuss these sort of things.
Your post reminded me of a link that another user here posted some time ago that involved the use of X that I found very interesting to read. As the end result in thought process was the same. It was a great key to open the door initially, but you can train yourself to reach those states you want without it.
http://www.hawkridgeproductions.com/media/xfiles.html
I look forward to reading more of your posts here. And you've made a good start with purchasing the Helix. It's a wonderful journey of discovery in the sensations and experiences of your mind and body that using the Aneros puts you through.
Love_is
09/01/2009 2:17 am
is there really no other way for men to relax and let go as much as women can?
can't sex be pleasure based for men too? isn't sex performances based if a woman is on top?
can ksmo allow a man to relax as much as a woman?
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