Can anal.. replace a partner?

There's a yin/yang to everything. Don't think there are only positives to being in a relationship, don't think there are only negative sides to being alone.
The analogy I like to use is evolution, the first hominids were actually monkeys that couldn't climb in trees coz there was some gene that had mutated making them weaker than their monkey counterparts, but this handicap must have made them evolve to be smarter.
There's always an advantage to a disadvantage, you just have to be aware of it and focus on that instead of the negative.
So I think you already know the answer to your question and it will probably be 'confirmed' by all those that have a partner

its not a replacement....just a different kind of expression

It's completely two different things... having a partner includes communication and intimacy; while playing anal solo focuses on particular sensual feeling.

Don't think you can/should compare both, it's like you are coming an apple with a dog.

I wholeheartedly agree with @nerve and @Levis.

Also, @Bartolo99, you might be wrong on things you don't even suspect.

@Bartolo99, I sympathize with your situation. I'm introverted and also had low self-esteem. In the 2 years I've been riding, I've somehow developed confidence, sexually, socially and other ways. There's been other factors in the mix including psychotherapy and me making hard decisions to change my life. So it's not just aneros as a replacement for a partner for me although that's how it started.

I agree with the guys' comments above. There are advantages to being introverted like being a good listener and being comfortable with oneself when alone. Women tend to like men who are good listeners. As you know the downside is when one defines oneself as just an introvert, closes oneself off and limits one's imagination to that part of ourself. That's what I was doing.

The other parts to me, like being sociable and sensual, were buried deep inside me after being hurt in the distant past and reinforced repeatedly. Anerosing opened me up to new possibilities within for pleasure, emotions, energies and my soul. I began exploring and still am. It really is a journey. The hurts are still part of me but somehow less intrusive after much processing.

As for your question, yes, aneros prostate massage pleasure replaced my partner for a long while in a sexless marriage. It is good in and of itself. Enjoy it unreservedly. As @Canacan says "you might be wrong on things you don't even suspect." Don't hobble your imagination or spirit with rigid self-definitions. I'm still introverted but I'm beginning to accept myself unconditionally. At least that's my goal now.

I'm reading now Soulmates, Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationships by Thomas Moore. It's been very helpful to me.

Not sure there is a replacement for personal relationships. I would recommend finding a hobby that just so happens to attract women. One that comes to mind is road biking. Local bike shops hold rides most nights of the week and on the weekends. Do not go lookiing for women, go to exercise and have a good time. may not happen immediately, but many I know have found the loves of their lives doing this....

good luck!

While I will say YES the aneros can be a replacement for sex and making love it will not stop the loneliness of no partner. But as you said you dont ant help with that.I was 25 before i met my partner, i had never had sex or a girlfriend. The loneliness was killing me inside as depression had move in and girls like confidence men so thing just kept getting worse.
As above dont go looking for a partner just go uni sex events and join in as best you can and you never know what might happen.
As for aneros sessions My aneros devices sometimes fuck me hard and sometimes make love to me so gently. Its like they have a mind of thier own but in reality they are like a mirror your brain/body is driving the device so in affect you are fucking or making love to yourself.

Its been 4 years since I have had sex with my wife due to her condition and i have used aneros to help keep me sane and faithful, but it was getting harder and harder as the thoughts were getting stronger and stronger to stray. Thankfully she put out finally! Hope to hell its not another 4 years until it happens again. 🙁

Has anyone else found anal activity, including Aneros, to effectively replace a partner? I hope so, because I'll have to settle for it, myself.
Not entirely. It doesn't compensate for loneliness, lack of connection or intimacy. But sexually I think it does fill a very big hole. /:)
But in all seriousness, being able to satisfy that part of myself so deeply, makes me less "in need". And as a result I'm not taking that tension into my interactions with women. If you're walking around wearing this chastity belt of sexual frustration, that only a woman can unlock, then socialising with them is going to have some high stakes for you, and I don't think you can be at your best under that kind of pressure.

Pretty much what you're asking here is - can a really good orgasm replace a partner. And I think you should break that down and think about it. If all a partner means to you is sexual release, then you might need to look at things differently. People have more to offer than that, and maybe if the sexual release part was taken out of the equation, you'd have an outlook that was easier to work with when it comes to your socialising.

But purely in terms of sexual satisfaction, I don't feel like I'm missing out or that there's something I'm not getting. I can feel sexually spent to my core. Lying there afterwards, drained, staring into space, drooling into the pillow and not having the energy to turn around to the aneros and say "You were amazing". :))
Not that I want to make a sales pitch for aneros; it did take a long time to get sessions like that.

But regardless of whether it's a complete replacement for a partner or not, I think it is outlook-changing and very empowering to become an expert at getting yourself off. And very much worth the time it takes to develop these skills.

No, not a replacement for sure. But if you look around, i bet you will find a girl that shares the same likes and dislikes as you do. You may even be surprised how quickly too.

All good points, folks.. sorry I took a while to get back here.

I don't have the energy to reply to all of you. I'll just try and address a few important points.

I guess one of you had a good point... this idea that I might be looking at the idea of a partner as just fulfilling sexual desire, and little more. It's not quite that black and white, but it may not be far off, unfortunately. The reason? It is so painfully hard for me to socialize and act in the ways expected of a typical person, that I can only conclude that romantic relationships--especially LTR--is something I'm incapable of. Long story short, I'm just not wired to reciprocate and fulfill social/emotional obligations. It is not me, it's never been me. I believe it is a limitation, rather than "just wanting to avoid responsibility." Where I do well, and excel, is when I'm in no-pressure/low-pressure situations. So I do think casual partnership--at least the idea of it--is where I need to place my bets.

I suppose one could call this selfish, or that I am just "objectifying" women, with such an outlook. I would caution you to reconsider that the wants arise from limitations.. and also that I used to believe I "needed" a romantic relationship or whatever, but after understanding just how far my social limitations go, it dawned on me: that's just ridiculous. Of course, all the while, I still have sexual desire like everyone else. I just can't do the emotional/reciprocal aspects, that's a place of serious pain and roadblocks that I need to avoid... unless there's a woman out there who does not expect anything from me except being my complete self, no compromises given. Don't think they exist, LOL.

grazie

Possibly I had a hard time separating sex and love either due to my age at the time, my lack of experience or physiological reasons(oxytocin). My guess is it was my lack of experience in dealing with the psychological and physiological reactions to having sex.
So even IF 'you get lucky', especially because you are inexperienced, don't think it's so easy to not get emotionally involved...and certainly at this point in your life, lack of experience has made you what you are, has that all been for nothing?
And as you yourself noted, decreased sexuality comes with age. I used to get negatively about this. Imagine how amazing sex would have been in my teens or twenties. Now I think imagine how amazing it would have been if I'd discovered the Aneros in my teens and somehow I feel less bad about that coz even in my thirties it's amazing. And at the moment due to rewiring etc penile stimulation I actually enjoy more than anal coz it's the best of both worlds, so in that sense I wouldn't have really missed not having had any sexual experiences in my teens and twenties.
Unless of course you hate who you've become, but unless everything was a complete waste of time I don't really see any use anymore. And as I said at the beginning there are advantages to being alone.
So if you just want sex, try and at least learn from my mistakes

I think no one here is judging you, @Bartolo99. I think though that you are your sternest critic. Being introverts, we're very good at examining ourselves. We're our chief critics. We also know our faults perhaps better than extroverts in general.

"Limitations" is a good word, not exactly blaming yourself but taking a hard objective look at ourselves. That's an asset IMO that we introverts have. We're also better than extroverts at one-on-one encounters but not in bigger groups where extroverts excel. That's a limitation but also a recognized asset for us.

For instance, I used to be totally unable to be myself within a small group. However, I'm getting better at talking in front of small groups with lots of practice and introspection about what goes on inside me in this situation. That's where my introspection abilities paid off but it took me years. It's harder for extroverts to examine themselves objectively IMO and something they have to develop.

For me the disadvantage of being introspective is that I forget to give myself credit sometimes and therefore miss some opportunities. Best wishes @Bartolo99.

I was very introverted when I was in public school. Barely had any friends and never had a girlfriend. The only way I was even able to have a sexual encounter at 17, was that I was 'taken' by an older woman. What helped bring me out of my shell in part, was joining the Army. I'm still introverted, but if I didn't go into the army, I probably would have never been able to ask my wife to marry me. As it was I still had difficulties, but I made it. There is hope for you, just hang in there and let life happen.

James.

@Ehm

I think a better perspective can beat all of this rumination of "what I could have had." You have to realize what leads to this pointless thinking. Western materialism is a huge part of it. The severe prevalence of narcissism and entitlement in the 1st World, leading idiotic sheep to make some kind of judgment about when one loses virginity. In the meantime, what about the REAL world.. you know, the one MOST people live in?

Here we are in the 1st World with almost everything we need, and yet because I haven't done this "one" thing by some specific time, it's a major problem. No... perspective fixes that. So, I don't care about what I could have had anymore. And yes it DOES contribute to who I am, it's not better or worse, just different. So be it. Regret beyond a certain point is a laughably bad thing to carry around, and trust me I know.

Yes I have also heard of this "inexperience makes it easy to become emotionally involved" but forgive me if it sounds conceited, I've already anticipated this. I've already done a lot of my own emotional bootcamp just being alone and angry that I'm not getting romance/sex/whatever, for years and years on end. So the approach is to attempt to destroy the negative emotion, or avoid it by using logic. It has begun to work for me now. But I don't mean I'll be immune to emotional involvement when sex happens, just that I'm well aware of it and have some strategies that kinda work for that type of thing, already.

But of course, the hard part is finding a gal to have sex with. Getting the confidence and/or rejection-immunity that that entails. That's the hard part. Ehm, I think you could help me with this?

grazie

You're really asking the wrong person, shouldn't you be asking the one who's had the most sex with different women?Besides, for me the sex was the least of the whole experience, personally I liked the french kissing best and how that somehow revealed a part of my character that before that had been hidden even from myself by making it possible to be completely at ease with another person.
For me this emotional involvement is actually the best part coz not only is the Aneros much better than sex so is fucking a new fleshlight or even jerking off.
I don't really understand sex without emotional involvement, especially if you've already got rejection fears.

Well since I have not had sex, I can only guess what I'm really looking for. Right now the idea of keeping it casual and without emotional involvement is appealing, because I'm one who has serious problems processing emotions. As said before I have had to learn to "shut down" the emotional system at times, because mine is just out-of-whack as it is... why am I like this? If you're one to accept validity of modern psychology, it may be because I have a developmental disorder (ADD with some traits resembling Asperger). I've learned I can't do the "emotion" thing, so what choice do I have but to shut it down or process emotions through a logical, goal-based directive? I'm 33 and so far, man, that's the ONLY thing that works for me when I start getting emotional about anything.

Anyway, Ehm, it seems you've had to deal with a lot of the same issues I've had to deal with, introversion, shyness, and/or anxiety. Perhaps you could tell me how you were able to break the virginity curse? Were you simply lucky, or did you have to do a lot of self-improvement to get there?

I know it seems like a big deal because you've never had sex, but the deal is really just a social one feeling excluded from something that the lowest animal or insect is entitled to. This to me was the curse, then when I finally did 'get some' it was already too late, the damage to my development was already done at least socially.
Now however I'm at a point that I think it was a minor miracle that someone like me was excluded, a university student, musical, athletic etc. The conditions/circumstances were somehow just right for this to happen akin to how life started on this planet on for all we know the only place in the universe.
What I used to think of as a curse I now see a blessing. I now understand what makes two completely different beings go thru with, to what me on the outside, looks like a shitty life to lead.
It's almost like wondering why the male of the black widow, who must value his life, still goes ahead. Nature has its ways to make things happen as they do.
Of course I have sisters as well which helps to get some more perspective on things. And still, even in my thirties I was almost caught in the web and led down the path of mundane mediocrity.
I know you think you can just have sex and possibly you can if you restrict it to say twice with the same person, but this is a hard thing to do because you'll relish the novelty of it. And perhaps you won't be as lucky as I was and the woman will stay with you...

Anyway, all I did was online dating, often accompanied by alcohol and I'm sure if you stick at it and don't aim to high, you'll get 'lucky'. But really you are in fact already lucky, the main thing as I said in the beginning is to focus on the positives to being alone and use that rational logical side of yours to objectively analyse the consequences of being in a relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it

It's completely two different things... having a partner includes communication and intimacy; while playing anal solo focuses on particular sensual feeling.

Don't think you can/should compare both, it's like you are coming an apple with a dog.

This. Though you do have to work with the Aneros, they are exclusive to one other imo

Anyway, all I did was online dating, often accompanied by alcohol and I'm sure if you stick at it and don't aim to high, you'll get 'lucky'. But really you are in fact already lucky, the main thing as I said in the beginning is to focus on the positives to being alone and use that rational logical side of yours to objectively analyse the consequences of being in a relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it

Good point, the idea is to stick with it. Online dating was a path I tried in 2013 for almost a month, but just a week into it, I knew it was seriously messing with my head. The possible rejection based on my looks (the site I used, you only get responses if you have a profile picture) along with a lot of non-response, defeated my spirits and made me an angry and unstable person even when I wasn't using the site. I was seriously angry about not just what I thought was indifference toward me, but these incredibly narcissistic profiles some of the women had on there, like FIFTEEN pages worth of crap about their 3 college degrees, their yoga retreats, the books they like, even specific foods (?) they enjoy. WTF, seriously. Are they just *that* drunk on pride?

But the narcissism there wasn't as bad as the non-response and/or perceived rejection. It's this part I need to get over. Just last night I was talking to a girl on Omegle, and I managed to get her Kik name (Kik is a basic texting app for smartphones.) And this was a nice, sweet girl, too. Eventually she asks politely for a picture. I send her two of my favorite pics of myself. Her literal response: "You look thin.. like me.. 🙂 " All of a sudden I felt like I was jabbed. Just an instant PANG of emotional pain.. and my evening is ruined for 2 whole hours, thinking about it. And yet when you look at this objectively, it's no big deal right? She didn't say anything mean. In fact I can't even tell if her response was a good or bad one.

See, that's what I have to deal with. Emotional responses WAY out of proportion to what they should be. Until I can figure out how to prevent that entirely, I would say dating/hookup sites are not safe for my mental health. I'm really screwed up or "delayed", emotionally. No other way to say it! I just have to find a strategy to work around it, or de-sensitize myself. If anyone has good strategies for this, I'm all ears.

thanks

From the sounds of it, imo, dating in general isn't advised if you're that fraught with emotional turmoil. Having a date is the result of self-confidence, not the provider of it. Though it does suck in the similar manner to job hunting, dating is something you need to have a bit of fun with. If you approach it feeling eager and desperate, the odds will be stacked against you.

And yes, online dating generally doesn't work unless you're alpha enough. It doesn't help that male and female registered is at a ratio of roughly 4:1.

I personally believe you can separate the idea of a relationship from the derivation of sexual pleasure. In fact, enjoying the orgasms of an aneros session solo enables you to enjoy your bodily pleasures without all the pressure accompanied by becoming involved with a partner, etc.

Learn to make friends and even date without sex as a goal. If it does happen, great, but if not, so what, you still have the aneros. And quite frankly, the orgasms it provides are miles ahead of many sexual encounters I have had.

I don't see it as a one or the other proposition.

From the sounds of it, imo, dating in general isn't advised if you're that fraught with emotional turmoil. Having a date is the result of self-confidence, not the provider of it. Though it does suck in the similar manner to job hunting, dating is something you need to have a bit of fun with. If you approach it feeling eager and desperate, the odds will be stacked against you.

And yes, online dating generally doesn't work unless you're alpha enough. It doesn't help that male and female registered is at a ratio of roughly 4:1.

Ah yes, just the optimism I needed. Next time you find it appropriate to destroy one's motivation, please save the negativity for yourself.

Here we are.. lots of positivity.. lots of suggestions.. and then this..?

I'm just so bloody annoyed right now.

Warning for future posters in this thread:

If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.

I have serious problems with emotional processing so dating is not for me anyway. The idea for me is intimacy in bite-sized doses. I've even known NON-alphas who get action without strings. So don't bring that BS here, any guy can get action so long as he persists and eventually develops rejection-immunity. My goal is simple and achievable, so long as I don't give up like I used to.

From the sounds of it, imo, dating in general isn't advised if you're that fraught with emotional turmoil. Having a date is the result of self-confidence, not the provider of it. Though it does suck in the similar manner to job hunting, dating is something you need to have a bit of fun with. If you approach it feeling eager and desperate, the odds will be stacked against you.

And yes, online dating generally doesn't work unless you're alpha enough. It doesn't help that male and female registered is at a ratio of roughly 4:1.

Ah yes, just the optimism I needed. Next time you find it appropriate to destroy one's motivation, please save the negativity for yourself.

Here we are.. lots of positivity.. lots of suggestions.. and then this..?

You're right, and I'm sorry. I came off as harsh and negative.My point for dating specifically is that motivation has to come from yourself, because the motivation of other's may not always be accurate or true. It's that problem of what someone wants to hear versus what they should hear.


But either way my opinions are just that: opinions. You do not have to accept them as reliable or true, as well.

Fair enough, then.. Sorry if I overreacted, too.

Fair enough, then.. Sorry if I overreacted, too.

Try not to be rude, please.

Even your title could be considered rude to anybody who's ever been a partner.

Peace and enjoy!...

Fair enough, then.. Sorry if I overreacted, too.

Try not to be rude, please.

Even your title could be considered rude to anybody who's ever been a partner.

Peace and enjoy!…

To be fair, I came along and made his negative outlook worse off, when what he was after was relatable perspectives and a bit of uplifting. Just felt it was worth getting across that rejection is to be expected to some degree, and rejections makes us all feel stupid. It's better to gain some self-confidence and peace in mind so that stomaching it all becomes easier.

Removed

@Bartolo99, how are your aneros sessions? Are they satisfying? Pleasurable? If so, that answers part of your original question. However, it's hard if not impossible to compare the pleasure of of aneros orgasms with the pleasure of sexual intercourse so there will always be that question no matter how blissful your session.

I can empathize with you because I didn't have sex with a partner until I was in my 30s. In my case it was shyness, sexual hangups and misconceptions. I also had a hard time expressing and understanding my emotions. At one point I thought I was "going crazy" because I was so disconnected from my emotions. It's not healthy. I tried to understand what I was experiencing the best I could but without a connection to my emotional life, it was hard to make sense of anything. It took me years to get acquainted with my soul and become comfortable with intimacy. I'm sure there are causes for these challenges in both our cases and you have learned some ways to accommodate yours.

If you are able to appreciate the subtle pleasurable sensations that come up from prostate massaging, be open to anything else that may come up. Perhaps an emotion about that pleasure, perhaps a fantasy. Accept anything that your body gives you. Our emotions are really helpful in understanding what we need to grow and to ground ourselves. They seem to be better at this than reason. You've learned to manage your "negative emotions" like anger and fear with reason. That's a fine survival mechanism for now. But don't discount your emotion as a guide.

My point in telling you this is: you are NOT the only one and it DOES get better. For me it took many years. I hope you deal with your challenge more quickly. I've learned that it's called a journey because it goes from where we are to somewhere we're not, so we don't often know where we're going or how to get there. We can only do the best we can do. The same with aneros exploration and intimacy exploration.