Biggest obstacle: Envy for the oh-so-special female orgasm = huge pressure

Hey,

There was a guy on this forum a few years ago, I don't remember his name, who had a similar issue. He had an OCD problem where he was jealous of females and their orgasms.

I think it is good you are seeing a psychologist, and encourage you to discuss this topic.

If you read the forum you know that you cannot force or rush the process. It happens at its own pace, and differently for each person.

Similarly, you might be interested to know that sex for women is nowhere like a perfect world of easy sex and orgasms. On the contrary, many women have trouble finding fulfillment because for them sex is an expression of intimacy, not a mere bodily act. And many are jealous of guys who can mostly produce an orgasm at will, often in just a few minutes.

Try to let these feelings go, and just enjoy what you *do* experience with the aneros.

Darwin

hakuna1,

I agree with 'darwin's advice, I believe 'darwin' was referring to member 'MyTurn' who expressed similar feelings. However, I think you might find the thread by member 'Anonicos' titled Some serious questions helpful and enlightening as he too was a young man struggling with similar illusions.

Good Vibes to You !

Thank you very much for your fast and encouraging responses!

This really lifts me up and I appreciate this.
I will go on reading your suggested thread when I come home (writing from Germany, so I´m working right now).
So you really think, it´s an illusion to think that there´s a difference between the feelings we have concerning the two genders? I hope, the time will come I will feel the same ... 🙂

Sounds like you have a case of 'The Grass is Greener on the other side.'

I'm going to agree with Darwin here on females perspective on orgasm jealousy. My wives first orgasm was at age 27. I on the other hand was having penile orgasms at the age of 13-14. Just talking with her many women don't have them until later in life. I guess it takes time to learn your whole body, and where your sensetive/erotic zones are as opposed to knowing exactly where to go and how fast can you stroke your self.

I'm not sure where I am in my re-wiring process, but I hope I am NOT at the super-o stage and don't achieve if for some time. I am enjoying the whole process, and I almost feel like when I do get to the end, that's exactly what it's going to be.

Enjoy the ride, at 16 you have a huge head start on most of the people here.

@Quiett42 You have a great attitude and strong advice to "enjoy the whole process. But, don't worry....I don't believe there is an end or a limit to how amazing we are capable of feeling. I have thought for over a year now that each incredible experience could not possibly get any better! After many years of "enjoying the process", I spent a year in disbelief that I was able to reach higher levels of ecstasy and bliss on a daily basis. I am just trying to share the exciting news. There is no end!! 🙂

my wife gets off like crazy, even from nipple stim alone, she's cumming. She has also had orgasm experiences where she says she "is a part of the cosmos, like part of the big bang" kind of Os. I can now have very intense multiple orgasms and something happened last Thursday that was transcendental, and it was so, I can't explain it, "it" that I questioned to myself "is this what enlightenment is like??" When I explained it to my wife, she hugged me and said that's like what I get sometimes!!!

hakuna1, you have my attention!!! I am also jealous of women and their orgasms, and my wife being able to have mind numbing Os doesn't help me one bit 🙂 Aneros does get me close, and there's nothing like it. I'm with you, that there is something about an aneros super O that makes you want to have one, so you can move on from it. But once I gave in and pretended like it couldn't happen anymore, and just to experience pleasure, it happened. (I cheated, my wife helped me.) But, as soon as it happened, now I'm cumming a lot from anal stim and prostate pleasures! I tried to "walk through that door to close it" for 10 years and the second I stopped caring and gave in to the pleasurable sensations, I came. In fact, there is no door, its not even a "step" towards anything. If you clear your mind and work to please yourself, you can connect with yourself, which is what the aneros, to me, really helps you do.

Yes, the grass really seems to be greener on the other side, but I figure that I might even envy women if i was one - because i still might think that others are having better orgasms than me...

I just read that measuring the theta-waves of women while cumming told the scientists that they were longer and more intense than the ones of men... I think im just afraid of missing something in life and i don´t want to be excluded from pleasure...

techpump, thank you for your sympathy, it really lifts me up. I read this kind of advice all over this community - let go and don´t try to force it... maybe i will be able to do this one day, i really hope so ( or should i say i don´t care? 😉 )
Let me say, I´m glad for all of you, who are able to connect to themselves by letting go, enjoy your rides and maybe think of my story sometimes, you can be thankful 🙂

just one last question: Do you think, that - also because women can endure more pain than men = have more capacitiy to feel - women are able to have a more pleasurable orgasm, even compared to a male super-o?
In the first place, I don´t think so, cause if they laugh, why should they enjoy it more than me? Or if the´re happy, do they feel more pleasure? Only the possibility for them to survive more pain makes me think of the possibility for them to maybe beeing able to feel a deeper orgasm as well...

If someone could take this last "fear" of missing something from me, I maybe can let go.
Thank you anyway, it definetly feels better now! 🙂

@hakuna1, maybe the thing you are missing is fully embracing being a man. Maybe you can feel as much as women do already. I can attest that men have the same ability to feel emotions as women having spent thousands of hours observing both opening their hearts for over 20 years. It was a revelation to me that humans of both genders have more in common than they have differences. Socialization exaggerates our real biological differences in bizarre ways so we wind up not recognizing each other. I'm glad to be a man and I want to embrace my manhood as much as I am able. Maybe in my next life I'll be a woman and I would hope to embrace womanhood to the same degree. It took me many years to reach this point but I'm glad I'm here.

Did I misunderstand what you are saying?

@euphemistic

Sounds like you´re having a great job, Im glad to hear that.
Indeed, your argumentation seems traceable concerning the alienation among ourselves, especially in western societies. Maybe my mind is stuck, because science wants to measure everything and therefore might lose the connection to whats really important. Furthermore, your statement lead me to the thought, that every research is likely to be driven by the researchers assumptions on how it might end, so this must effect it´s results.
Your statement helped me, as well as the others did, with embracing the thought of beeing equal to others, regarding the feelings as well as the emotions. And you hit the nail on the head by thinking about my problem to fully embrace manhood. My next step will be to make a list of: what is the good part of beeing a man 🙂
If someone is interested in this, I will gladly post it here.
Thank you for your help!

I'd like to hear your thoughts about what's good for you about being a man @hakuna1. Here's something I wrote a while ago about my experience: https://community.aneros.com/blogs/euphemisms/song-of-men/

Envy is missing the point of existence, big time.

Be good to yourself, please stop at that realisation, take a deep breath... and thus you can pass on torturing yourself with the wild rationalizations (in which nonsense only fights with wrong under the guidance of envy).

Breath !

There is no such thing as missing the pleasure you want. You are only able to want what you can get. Missing it, then, is just a matter of not letting go enough.

Yeah, men, women, people, nothing is equal. But why care? Life is a but a dream. And who's dream? Yours. So relax and enjoy.

I had the same problem for a long time, I saw a lot of videos of women literally going insane from orgasms and I was mad jealous, then I did a lot of researches, turns out men are totally capable to experience if not similar at least close experiences. Here are a few interesting things I discovered:

1. Many post-op MTF Transgenders report they are capable to experience orgasms similar to those described by women(full body, multiple)
2. Many similar reports from Aneros users and KSMO practicers

It's just females can experience naturally while men have to achieve thru training and takes a lot effort, but at lease there's hope and I hope it can make you feel better. To help you more, here are two personal believes I'd like to share:

1. During reincarnation we have lived countless lives as men and women and other beings, everyone is equal in that sense.
2. It is said in heaven the worst pleasure is at lease 100 times better than the best pleasure on earth.
3. We are not suppose to chase after physical pleasure but enlightenment.

Envy is missing the point of existence, big time.

Be good to yourself, please stop at that realisation, take a deep breath... and thus you can pass on torturing yourself with the wild rationalizations (in which nonsense only fights with wrong under the guidance of envy).

Breath !

There is no such thing as missing the pleasure you want. You are only able to want what you can get. Missing it, then, is just a matter of not letting go enough.

Yeah, men, women, people, nothing is equal. But why care? Life is a but a dream. And who's dream? Yours. So relax and enjoy.

And a Prostate Orgasm is a "Dream within a Dream!"

TG

3. We are not suppose to chase after physical pleasure but enlightenment.

Oy.. then what are you doing here, then? 😛

@sttc, "3. We are not suppose to chase after physical pleasure but enlightenment."

What a remarkable comment. If we were not to plumb the depths of physical joys without harm to others then why bother to incarnate in the first place.
I feel true enlightenment is the combination of making the most of life and preparing for even greater joys ahead. If we are not open to the first will will not get far with the second. Walking on two legs gets further than hopping on one, well it's more fun anyway. Just my thoughts.

In order to help @hakuna1 solve the riddle, I'd like to point all that is "wrong" in the title already.

" Biggest obstacle: Envy for the oh-so-special female orgasm = huge pressure "

- "Biggest obstacle" : negative line of thought. There is no obstacle. This comes naturally from positive thinking. Be open, cool and enjoy the sweetness. Thinking in terms of obstacle IS CREATING the obstacle. In other words : too tensed in the mind. Also too goal oriented. You have no control on this. Embrace your powerlessness.

- "envy" : I already mentionned it. It is pointless on so many levels it is worth a big joyous laugh. It is like having a telescope at your side at dinner, never tasting your food and drooling at what people might have on another planet all while being certain you'll never know if they exist, what they have, whether they like it or not and if the taste would be good for you... All the while, your meal is cooling. All pleasure you want is within your reach. It only happens in the mind anyway. The mind can't even want more than it can get. Envy is merely a mirror mind trick on yourself, deep down it is only absurd. You'll never get what the other gets or only in one case : when the other is you. Absurd... But... When sharing pleasure with your loved partner in a mutualy synchronous orgasm you might both enjoy one single fused orgasm. The case might seem a bit extreme, but to some extent and at lower levels, this is what intercourse is about all the time. So in short, envy is either absurd because there is no object or blind and pointless because you already do get what you envy.

- "the oh-so-special" : there is no such thing. Creating mythical beasts is only insuring you never get it. What we are talking is basic living processes. Once you stop focusing on genital pleasure only, you realise life is orgasmic. There is nothing special to it. It is just a more intense case of the enjoyment of breathing, shivering, yawning, laughing, heart pumping, relaxing. All of which you do everyday. Just savour it. It is already there. When you don't enjoy it, it just means you are not available, you want something else or need something else... Well, if you want something else, why complain? You always get the sum of what you want. Just accept it. And if you need something else, don't try and mess up with the priorities. All things in due time. Better accept it.

- "Female orgasm" : either means something you shouldn't want or nothing at all. A female orgasm is the orgasm of a female, not yours. Wanting it to be yours is nothing about the orgasm but all about you not wanting to be yourself. The only sane way to look at it, is wanting your female partner to get an orgasm. Or you refer to the type of orgasm females do get. Well there is no such thing. Deep down all orgasms are the same and on the surface all orgasms are different. A woman can get dozens of different kind of orgasms and so can men. Woman can also get only one or two of them or even none and so can men. Not two females have the same. What we might sometimes refer as the female orgasm is the branch of relaxed orgasms as opposed to the tensed orgasm we associate with male. Well, neither is 100% relaxed or 100% tensed and both can be had by men and women. They are not as fully separated as they are supposed to be. They just have different dynamic and to be true, in pure form, they work in cycle and transform into each-other. Men and women are just the two sides of a coin named humanity. Which side you see depends on where you stand but there is only one coin. Otherwise women would only breed daughters and men breed boys. There is no such thing. You are human. Relax and enjoy human orgasm.

- "huge pressure" : don't even mention it... ever ! How do you expect to relax by only unknowkedging the pressure you artificially put on yourself (and for no good reason as I hope you realised by now)? This smells too much tension, miles away. If you indeed feel pressure you should look for the source somewhere else (society or whatever). And you should start looking at ways to not let the pressure affect you. Be relaxed and let pressure sources press in empty air.

- Also "biggest", "oh-so-special", "huge" : don't you realise how tensed this superlatives make you. Better think cool, small, sweet, enjoyable. How do you expect to relax with so many big words in your mind? Keep the superlatives for later description of your pleasure. Don't burden yourself with them beforehand. Too much preconceptions. Too much aggression on yourself. The mind leads. Fill the mind with negatives, and obstacles, you get negatives and obstacles. Add some superlatives to it, you get even bigger negatives and bigger obstacles.

So, here comes the usual piece of advice :
(weight every one of these words)

Relax, welcome, savour and enjoy.

@Canacan Nice essay...With a strong finish! I envision it being read to an audience at an Aneros convention or workshop! 🙂

@euphemistic and everyone interested: These are some of the benefits I saw for beeing a man (of course this all depends on the individual, but in general):
-You have a stronger body; can do harder work
-Society often takes you more serious in comparison to women (it´s quite sad and medieval of course, but should be recognized as well if we try to sum things up)

but then I realized, that everything else I tried to write was quite - dependant on the point of view and your lifestyle, which brought me to the thought, that we´re just the one we chose to be, no matter what gender we are.

and @Canacan: I am so thankful for your time you invested in your essay. You really hit the spots and I can totally understand your statements.
In general, Im very glad I posted this here, that really shifted my perspective and I think I can overcome my problem now.
Yesterday I had another session with my therapist, who also mentioned that he doesn´t think there´s a difference between the genders concerning their capacity to feel. In his opinion, the whole science about the differences of the genders is to sell the "missing part" to the men/women in the first place.

All in all, I printed out this whole discussion and again, I must say that I haven´t seen any other platform on the internet yet which is so compassionate, helping and caring -

Thank you so much, really!

love, hakuna

I understand your concerns and I think you received good advice from the members of the forum. Before I reached puberty I found the non-ejaculatory orgasm. I actually kind of stumbled on it accidentally. My father used to take me to the gym with him and I would be climbing up the ropes in the fitness room, while he was working out with iron in the other rooms. Once when I had used up my powers to climb, but still tried to get higher with all my strength, I found this exhaustive physical state to give me tingling pleasure in my groin area. My penis would be hard and as long as I would persist in this state, my biceps killing me and my body doing its best to still climb higher and not let go from the rope, I would
continue to experience this tingling pleasure. Notice that this really had nothing to do with the penis, but with the connection of mind and body, so the fact that the members here are emphasizing the importance of the mind is a good advice.
Later I would identify the same feelings at home when stimulating my penis. It was not only after one time when I felt the same tingling, but suddenly ejaculated and felt a release go through my penis, like something leaving my body, that I started to think about this as an orgasm. When this ejaculation and release had once happened, the nature of the tingling sensations would forever be changed. Whereas before I felt this pleasant tingling in the groin area bringing myself to climax over and over again, now this climax would always be followed by the ejaculation process. It was a bewildering feeling how something would suddenly come out and I thought that this had to be an orgasm, which redefined the way I viewed pleasure in the future. Before I had just enjoyed pleasure, but now it suddenly had a beginning and end, which made it feel more like a process.

I had many women when I was younger. Women, who struggled to have a single orgasm and it would take ages to produce one, and women, who would come easily. Then I met an intensely sexual woman, who would come several times in a row every day using vibrators and other toys. This was something that I had not experienced before and it made me think about the sexuality of men and women. There is a seed of discontent, which can be sowed in the mind. It happens just the way you describe it that as the quality cannot be accurately measured, you assume that they are worse or if you assume that they are equal, your mind then turns into measuring quantity, and you set another pitfall for yourself. Yet men and women cannot be compared. Their orgasms are different.

Men have a penis and women have a clitoris. Men have a prostate and women have a vagina. The male foreskin has over 20,000 nerve endings; together with penis it makes more than 24,000 nerve endings. Clitoris has approximately 8,000 nerve
endings. The physical statistics are certainly in your favor and you should embrace this physical gift that has been given to you. Men are conditioned culturally to not feel openly and show emotions and it is in this sphere that truly magnificent progress can be made. The mind is a powerful sexual organ.

The negative stance seems to follow this sort of pattern: The highly sexual woman can produce an orgasm followed by another, usually requiring a rather non-existent resting period in between. She can also have orgasms through intercourse. On the other hand, a man needs a resting period in between ejaculatory orgasms and he does not have a vagina, which can be penetrated. It is certainly a thought that I sometimes entertain that I would like to feel what I felt as an adolescent without the release and just enjoy repetitive climaxes. Still, you might be surprised that even the highly sexual woman sometimes envies you as a man just as you sometimes envy her. I think it is natural to wonder what the other sex is experiencing and to marvel about something that you are not physically able to do, or at least it is a different physical process. The members here are talking about, for example, edging. While you are thinking about your perceived shortcomings as a man, do also pay attention that the woman does not have a penis or prostate and is not able to truly ejaculate. The sword always cuts two ways.

Yes, the vagina gets aroused, but it does not physically take “astounding form” like an erect penis. Many women adore this purely as a phenomenon and you should too. The hard penis symbolizes sex and desire perhaps more than anything else and many women have told me that they wish they could sometimes feel what it would be like to be a man, to feel the penis hardening and to burst out and feel the explosive male orgasm. It can be argued that women can ejaculate, but it has been scientifically proven that a large portion of such produce is actually urine, which if you have experienced this with a woman, you can smell and connect the dots using common sense. There is nothing wrong about this, but you can understand that it is very different from male ejaculation, which also holds within the seeds of life. The prostate adds a very different dimension to the male sexuality. Women do not have a prostate.

What the Aneros has done for me is that it has broadened my sexuality and greatly increased my sensitiveness. I can assure that the greatest orgasm I have had is what the vast majority of women or men will probably never experience. I was not even aware that such a thing was possible before turning 30. It was after I started to use Aneros, but I experienced it without Aneros during a blow job. The orgasm that electrified my entire body and had my body convulse for many minutes feeling like the energy of the universe was flowing through my hands, feet, head, penis and other parts, left both me and my girlfriend in awe and perplexed.

The fact that you are presenting such questions at such a young age and are experimenting with Aneros is a sign that you are doing a lot of self-examination and are open to your sexuality. I recommend that you also invest focus in other dimensions that build your esteem as a young man because they too have an important role in your sexuality. When you have a better feeling about yourself, you feel fewer urges to “compete” in sex with women and measure yourself by your performance or someone else’s. That is when you can allow yourself to truly enjoy your body, your sensations and your orgasms without these mental inhibitions. When you find that your body can actually produce truly fantastic feelings this will further advance your capabilities as it influences and rewards your mind, thus also strengthening your belief in your potentials. @techpump advised you well that sometimes you push so much for results that it is only after you relax, free your mind and enjoy the present feelings that you get results.

I wish you a good journey and I am certain that you will find life as a young man happy and very
enjoyable if you just allow yourself to enjoy what you have been blessed with!

Really good advice @Electrified! The importance of self-esteem got me thinking of the affirmation phrase "I deserve this pleasure" or some such. It's a problem for me to accept that I am worthy of or capable of more pleasure. Another affirmation is "I'm a good man".

Great thread on the differences between patiently produced "fine wine" and "bath-tub Gin."

@hakuna1 : hang in there guy, be patient, keep your activities as natural as you can, let your body and brain evolve and wire at their own rates. Be social, cultivate friends and associates and occasionally assess your objectives. Like most other guys here will counsel, wait beyond age 19 before you partake of mind altering substances which can screw up your wiring and re-wiring. We want 'fine wine' not OCD.

Here's my prospective from a distant point on the chronoloical age scale. If you feel I'm too immature, quit reading now and search out @Mog for his cut on this.

]I underscore @Quiett42 's experience regarding female g-spot orgasms. My own, female 'best friend' went through almost 10 years of serious dating activity (including three engagements) until, at age 29 she experienced her first complete, whole body orgasm radiating from her g-spot. Most women I've known put more money on the entire relationship rather than just the physical actions during a sexual encounter. Complete orgasms happen in the brain and it takes more than just a finger-wave to flip all the switches. (remember: there's a lot of faking going on in America's bedrooms.) It took me 13 months from my first Aneros/prostate experience until my first brain twisting, body-rattling Orgasm. By some female standards I was speedy!

So we tend to complain when a year of our life has been spent "re-wiring" yet some women go on for decades with very satisfying sex-lives yet they do without their own form of Super-O.

I leave you with the sage advice of my own Aneros Mentor, @ArcticWolves, who taught me to..."Do not regret what you don't have. That regret may destroy what you already possess...NEVER GIVE UP"

3. We are not suppose to chase after physical pleasure but enlightenment.

Oy.. then what are you doing here, then? 😛

this is a dilemma for me right now
@Electrified thank you that helped a lot